smartypants71
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Posts: 5,816 
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 14:36:03 GMT
Update: Well, you all were right. I just sat him down and told him that I cannot continue eating the right, yet delicious foods he was cooking. He agreed and was actually excited about cooking healthier. He wants to lose a few pounds too. Easy peasy! Also, I mentioned down below the cookbook I got in the mail. It's called The Defined Dish: Whole30 Endorsed, Healthy and Wholesome Weeknight Recipes. I don't do Whole30, but almost all of the recipes can be modified for Whole30, paleo, grain-free, dairy-free, gluten-free recipes. I've already made 2 dished from it, and they were both delicious. I would definitely recommend. Thanks all for taking this through with me.
OP: Ugh, I am starting to get so frustrated! I have Type 1 diabetes, so while I can technically eat whatever I want, I have to take a lot more insulin than I'd like for carb-heavy foods. I don't require a totally keto diet, but I do like to eat lower carb. Nothing crazy but typically under 80g a day.
SO and I split cooking duties. I obviously try to stick with lower carb things but that are still really good and filling. Well, SO gets all of his cooking inspiration from Food & Wine which seems to be geared to rich, calorie-dense food. When a recipe doesn't even give nutrition info, you know it's not that good for you. A couple weeks ago he made a from-scratch chicken pot pie. It was delicious, but eating like that is not sustainable for me.
I don't want to deprive him of the foods he likes but not at the expense of my own health.
Do you have any tips on how to merge our two preferences for meals at home? I don't really want to go the route of each of us cooking for ourselves because we do enjoy eating together nightly.
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Post by Laurie on Dec 29, 2022 14:43:00 GMT
Could you make extra on the nights you cook so then on the nights he cooks you can have a small portion of what he made and your main portion be your food?
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Post by monklady123 on Dec 29, 2022 15:00:28 GMT
Although of course I don't know your situation at home...but personally I feel like he ought to be more aware of your health. I mean, it's not like you're just being a picky eater or insisting he not cook certain things because you don't like them. It's a medical necessity that you eat a certain way. If he's not willing to change in that way then I'm not sure what you can do besides cook for yourself.
If he is open to suggestions what about trying to find a more diabetic-friendly version of whatever it is he wants to cook? I just googled "diabetic chicken pot pie" and many options came up. Or maybe once per week he could go all out and cook whatever he wants, and on his other nights where he cooks he could be more accommodating? On that one night you could eat leftovers, or maybe just part of what he cooked (like if it was chicken pot pie you could eat just the filling and maybe a bite or two of the crust part).
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 20:09:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2022 15:07:34 GMT
Can you dish up your own foods? So something like the chicken pot pie, maybe take more of the filling and less crust? And I'd just be honest with him that it looks delicious, but you need to limit your carb intake.
I'd also suggest adding in a subscription to Cooking Light magazine. I used to get it and it felt a lot like Food & Wine except the recipes were so much healthier!
At our house, it was a bit of a struggle to accommodate different diets (DD vegetarian, then vegan and a BF that was around a lot for a year who was GF) but I was pretty determined to do it and learned a lot. It also was much easier cooking for them after I learned more and found good recipes.
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Post by hop2 on Dec 29, 2022 15:11:16 GMT
Well, for me, the majority of my family have my dietary needs, those who don’t are going to get served what we can eat. In fact, since I moved I don’t allow that food in my house.
Also I live alone so I don’t have to cater to anyone else on a long term basis.
Have you tried a heart to heart with your SO? Chicken pot pie can easily be made at least moderate carb. Does your SO try? Do they care about your health? I mean, you’re not making a dietary lifestyle choice, it’s not some fad, you’re eating as per your HEALTH NEEDS. Your diet is part of your disease management/treatment your health depends on it. I would think that if your SO actually cared for/about you then they’d make the efforts to help you maintain your health? If they can’t make that effort then do they really care about you?
