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Post by mammajamma on Jan 8, 2023 23:53:31 GMT
If we attend every single classmate birthday that is feasible? I already dreaded those crazy, packed kids indoor jungle gym/adventure places before covid. In a post covid world, I have even more anxiety. I just don’t want to go. I would love to make more friendships for my kids. But whenever I go to these birthday parties with 20+ kids, it doesn’t seem like that’s the way true friendships are fostered. It’s loud, parents stand around and make idle chit-chat.
Kids ages 11 & 7. My oldest doesn’t seem to get invited to birthday parties anymore. But I’m getting so many invites all the time for my youngest. He has 24 kids in his class. So this could be a birthday party every other week!
Is this really an important part of their childhood? I would love to have some parameters without feeling guilty.
Currently sitting on 2 invites - indoor gymnasium and indoor adventure park.
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Post by leannec on Jan 8, 2023 23:59:13 GMT
If we attend every single classmate birthday that is feasible? I already dreaded those crazy, packed kids indoor jungle gym/adventure places before covid. In a post covid world, I have even more anxiety. I just don’t want to go. I would love to make more friendships for my kids. But whenever I go to these birthday parties with 20+ kids, it doesn’t seem like that’s the way true friendships are fostered. It’s loud, parents stand around and make idle chit-chat. Kids ages 11 & 7. My oldest doesn’t seem to get invited to birthday parties anymore. But I’m getting so many invites all the time for my youngest. He has 24 kids in his class. So this could be a birthday party every other week! Is this really an important part of their childhood? I would love to have some parameters without feeling guilty. Currently sitting on 2 invites - indoor gymnasium and indoor adventure park. Nope ... don't go ... only go to the parties of the real friends ... those are the only ones that matter and will mean about three or four per year (or one!).  And don't feel obligated to invite the entire class yourself ... again, just real friends! |
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Post by littlemama on Jan 9, 2023 0:07:14 GMT
Only attend parties for their actual friends. And don't attend parties at germ factories- crowded places that cannot possibly be disinfected properly.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 9, 2023 0:09:49 GMT
How does your child feel about them? My kids were usually invited to parties where it was just some kids, not the whole class. But they definitely wanted to go to most of the parties and we did unless we had something else going on. If the child doesn’t want to go, though, I wouldn’t force it.
ETA that it also wasn’t expected that parents stay at all of the parties.
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Post by katiekaty on Jan 9, 2023 0:16:22 GMT
Kids don’t care if they go or not and in truth the kids whose part it is don’t care if a particular kid comes or not. They care if they get invited. They care if anyone comes to their part when they give out invites.
The ones who keep “score” are parents. Your child will be left out if they don’t go or drop off a gift. They will not receive invites. They will not have attendees. It’s petty but it happens.
I hated it when my kids were young and I hate it now when I see it with my grandchildren. I don’t think this will ever change.
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Post by mammajamma on Jan 9, 2023 0:17:02 GMT
My kids would want to go to everything possible. Ha.
One of theirs invites that I’m sitting on, is a boy that my DS enjoys. He new to the school, and has lost his father. I would love to go to a party for him, but…that day makes some scheduling conflicts because my DD has her first cotillion and it would make a stressful turnout to get back home and get ready for that. And…it’s at a complete germ factory and I really am not enthused about that party location.
Perhaps, I need to make an effort to invite that boy and mom over for dinner or something. So people even do that anymore?! I feel like I’m too much sometime for some people when I invite them over.
I have such guilt, so thank you for telling me it’s ok to say no!
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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 9, 2023 0:42:21 GMT
I don’t think you need to go to every single one - but if my kid wanted to go I would make an effort to get them to most parties (carpool with a friend, drop them and do errands etc).
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Jan 9, 2023 0:43:57 GMT
I'd just assume the whole class invite is a polite way not to exclude some children. Attend the ones of real friends.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 9, 2023 0:50:54 GMT
I had my kids pick just a few a year. They were in sports, so usually we were at a game on the weekend, but we never got into the go to everyone's birthday party scene.
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Post by destined2bmom on Jan 9, 2023 1:04:30 GMT
mammajamma I think it would be wonderful to invite the little boy and his mom over for dinner. I understand wanting to stay away from the germ fest. I would call the mom and explain about the scheduling issue with your DD and then extend the dinner invitation.
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Post by myshelly on Jan 9, 2023 1:13:25 GMT
We go 100% of the time.
In elementary school, it is so important for the parents to be in the in parent crowd for the kids to be in the in kid crowd.
And here the parent absolutely stays at these events.
