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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 22:17:37 GMT
So my mother-in-law just passed away. She had been ill quite a while. My husband and I just assumed she had things laid out for my father-in-law. She did not. My husband and sister-in-law are now trying to figure things out. They just found out she had globe life insurance but they cannot log in without knowing what kind of policy she had.
They are trying to find all the bank information. They are trying to get bills switched over. A lot were in her name only It is a mess.
They have no idea if the mortgage had the thing that automatically pays off of one person dies or not. Father-in-law is pretty inadequate and just let mother-in-law handle everything. Nice man. Just worked and let her handle all the other stuff. Now of course it is a nightmare for the remaining family.
Any suggestions or hints on what they can do. This is the first time any of us have had to deal with this, thankfully. I also know my mother and father have everything already all laid out including the funerals paid for. I told my husband we need to make sure we have all our stuff taking care of when he comes home so our children are not left in the same situation he is in. We both know each other's information. If we were to die together that would be a problem.
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Post by peasapie on May 10, 2023 22:35:17 GMT
I have no suggestions but just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and for the chaos left behind.
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Post by monklady123 on May 10, 2023 22:35:24 GMT
The very first thing you'll need are copies of the death certificate. You can't really do anything without that. Then I would suggest that you see if your father-in-law will agree to giving financial and medical power of attorney to your dh or another sibling. That way you'll be able to do all the bank/insurance/whatever stuff as the POA.
It really is difficult when nothing is done ahead of time. I am always grateful to my dad who had a point-by-point list of everything.
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Post by Restless Spirit on May 10, 2023 23:03:35 GMT
My elderly in-laws died 9 months apart. My father-in-law had contracted West Nile several years before and had serious brain damaged. My MIL handled everything after that and after over 60:years of FIL handling everything she was a clueless mess. She died first. Then he died. Everything was a mess. A huge mess.
While you’re waiting for the death certificates (get a lot!), start digging through every bit of paperwork you can find. Someplace in that home, are the papers that you will need. Find your in-laws banking information. All bank statements and checking account information. If there’s been payments made or deposits made, etc. it’ll help your track down possible payments to insurance companies. There’s always a paper trail, you just have to find it. Life insurance companies usually issue paper policies. Whoever is the executor of the estate will be able to make phone calls to the insurance companies and ask questions. You may have to send certified copies of the death certificate and notarized copies of your executor papers before they will talk to you. It will be frustrating and time consuming, but it can be done. It took my DH, as the executor, months and months to track everything down. Work closely with an estate attorney. Sometimes as a law office, they can get insurance companies to talk to them, if anyone is giving you a hard time. Trust me, it’s worth the cost.
if her husband cannot, or does not want to be the executor of the estate, the probate court will assign someone else. All he has to do is sign some papers saying he is declining the executorship.
Good luck!
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 10, 2023 23:04:37 GMT
Sorry for your loss..
Death certificate first. POA won't do now. Is there a will naming an executor? That is the person to take over if her DH cannot.
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 23:13:23 GMT
Thanks everyone. They met with the funeral home today. My husband said he ordered extra copies of the death certificates. I'm not quite sure how many that is. When he gets home I will talk to him about talking to his father and making sure that there's some executor of the estate. There are several siblings but one of them needs to be in charge when something happens to the dad. I would assume it would either be my husband as the eldest or the one sister that is there now helping him handle everything. She is extremely organized and efficient.
My husband is paying for things now until we figure out what is going on with the finances. My father-in-law has no idea how much money is in any bank account. Or how to access anything.
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snyder
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Posts: 4,322 
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on May 10, 2023 23:18:08 GMT
Sorry for your family's loss. {{{{Hugs}}}} Most all places take copies of death certificates now, so don't need to go overboard with copies. 10 will probably be too many, but a "usual" amount requested. They usually are cheaper at time of death than having to order more later. I wasn't quite clear if your FiL was still living? Did she not have a will? If not, you will need to go to probate in your county court and file. They will assign and executor, which will be the main person tacking the challenges ahead. Even if they didn' thave mortgage auto deducted, they are not going to reposses a home in a month, so you have time to get that one figured out. I think getting access to her bank info will help tell you a lot. What types of things are getting paid from the income. If FiL is still living, still get a POA for him, as he's not in a capacity to take care of these things based on what you said about him just letting her take care of things. Good Luck, take deep breaths, makes lists and check one thing off at a time. But first certificates and POA.
