Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 5:23:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2023 16:58:49 GMT
I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but up until now, all the wedding invites we have received have been fairly traditional - multiple cards, complete details, rsvp card to mail back. Usually very pretty and fitting the theme. Some handmade and were done the same way.
Was handed an invite in Dec. Shutterfly photo card, only details were date/time of ceremony and website to rsvp at. Says reception to follow, no details. Assume that will be on the website when I get there. Wedding is late June.
I'm being hounded to rsvp along with kids that haven't, as they need to know soon. Yes, I could have gotten it done sooner. I had to dig to find it and it was in with Christmas photo cards that I kept, so I did need the reminder. Yet it's 3-1/2 mos away.
Is this all typical from what you've seen?
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 12, 2023 17:00:11 GMT
I'm not sure how things are done today, but when I got married I was told to send the invitations 6 weeks in advance.
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Post by lucyg on Mar 12, 2023 17:11:08 GMT
Don’t lose the invitation. The details will be on the web site. Yes, it’s all annoying to some of us old people but if this is how they’re doing it, go with the flow. If they’re hounding you for a response this early and you aren’t prepared to commit yet, I would just decline and send a nice gift. (Or not, your choice.)
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Mar 12, 2023 17:14:19 GMT
I have received two such wedding invitations. I checked the wedding website and RSVP'd before the date they required.
It took you more effort to type this post, than it would have to RSVP for this wedding. Have you even checked their wedding site to see what the actual rsvp date is?
Peas and weddings, man. You never fail to dissapoint with the pearl clutching.
I was a wedding calligrapher/invitation designer for years, and I have zero issue with this. Traditional invitations are a huge expense, they use a lot of resources, and generally go into the trash.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,082
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 12, 2023 17:37:36 GMT
The couple wants you to rsvp so they can finalize catering.. they need a head count... And i agree with inkedup... just click yes or no and how many... way super easier then mailing back a card and the brides mom having to keep track of how many people said yes...
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 12, 2023 17:38:49 GMT
That's how it goes now. We just got what I thought was a save the date for a wedding next year and my kids informed me it is indeed the invitation.
With a daughter getting married in two months, who is mailing an invitation but with all of the information on the website and the RSVPs on the website, I've learned to just adapt to the new way this works.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,408
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Mar 12, 2023 17:52:40 GMT
I don't even remember the last wedding invite we received that included an actual RSVP card to mail back. It's super easy to RSVP online and doesn't bother me one bit.
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Post by busy on Mar 12, 2023 18:26:13 GMT
I personally think everything about tradition wedding invitation etiquette needs to be tossed - it just doesn’t make sense in today’s world. Invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of the event is ridiculous. Basically everyone I know has their weekends booked months out. Sending a printed save the date AND a printed invitation for every even seems wasteful in a number of ways.
A wedding website with all the details makes sooooo much sense.
Just RSVP and recognize etiquette evolves.
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Post by rymeswithpurple on Mar 12, 2023 18:55:24 GMT
I'm 33 and agree it would be odd to just get that as the invitation, as I wouldn't be used to that either. The weddings we've been to recently (well, I think the last one was 5 years ago), we got both a Save the Date and actual invite.
We planned our own wedding in ~4 months with little assistance from our parents (yes, mine paid for a few things, but our parents weren't actively involved in planning since we live about 4 hours away). We didn't send out Save the Dates since it was so soon. I don't recall exactly when we sent out invitations, but I think it was 2 or 3 months beforehand because except for a few guests, it was a car ride or plane trip away,
We sent "traditional" invitations in that it had the details of when, where, etc., and included an RSVP card. The RSVP envelopes were pre-printed with our address, and I also wrote a very tiny number on the back of each so I could match the RSVP with the number assigned to the invitee if it came back blank. I tracked that in Excel, along with everything else.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 5:23:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2023 19:16:34 GMT
While I'm at it, let me clutch my pearls a lil more I'm annoyed I got handed it in Dec...7 months early and put in with holiday cards and then yes, I forgot. Another reason I'm annoyed is I'm apparently responsible for my adult kid responses, and needs to be done ASAP. They were more than welcome to contact my kids directly, but came to me. IDK, I've planned plenty and if you are locking people in 3-1/2 mos before, be prepared for the count to change. Prodded my kids. One needs to change to add a guest and doesn't work on the website - she'll contact them. One can't decide if she should bring a guest or not and doesn't want to line up a guy friend she had in mind this early. Told her to pick one and get it done. Another kid has no idea of her schedule, would like to be there but can't commit yet as her year end is going to depend how the end of the overwhelming ski season pans out. So she'll just decline. I get it, things change still I'm old-ish and feel like the etiquette ties into what is a really special day. And fwiw, no rsvp date was specified. The text I received was fairly abrupt. It's close family.
