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Post by peasapie on May 13, 2023 10:17:37 GMT
No way. See mom another day.
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Post by Layce on May 13, 2023 11:12:31 GMT
Aw, I’m sorry Busy. I think you’ve got enough reason to call and cancel, try to catch up with them later in the week. Keep excuses to a minimum and you do you.
Happy Mother’s Day 😊
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Post by supersoda on May 13, 2023 11:43:18 GMT
No. That sounds exhausting.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 13, 2023 12:16:31 GMT
You’ve probably already made your decision at this point, but I would not go. I’d rather spend a more relaxed day with my own child and do something with your mother at another time that makes more sense.
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Post by maryland on May 13, 2023 13:57:39 GMT
I wouldn't go. You have been so busy, you need time to relax for your birthday and Mother's Day. Enjoy your day with your son!
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Post by FuzzyMutt on May 13, 2023 17:02:13 GMT
If I wanted to go, I'd go. If I didn't, you have a litany of valid reasons.
But, as a spin off of the women/men/leisure thread (in my mind.....) doing laundry and packing has never been a line item on my to do list. I literally throw the laundry in the washer on my way to pee, and put it in the dryer on my way to refill my water. You just came back from a trip, for me, unless the destinations were work in Houston and leisure in winter Alaska, a decent amount of the "laundry" is likely going on the next trip. Put it back in the bag. Packing and laundry done with about an hour of time spent, max, that you're going to spend anyway.
But that's just me. I do things as I go around the house (just emptied the dishwasher while my tea water was heating.) And, I live far from family, so the idea of spending a holiday like Mother's Day with my mom and sibling is something I literally will travel for. I'm a Mother, too, but I have never been the kind of person that makes a fuss about it (or my birthday, or whether someone gets me a gift.)
Either way, I hope your weekend is great!
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on May 13, 2023 17:20:57 GMT
I don’t respond well to “demand” or “expected” performances so I would have been out even before the inconvenience factor of the weekend.
These questions are a bit tricky IMO to ask of a group, though, with all different dynamics with families. Some people would go because that’s better to them than facing the fallout that occurs if not going. So I guess it depends what matters more to you and what type of relationship you are wanting to keep up. I don’t care about keeping up relationships with that type of person (no matter the relative) so it’s easy for *me* to say no.
I hope you have a relaxing, joyful weekend.
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Post by beaglemom on May 13, 2023 17:28:36 GMT
I absolutely wouldn't go. I have been lucky that my own mom hasn't been possessive over mother's day and has always deferred to our plans. My mil on the other hand is the opposite. It is always all about her. I was reading a post the other day about how mother's day should be about the actual mothers with kids around. The "retired" mothers should allow those moms to have their day and allow for celebrations of themselves on another day. I always make sure to celebrate my mom and do something special with her, but on actual mother's day it is nice when I get to have a day with my family instead of running around and planning something for everyone else - since that is what most of my daily life is.
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Post by peace on May 13, 2023 19:04:02 GMT
nope. Wouldn't go. Ive been reading a lot about boundaries lately and that wouldn't fly with me. My mom is gone but my partner's mom can be "much". Our happiness and comfort levels are just as important as theirs. You have WAY too much on your plate. AND it's YOUR mother's day, too.
