idiot
New Member
Posts: 6
Mar 5, 2021 18:21:08 GMT
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Post by idiot on Apr 18, 2023 0:21:02 GMT
My birthday was Saturday and we had a family dinner tonight. DH got a me a present, but our 2 adult sons did not. SIL is visiting and no present from her either. I know its not about the presents, but this really hurts my feelings. Am I not worthy of at least a card? Or am I expecting too much?
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Post by ntsf on Apr 18, 2023 0:25:00 GMT
I expect nothing and are therefore not disappointed. my kids are very mixed on presents.. usually christmas I get something. one has no money.. one lives overseas, and one is not a shopper. a family dinner would do it for me.
but you may have to tell them what you would like to see.
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Post by allison1954 on Apr 18, 2023 0:27:29 GMT
I sure wouldn’t expect more than a mention, if they remember.
I don’t know i’m in laws bdays.
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Post by malibou on Apr 18, 2023 0:33:06 GMT
I'm assuming that family dinner tonight happened because it was your birthday, so I will fully back you that something should have been done, even if it was just a card.
I'm sorry that happened.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 18, 2023 0:38:22 GMT
I’m sorry your birthday was underwhelming. My kids are rubbish at birthdays. They always call but no cards or gifts. My son sends flowers but that just means his wife does it. She’s an angel. DH is mixed. Usually plans dinner out but gifts are a crapshoot, sometimes great, sometimes just OK. I usually make it right with a little shopping expedition.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 18, 2023 0:51:11 GMT
We dont make a huge deal out of birthdays and are very flexible.
DS birthday dinner happened 5 weeks after his birthday. Dh's birthday dinner was combined with ds'.
Dh's birthday is today. I forgot to get him a cake and had to call the bakery this morning to get a cake. DS' cake was on his birthday.
We didn't get dh any presents and that is okay. I ordered some shirts he wanted today. We are dealing with a lot right now in our family and we are doing the best we can.
The point being, not every person or family operates the same. Have you told your family that gifts are important and family dinner isnt enough? Have you asked for specific gifts?
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idiot
New Member
Posts: 6
Mar 5, 2021 18:21:08 GMT
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Post by idiot on Apr 18, 2023 1:16:31 GMT
I guess my expectations were too high. And having house guests just make things more stressful to me. It is what it is.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 18, 2023 1:21:02 GMT
I’ve gotten to the point where I have pretty close to zero expectations for situations like that. My DH doesn’t believe in buying cards (especially at $4-5 a pop) and more than half the time he doesn’t get me a gift either. He will take us to dinner (usually, unless it’s super cold, a blizzard, an ice storm, any of which is not uncommon) but that’s about all.
If it wasn’t for me, there would be no Christmas, no Halloween, no Thanksgiving, no Easter, no Valentine’s Day, no birthdays in this house.
ETA: Happy Birthday! Hope you at least enjoyed your dinner and guests.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 20, 2024 22:58:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2023 1:35:22 GMT
My kids are adults (young adults but still adults) and they still need to be bugged to say happy birthday to me. To be fair, they have to be reminded to say it to anyone. I downplayed my birthday and cards in general for so long, I'm not surprised they have to be reminded.
If anything, I'd be miffed that dad didn't at least remind them that showing up with a card for dinner would be a good idea.
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Post by brynn on Apr 18, 2023 3:00:56 GMT
Happy Birthday and Happy Birthday Week!!
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Post by don on Apr 18, 2023 3:50:26 GMT
Happy Birthday idiot . Let me put my counsel hat on to say, self deprecation is harmful to ones' well being. Please, rise up and believe in yourself. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Apr 18, 2023 4:49:59 GMT
Happy Birthday! I think everyone deserves at least a card, even if just a piece of paper folded and Happy Birthday and a love you handwritten. I am sorry I hope next year they will do better.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 18, 2023 5:10:43 GMT
I guess my expectations were too high. No, your expectations were not too high! At the bare minimum you should have been given a card and flowers/chocolates. My feelings would be really hurt as well. |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,884 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Apr 18, 2023 8:57:59 GMT
Do they normally give you cards and gifts? If they do, and then they suddenly don't, then I'd be hurt. If they don't, despite all hints/requests/stating your expectations, then your expectations need to be adjusted.
If they contributed to your meal then maybe they regard that as their gift. But if they didn't, accepting a meal out to celebrate a birthday without giving at least a card in return is poor behaviour IMHO.
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Post by peasapie on Apr 18, 2023 9:34:53 GMT
I’d only be upset if my husband had nothing. I don’t expect gifts from my kids or others. You may have different expectations, so mine don’t apply to you, but I wanted to say a big Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great next trip around the sun!
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Post by gar on Apr 18, 2023 9:42:49 GMT
I guess my expectations were too high. And having house guests just make things more stressful to me. It is what it is. Possible back history notwithstanding, I don’t think expecting “Happy Birthday” and a card are too much at all. I’m sorry you felt upset. |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Apr 18, 2023 13:06:03 GMT
Happy Birthday! I can relate because i've had my feelings hurt in the past too. And it's valid, I put out a lot of effort for birthdays.