ETA: You posted while I was typing.
Since FiL is alive, you do not need an executor as he is actually the executor since he is her husband unless there is a will and it states differently.
A POA so you can take actions on his behalf to get things straightened out.
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Post by littlemama on May 10, 2023 23:27:34 GMT
When FIL passed away, we were clueless. We literally just waited for the mail to come so we could figure out what needed to be done. Places I called were incredibly helpful. We ordered 12 copies of the death cert and I dont think I needed to send an original to anyone. It wad less expensive to order them all at once than it would have been to go back and order later.
Correction, I think I did have to send an original in order to apply for his military death benefit and to prove that his death was relates to Agent Orange.
You dont have to do everything immediately. With your FIL still living, a lot of this will be switching things into his name and setting up autopay if it isnt already.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,708
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on May 10, 2023 23:42:58 GMT
When FIL passed away, we were clueless. We literally just waited for the mail to come so we could figure out what needed to be done. This is what worries me about paperless bills. |
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 23:46:52 GMT
Sorry for your family's loss. {{{{Hugs}}}} Most all places take copies of death certificates now, so don't need to go overboard with copies. 10 will probably be too many, but a "usual" amount requested. They usually are cheaper at time of death than having to order more later. I wasn't quite clear if your FiL was still living? Did she not have a will? If not, you will need to go to probate in your county court and file. They will assign and executor, which will be the main person tacking the challenges ahead. Even if they didn' thave mortgage auto deducted, they are not going to reposses a home in a month, so you have time to get that one figured out. I think getting access to her bank info will help tell you a lot. What types of things are getting paid from the income. If FiL is still living, still get a POA for him, as he's not in a capacity to take care of these things based on what you said about him just letting her take care of things. Good Luck, take deep breaths, makes lists and check one thing off at a time. But first certificates and POA.
ETA: You posted while I was typing.
Since FiL is alive, you do not need an executor as he is actually the executor since he is her husband unless there is a will and it states differently.
A POA so you can take actions on his behalf to get things straightened out.
I was talking about executor for if something happens to FIL. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. No apparently no will even though she was ill and this was the inevitable outcome. |
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 23:49:20 GMT
Sorry for your family's loss. {{{{Hugs}}}} Most all places take copies of death certificates now, so don't need to go overboard with copies. 10 will probably be too many, but a "usual" amount requested. They usually are cheaper at time of death than having to order more later. I wasn't quite clear if your FiL was still living? Did she not have a will? If not, you will need to go to probate in your county court and file. They will assign and executor, which will be the main person tacking the challenges ahead. Even if they didn' thave mortgage auto deducted, they are not going to reposses a home in a month, so you have time to get that one figured out. I think getting access to her bank info will help tell you a lot. What types of things are getting paid from the income. If FiL is still living, still get a POA for him, as he's not in a capacity to take care of these things based on what you said about him just letting her take care of things. Good Luck, take deep breaths, makes lists and check one thing off at a time. But first certificates and POA.
ETA: You posted while I was typing.
Since FiL is alive, you do not need an executor as he is actually the executor since he is her husband unless there is a will and it states differently.
A POA so you can take actions on his behalf to get things straightened out.