(my partner and his mom have birthdays that occasionally fall on mother's day and this year it's his birthday so I gave up celebrating anything between that and his mom. Next few years neither one will fall on the day so I will shift things)
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Post by scrapmaven on May 13, 2023 19:51:34 GMT
I have two lines of thought: One is that Mother's Day is a Hallmark holiday! Two is that it's all about my mother and mother-in-law both of whom aren't here. While I do want my sons to acknowledge the day, because I am their mother I also don't need a ticker tape parade. This year we're all grieving my mil and it's never been the same since my own mother passed away. If work is just too much and you need a day to breathe unpack and repack then send a nice boquet of flowers or her favorite edible treat w/a pretty card and then call her to wish her a happy day.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,666
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
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Post by StephDRebel on May 13, 2023 20:27:59 GMT
Nope, and I wouldn't carry any guilt at all. I hate having the whole weekend full and a bust week coming up.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on May 13, 2023 20:32:27 GMT
I absolutely wouldn't go. I have been lucky that my own mom hasn't been possessive over mother's day and has always deferred to our plans. My mil on the other hand is the opposite. It is always all about her. I was reading a post the other day about how mother's day should be about the actual mothers with kids around. The "retired" mothers should allow those moms to have their day and allow for celebrations of themselves on another day. I always make sure to celebrate my mom and do something special with her, but on actual mother's day it is nice when I get to have a day with my family instead of running around and planning something for everyone else - since that is what most of my daily life is. I totally gasped when I read the bolded.... My kids are young adults now, and I still have one at home. I'm still Mom everyday. Both of my kids and I talk nearly every day. Sometimes, it's "mothering" sometimes it's just a check in and conversation. My mother doesn't get that. My honorary mother in law doesn't get that. Also, neither of them have a job to go to, or much in the way of household responsibilities to keep them busy. Why should even their motherhood be put on the back burner, just because they aren't super busy every other day of the year "mothering." I think those "retired" Mother's deserve the day just as much, if not more. Some of my boyfriends clients go months without seeing their children and hold their breath til Mother's Day, when they may get some interaction. I just totally disagree with that post.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on May 13, 2023 21:22:43 GMT
I absolutely wouldn't go. I have been lucky that my own mom hasn't been possessive over mother's day and has always deferred to our plans. My mil on the other hand is the opposite. It is always all about her. I was reading a post the other day about how mother's day should be about the actual mothers with kids around. The "retired" mothers should allow those moms to have their day and allow for celebrations of themselves on another day. I always make sure to celebrate my mom and do something special with her, but on actual mother's day it is nice when I get to have a day with my family instead of running around and planning something for everyone else - since that is what most of my daily life is. I totally gasped when I read the bolded.... My kids are young adults now, and I still have one at home. I'm still Mom everyday. Both of my kids and I talk nearly every day. Sometimes, it's "mothering" sometimes it's just a check in and conversation. My mother doesn't get that. My honorary mother in law doesn't get that. Also, neither of them have a job to go to, or much in the way of household responsibilities to keep them busy. Why should even their motherhood be put on the back burner, just because they aren't super busy every other day of the year "mothering." I think those "retired" Mother's deserve the day just as much, if not more. Some of my boyfriends clients go months without seeing their children and hold their breath til Mother's Day, when they may get some interaction. I just totally disagree with that post. Same. There are no retired mothers. You are a mom even when your kids are older or on their own. No matter if you are 20 or 40 and 89. You are a mother.
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Post by mikklynn on May 13, 2023 23:52:01 GMT
Heck no. Spend the day with your son.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 14, 2023 0:50:30 GMT
I wouldn’t go and I’d blame it on the unplanned changes in your flights that have you getting in much later than you expected. I’m so glad that my mom was an understanding sort who wouldn’t do the whole passive aggressive thing.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,466
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 14, 2023 3:12:34 GMT
Spend the day with your son. See your mom another day. If I was ordered to go, I’d immediately be “sick” and not able to make it.
This year we have had a crap month leading up to Mothers Day. My DD (11) sprained her ankle badly falling off the balance beam at gymnastics on 4/14. Just as she was recovering and back on her feet kinda, on 4/29, she spiked a 103 fever for 5 days and ended up with pneumonia that was thankfully treated with z-pack. As she was feeling better with that, DS (7) spiked a 103 fever on 5/6. He had a double ear infection and strep. We are also in the middle of moving competition gymnastics gyms because our gym is no longer offering Xcel. My dd missed the weeks when everyone else went to the new gym and started this week. She cried the full hour drive home on Tuesday, had to be bribed with Starbucks to go back Thursday, did not go today and now we are looking at working out at the old gym in a lower level class to get her skills back. We’ve been walking miles daily to get her ankle better. My DH is a SAHD and has taken on the sick kids and all the medicines they need. Normally we go to my sisters house 90 min away and my parents come there and we all hang out. This year, we are all exhausted mentally and physically. My mom said we can celebrate another weekend probably in the summer. I’m 100% ok with that.
What did you decide?
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,022
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on May 14, 2023 4:53:28 GMT
I agree If your presence was that important to them, they would have consulted with you in advance.
