Post by krazykatlady on Dec 11, 2014 23:21:16 GMT
I almost posted about this a couple of weeks ago but never got around to it. Reading the thread about "the chair" inspired me to post. I'll try to make it short.
My parents married in 1946 and one of the first pieces of furniture they bought was a kitchen table and chairs. Our family ate off this table for decades. Our family home did not have a formal dining room, just an area at the end of the kitchen (today it would probably be called a breakfast nook) and the set was not real expensive. In the mid-70's my parents bought a new set and my sister, newly married, took the table and her husband refinished it. They used the table for another 20 years, living in two different houses where they used it in their breakfast area and had more formal furniture in their dining room.
My mother, now a widow, moved into a retirement home and not long after my sister and her husband moved into a new home. This was in the mid 80's. Mom now needs a kitchen table and sister does not, so Mom gets the table back.
It's now 2014, my mother is 87 years old and still lives alone. Right after Thanksgiving my sister calls and tells her (key word "tells" not asks) that her husband is making a kitchenette in their basement and she wants the table back. Mother calls me in tears because she is losing her kitchen table.
I know it's only a table. But there is sentimental value to Mother and frankly, why at 87 years old, should she have to fork out money to buy a new table? I should also mention that we've seen a steady decline in my mother's health - mental and physical this past year. Changes like this really throw her for a loop, thus the tears and wringing of hands.
My sister lives 1000 miles away and really has no idea what Mother's state is because she only sees her once a year. She thinks she is entitled to the table because a. her husband "put so much work into it" forty frickin' years ago and b. my sister has MS and says she might not outlive our mother and she doesn't want to wait to inherit the table because she might not live that long. She plans on getting the table at Christmas time.
I also want to add that a couple of years ago my sister decided that she was mentally abused by our mother when she was growing up. Of course my brother (the oldest) and I (the youngest) don't have a clue what she is talking about but she now has our mother convinced that she abused her and she needs to make amends. There's really way too much history to go into her but lets just say that my sister has always been difficult and her own health issues has caused her to go off the rails. Let's just say the word "narcissist" in the dictionary has a picture of her next to the definition.
Anyway, I'm livid about the whole situation but Mother won't let me talk to my sister about it. My brother is equally angry but thinks we should keep the peace by letting my sister take the table and he will buy Mother a new one for Christmas. I don't think he understands that she doesn't want a new one and is only saying she will accept it in order to keep my sister appeased.
I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for their visit down here next weekend. To be honest I'm just done with my sister and have no desire to even see her. I know that after she leaves and takes the damn table with her I will be left dealing with our mother and picking up the pieces.
Except.... we just got a call that sister won't be able to come for Christmas after all. She's come down with shingles and the doctor won't let her come. Damn, karma's a bitch! My niece and sister-n-law said it was all my fault because I had said in the heat of the moment I wish they wouldn't get to come (they were kidding me, we're all equally angry, I'm just the only one being vocal about it). Niece even said, "well at least now we don't have to worry about the table ruining Christmas"
Unfortunately I know that sister isn't going to let this go and will eventually come to take the table. My question is (aren't you glad I'm finally getting to the point?) do I listen to my mother and brother and keep my mouth shut, appeasing my sister. Or do I stand up and advocate for Mother because I know she is really heartbroken about it? And for what it's worth I think my mother is more heartbroken over the fact that her own daughter is treating her so poorly.
Argh! What is it about people and furniture right now?
My parents married in 1946 and one of the first pieces of furniture they bought was a kitchen table and chairs. Our family ate off this table for decades. Our family home did not have a formal dining room, just an area at the end of the kitchen (today it would probably be called a breakfast nook) and the set was not real expensive. In the mid-70's my parents bought a new set and my sister, newly married, took the table and her husband refinished it. They used the table for another 20 years, living in two different houses where they used it in their breakfast area and had more formal furniture in their dining room.
My mother, now a widow, moved into a retirement home and not long after my sister and her husband moved into a new home. This was in the mid 80's. Mom now needs a kitchen table and sister does not, so Mom gets the table back.
It's now 2014, my mother is 87 years old and still lives alone. Right after Thanksgiving my sister calls and tells her (key word "tells" not asks) that her husband is making a kitchenette in their basement and she wants the table back. Mother calls me in tears because she is losing her kitchen table.
I know it's only a table. But there is sentimental value to Mother and frankly, why at 87 years old, should she have to fork out money to buy a new table? I should also mention that we've seen a steady decline in my mother's health - mental and physical this past year. Changes like this really throw her for a loop, thus the tears and wringing of hands.
My sister lives 1000 miles away and really has no idea what Mother's state is because she only sees her once a year. She thinks she is entitled to the table because a. her husband "put so much work into it" forty frickin' years ago and b. my sister has MS and says she might not outlive our mother and she doesn't want to wait to inherit the table because she might not live that long. She plans on getting the table at Christmas time.
I also want to add that a couple of years ago my sister decided that she was mentally abused by our mother when she was growing up. Of course my brother (the oldest) and I (the youngest) don't have a clue what she is talking about but she now has our mother convinced that she abused her and she needs to make amends. There's really way too much history to go into her but lets just say that my sister has always been difficult and her own health issues has caused her to go off the rails. Let's just say the word "narcissist" in the dictionary has a picture of her next to the definition.
Anyway, I'm livid about the whole situation but Mother won't let me talk to my sister about it. My brother is equally angry but thinks we should keep the peace by letting my sister take the table and he will buy Mother a new one for Christmas. I don't think he understands that she doesn't want a new one and is only saying she will accept it in order to keep my sister appeased.
I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for their visit down here next weekend. To be honest I'm just done with my sister and have no desire to even see her. I know that after she leaves and takes the damn table with her I will be left dealing with our mother and picking up the pieces.
Except.... we just got a call that sister won't be able to come for Christmas after all. She's come down with shingles and the doctor won't let her come. Damn, karma's a bitch! My niece and sister-n-law said it was all my fault because I had said in the heat of the moment I wish they wouldn't get to come (they were kidding me, we're all equally angry, I'm just the only one being vocal about it). Niece even said, "well at least now we don't have to worry about the table ruining Christmas"
Unfortunately I know that sister isn't going to let this go and will eventually come to take the table. My question is (aren't you glad I'm finally getting to the point?) do I listen to my mother and brother and keep my mouth shut, appeasing my sister. Or do I stand up and advocate for Mother because I know she is really heartbroken about it? And for what it's worth I think my mother is more heartbroken over the fact that her own daughter is treating her so poorly.
Argh! What is it about people and furniture right now?