Don’t talk badly about your spouse to others?

I do not speak negatively of my husband, and he does not of me. I see it a lot, and I feel like these couples lack respect for their partner.

Do we joke sometimes - yes. But nothing really negative at all. We also do not fight.

My husband has always treated me with loyalty and respect and I do the same for him.

Today, we bought some calves. The seller sent him the weights so we could pay him, and my husband said "Let me give these to the Ranch Manager" - meaning me... LOL Even though it was kind of a joke, it still makes me feel good! Plus, I'll probably be writing that check!

With my small close circle of friends I absolutely do.
I have friends I have known since I was 5 and a cousin who has been my best friend since I was 12 — we tell each other everything. Not sure what I would do without this support system.

before my marriage went to crap.

I would "complain" about my husband such as snoring, forgetting to do dishes, can't find those things in front of face. Those surface, minor things.

I never ever discussed the serious issue outside of the marriage. It was just a rule i stuck to my entire marriage. but now i wonder if I had would someone have help me see all the red flags that were in my marriage.

Well, I'm divorced so take it for what it is.

I think people need a place to vent and that is okay as long as it isn't hateful or full of vitriol. If it is, then there are likely bigger issues.

And little things like he doesn't put the toilet seat down or something as well as stuff you'd say to him that you are just commiserate with friends. I think that is okay.

I don’t typically vent to others anything I wouldn’t (or haven’t already) said to his face. He knows about the stuff he does that bugs me and I know the stuff I do that bugs him.

I might say something about an annoying thing he does but nothing more than that. I would not confide anything serious to anyone who might then socialize with the two of us, that would make it awkward. After a divorce… go for it!

I would never say what I bolded to anyone, even if it were true.  Well, maybe to his doctor with his permission..  I think sex is an intimate topic that should stay between the two people.  There are very general sex things I would talk about, but never something so specific and derogatory.  Nothing having to do with our sex life.  And I would be really hurt if he were complaining about me to his friends.

But just a general comment of "my husband is driving me nuts this week" kind of things would be ok.

I think everyone’s comfort level with this is different. Part of marriage is knowing what the other’s “third rail” topics are. I might bitch about my husband’s inability to find the dishwasher or pick up his dirty clothes, but other topics that i know he’s sensitive about would never come up. And he might joke about my lack of business acumen or my general dislike of housework, but he knows what my sensitive areas are and doesn’t joke about those.

But we have friends who are clearly in the “never say anything negative” camp and that’s fine. Figure that out with your spouse and don’t go by what others say or do. There’s no right or wrong way to be married.

The day that I am perfect is the day I spout $&/€£?* about my husband to other people. And I expect the same level of respect from him too.
Do I vent? Of course. All the time. But beyond that I don’t think any relationship whether it be a marriage or friendship is lasting a long time if you think and express all the time to other people that the other person is a moronic loser.

I used to work with a couple of women that constantly complained about their husbands. I understand wanting to vent but these were work contacts snd the stuff they complained about were so trivial I couldn’t believe they got so worked up about it. I was always like really that doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. I know everyone is different just thought you shouldn’t bad mouth your spouse all the time. I just thought it was disrespectful. I’m not going to say I have never complained but not all the time. It made me not want to be around them. These were not women that were married to jerks that really treated them or kids badly. Women here that need to vent or really have sucky Xs that’s completely different. We also for the most part don’t know each other in real life so not likely to get back to them.

I have one friend who I can complain about DH to, and she does the same about hers... nothing super personal or gross, but just annoyances and gripes and the ridiculousness of being married. I don't tell this stuff to my family (who can't be trusted not to tell everyone they know as soon as they get a chance... ) or the kids, but sometimes being a SAHM and being married is hard, and I need to vent...

Always a good rule to never say something you wouldn’t say to his face, but some of the stuff I bitch about to my two friends I talk about this with is sooo minor. I hurt my elbow bowling and I can’t carry the laundry baskets. If he forgets to, it’s annoying and we’ve talked about it. He isn’t being deliberately thoughtless, he just doesn’t carry if the clean laundry stays in the basement next the washer for a day. Sometimes I know
I’d say something, he’ll feel bad, so I’ll bitch to my friend and vocalizing it helps me get over it because really it’s not a big deal and not something worth nagging. Little stuff like that. Because we’ve been together 20 years and there are bound to be minor irritations. The big things we always discuss and always have been good at discussing. And my daughter and I laugh about how he wakes us up with like the loudest snoring EVER (and he forgot to mention it as his physical today) and sometimes he’s in the mood to be part of the conversation and sometimes he’s sensitive about it.

My sister in law said to me after a few years of marriage that she really respected how I never said anything bad about her brother. Jeez, lady, not to his family! That’s just mean. They don’t need to hear about the petty complaints. That’s for my friends. And another poster mentioned man bashing as a way of bonding but I don’t see it that way. I think there are some universal things we deal with in relationships and talking about them helps us see what’s normal and what’s not, and get some other ideas and perspectives, and yes, bond a little in our shared experiences. There are man bashers but commiserating that husbands make sandwiches and leave the crumbs on the counter and stuff like that I think is fine. And yes, I know my husband complains to his friends that I buy too many shoes and don’t cook as often as I used to (used to be every day now it’s just mostly on the weekends). I think that’s good for him, to share his frustrations with his friends and get their perspectives.

Pretty much this. The occasional bit of advice or random venting is human. Even sometimes something like "OMG, my spouse/partner, too! Doesn't it drive you batshit crazy?!" Bashing and constant complaining is a sign of other problems, either within yourself or in the relationship.