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Post by littlemama on May 14, 2023 11:50:03 GMT
I absolutely wouldn't go. I have been lucky that my own mom hasn't been possessive over mother's day and has always deferred to our plans. My mil on the other hand is the opposite. It is always all about her. I was reading a post the other day about how mother's day should be about the actual mothers with kids around. The "retired" mothers should allow those moms to have their day and allow for celebrations of themselves on another day. I always make sure to celebrate my mom and do something special with her, but on actual mother's day it is nice when I get to have a day with my family instead of running around and planning something for everyone else - since that is what most of my daily life is. I totally gasped when I read the bolded.... My kids are young adults now, and I still have one at home. I'm still Mom everyday. Both of my kids and I talk nearly every day. Sometimes, it's "mothering" sometimes it's just a check in and conversation. My mother doesn't get that. My honorary mother in law doesn't get that. Also, neither of them have a job to go to, or much in the way of household responsibilities to keep them busy. Why should even their motherhood be put on the back burner, just because they aren't super busy every other day of the year "mothering." I think those "retired" Mother's deserve the day just as much, if not more. Some of my boyfriends clients go months without seeing their children and hold their breath til Mother's Day, when they may get some interaction. I just totally disagree with that post. So, basically you are saying thay we have to wait for our mothers and mothers-in-law to die before we can do what we would like to do to celebrate Mothers Day.
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 14, 2023 12:28:07 GMT
I absolutely wouldn't go. I have been lucky that my own mom hasn't been possessive over mother's day and has always deferred to our plans. My mil on the other hand is the opposite. It is always all about her. I was reading a post the other day about how mother's day should be about the actual mothers with kids around. The "retired" mothers should allow those moms to have their day and allow for celebrations of themselves on another day. I always make sure to celebrate my mom and do something special with her, but on actual mother's day it is nice when I get to have a day with my family instead of running around and planning something for everyone else - since that is what most of my daily life is. I totally gasped when I read the bolded.... My kids are young adults now, and I still have one at home. I'm still Mom everyday. Both of my kids and I talk nearly every day. Sometimes, it's "mothering" sometimes it's just a check in and conversation. My mother doesn't get that. My honorary mother in law doesn't get that. Also, neither of them have a job to go to, or much in the way of household responsibilities to keep them busy. Why should even their motherhood be put on the back burner, just because they aren't super busy every other day of the year "mothering." I think those "retired" Mother's deserve the day just as much, if not more. Some of my boyfriends clients go months without seeing their children and hold their breath til Mother's Day, when they may get some interaction. I just totally disagree with that post. I think you lay out here two conflicting thoughts. One is that you are involved every day with your children (and this is your choice) so that an actual mother's day isn't important to you but that for the empty nest mother's it is more of an important day because they aren't involved (presumably by choice) in their children's lives. And I guess I would say why aren't they choosing to be involved in their children's lives on the regular? Or maybe their children aren't choosing them and I have to wonder why? It seems to me that if we are both giving and getting in a relationship, there is balance. But it takes effort. Young mothers are putting in a whole lot of effort on the daily. Older mothers in your scenario need to question the level of effort they are putting in with their kids and whether they themselves created a culture where that one particular day has such significance that every other day is not nearly as important. It seems to me that when we focus on a particular day as the day we get recognized for our efforts, we are missing the bigger picture. I am a mother every single day. I might not be with my children every single day, but I am involved enough with Chloe's adult life that I know she loves and appreciates me. I don't even need a card because she expresses just how much she cares for me. But I express that to her as well. I was sitting here this morning talking to my child who has passed and one of the things I reflected on is that I knew deep in my heart just how much I meant to her. I felt it. She is no longer here to buy me cards or take me to dinner and still, the love is there. Young or old, there should be no winners or losers on a holiday. And I feel like these relationships are something that should have been built years ago and continued to be maintained to the point where the day doesn't matter and a gift doesn't matter because you already know in your heart that you are/were loved. And if that's not the case, what do you say to a mother that lost a child? That gifts/time/a day is so important that negates all the love that transpired between two people for years? I posit it isn't about a particular day. It isn't about young or old. It's is about generational love that can't be measured by the size of a flower bouquet.
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Post by busy on May 14, 2023 15:06:14 GMT
Welp, we'd decided to go and then I got a migraine at about 4 AM, so did not go after all.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on May 14, 2023 15:08:18 GMT
Welp, we'd decided to go and then I got a migraine at about 4 AM, so did not go after all. Sorry you have a migraine. Those suck.
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Post by jeremysgirl on May 14, 2023 15:36:56 GMT
Aww... busy I could have seen you making either choice, but I did not see the migraine coming. Hope it passes quickly.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,466
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 14, 2023 17:44:34 GMT
Welp, we'd decided to go and then I got a migraine at about 4 AM, so did not go after all. I’m sorry you have a migraine. Hopefully your whole day won’t be a wash.
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Post by Scrapper100 on May 14, 2023 17:53:04 GMT
Sorry that you have a migraine and hope it goes away soon and you can enjoy a bit of your day.