I also meant I don't know if they had the thing on your insurance that if one person dies the mortgage is automatically paid off. I am hoping they did but I kind of doubt it. Mother-in-law didn't have any income that won't make a difference but it would just be nice not for my father-in-law to worry about that the rest of his life. |
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 10, 2023 23:53:34 GMT
When FIL passed away, we were clueless. We literally just waited for the mail to come so we could figure out what needed to be done. Places I called were incredibly helpful. We ordered 12 copies of the death cert and I dont think I needed to send an original to anyone. It wad less expensive to order them all at once than it would have been to go back and order later. Correction, I think I did have to send an original in order to apply for his military death benefit and to prove that his death was relates to Agent Orange. You dont have to do everything immediately. With your FIL still living, a lot of this will be switching things into his name and setting up autopay if it isnt already. I agree. I know they don't have to do everything immediately but my father-in-law lives very far away. He is isolated where he lives. None of the kids are within 6 driving hours of him. No major airport nearby. Driving is the quickest way to get there. He is so helpless. They are trying to get things taken care of as much as possible now just in case something does happen to my father-in-law and because it will be harder to deal with from far away. To be clear, father-in-law is mentally competent. Could take care of himself. Just chose not to. That was just the way the relationship was. He worked. She stayed home and took care of everything. I think because she couldn't work due to her health that made her feel like she was contributing. Most of this will fall on my husband in one sister-in-law so trying to get things taken care of before they come home since it is such a long ways away. And it's hard when you were working to deal with this stuff. |
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Post by calgaryscrapper on May 11, 2023 2:22:39 GMT
{{{hugs}}} It has been our experience that the cost of an obituary for the newspaper is more reasonable if you go through the funeral home. Some people put a small one in the newspaper and a larger one online through the funeral home. Savings can be had by having a service and internment on a weekday instead of a weekend. Check the pink slip insurance card in the cars to see whose names they are registered in. Check banking statements etc to get an idea of what is happening. Funeral home might be able to wait a little while for payment.
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Post by KiwiJo on May 11, 2023 3:00:35 GMT
Situations like this are so hard, aren’t they.
Nothing much I can contribute to helping you right now, because I’m in another country and our systems and processes are probably different. But I do want to comment on having things set up and organised for our own affairs…. We have put together a folder with all relevant information about DH and I, our various accounts, memberships etc. - Every utility and service that we use, such as power, water, phones etc. - Our bank account numbers; not our login details because it is against the banks’ terms of service to write our passwords down anywhere, but being able to give a lawyer and bank all our account numbers will suffice in the future. - Details or all automatic payments and direct debits. - Details about loans we have made to our adult children - Details of major things we own - house, cars etc - informations about all our insurance policies. - Who holds our Health/Well-being and our Property powers of attornies. - Every club and group we belong to. - Our lawyer’s contact details, along with a note that he holds our Wills and various other important documents. - Our account numbers at various governmental agencies and departments. - The names and contact details of our immediate families. - The names and contact details of who should be notified of our deaths, or serious illnesses. - etc, etc, etc Our adult children know where we keep this information, and we go through it every new year to update where necessary. It did take a while to set it all up but it’s worth it for peace of mind, knowing that everything will be made easier all round, when such information is required in the future. |
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Post by scrapmaven on May 11, 2023 3:02:29 GMT
I'm very sorry about the loss of your mil. You've already been given great advice. Get those death certificates, because that is the gateway to getting stuff resolved. Any chance there is a safe deposit box? She might have docs in there. I'm so sorry that she left things so complicated for everyone. My thoughts for peace are w/your family.
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Post by ntsf on May 11, 2023 4:01:44 GMT
one thing I did while my father was alive (and competent) but couldn't hear.. is I would call all these companies, like insurance, and utilities and go through the phone tree till I got to a real person and then have my dad say over the speaker phone that "I authorize my daughter to handle all matters for me" and then see if I could be added as an authorized person on the account. we also went to the bank and got my name added to all his accounts. I created new passwords, etc.. and kept a running list.I think realistically, you will need to maybe get fil to move near someone. it only gets harder.
even though my dad worked off and on for 10 yrs on a list of everything, my brother the executor still found stuff unknown months after my dad's death.
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 11, 2023 4:22:55 GMT
{{{hugs}}} It has been our experience that the cost of an obituary for the newspaper is more reasonable if you go through the funeral home. Some people put a small one in the newspaper and a larger one online through the funeral home. Savings can be had by having a service and internment on a weekday instead of a weekend. Check the pink slip insurance card in the cars to see whose names they are registered in. Check banking statements etc to get an idea of what is happening. Funeral home might be able to wait a little while for payment. There will not be a service. That is one thing they knew she did not want. She said they were ghoulish. She was very clear if she wanted to be cremated and that was it. husband just called. They are going through bang stuff as much as they can right now. He said she had to have had another account because of money coming in is less than what was going out each month. obviously, this is going to be a mess but hopefully the life insurance policy was paid up and will help. Also really hope they had the mortgage pay off thing. Their mortgage is higher than ours. I don’t know how they could afford it. if they didn’t have the mortgage thing in, there is in fact, not a good life insurance policy I don’t know how father-in-law will be able to move. Housing is outrageous where we live same with good daughter-in-law. Other kids areas might be cheaper but I also don’t know how involved they would be making sure things were going OK. It would also mean if he moved to them he would be about 10 or 12 hours away from us. I appreciate all your input, passing it onto my husband as best as I can. |
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
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Post by tanya2 on May 11, 2023 4:48:38 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss
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Post by 16joy on May 11, 2023 6:05:58 GMT
Their income tax Form should be able to give you some insight to their financial accounts. If she had an IRA, you can present the death certificate and get the new account set up for the beneficiary...no will necessary.
