scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060 
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Post by scrappyesq on Apr 21, 2023 21:08:22 GMT
One of my besties is having a birthday dinner in DC tomorrow. My plan was to drive down ALONE go to the party and come back also ALONE (the emphasis will make sense in a second). I like driving. I don’t mind long highway trips and the ride to DC is only around 4 hours. Not only that I wasn’t sure what time I was going to leave because originally McD and I were supposed to go to New Jersey tonight for an event but his work schedule made us cancel those plans.
My other bestie and her husband live here in NYC. I knew they were going down but figured we might have different timing so I would be in luck with my travel plans.
Nope.
I love my friend. We’ve been friends for 30+ years so I know who I’m dealing with (the exact reason I didn’t want to travel with her). She has habits that drive my borderline introvert personality up the wall. The last time we drove to DC for this same bestie she spent the final 2 hours of the trip on SPEAKERPHONE with her brother. Speakerphone while someone else (or just me) is driving is apparently her thing. We drove to the mall in NJ the other day and didn’t get more than a block from her house before she got on the phone. It’s infuriating. 😡
This is just one example of many. She is not punctual. She’s also not a planner. Her and her husband together like to fuss. So there’s also that to contend with.
It’s only an overnight trip so I’ll be fine. There are worse things and there is absolutely nothing I can do at this point. I like to get stuff done including making plans. I hate when people jump on my bandwagon after I’ve figured everything out.
Thanks for reading. I just hope it’s not going to be as bad as I’m thinking
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,082
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Apr 21, 2023 21:19:41 GMT
So dont travel with her... just say im sorry I've already made other plans... dont change your plans for something that is going to make you unhappy... enjoy your road trip...
I wouldn't agree to travel with someone else if i already have my road trip planned... do your own thing!!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 21, 2023 21:23:44 GMT
Ooohh that would drive me nuts. My BFF used to like to drive when we would go on road trips and then she would get on the phone with her DH or one of her kids and talk and talk and talk and TALK endlessly. It drove me crazy because I’d be sitting there bored out of my skull. Meanwhile, we wouldn’t have seen each other in person for months and I would be looking forward to the chance to catch up on the drive, but noooo. She’d rather talk to the people she lived with 24/7. 🙄 Eventually she got somewhat better but it took a long time.
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Post by PenandInk on Apr 21, 2023 21:29:39 GMT
I’ll validate you. I am also an introvert, and like to control the plans and timing. That would be the second level of hell for me. I’ll confess that I have been known to “imply” that my DH is coming with me on a trip only to show up at the meet-up saying he “couldn’t come at the last minute.” All so I could drive in blessed peace without my friend who does not know how to stop talking.
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Post by Lexica on Apr 21, 2023 21:34:02 GMT
You have every right to drive alone as you had planned. So you would rather have what, 8 hours of frustration listening to her (I’m assuming she wants to go up and back with you?) rather than have an honest few minute conversation with her? You are simply saying that particular habit of hers is stress-inducing to you. You are not ending the 30-year friendship. You are not making fun of her in any way. You are just simply stating that there is something she does that sets your teeth on edge. If you don’t tell her you would prefer to drive alone, at least tell her not to put a call on speakerphone when you do travel together. You owe it to the friendship to be honest with her, right?
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,588
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on Apr 21, 2023 21:36:19 GMT
My crafty BFF would take calls on her cell phone or have an active text conversation when we would be on FaceTime together crafting. I get if there's an emergency, but just a regular, what's up conversation? That's just rude. I finally spoke up and said that if she wanted to take phone calls while we are on FT I'd rather just end our call. She apologized and doesn't do it anymore.
Best friend or not, I don't understand why (general) you would continually put up with bad behavior. Use your words. Say something!