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Post by MichyM on May 14, 2023 18:17:09 GMT
As a 45++ year migraine sufferer, I am so sorry you have one today, and that you missed seeing your mom. Hope you can rest and relax today and feel better for your travel tomorrow.
Happy Mother's Day to you all!
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Post by ~summer~ on May 14, 2023 18:20:07 GMT
Welp, we'd decided to go and then I got a migraine at about 4 AM, so did not go after all. sorry about the migraine (I get them too) I might have missed it - what are you doing for your 50th? I turn 50 later this year…
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Post by busy on May 14, 2023 20:27:12 GMT
Welp, we'd decided to go and then I got a migraine at about 4 AM, so did not go after all. sorry about the migraine (I get them too) I might have missed it - what are you doing for your 50th? I turn 50 later this year… A few things vs one big thing. DH and I spent a weekend at the beach (and stayed in a good hotel rather than my in-laws' beach house) and had a nice dinner with a group of friends from our time living there. My BFF and I spent a long weekend at The Allison in Oregon wine country last month, as a joint celebration of both of our birthdays. Lots of great foods, wine tastings, spa services, and talking all night like we did at high school sleepovers. Got some local friends together for a super casual and super fun evening of a private curling class and dinner/drinks. I was at my annual work offsite on my actual birthday, so didn't have anything planned, and then someone - still not sure who - rallied a group of about 60 to go out to a fun dive bar in Santa Fe. A bunch of people sang me ridiculous songs with the bar's band. We'd been at a semi-formal all-company dinner beforehand, so we were all dressed up and it was completely nuts but turned out to be soooooo much fun. And then yesterday, DS planned the sweetest day for me. It got shortened a bit because of my flight change, but it was lovely. He put together a "tour" of some of my favorite local places/things to do and we just spent the day together doing that. It was incredibly thoughtful and just perfect.
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Post by KikiPea on May 14, 2023 21:12:09 GMT
sorry about the migraine (I get them too) I might have missed it - what are you doing for your 50th? I turn 50 later this year… A few things vs one big thing. DH and I spent a weekend at the beach (and stayed in a good hotel rather than my in-laws' beach house) and had a nice dinner with a group of friends from our time living there. My BFF and I spent a long weekend at The Allison in Oregon wine country last month, as a joint celebration of both of our birthdays. Lots of great foods, wine tastings, spa services, and talking all night like we did at high school sleepovers. Got some local friends together for a super casual and super fun evening of a private curling class and dinner/drinks. I was at my annual work offsite on my actual birthday, so didn't have anything planned, and then someone - still not sure who - rallied a group of about 60 to go out to a fun dive bar in Santa Fe. A bunch of people sang me ridiculous songs with the bar's band. We'd been at a semi-formal all-company dinner beforehand, so we were all dressed up and it was completely nuts but turned out to be soooooo much fun. And then yesterday, DS planned the sweetest day for me. It got shortened a bit because of my flight change, but it was lovely. He put together a "tour" of some of my favorite local places/things to do and we just spent the day together doing that. It was incredibly thoughtful and just perfect. Wow, sounds like a wonderful time of celebration! Happy 50th! Mine is next month, and DH is surprising me with a beach trip. Not sure where we’re going, but I’m to take all my new beach dresses, bday dress and swimsuit! 🥰
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nursema
Full Member
Posts: 352
Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
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Post by nursema on May 15, 2023 6:31:22 GMT
Happy 50th, busy! I hope it was a great one and that your head is feeling better very soon.
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Post by Bridget in MD on May 15, 2023 11:49:22 GMT
I totally gasped when I read the bolded.... My kids are young adults now, and I still have one at home. I'm still Mom everyday. Both of my kids and I talk nearly every day. Sometimes, it's "mothering" sometimes it's just a check in and conversation. My mother doesn't get that. My honorary mother in law doesn't get that. Also, neither of them have a job to go to, or much in the way of household responsibilities to keep them busy. Why should even their motherhood be put on the back burner, just because they aren't super busy every other day of the year "mothering." I think those "retired" Mother's deserve the day just as much, if not more. Some of my boyfriends clients go months without seeing their children and hold their breath til Mother's Day, when they may get some interaction. I just totally disagree with that post. Same. There are no retired mothers. You are a mom even when your kids are older or on their own. No matter if you are 20 or 40 and 89. You are a mother. Heck, you are mom even if your child is not here anymore.
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