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Post by Linda on Mar 12, 2023 20:16:20 GMT
Another reason I'm annoyed is I'm apparently responsible for my adult kid responses, and needs to be done ASAP I've learnt to respond with some version of "DS/DD is an adult and handles their own calendar - you'll need to contact them directly" That is, I believe, why traditional invitations would be sent separately to adult children if they were invited.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Mar 13, 2023 1:19:30 GMT
This could explain the "we need to know now"....
With many places still having space limits, as well as financial limits and budgetary constraints.....there is often an "A" list and a "B" list. The A list invites get sent out first. If an A lister sends their regrets, that still leaves room for a B lister to be invited. Sometimes it a matter of "we can't invite everyone", but if regrets start coming in, then it's possible to invite someone else that unfortunately had to be left out on the go around.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,276
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Mar 13, 2023 13:55:35 GMT
I would not fuss over getting a simple shutterfly card as an invite. If they handed it to me in person - even better.
6 months ahead of the wedding is beyond accommodating.
The only issue I have is them making you responsible for your own adult children. If they want them there, they need to get them an invitation.
RSVP'ing online or via text is simple. You have no excuse to not respond in a timely manner, they should not have to hunt you down.
Just because it is a simpler version of an invitation, doesn't mean anything. If you don't like it - RSVP that you will not be attending.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Mar 13, 2023 14:19:15 GMT
We are both going to be over 60, and our median guest age is up there. We did go ahead with the free website provided by The Knot. I wasn't going to, but fiance logged in and started filling out the fields with enthusiasm. It is a cool way to provide directions, parking, and other specifics that people might ask over and over again, or that wouldn't nicely fit on a paper invite. We sent postcard SAVETHEDATES, and some of them took over 2 weeks to get to their destinations, which are all in the same state except one. We will send out paper invites because of our mostly mature guest list.
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Post by bratkar on Mar 13, 2023 18:58:24 GMT
Just before Covid, we received a wedding invite, same are yours, six months in advance.... Website to reply. and to reply fairly quickly after receiving the invite ( Invite received in Dec or Jan, response due middle of Feb, wedding in July ) We never responded, didnt attend, sent a token gift. (Besides covid, we had some other issues happening in our lives) But since that one, we have received most invites to reply online and invites 3-4 months prior, after receiving a save the date cards 8-12 months prior.
(and I am going to be honest for me to have to reply 5 months before the date, is going to be difficult, the only thing planned that far in advance with me is my vacations and nothing else warrants me making most other plans that far in advance)
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Post by flanz on Mar 13, 2023 19:02:04 GMT
We are both going to be over 60, and our median guest age is up there. We did go ahead with the free website provided by The Knot. I wasn't going to, but fiance logged in and started filling out the fields with enthusiasm. It is a cool way to provide directions, parking, and other specifics that people might ask over and over again, or that wouldn't nicely fit on a paper invite. We sent postcard SAVETHEDATES, and some of them took over 2 weeks to get to their destinations, which are all in the same state except one. We will send out paper invites because of our mostly mature guest list. How long till the big day, Sharla? I'm super excited for you!
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 13, 2023 19:13:14 GMT
I remember in 1996, when I got married, my invitation person having a fit because I refused to send invites to my friends labeled "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" when the wife didn't go by misses and had her own first and last name. Tradition! Propriety! Rules! Meanwhile none of those things kept up with women who didn't want to go by Mrs. Dude'sName.
Anyhow, it's fine for things to change.
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Post by auntkelly on Mar 13, 2023 19:19:35 GMT
In early December, we sent Save the Dates to my daughter's May wedding. We felt save the dates would be nice since at least half the guests were from out of town and would need to make travel plans. The save the dates included the address of the wedding website where all the hotel information was listed.
We're sending out the invitations tomorrow. We're including an RSVP card because our wedding planner said in her experience people were better about returning RSVP cards than RSVPing online. It really wasn't a big deal to me one way or the other.
