Update! Girlfriends stealing boyfriends clothing

Yup, I would be ticked off too!

I think it's common to "borrow", both girls and women do it.

In this case, since it's brand new and name brand......have your Son text her and say "My Mom wants my clothes back that you borrowed, because she recently bought them for me". I can pick it all up tomorrow(or whatever day). That way the "blame" is on you and not your Son.

I also know people that buy their kids clothes, and the clothes are never seen again when they go to the other Parents home.

I would be irritated that she wasn’t returning it.  But more important to me would be how my son chose to deal with it.  Do you think suggesting to your son that he choose another shirt to offer her in exchange for his new one would go over well with him?  Is it bothering him?  Is he flattered that she wants it?  Is this girl trying to prove to herself that she can make him do what she wants, even if that means going against his mother?  I don’t like game playing and I would be worried about this girl’s attitude more than I was concerned about the shirt.  Her flatly refusing to return it would concern me about the balance of power in their relationship.  She sounds a bit manipulative and I wouldn’t care for that for my son.  I think this is about more than a shirt.  

The next time you see her, (assuming he brings her around) I'd tell her, "Hey Mary, I need you to return son's shirt. I bought it and it's brand new."

I had a somewhat similar problem, but it was my daughter borrowing my clothes, which was completely fine, and then her friends stealing them from her. Things would get quite awkward when someone would come over wearing my sweater or dress and I'd point it out.

This happened all the time when my DS was in high school and not just with boyfriends/girlfriends. He did get the items back when he requested them. I would be annoyed at the “no” answer from your son’s GF…

Funny story - My son had a sweatshirt with his high school name and grad year on it that his grandma got him for Christmas his junior year. The beginning of his senior year I noticed it missing and asked about it. He said one of his female XC teammates “stole” it at a meet. She is a year younger so it wasn’t even the correct grad year on the shirt for her. I suggested he ask for it back since it was a gift. When he did she said her twin “stole” it from her so she would get it back and wash it before returning it.

Some time passed and he came home from school one day and said well now the boyfriend of the twin was wearing his sweatshirt at school 😆 I said does he know he’s wearing *your* sweatshirt?!? He was another class younger so wearing a “Class of” shirt that was 2 years off. It took a few months and several asks but eventually the sweatshirt filtered back from the boyfriend to the twin to my DS.

It is a small school, my son’s graduating class was 72, these kids are/were all friends and teammates, I know the parents, so I was not really worried that he wouldn’t get it back but the saga of the Class of 2022 Traveling Sweatshirt was entertaining!

I'm assuming they're quite young so she probably thinks it's cute and romantic to wear his clothes. I doubt there's any manipulation or trying to go against his mother about it. She'll probably give it back when they break up.

If this is the case, she should be happy exchanging the new shirt for another shirt of his choosing.  I remember wearing my boyfriend’s sweaters and it feeling all romantic and being proud to wear something of his.  But had I been told that his mother wanted a specific item back, I would have handed it over immediately and been quite happy to receive a different shirt in exchange.  There is no way I would have refused to give something back.  Who needs your boyfriend’s mother upset with you?  I don’t think that is a normal reaction.  

Or maybe I am relating this to one of the girlfriends that my own son had.  Of every young girl he ever dated and introduced to me, I was leery of this one particular girl.  She was manipulative and I noticed him changing and acting in ways that were not typical for him.  When questioned, he would say that she wants him to behave in a specific way or wear his hair a certain way.  That’s all fine as long as he is willingly going along and likes the same things.  I just got a sense that she’s was seeing how much she could control.  But I had always had a policy of staying out of his relationships and only offering advice if he specifically asked me for a female point of view so I said nothing to him until they eventually broke up.  

Then I learned what I saw was just the surface of her control over him.  It was his first experience with a manipulative female and he didn’t quite understand what was going on until she pushed too hard for something that he wasn’t willing to change.  When we discussed this later on, I pointed out to him that if he needed to change all these things about himself to be acceptable to her, who was she actually dating? Because it surely wasn’t him.  I think in the end it was good for him to have experienced because he learned what manipulation looked like and that he didn’t like it.

He is now with a girl that I adore.  She treats him really good and I appreciate that.  He also treats her very well and that makes me very happy too.  They seem like such a perfect match for each other and I know he is extremely happy.  And that’s all a mother really wants for her children, right?

Excellent point that I totally missed.  Is he relating the story accurately that he asked for the shirt back and she refused?

Y’all make a good point that perhaps he didn’t give his GF the correct impression about mom sincerely wanting it back. But if he did, I’m in the camp that it’s off on her end, and potentially manipulative. I used to wear/borrow/assume possession my BF’s clothes quite often, he liked it. But at any age you can be damn sure that if I got word that his mom wanted it back in his possession it’d be washed and returned the next day.

Even when I was a kid, it was kind of a status symbol to wear a guy’s clothing — it subtly signified that you had a BF or were cool enough to hang with the guys.

I would maybe have her swap it out with another item, or at least rotate it. She might be willing to do that.

a good friend of mine who is divorced had to intervene when her ex-husband's live in girlfriend kept stealing her daughter's clothes. 

I borrowed my bf's coat, ring, etc. in high school. I never kept any of it. Unless my bf told me to keep something, I wouldn't have. I had my bf's school ring for three years and gave it back when we broke up.

How did she get his shirt? Did he take it off and give it to her?

All of that except for the giving it back when then break up. I would have never!

My oldest dates girls and we lost a few nice sweatshirts this way. I just didn't replace them.