Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:57:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 8:26:51 GMT
I have a newer friend in my circle of friends. She is a nice person, and very supportive. Well, she told me she won't be having "Christmas" this year as she doesn't have the money for it. Because she is crafty and can fix things with her hands, I asked her to fix a necklace my mother broke and I wanted to do something for her to say thanks. (She has a full-time job that doesn't pay much more than Wal-Mart does). I was fishing for information as in "chat chat chat ...where do you do your grocery shopping? Thrifty's or Save-On" and she said "Thrify's." Ok then that settled that. I got her a gift card from Thrifty's from my mother. (My mother wanted to get her a box of chocolate and a card). I know she needs to eat more than she needs chocolates. So she told me after I gave her the gift card, she was going to use it to buy a turkey. She was in tears but very happy. (We were talking about how she would spend the money and she was thinking of things she would like. My exact words were, as you wish. Chicken, butter, milk, ice cream, yoghurt and eggs? And a few days later she said no it was going to be a turkey.
She has two sons she is very close to. One lives with her and he had a traumatic brain injury a few years ago. He is able to work minimally so she takes care of him on her basic salary. She has another son who makes fairly good money and he has a child. She would like to do more for her kids but can't.
My thinking is I would like to give her the resources so she can have "Christmas" without embarrassing her, something so she could either buy lots of food because men eat a lot and she could eat enough for several days, or she could get presents for everyone or pay the electric bill if that is what was needed most, etc. There are no strings attached to this money. I decided that it's totally none of my business. She really needs a Christmas hamper or something but I am not even going to suggest that to her as it might hurt her feelings. (In addition to what I am giving her).
This is not a random act of kindness as this is totally NOT random. It's a deserving act of kindness. She doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs. She needs a hand up and not a hand out. I am not asking anyone to support me in this endeavour. Would $100 be enough or should I give her $200? I do NOT want to embarrass her. That is paramount. I know where she lives, her friend had to buy her a November bus pass because she didn't have the money for it.
What do you think? This is late for me to be providing the sacrifice from Eid. I don't know anyone in the middle east who would slaughter a sheep for me and really, for me not being from there, kindness is needed at home just as much as it is anywhere else in the world.
Opinions?
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Post by miominmio on Dec 7, 2014 9:58:02 GMT
I don't have any opionions, but it's really sweet of you to wanting to help a friend.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:57:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 11:22:58 GMT
Is there anyway she and her son could have Christmas with you and your parents? Invite her to Christmas day, maybe she would like to help you plan and cook the meal? I just feel funny about giving money like that. State kindly that presents are not required, their company is present enough.
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Post by manda on Dec 7, 2014 12:18:44 GMT
I personally would have a card with a VISA gift card mailed to them anonymously, regardless of value; or delivered safely and securely. My life was a train wreck in my mid 20s and people did these types of gestures for me around the holidays without asking me to return the favor. As an adult now, I think I'm paying it forward....
On Thanksgiving Day, during a last minute run to the grocery store, I kept bumping into this older woman at different places in the store. She was so nice every time. At the check out line she was behind me and it looked like she was buying food for a solo dinner so I asked the checkout girl to take my cash back and use it against her groceries and provide her with the change. I left the grocery store pretty chocked up (maybe because I knew my mom was alone this year?).
Some day, that could be me buying my Thanksgiving Dinner solo style.
I don't share this to brag on me so much as to show that somebody helped me once and now I think I'm helping where I can.
Who cares if the use the $200 on something you wouldn't? You made their day by allowing them the flexibility to spend some money the way they want. How liberating!
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Post by scrappinjen on Dec 7, 2014 12:22:14 GMT
I gave a friend a basket of smaller gift cards one year who was in a similar position. I thought the smaller cards to her favorite places would be not taken in the same sense as giving her cash would. It embarrassed her greatly yet she was very thankful. It kind of put a damper on our friendship as she told me she felt as though I felt sorry for her. I didn't give any of our other friends the same basket of gift cards, was her point and she was correct. My advice is if she is a humble or proud person letting her feel good enough is important. Sometimes fixing it even with the best intentions can be viewed as a hand out.