IMO, you need to do some soul searching and ask yourself the hard questions as to why this person doesn’t seem to care enough about you to make an effort to maintain your health? And then ask them why? I mean it’s almost 2023, the internet is a vast wealth of recipes and recipe substitutions for nearly every dietary need one could imagine. It’s seems lazy/selfish to just ignore your health NEEDS! Diabetes is not a choice you made or a lifestyle, it’s a chronic health condition. Your dietary needs aren’t exactly optional if you want to remain at your healthiest.
Sore subject for me.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Dec 29, 2022 15:11:51 GMT
I have coeliac disease. I cook separate food for myself and eat with the family. It has never been ann issue.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by tanya2 on Dec 29, 2022 15:12:00 GMT
I agree, I assume you aren't newly together, so he should be more aware of your dietary needs from a medical perspective. That said, I can understand him wanting to try new recipes - and even more props to a SO that will split cooking duties with you. Mine probably would if I asked him, but frankly I don't really want to eat the stuff he does cook LOL (it's not his best skill)
My mom is keto and when she comes over for dinner I don't mind making sure the menu includes things she can eat. But I would not want to have to cook that way all the time. Maybe on nights he wants a high carb meal he can cook a lower carb version for you also?
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Post by auntkelly on Dec 29, 2022 15:24:00 GMT
Can you dish up your own foods? So something like the chicken pot pie, maybe take more of the filling and less crust? And I'd just be honest with him that it looks delicious, but you need to limit your carb intake. This is what I was thinking. Is he understanding when you do things like pick out all the veggies and meat and leave the crust? Is he responsive when you say things like "what you made tonight is delicious and it's low carb as well!" Generally people who love to cook want others to enjoy what they cook. My husband loves to cook. I've recently lost about 40 pounds and I don't want to gain it back. When he makes something rich, I'll say something like "This is delicious, it's really going to take all my will power just to eat a small portion." When he makes something healthy, like salmon, I say "This is great! And it's healthy! I'm having seconds!" He's gradually gotten to where the meals he makes are more healthy because he wants me to enjoy them. |
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smartypants71
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Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 15:25:24 GMT
Well, for me, the majority of my family have my dietary needs, those who don’t are going to get served what we can eat. In fact, since I moved I don’t allow that food in my house. Also I live alone so I don’t have to cater to anyone else on a long term basis. Have you tried a heart to heart with your SO? Chicken pot pie can easily be made at least moderate carb. Does your SO try? Do they care about your health? I mean, you’re not making a dietary lifestyle choice, it’s not some fad, you’re eating as per your HEALTH NEEDS. Your diet is part of your disease management/treatment your health depends on it. I would think that if your SO actually cared for/about you then they’d make the efforts to help you maintain your health? If they can’t make that effort then do they really care about you? IMO, you need to do some soul searching and ask yourself the hard questions as to why this person doesn’t seem to care enough about you to make an effort to maintain your health? And then ask them why? I mean it’s almost 2023, the internet is a vast wealth of recipes and recipe substitutions for nearly every dietary need one could imagine. It’s seems lazy/selfish to just ignore your health NEEDS! Diabetes is not a choice you made or a lifestyle, it’s a chronic health condition. Your dietary needs aren’t exactly optional if you want to remain at your healthiest. Sore subject for me. I don't think he's being selfish necessarily. I think it has more to do with the fact that I have been eating the food he cooks because technically I can, so he's had no reason to stop. What i haven't done is put my foot down and refuse to eat the food he's cooking. I think he'll hear that loud and clear and make some adjustments on his nights. |
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smartypants71
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Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 15:27:42 GMT