We're asking people to RSVP for the mid-May wedding by April 11th. I think that is a reasonable time for both in town and out of town guests to decide whether to accept an invitation.
My nephew is getting married next September. They are not going to send Save the Dates because they have very few out of town guests. They've already had a big engagement party and most of their friends and family know when they are getting married. They'll send out invitations about 8 weeks before the wedding, which is pretty standard around here. Their RSVPs will be online because their wedding planner, unlike our wedding planner, thinks online RSVPs are easier to manage.
I think different things work for different circumstances. I try and RSVP by the time I'm requested to do so in whatever manner the bride and groom asks me to.
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Post by LiLi on Mar 13, 2023 19:31:21 GMT
One needs to change to add a guest You're complaining about etiquette, but you guys are going to ask to bring guests that weren't accounted for on the website? Or am I misunderstanding?
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Mar 13, 2023 19:52:26 GMT
We are both going to be over 60, and our median guest age is up there. We did go ahead with the free website provided by The Knot. I wasn't going to, but fiance logged in and started filling out the fields with enthusiasm. It is a cool way to provide directions, parking, and other specifics that people might ask over and over again, or that wouldn't nicely fit on a paper invite. We sent postcard SAVETHEDATES, and some of them took over 2 weeks to get to their destinations, which are all in the same state except one. We will send out paper invites because of our mostly mature guest list. How long till the big day, Sharla? I'm super excited for you! Aw, thanks! July 22nd.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 13, 2023 20:20:58 GMT
I have received both, but most of them are now the postcard with the website. I found it easy to navigate, but my husband had never encountered one and took the struggle bus for a bit. He's not bad with technology, but the first time through anything with technology apparently needs to be studied and mastered. I'm more the click-click get through it fast and be sorry later type of gal. If there wasn't an RSVP date on it, then that is on them. Probably why they are calling.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,146
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Mar 13, 2023 20:30:21 GMT
My last invitation included a digital save the date several months ahead. Later on, the invitation was also digital with a spot to rsvp. It also included a link to the wedding venue.
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Post by mom on Mar 13, 2023 20:35:31 GMT
In early December, we sent Save the Dates to my daughter's May wedding. We felt save the dates would be nice since at least half the guests were from out of town and would need to make travel plans. The save the dates included the address of the wedding website where all the hotel information was listed. We're sending out the invitations tomorrow. We're including an RSVP card because our wedding planner said in her experience people were better about returning RSVP cards than RSVPing online. It really wasn't a big deal to me one way or the other. We're asking people to RSVP for the mid-May wedding by April 11th. I think that is a reasonable time for both in town and out of town guests to decide whether to accept an invitation. My nephew is getting married next September. They are not going to send Save the Dates because they have very few out of town guests. They've already had a big engagement party and most of their friends and family know when they are getting married. They'll send out invitations about 8 weeks before the wedding, which is pretty standard around here. Their RSVPs will be online because their wedding planner, unlike our wedding planner, thinks online RSVPs are easier to manage. I think different things work for different circumstances. I try and RSVP by the time I'm requested to do so in whatever manner the bride and groom asks me to. We just got an invitation for a May 6 wedding today, so you are right in line in what people in my circle are doing! We also got a save the date in December. Their RSVP's are online as well.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Mar 13, 2023 20:51:12 GMT
I got married in November, so I have had the chance to see the current trends. The young brides have no clue that older generations were told to send the invitations four weeks or six weeks ahead of time. I would have worried that if I sent them months in advance, my guests would have not had them top of mind when the wedding actually rolled around. I also didn’t want to send my older guests to a website to RSVP. We just put our cell phone numbers and asked our guests to text or call either of us. Almost everyone replied this way, which was a nice surprise.