It it is not wrong to want to help. Anonymously may be best, for a Visa or use anywhere type of gift. If I had to do it over again I would still help just not so directly.
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Post by fkawitchypea on Dec 7, 2014 14:08:31 GMT
This is a great idea! This would allow you to give her the money without her feeling embarrassed or otherwise put a damper on your friendship. As for how much to give, however much you can afford and feel good about giving!
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 7, 2014 14:13:40 GMT
As someone who is currently facing horrible decisions about how finances are going to have to be allocated this Christmas, I can tell you that while I would be secretly grateful for the help, I would be totally and completely mortified if a friend gave me any kind of financial assistance.
And by mortified, I mean I would want to move to Alaska and change my name. I would guess that at this point most of my friends would know that unemployment stinks for me, but the idea that feel pity for me is more than I can take.
If you do it, do it anonymously.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Dec 7, 2014 14:28:23 GMT
I would do it anonymously.
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 7, 2014 14:36:58 GMT
One year I had a friend with no money either. I didn't have much but I had enough for a little Safeway gift card because she needed groceries. I mailed it to her from the post office with an obviously falsified return address. (From A Friend, 123 Anywhere Street, Washington DC 20012).
Later she posted on Facebook that she had no idea who it came from but she was thankful.
Mission accomplished.
So I would also do it anonymously. I guess I thought if I did it anonymously it would feel like a random blessing from a friend and not like pity.
I think you should give how much you have decided in your heart to give. I couldn't give my friend $100, much less $200. I sent her $40.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912 
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Post by melissa on Dec 7, 2014 14:37:04 GMT
ITA.
I would make the gift anonymous. A VISA gift card is a great idea because she could use it to pay bills or splurge, her choice.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:57:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 14:37:22 GMT
I would do it anonymously as well. I think it is so awesome of you to do this.
My moms cleaning lady is in the same type of situation. A good, salt of the earth type person who just needs a hand up. Every other week, my mom sends her home with a box of groceries, just things she picked up an extra or two of that were on sale at the store or from her cabinet that hadn't been eaten. The first few times, she wouldn't accept it, but my mom is persistent, she would run after the bus with the box and say "here's your groceries!" Lol
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Post by DinCA on Dec 7, 2014 14:50:03 GMT
I really like the idea of sending it to her anonymously, too.
God bless you!
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:57:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 15:42:31 GMT
I can do it anonymously. I just have to figure out how but yeah I can do that. A Visa gift card is very doable. Good idea! Thanks!
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Post by tuva42 on Dec 7, 2014 16:23:07 GMT
I know a woman whose husband has been suffering from a severe form of MS for many, many years. There have been times when money was very tight and they were in danger of losing their house. Several of us began sending her anonymous Walmart and Target gift cards. She would never take money from us if we gave it to her outright, so this was a way of helping without embarrassing her.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
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Post by azredhead on Dec 7, 2014 16:29:01 GMT
I would still invite her for christmas dinner. If you're comfortable with that and then still send the gift card. It's sweet to help her.
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Post by maryland on Dec 7, 2014 16:52:40 GMT
That's such a nice thing that you are doing. I love the ideas about anonyomous gift cards and inviting her and her son for dinner. A friend of mine and her Moms Group "sponsored" a family once. Her son was friends with one of the 3 daughters. The dad was a single dad (mom left the family) and he had 3 teen daughters. They gave them mostly grocery store gift cards, you need a lot of grocerys to feed teen girls!
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 7, 2014 17:26:53 GMT
A coworker's husband was out of work over the winter (construction worker) and they were not doing well. Behind on all of their bills, etc. Well she was talking to her neighbor about it one day and the next day she came home to a bag of groceries on her porch. It was done anonymously but we all think it must have been her neighbor.
I think anything you do for your friend will be greatly appreciated whether it is cash, a gift card or something else. But I agree with the other posters, anonymously would be best.
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