you could also check her computer,tablet,phone to see the Financial urls she visited. She may very well had the login/pw saved on the device and you can click on that to get in.
if any accounts are POD, present the DC and that POD person can claim the account.
i would ask any bank she dealt with if she had anything else with them.
i would definitely get FIL, to make a will soon.
your county will know who holds the mortgage. The mortgage knows who the homeowners is if they escrow.
take her off the car insurance if she’s not the sole policy holder
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Post by littlemama on May 11, 2023 10:10:38 GMT
When FIL passed away, we were clueless. We literally just waited for the mail to come so we could figure out what needed to be done. This is what worries me about paperless bills. True, but chances are if the bills are paperless, they are also autopaid. Once you know what they are, you can probably get into the online accounts using the Forgot Password button |
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Post by christine58 on May 11, 2023 10:12:20 GMT
Just an FYI. When my dad died, we changed nothing that was in his name. The utility companies don’t care whose name is on the bill as long as it’s being paid. Many of them charge an outrageous fee to change a name. That’s the least of your worries right now. He passed away three years ago and the water bill, gas bill, electric bill, are still all in his name and they are paid by my mom.
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Post by bratkar on May 11, 2023 10:54:23 GMT
When FIL passed away, we were clueless. We literally just waited for the mail to come so we could figure out what needed to be done. This is what worries me about paperless bills. And paperless accounts none of our financial accounts have any paper at all. I have made a list out of all our accounts, investments, savings, bills etc. We keep that list in 4 places, two in the home and two elsewhere. |
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Deleted
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Nov 2, 2024 0:24:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2023 11:59:07 GMT
I’m sorry for your family’s loss and also the mess now to deal with
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Post by 16joy on May 11, 2023 12:29:07 GMT
Also, check her email for when paperless statements Or bills cycle.
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iowgirl
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Posts: 4,295
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Post by iowgirl on May 11, 2023 13:33:13 GMT
This sounds like a difficult situation to deal with. It also sounds like your DH and his sister get along? That is so helpful!
I started a small notebook with all my passwords and other info that might be needed if something happens to me or DH. I have even assigned someone to deal with my Facebook page!
One of our kids is a partner with us in our farm/ranch operation now, so we have them added to the bank accounts that are used in the operation. This way, if something happens to one or both of us, or if we are incapacitated, they can seamlessly continue on. Our other kids are aware of that, so there will be no issues with it, if it is needed.
I have also clearly stated how I want things handled with me, if I passed away. I can not get DH to commit to anything. I want to be cremated, with no service. Maybe a small wake, if the kids want it, but nothing else. DH just won't even answer when I ask what he wants.
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Post by smasonnc on May 11, 2023 15:35:41 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss and the chaos this has caused. There was plenty of time to get things in order.
When FIL passed away after a lengthy hospital stay, nothing was done. 9 months to think about arrangements and MIL has done zero. "I wasn't ready to lose him." 🤦🏻♀️ Hadn't thought about a burial plot, what if he had come home and needed accessibility? Nothing. Left it all to DH, the guy with a job and 4 kids, and his dumbass brother. He had a weekend to shop for a burial plot and make all the arrangements. She also had not cashed in any CDs to pay for anything and didn't like to pay by credit card so we had to lay out the money. Completely selfish and foolish as always.
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Rhondito
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MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on May 11, 2023 15:40:01 GMT
Can your FIL call the mortgage company and ask if there is death coverage on their loan? Seems to me that would be the quickest way to end the wondering and worrying.
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