Can you dish up your own foods? So something like the chicken pot pie, maybe take more of the filling and less crust? And I'd just be honest with him that it looks delicious, but you need to limit your carb intake. This is what I was thinking. Is he understanding when you do things like pick out all the veggies and meat and leave the crust? Is he responsive when you say things like "what you made tonight is delicious and it's low carb as well!" Generally people who love to cook want others to enjoy what they cook. My husband loves to cook. I've recently lost about 40 pounds and I don't want to gain it back. When he makes something rich, I'll say something like "This is delicious, it's really going to take all my will power just to eat a small portion." When he makes something healthy, like salmon, I say "This is great! And it's healthy! I'm having seconds!" He's gradually gotten to where the meals he makes are more healthy because he wants me to enjoy them. This sounds like a great approach. My problem has been that I don't have the willpower to just eat the small portion or to remove the high-carb stuff LOL! But I plan on working on that. |
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smartypants71
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Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 15:29:24 GMT
Could you make extra on the nights you cook so then on the nights he cooks you can have a small portion of what he made and your main portion be your food? That's a good idea. Also, on the nights I cook, I can always tell him that if he wants, say, rice instead of cauliflower rice that he is free to cook that himself. |
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Post by busy on Dec 29, 2022 15:32:53 GMT
I’m sorry he’s an ass about this. It would be bad enough if he were difficult about dietary preferences- it’s still deeply disrespectful- but to not cook in a way that is considerate of your serious medical condition? He’s an ass. He likes Food & Wine recipes? FINE. He can make what he wants for himself when he’s cooking and he can make something similar that fits your needs. Is ir convenient? No. Is it what kind and thoughtful people do when sharing cooking within their family? Yes. Having Type 1 diabetes is not a choice.
Don’t let him off the hook so easily. Have a direct talk with him and HE needs to learn how to cook things that respect your dietary needs.
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Post by CardBoxer on Dec 29, 2022 15:37:12 GMT
I agree with the heart to heart, and also anniebygaslight’s approach of cooking separate dishes—not all the time, but enough that that if he wants to whip up chicken pot pie you can eat what works for you. And maybe cook and refrigerate or freeze dishes that can be quickly thawed so you can eat different foods. Both of you could do that or you could. I’m lactose intolerant and react to another dairy ingredient, so while occasionally if my gut is on good behavior I can have a little cheese if I take a Lactaid Fast Act, many times I can’t. My DH likes dishes I can’t eat so it’s not unusual to eat different meals. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Dec 29, 2022 15:46:17 GMT
I think, you're overthinking it.
Even if you eat completely different food, you can still dine together at the table.
Even if you eat completely different food, you can still share companionship and camaraderie at the dining table.
I would pre-make and freeze meals or have food available that I liked or are on my list of "approved for my dietary needs or preferences", so you can have that if you don't want to eat what your significant other made.
I am a firm believer of....
Everyone eat what they like. If you don't like what is being served, then you don't have to eat it...simply say >> no thank you.
If one doesn't like what is being served for the meal, by whomever is on cooking duty for whichever meal..... then one can make their own food and bring it to the table.
There's no rule, that everyone eating at the table has to eat the exact same thing.
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Post by cmpeter on Dec 29, 2022 15:51:42 GMT
When I make a meal and my gluten free friend will eat with me, I make a gluten free option or totally GF meal. When my sons dairy free GF is with us, I make a dairy free version if we have a dairy item.
It sounds like you haven’t had the heart to heart with him yet. I bet he would be more than willing to explore other menu options for you.
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Post by hopechest on Dec 29, 2022 15:54:47 GMT
Just have an conversation about your wishes on the nights that he cooks. Maybe ask him to limit the chicken pot pie-type dishes to 1-2x per month. Then you can have a big salad and just a small portion of the richer dishes. I'm sure it's just not on his radar, and he's just thinking chicken pot pie sounds yummy!!! (and who could blame him! LOL)
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,922
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Post by pinklady on Dec 29, 2022 15:56:55 GMT
Seriously? After reading your responses how about having a real conversation with the guy. If that doesn’t change anything he’s an asshole and move on.