You don’t want your kid to be left out - the only one who didn’t go to the party everyone is talking about at school on Monday. And when it’s time for your kid’s party, you want everyone to return the favor and come to your party.
Friendships are an integral, important part of childhood and it is the parents’ job to foster those relationships by taking care of all the logistics.
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Post by Texas Scrap on Jan 9, 2023 1:21:40 GMT
If my kid wanted to go, we would do our best to be there, but if we needed to leave early or get a ride, we did that as well. But don’t kill yourself over it!
ETA - it feels endless when they are school age, but once they hit middle school, it changed pretty drastically so it’s definitely a season.
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Post by epeanymous on Jan 9, 2023 1:27:13 GMT
At least around here seven is the beginning of drop-off parties. My seven-year-old's party a few months ago was probably 70% there/30 dropped, but it was at a venue out in the suburbs at 9AM on a Sunday, so i am guessing more people would have dropped off if it were closer to home or if there were anything else open in the area at that hour.
Anyhow, I do generally make an effort to get my kids to parties because my kids enjoy them. I don't particularly love going to them either (although for me a lot of it is that the logistics are difficult if it's not drop-off and it's the kind of party where siblings can't come.
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Post by cmpeter on Jan 9, 2023 1:31:24 GMT
We let our kids decide unless there was a serious conflict.
And, please RSVP, even if it’s to decline.
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Post by mom on Jan 9, 2023 2:23:27 GMT
Honestly, if my kids wanted to go, then we would go. At that age, they are old enough to decide if they want to spend time with their friends or not. And no, I didn't want to go to all of the parties but I think its important to show up for friends, and if its important to my kid, then I want to make it happen if at all possible. It's not going to be like this forever and now is the time that kids learn how to handle parties, friendships, etc.
Maybe trade off with another mom and take turns on who stays, etc. Around here, around 7 is when parents drop off for parties (if they know the hosting parent, safe area, etc).
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,457 
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Jan 9, 2023 2:30:50 GMT
I would say in the long run. probably not that important but DS (9) was invited to a birthday party in September, at a local karate place (basically you use their big mat room) and DH was out of town, DD had a sports event, and I wasn't going to go. Then DS reminded me he's never ever been to a birthday party before (stupid Covid!) so I RSVP'd and he had so much fun, he's still talking about it...
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 9, 2023 2:33:36 GMT
My kids would want to go to everything possible. Ha. One of theirs invites that I’m sitting on, is a boy that my DS enjoys. He new to the school, and has lost his father. I would love to go to a party for him, but…that day makes some scheduling conflicts because my DD has her first cotillion and it would make a stressful turnout to get back home and get ready for that. And…it’s at a complete germ factory and I really am not enthused about that party location. Perhaps, I need to make an effort to invite that boy and mom over for dinner or something. So people even do that anymore?! I feel like I’m too much sometime for some people when I invite them over. I have such guilt, so thank you for telling me it’s ok to say no! What is a cotillion these days? That seems like just as much of a germ factory as the party. Anyway, if it doesn't work to go to the party that day respond and say, "We have something else going on that day so won't be able to attend, but we would love to get together for a play date some other time." ETA that I am with those who say if the kids wanted to go, we would make it happen if we could. |
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Post by myshelly on Jan 9, 2023 3:02:06 GMT
My kids would want to go to everything possible. Ha. One of theirs invites that I’m sitting on, is a boy that my DS enjoys. He new to the school, and has lost his father. I would love to go to a party for him, but…that day makes some scheduling conflicts because my DD has her first cotillion and it would make a stressful turnout to get back home and get ready for that. And…it’s at a complete germ factory and I really am not enthused about that party location. Perhaps, I need to make an effort to invite that boy and mom over for dinner or something. So people even do that anymore?! I feel like I’m too much sometime for some people when I invite them over. I have such guilt, so thank you for telling me it’s ok to say no! I think you’re relying on the germ thing as an excuse to make you feel better. Those indoor play places are germy, yes, but so is school and cotillion 🤷🏻♀️ If your kid wants to go, suck it up and make it happen. |
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Deleted
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Nov 1, 2024 14:30:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2023 3:04:06 GMT
When my kids got invited, I asked them do you want to go? They said yes maybe three times a school year. Joint custody usually meant they only went to the ones that fell on my weekends.
Ask them if they want to go. You might be surprised at how often they say no.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 9, 2023 5:58:45 GMT
I’d say my kid attended about 85% of the parties she was invited to, but she didn’t get a ton of invites from kids she wasn’t actually friends with. There was one where somebody invited every single kid in the homeroom class which I personally thought was overkill. My kid didn’t even really know the kid but went anyway, and afterward she said it really wasn’t that much fun because none of her actual friends (who were all in other classrooms) were invited. After that it was more about *who else* was going and if any of her other friends would also be there. The few times we declined it was because we already had other solid plans for our family prior to getting the party invite, and some of those parties had virtually no notice which really makes it hard as an attendee.