Frankly, my observations as an older bride, but one who is completely comfortable with technology, was that my percentages of return were still higher when I used the simplest of message to communicate. I think that when you combine the lack of a universal RSVP mentality with a lack of technology adoption, you really decrease your RSVP rate.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 5:23:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2023 0:34:09 GMT
We are both going to be over 60, and our median guest age is up there. We did go ahead with the free website provided by The Knot. I wasn't going to, but fiance logged in and started filling out the fields with enthusiasm. It is a cool way to provide directions, parking, and other specifics that people might ask over and over again, or that wouldn't nicely fit on a paper invite. We sent postcard SAVETHEDATES, and some of them took over 2 weeks to get to their destinations, which are all in the same state except one. We will send out paper invites because of our mostly mature guest list. Congratulations!! We've seen most weddings using The Knot and it's set up really nicely, I love the stories and photos that the couple adds.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 5:23:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2023 0:41:36 GMT
One needs to change to add a guest You're complaining about etiquette, but you guys are going to ask to bring guests that weren't accounted for on the website? Or am I misunderstanding? You are misunderstanding. One DD didn't include her originally invited +1 or missed it somehow (not sure why, they live together ) and the website didn't allow her to change it. I suspect they had the name of her prior bf since they collected names from me a year ago (18 mos before wedding). 2 kids in different relationships and never crossed my mind to let them know. Interesting I'm coming across as someone who would request to add uninvited guests
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 5:23:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2023 0:54:44 GMT
Thanks all, it's been interesting to hear the variations. And to validate I'm old, I guess. I'm techie enough and totally get behind save the date and wedding websites. Just have never received such a scant invite and definitely not so early with such an early rsvp. And it makes sense they want the 1st round of rsvp's to possibly add more (it's at a park with bbq buffet, so I doubt they need firm #'s yet). They also had the website wrong, it was easy enough to search, but may not have been for everyone. Probably didn't need to vent, they are young, the families are frugal and I suspect the bride to be just wants things checked off her list early
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,538
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Mar 14, 2023 1:09:11 GMT
You say it's someone you're close to, so I"m guessing you're on the "have to invite" list. (That doesn't mean you aren't wanted, just that you're an A lister.) Once they know how many A listers are probably coming, that would free them up to add more of the friends or extended family, etc. By asking the A listers to respond earlier, they can still send out the B list in a reasonably timely manner.
At least, that's my guess. I got married 9000 years ago, and our total list wasn't too big anyway, so this is just based off of other people I've known!
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Post by auntkelly on Mar 14, 2023 15:25:51 GMT
I remember in 1996, when I got married, my invitation person having a fit because I refused to send invites to my friends labeled "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" when the wife didn't go by misses and had her own first and last name. Tradition! Propriety! Rules! Meanwhile none of those things kept up with women who didn't want to go by Mrs. Dude'sName. Anyhow, it's fine for things to change. The etiquette books and the invitation vendors have definitely caught up w/ the times. My husband and I are both lawyers and therefore a lot of our friends are lawyers and some are judges. We've invited six active or retired judges to our daughter's wedding and just about everyone of them was in a slightly different circumstance-one of the judges was a male whose wife used her husband's surname, another was a female judge who used her husband's surname, one was a retired judge whose wife didn't use his surname, one was a female judge married to a doctor and two were female judges who didn't go by their husband's surname. Every case was covered by the current edition of Emily Post's wedding and etiquette book. My friends would have come to the wedding regardless of how the invites were addressed, but all the "rules" in the Emily Post book made perfect sense and seemed much less awkward than how we were doing it w/out the help of the book. (For example, if only one party has a title, their title comes first: Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe. If both parties have titles, go in alphabetical order of surnames: The Honorable John Doe and Dr. Jane Smith.
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Post by MsChiff on Mar 14, 2023 23:43:58 GMT
You're complaining about etiquette, but you guys are going to ask to bring guests that weren't accounted for on the website? Or am I misunderstanding? You are misunderstanding. One DD didn't include her originally invited +1 or missed it somehow (not sure why, they live together ) and the website didn't allow her to change it. I suspect they had the name of her prior bf since they collected names from me a year ago (18 mos before wedding). 2 kids in different relationships and never crossed my mind to let them know. Interesting I'm coming across as someone who would request to add uninvited guests FWIW, I read your post the same as LiLi -- that your daughter was wanting to bring an uninvited guest. I appreciate the clarification. I'm old school and prefer a printed invitation to formal affairs. I don't care for 'traditional' invites with several envelopes, the invitation, the RSVP card and the card with the reception information. I LOVE online RSVPs -- SO easy! Give me a simple invitation (postcard like is fine) but please include the date and the times, venue names and addresses for both the wedding and reception venues. I use that information on the day of the event to ensure I know where I'm going and that I'm on time. While I understand it's easier and cheaper for the happy couple to not have to print and send invitations, not everyone has a printer to print the necessary information and not everyone uses a cell phone for anything but calls or wants to use their cell phone to look up the information.
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