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Post by disneypal on Apr 21, 2023 21:36:39 GMT
I hate when people jump on my bandwagon after I’ve figured everything out. Oh my gosh...me too. Sometimes I really enjoy a drive by myself, I like to listen to books and what not and you can't do that if someone else is along. I know you are not really asking advice, but I'm going to give it to you anyway  Since you are good friends with her, maybe before she gets her phone out and starts taking on it, just be honest and say "Marie, would you mind not talking on your phone while we drive? It is a little distracting to me while I drive and I would prefer that you and I chat with each OTHER", since we have a bit of time alone together. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Apr 21, 2023 21:48:07 GMT
The speaker phone situation is a deal breaker for me. Not negotiable. My sensory levels cannot tolerate that in a confined space, for more than a few minutes.
Life is too short, to put have to put up with annoying car poolers -car guests.
I would text and say "my travel plan has changed, so I will no longer be able car pool or accommodate car guests, so sorry! I'll see you there!".
If friend inquires as to what changed. Say "I'm meeting up with someone on the way there and on the way back".
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Post by scrappintoee on Apr 21, 2023 21:58:04 GMT
Since you're close friends, can you just be honest and tell her you are just wanting some solitude, and look forward to the trip alone? If she's a true friend, she already knows you're a borderline introvert, and would completely understand. P.S....You're driving to my hometown tomorrowww!!! Can I drive with ya? I will NOT be on an annoying speaker phone at all  |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Apr 21, 2023 22:09:28 GMT
I'll validate you.
A few years ago I had a trip planned from the UK to Norway for a long weekend to stay with my DH who was working there. I was to drive 120 miles to the airport, then take 2 flights with several hours of wait between them. I was really looking forward to it, then one of DH's colleagues arranged for his wife to go too. She didn't drive, so I was obliged to drive us both 2 1/2 hours to an unfamiliar airport, then spend all the rest of the time with her until we got there. She was nice, but a total stranger who talked all through my navigating, and I can't explain how stressful I found it. I'm an introvert too.
I agree. If you don't want to share your trip, arrange a reason why that doesn't work for you. I hope it all works out well, whatever happens.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 21, 2023 22:10:48 GMT
This is a "rock and hard place" decision. There's no clear *right* answer and there are pros & cons both ways. I get it if you decide to share the trip with her for the sake of the friendship, but I would encourage you to speak up kindly about the long speakerphone conversations. You can couch your comments along the lines of cherishing your time together and then it doesn't come across harshly.
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Apr 21, 2023 22:55:36 GMT
I wouldn’t be thrilled about a change in my plans, especially when I’d been looking forward to making a trip by myself.
I hope it works out better than you’re expecting (that’s happened to me before), but I also hope you can speak up if she does the speakerphone bit. That would make me uncomfortable and annoyed.
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MDscrapaholic
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Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Apr 22, 2023 2:39:46 GMT
Can you put the radio on or something? Maybe use ear buds so you don't hear the speakerphone? At least ask her to put the dang phone up to her ear and listen that way.
I think it's RUDE to talk on the phone when you're in the company of others. Make it a short call!
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 22, 2023 3:05:30 GMT
I think you should be honest with her about the phone conversations. Just say something like, “one of my pet peeves is when I’m in a car or other confined space w/ someone who is talking on the phone. Therefore, can we agree before we go on this trip, that if we have to be on the phone for any reason, we’ll keep the calls very short-no more than a couple of minutes.”
ETA Someone talking on the speakerphone with her brother for two hours while I drove would not be a “small vent” to me. That is a major irritation in my books!
Good Luck with whatever you decide and enjoy your trip!
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 22, 2023 11:21:28 GMT
Don't you have to stop somewhere along the way that would preclude her from accompanying you? Some crucial errand that will be out of the way and very time-consuming? You still have a few hours to come up with one.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 22, 2023 13:23:50 GMT
Simply tell your friend that driving together will not work out this time.
NEVER say sorry, because what do you have to be sorry about?
You don't have to make any other excuse than stating that driving together will simply not work out for you. THE END.
No one needs to hear reasons, because any reason is truly none of their business.