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Post by myboysnme on Jan 9, 2023 10:22:09 GMT
The thing is that birthday parties are important to some kids and they can improve relationships with other kids by socializing and having fun away from school.
My little granddaughter just had a party yesterday and she was getting very anxious when it seemed no one was coming. 10 kids were invited and 3 showed up. We had to pay for a minimum of 12 kids no matter what. Not to mention food and drinks.
You are likely one of many who won't go but I would suggest if your child wants to go then please go. It is truly awful when no one shows up, and trust me if you are inclined not to go so are most others.
Have you read stories about kids who have parties and no one comes? If your kid is the only one that shows up he is a hero
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Post by christine58 on Jan 9, 2023 11:53:48 GMT
My kids would want to go to everything possible. Ha. One of theirs invites that I’m sitting on, is a boy that my DS enjoys. He new to the school, and has lost his father. I would love to go to a party for him, but…that day makes some scheduling conflicts because my DD has her first cotillion and it would make a stressful turnout to get back home and get ready for that. And…it’s at a complete germ factory and I really am not enthused about that party location. Perhaps, I need to make an effort to invite that boy and mom over for dinner or something. So people even do that anymore?! I feel like I’m too much sometime for some people when I invite them over. I have such guilt, so thank you for telling me it’s ok to say no! I would explain to the mom why you can’t attend and invite her and her son over. Unless you can find someone to take your son to and from the party |
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Jan 9, 2023 11:57:29 GMT
If my son wants to go to the party, I try to make it happen. Also, every once in a while, I ask him who he would like to get to know better outside of school. I then introduce myself to the parent and try to invite the kid over for a playdate. We talk about who he’s friends with and who he’d like to be friends with and I try to make it happen. He’s very open to being friends with everyone.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,374
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Post by artbabe on Jan 9, 2023 12:24:21 GMT
My nephews went to all of the parties. I was the one to take them a bunch of the time. I liked them. The boys liked them. I can't imagine not going to a party I was invited to unless I already had a conflict.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,295
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Post by iowgirl on Jan 9, 2023 17:11:54 GMT
Oh my god, my kids LOVED going to birthday parties.
I live in a more rural area, so there wasn't a big choice of facilities, especially in the winter parts were either Rec swimming or bowling alley. Both were insane crazy fun. They absolutely loved them.
Their classmates pretty much remained the same from Kindergarten until graduation - so they were a pretty tight pack of friends.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jan 9, 2023 17:41:20 GMT
Nope.. my kids are grown and nothing like that is even a memory for them…
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Post by hopechest on Jan 9, 2023 18:17:25 GMT
My kiddo is 6 and we go to as many as possible unless there is a major schedule conflict. I've certainly been to ones that are huge and feel a little "gift grab", but we've also been to ones that the birthday kiddo may have some difficulty in the friend department. My kiddo is super-outgoing and friendly. It meant a LOT to the birthday kiddos and the parents that we came. In both instances, I didn't know the situation at all walking into the party. I chalk it up as let's be as friendly as we can. You never know what that effort means to someone.
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Jan 10, 2023 0:24:18 GMT
We went to most of these type events for my girls unless we had a conflict. I always stayed. I wouldn’t describe myself as a helicopter mom, I wanted to take every opportunity to watch over my kids someplace public and also see the other kids and parents not in the school environment.
Soon enough, my kids would get an invite and they would let me know they weren’t interested in attending. Also, I would say about 4th grade or so, the big class invites had dropped off so it was mostly just their close friends at that point. We did a couple of all class invites to skating bday parties for each kid. They were very fun!
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Post by tryingtobewise on Jan 10, 2023 6:36:06 GMT
Aw I have to say I think you (your son) should turn out for the boy who lost his dad. That is an important extenuating circumstance. Not out of pity, just extra support for the kid and his mom.
As an aside, I live in the PNW and had no idea cotillion is still a thing.
Good luck.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,546
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Post by RosieKat on Jan 11, 2023 18:15:06 GMT
I think it depends on the school and hometown environment. Are your kids going to be going to school with these other kids through 12th grade? Are they going to be part of your social network, like it or not? In that case, I would recommend going to as many as you can stomach, as the connections between both kids and adults will matter in the upcoming years. I found this out the hard way.
But if your environment isn't like that, then definitely, just go to the ones of "real" friends, or maybe at places the kids really, really want to go to.
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