I've found lowering my expectations worked well. My kids love me, do they manage every occasion, no. They always call, but gifts are sometimes hit or miss. dh last year said days before my birthday...you said you didn't want a gift right? Nope, never mentioned anything, but he hates buying gifts. But he had no problem taking the day, taking me to lunch and doing what I wanted to do for the rest of the day.
Hopefully your family treats you well on a daily basis. If so i'd try to overlook it
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Post by essiejean on Apr 18, 2023 14:20:19 GMT
I'm sorry your birthday was a disappointment.
As an empty nester the greatest gift for me would be the family dinner. I'm not a commercial birthday card fan - don't waste the money - just spend a little time with me instead. As far as gifts - there is nothing I need or want - if there is then I drop a hint to all 3 kids and they typically go together on that gift for me.
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Post by quinlove on Apr 18, 2023 14:23:25 GMT
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,786
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Apr 18, 2023 16:17:31 GMT
I think you might need to make your expectations crystal clear and ask your DH to pass them along.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,556
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Post by MerryMom on Apr 18, 2023 17:07:58 GMT
Usually I don’t mind, but every once in a while it does bug me that I don’t get a call, text, or card from my stepdaughters of 32 years on my birthday. I think they have each called me one time on my birthday in 32 years. My birthday is 2 days after their Mom’s, so it isn’t difficult to remember. I gave up thinking it would happen a long time ago.
My husband and son are good about cards or phone calls.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 18, 2023 17:55:51 GMT
I think you might need to make your expectations crystal clear and ask your DH to pass them along. Yes. You do deserve more. Take the advice above. I loved my late DH, but realize I deserved better from him regarding birthdays and other special days. Honestly, I am struggling with it now. |
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Post by heckofagal on Apr 19, 2023 17:19:36 GMT
I'm sorry idiot. Happy Belated Birthday! I know some families and groups don't make a big deal about birthdays. My group of BFFs tend to exchange gifts but I feel like my birthday is often overlooked. I gathered with them on Saturday for a day of shopping. When friend A used the restroom friend B was buying her a bday gift and a friend C told us what she had already bought friend A for her bday. Friend A's bday is the end of April. My birthday was in March and I received no gifts. Then I called my sister and found out she went on an outing with my other sister and sister-in-law the day before. They all travel together frequently (all retired, I still work) so I don't get to see them much and it hurts that they don't invite me to the local stuff. I know what it's like to feel invisible. |
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,535
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Post by RosieKat on Apr 19, 2023 17:25:01 GMT
I don't think a card is too much to ask for!
Having said that, my kids are pretty hit or miss with gifts or cards, and my DH only figured it out when I told him it was important to me in so many words. There are plenty of people who don't care about their own birthdays or even who avoid any mention of them, so maybe you need to let them know.
And happy birthday! Go treat yourself to a special day, even if it's just taking time out to go to a park you like or something. You deserve it!
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 19, 2023 17:26:59 GMT
It's do or die in my family. So I expect nothing and leave it at that. I gave up long time ago. Sometimes it's a great year and other times not.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 19, 2023 17:32:36 GMT
We're not big present people, so that part wouldn't bother me - but I absolutely expect a text and would have been upset if my kids (young adults) didn't send one.
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Post by alsomsknit on Apr 19, 2023 18:06:44 GMT
Your feelings are valid. Would it help to have your husband speak with the kids regarding stepping up the birthday game? Do they do the same with their Dad’s birthday, too?
If they aren’t made aware, is it reasonable to be upset for future events?
ETA: Happy Birthday!
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idiot
New Member
Posts: 6
Mar 5, 2021 18:21:08 GMT
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Post by idiot on Apr 19, 2023 18:15:50 GMT
It was truly a pity party. I was tired, stressed and needed my alone time. We were all together as a family and that is what is important. Thanks for validation and birthday wishes!
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,673
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Apr 21, 2023 12:24:29 GMT
My DD and DS are also quite tardy regarding birthdays but I have told them I don’t need a present but I really do like a card that they have taken the time to buy, write in and post to me. DS lives overseas so he phones during dinner and we have a chat.
we celebrate birthdays with DD, SIL and 3 grandchildren - I cook favourite meals and have their favourite cake which I enjoy doing.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 21, 2023 14:37:15 GMT
Happy birthday, and yes, that does suck. I guess the kids have changed the expectations now and you should just plan on exchanging with your DH. Sometimes people just don't see birthdays as gift giving (or card exchanging) days. I would still give my kids a card on their birthday, but I wouldn't go beyond that now. Maybe you should talk to your husband about doing something more for both of your birthdays and go out together somewhere really nice or plan a weekend getaway so your day is more special between the two of you.
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