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anaterra
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Posts: 4,082
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Dec 29, 2022 15:57:51 GMT
@shell29 thanks for the cooking light suggestion... i went to check out the website.. and bookmarked it... ill be trying to add some of those meals in the new year
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Post by hopechest on Dec 29, 2022 16:02:19 GMT
@shell29 thanks for the cooking light suggestion... i went to check out the website.. and bookmarked it... ill be trying to add some of those meals in the new year Second vote for cooking light -- I find the recipes are pretty good! |
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Post by allison1954 on Dec 29, 2022 16:03:21 GMT
My DH eats very low carb.
if iI made something like that, he would have a small portion AFTER having a large healthy salad first.
I think you admitting you don’t want to control portion size is a really important thing.
You can have it, just limit what you take and eat around the crust.
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anaterra
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Posts: 4,082
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Dec 29, 2022 16:04:29 GMT
I agree that i dont think he is being an ass if he doesn't even know... just have the conversation...
In the new year i want to be better about eating to my diabetes instead of upping the insulin... not trying to change the way you eat... although low carb is good for both of us... on nights you cook i want a lower carb option... youre still free to make what you want... but ill make my own if its gonna be rich... on nights i cook if you dont want cauli rice free to make your own...
Not really a hard convo to have... at least its not as hard as a money issue... or at least in my relationship... but we are both looking to eat better
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Post by Zee on Dec 29, 2022 16:06:09 GMT
Just talk to him about how you need to do better with your diet. I'm sure he doesn't realize bc you've been just eating it.
As for the dining together, it's pretty easy to make two versions of something that you can both enjoy at the same time. He's making rice that you don't want? Then he could also make up some cauliflower rice. Same for you. It would help if things were assembled separately so you could get more of the healthy stuff without the carbs.
I often had separate dishes for my son when he was younger bc he had some real food sensory issues. It wasn't two gourmet meals but it's totally doable when someone has special dietary needs.
Just let him know so he can adjust, and let's everyone hold off on calling him an asshole since he's probably not even aware that it's become a problem. Geesh, poor guy.
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pantsonfire
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Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Dec 29, 2022 16:14:06 GMT
I am kind of taken back by peas calling your SO an ass.
It seems you haven't been forthcoming with your SO about your needs to keep you healthy. By eating their food you are basically giving approval of the way they cook.
You need to be upfront and ask that they either lower the carbs or you both cook for yourselves.
When it's your night double up. It is interesting that you offer to him to make sides he wants but you don't do the same when he cooks.
Then the night he cooms you have left overs.
You are still eating together and spending time together.
You are overthinking this.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Dec 29, 2022 16:14:53 GMT
Just talk to him about how you need to do better with your diet. I'm sure he doesn't realize bc you've been just eating it. As for the dining together, it's pretty easy to make two versions of something that you can both enjoy at the same time. He's making rice that you don't want? Then he could also make up some cauliflower rice. Same for you. It would help if things were assembled separately so you could get more of the healthy stuff without the carbs. I often had separate dishes for my son when he was younger bc he had some real food sensory issues. It wasn't two gourmet meals but it's totally doable when someone has special dietary needs. Just let him know so he can adjust, and let's everyone hold off on calling him an asshole since he's probably not even aware that it's become a problem. Geesh, poor guy. 100% agree and what I just said. |
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pantsonfire
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Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Dec 29, 2022 16:18:30 GMT
I am highly allergic to nuts as is dd. Like super bad. Dh knows not to eat nuts or any product that could contain nuts. He understands the seriousness of our allergies.
I am also allergic to all meat and fish but pork. I don't stop cooking those meats for dh and dd. Why? I am not going to alter everyone's food because of me.
I adjust the meal to make it work for me and them.
I double up some meals so I can have left overs when dh and dd have a meal I can't have - like chicken and gluten free dumplings (chicken and egg allergy).
If your SO loves to cook let them cook what we wants to try, support them, and enjoy food you can have.
