Wwyd?

Also flip the script a bit...

Maybe the adult could is trying to get approval from the parent they buy gifts for.

Also Maybe the one parent said no need to buy me gifts. Save your money.

If it's the child of a friend, as you posted, it's not your place or your business to say something.

If I am not the mother, father, or adultkid then I have NO say. This manifestation of the relationship is about the relationship between "child" and each parent.  There is a life time history between the child and each parent.  You aren't going to change the way the adultchild now related to the years/decades of treatment.  

My guess is at some point one parent told the child they were a trerrible gift giver, or was the parent to gift siblings differently with this one being the one to get the short end of the stick. 

Probly not enough information for us here. Maybe it’s all the info you have — in which case I wonder why you’d care enough to post about it.

How does the parent feel about that? I wouldn't intervene if they aren't bothered by it.

Is this just you wondering what's going on, or do you know for sure it's a mystery for the parents?

Maybe the parent that doesn't get a gift has told the kids that they don't need anything and would prefer the kids saved their money or maybe gave a donation to a charity of the parent's choice.

My husband got me a monthly donation to the local animal shelter because I really don't need anything and I love animals! I have asked my kids to instead of spending money on a gift for me, to instead help me put my pictures on my hard drive and help me order pictures. I never get that though, haha! They would rather buy me something then have to explain tech stuff to me!

I haven’t read all the responses, but the ones I did read, there is something that I feel may not have been thought of.

My parents raised us together, and there are no hard feelings or underlying tea. But if someone close enough to “know” about the situation, but not close enough to know why were to observe, I’m a lot like this with my parents. Why?

Over the years, my parents were single income (dads) but mom carved pretty much all gifts, Christmas fund for gifts etc out of her grocery allotment. To be fair, money was tight for a lot of those years, but we had groceries and that may be the only place fat could be carved.

Since those years, they both have plenty of pocket money. If they want something, they buy it. But there’s a difference. For mom, it’s blowing $20 at the dollar store. For dad, if he needs new hunting boots or wants them, it’s the $300 dollar boots. Mom buys $12 shoes at Walmart (she could buy anything she wants. Dad doesn’t care.) Dad is very specific in his wants and when he wants it, he buys it. Period. I’ve tried for so many years to buy him very very nice gifts (he buys blue and black checked wool shirts…. I have bought from the same stores, up branded, done all I can to buy what he likes, he never wears or uses anything. At all. This is the same observation for my siblings as well. It very much seems like “using the good China mentality in some sort of way.

Same with mom. If I went out and bought her nice, supportive, well made shoes, in the style she likes, she’d never touch them. I’ve tried giving gift cards to Macy’s or something so she could pick something out, they literally never get used!

Buying for them is so frustrating. Years ago I figured something out that worked for my mom… it no longer works. So we are back to the hoarding of gifts (hoarding is a whole other story.)

I would love love love to just not exchange, but the siblings are not on board. Anyway, back to topic. Dad is a hunter and gun collector. He has one very specific local store that he likes. I usually do a relatively small credit or apply money if he has something on layaway/pre release.)

Mom? Last year she got a new iPad. A couple years ago, a new couch and lift chair. I’ve purchased computers, and had the carpet replaced in the living room.

The difference is that dad treats himself (nothing wrong with that!) and is very very specific. Mom will put up with something that really needs to be retired, wayyy too long and never treats herself. But usually, it’s something big. Somewhat unnecessary. Also, it’s usually something dad doesn’t care about.

I don’t dislike my dad, I don’t love my mom more. It just makes no sense to buy dad more crap to add to the pile. Conversely, when mom’s life (unfortunately) centers on the internet, and photos of the family, I want her to have a nice computer. I also want her to be comfortable in her living room.

My siblings know this, because for a lot of years we commiserated about buying for dad. Other people nebbing in what gifts I give may not understand.

Even then, you'd only know 1 side of the story. 

No, I would never ask one of my children why they weren't buying me a gift.

I don't think they should necessarily do anything, but if one of my kids was changing the way they normally behaved toward their dad (or I) and I didn't know what was going on, I would ask if they wanted to talk about it.

FWIW, I spent a lot more time and money finding my mom fun and unique gifts over the years because dad would get annoyed AF if we didn't stick to his very specific list. Exciting things like socks, gardening gloves, spade, etc. I learned the difference between a spade and shovel that year. 

MIL was beside herself when she found out I was giving him gardening gloves and spent weeks trying to convince me dad was being polite with his frugal list and really wanted to be spoiled.

Mom was always the go-to to make plans or ask any favors. 

If I was getting gifts and DH, the father of my kids, was not, I would ask my kids what is going on. Esp if it has been a pattern. Bc this is blatant. I would probably also make the decision to say "you don't need to get me a gift either". Depending on the answer, I may reconsider the gifts to the adult child I gave as well. I don't want to be complacent in some hurtful game (ie, the kid is making a point to gifting to me but not dad).

You didn't answer my question, but from your statement above I'm going to surmise that you don't know what's going on in this family. I'd be willing to bet the parent who is not getting gifts knows exactly why and isn't sharing with the other parent out of guilt.