Kindly stated that this will not work for you is enough. Said in a kind tone, and as a statement, not a question is enough.
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Gem Girl
Pearl Clutcher
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Posts: 2,681
Jun 29, 2014 19:29:52 GMT
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Post by Gem Girl on Apr 22, 2023 17:39:12 GMT
Simply tell your friend that driving together will not work out this time. NEVER say sorry, because what do you have to be sorry about? You don't have to make any other excuse than stating that driving together will simply not work out for you. THE END. No one needs to hear reasons, because any reason is truly none of their business. Kindly stated that this will not work for you is enough. Said in a kind tone, and as a statement, not a question is enough. Yes to this. Somebody asking why is just code for "Let me whine and argue to try to change your mind." So, just repeat that it's not going to work out this time. Over and over, if need be. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Apr 22, 2023 17:47:34 GMT
Please beep as you pass exit 11.... I'll wave! Oh, drive alone!! scrappyesq |
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Apr 22, 2023 22:56:41 GMT
It has taken me many years to do so but if something just won’t be a good fit I say something something along the line “it won’t work for me”. I also don’t feel a need to explain myself anymore.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 23, 2023 4:28:45 GMT
That sounds like hell. Also..... a four hour drive for a birthday dinner? I wouldn't even do that for my kids!  But then, I hate driving. |
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 23, 2023 13:17:07 GMT
It's ok to put yourself first. Next time, say no, that won't work for me. There is no need to explain. If she asks why, just say it's personal.
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Rhondito
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MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 23, 2023 16:19:54 GMT
That would send me into an internal bitchy meltdown. I'd possibly be able to contain it, but my face wouldn't and it would definitely ruin my whole trip.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Apr 23, 2023 17:20:04 GMT
Can you put the radio on or something? Maybe use ear buds so you don't hear the speakerphone? At least ask her to put the dang phone up to her ear and listen that way. I think it's RUDE to talk on the phone when you're in the company of others. Make it a short call!I think it is too, I mean, if it's quick, emergency type, that's one thing. The other day I went for a walk with my friend and she got here on the phone, and we were a good 5 min in and she was still on it. This is one of the reasons I don't always want a phone with me. |
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 23, 2023 17:26:04 GMT
I am not an introvert, but I would 100% find a reason to drive alone. Speakerphone drives me crazy. I really don't like it for just short calls either. Just not a fan. Traveling with a bf and her spouse? Also not a fan.
Hope your trip went better than you thought.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,082
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Apr 24, 2023 14:11:21 GMT
scrappyesq... can we get an update on how the weekend trip went??? Im sure it was a fun getaway!!
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Post by scrappintoee on Apr 25, 2023 22:01:13 GMT
What did you end up doing? I HOPE you drove alone and enjoyed peaceful bliss, and a great party for your friend. Also, did you wave at my childhood friends in D.C. for me? (welllll...they're actually all in Northern Virginia, but maybe you drove near there, too). |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,060
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Post by scrappyesq on Apr 28, 2023 13:18:43 GMT
scrappyesq... can we get an update on how the weekend trip went??? Im sure it was a fun getaway!! I am sorry for not updating. The trip was fun. I ended up driving down with my friend and her husband. I’ll fill you all in later. When I left there was a little rumble at work (not involving me) that turned into a tabloid worthy firestorm. I had to take a break from the internets just to get my mind right. But I’m back now. 😎 |
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Post by Lexica on Apr 28, 2023 22:32:51 GMT
scrappyesq ... can we get an update on how the weekend trip went??? Im sure it was a fun getaway!! I am sorry for not updating. The trip was fun. I ended up driving down with my friend and her husband. I’ll fill you all in later. When I left there was a little rumble at work (not involving me) that turned into a tabloid worthy firestorm. I had to take a break from the internets just to get my mind right. But I’m back now. 😎 I, for one, will be watching this space for the details on this firestorm! |
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But then, I hate driving. 