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smartypants71
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Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 16:21:56 GMT
@shell29 thanks for the cooking light suggestion... i went to check out the website.. and bookmarked it... ill be trying to add some of those meals in the new year Second vote for cooking light -- I find the recipes are pretty good! I just ordered a new cookbook called Defined Dish after seeing some people cook some of the recipes on Insta. Looks pretty good, so I'm hoping we come up with healthy, yet delicious recipes we can both enjoy. I'll see if I can pull Cooking Light onto my Kindle. |
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,816
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Dec 29, 2022 16:28:22 GMT
I am kind of taken back by peas calling your SO an ass. It seems you haven't been forthcoming with your SO about your needs to keep you healthy. By eating their food you are basically giving approval of the way they cook. You need to be upfront and ask that they either lower the carbs or you both cook for yourselves. When it's your night double up. It is interesting that you offer to him to make sides he wants but you don't do the same when he cooks. Then the night he cooms you have left overs. You are still eating together and spending time together. You are overthinking this. This is true and he's not an ass. He's so proud of himself for the delicious stuff he cooks, so I don't want to be the fun-sucker of the family. I just feel guilty that he has to change his eating habits because of me (I know this isn't logical). However, he dines out for lunch everyday, so I guess he can indulge then. We will both benefit from eating better though, so I guess that's how I need to frame it. You all have given me lots to think about. |
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Post by busy on Dec 29, 2022 16:33:01 GMT
I am kind of taken back by peas calling your SO an ass. It seems you haven't been forthcoming with your SO about your needs to keep you healthy. By eating their food you are basically giving approval of the way they cook. You need to be upfront and ask that they either lower the carbs or you both cook for yourselves. When it's your night double up. It is interesting that you offer to him to make sides he wants but you don't do the same when he cooks. Then the night he cooms you have left overs. You are still eating together and spending time together. You are overthinking this. He knows his wife was diabetes. I cannot imagine anyone not taking that into account when cooking for someone else. Heck, if I were cooking for a guest with diabetes, I’d do some research and then run some questions and ideas past the guest to be sure what I prepared would work for them. I think It’s shockingly rude that a spouse not being equally considerate of their partner. Of course, I think OP needs to be forthcoming and direct with her dietary needs but I’m stunned that the husband doesn’t run dishes by her - or better yet, be knowledgeable about her needs and proactive about selecting recipes that work for them both. I also think it’s unfair that the OP should be responsible for all her own food rather than expect the husband to be considerate of both their needs. |
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Post by Skellinton on Dec 29, 2022 16:39:59 GMT
The fact that you apparently haven’t even told him your concerns means that is the first thing you need to do.
I have very weird allergies, I also only eat chicken or salmon as meat. When my husband cooks he takes that into account, he would never knowingly fix something that could literally kill me because he loves me and cares about me. Had I never told him about what I am allergic to I couldn’t get mad at him if he made me a Waldorf salad ( I am allergic to the nuts and apples.). Now, since he knows that if he made it for our dinner one night and merrily served ot to me I would be right thinking what a jerk he was. Your situation is not that different.
As far as when my husband and I cook for each other there are times I make food that bacon goes with, I won’t cook it because it creeps me out, but he comes in the kitchen and cooks it while I handle the rest of the meal. Sometimes I want salmon and he has a steak, we both cook our own protein and one or the other of us handle the sides. Totally not a big deal. When he grills outside he cooks both proteins for us and I handle the sides. I actually like cauliflower rice, so of it my turn to cook I just cook my cauliflower rice and his regular rice, neither are complicated to cook so it isn’t even remotely a big deal. Same with him; When I make spaghetti and meatballs I make his pasta and cook spaghetti squash for myself, again neither of those are complicated to cook so I just do both. ‘
It doesn’t need to be difficult for either of you, but you need to talk to him.
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Post by destined2bmom on Dec 29, 2022 16:47:42 GMT
How about you make a salad on the side? Eat a smaller portion of his dish and have the salad to balance it out. That way you are enjoying his cooking and not insulting him and you are also looking out for your health.
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