The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,983 
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Post by The Great Carpezio on May 31, 2023 18:46:42 GMT
Random memory I was thinking about this morning....thought I would share. Kinda an AMITA (Am I the asshole post) I am going to try and make this as short as possible and cut stuff out...so not that short.LOL
New neighbors across the street move in. I meet DH for the first time when he comes out to the mailbox while I am there. He proceeds to ask if I know his next door neighbor and already has a beef with him (probably legit but weird way to meet). He then tells me he wants to replace his mailbox with a larger one and was wondering if it was OK to install his own (we share a post with ours and theirs). He says he will check with USPS first. It was getting pretty rickety, and I said it was OK--just let us know. We will of course then have to replace our mailbox. I try to introduce myself and info about my kids to him, guy...does not seem interested. Only offers his name. Ok, bye.
Anyway, he doesn't say anything to us again. We wave on occasion. I had never met his wife. They have a few kids.
About 2 months later, his mailbox is gone one day and he has installed a new one. We are busy. We don't put a new one up---probably about three weeks to a month---we do have plans to get it done early fall (now late summer)...just haven't gone and done it. We go away for a weekend and come back to a new mailbox.
No note on mailbox, no note at our door...no one comes over. I am not "livid" but I am feeling a little annoyed. This gives me ADHD paralysis and I don't really know what to do. I feel a little judged, but also am glad I don't have to put one up, but also weirded out no one communicated with us; feel like we should pay them, but also feel like perhaps we should have been consulted first.
About six weeks later....story gets longer and more uncomfortable, but bottom line, I guess one of their kids ran into the mailbox post with a bike and it was leaning over and we were not home, so they replaced it.
We did ultimately pay them for it and we seem to be OK, but that was weird, right? Yeah, if I was naturally extroverted and neurotypical, I probably would have just waltzed over there and asked, but it made me super uncomfortable, and I still think THEY should have communicated in some way either first or at least left a note or something?
What would you have done?
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Post by myshelly on May 31, 2023 18:52:48 GMT
Why did you have to get a new one just because he got a new one?
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Post by workingclassdog on May 31, 2023 18:53:25 GMT
It is very weird but on the other hand, if you like the new one and it is installed properly and no HOA issue type stuff.. I would be like 'that weird but I don't have to deal with it' and move on. They SHOULD have communicated though. If other things start happening that would be now ever weirder and something should be said.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,983
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Post by The Great Carpezio on May 31, 2023 18:56:25 GMT
Why did you have to get a new one just because he got a new one? They shared the same post (all boxes on the same side of the road and we are on the opposite side of the road of the boxes). One box on the right and one on the left. He wanted his own box and post because he wanted an extra large mailbox for regular deliveries. Also, like I said, our mailbox and post were getting pretty rickety. It was time for a new one. To clarify, for the three weeks he had installed his new mailbox, our mailbox was on the post by itself and the other side was empty. It did look weird and why I was feeling a bit "judged." Like they didn't like the eyesore on their property and we were being lazy in replacing it. |
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Post by hopemax on May 31, 2023 19:21:22 GMT
Our mailbox needs replacing because the post has rotted away at the bottom, and it's all wobbly. I would be *thrilled* if I came home one day and a new mailbox was there and I didn't have to do anything. There was a tweet going around yesterday, concerning HOAs and a photo of a yard that was overgrown, but otherwise fine. There were several comments with people sharing the times and ways they helped a neighbor they previously didn't know, and in general to spread kindness and not negativity. So I'd also just consider it a "pay it forward" situation. If you want to believe that your neighbor is judging you as lazy, that's up to you. Otherwise, why can't the neighbor just be being neighborly in a way they are comfortable with? Not all neighbors want to be chatty, and since their kid did run into it, it was just easier to skip the back and forth trying to connect to arrange, and just get it done.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,379
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on May 31, 2023 19:26:58 GMT
My mailbox is at the end of my driveway in the middle of my property so that would be weird.
My neighbor does trim branches that go over the property line and throws them into my yard... the neighbor on the other side "weeded" the plants I had just planted on my side of the flower bed next to my driveway...
Neighbors are weird!
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Post by littlemama on May 31, 2023 19:37:50 GMT
I would have been annoyed and I wouldnt have paid him for it.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on May 31, 2023 19:43:54 GMT
I would never feel obligated to do something or purchase something, because someone else thinks I *need* to.
Since their kid damaged your mailbox, it was kind of them to take responsibility and replace it.
Notifying you first would have been the correct thing to do, but what's done is done. For me, that is a minor issue and not battle I'd choose to fight or get upset about.
Since you had planned to eventually get a new mailbox, it was kind of you to reimburse the neighbor for the cost of it.
If you had a perfectly fine mailbox to begin with, and the neighbor kid damaged it, then I would expect the neighbor to incur the coast of replacement.
In general (not being rude, just honest), I think you are way over-thinking it.
I think your thoughts are clouded by the initial meeting and encounters with the new neighbor. It wasn't overly friendly and neighborly, nor was it up to your expectations of what meeting a new neighbor should be, and it sounds like you are holding that against them.
I follow the philosophy of:
I am not going to like everyone, and everyone is not going to like me. And that is very okay.
Everyone marches to the beat of their own drum.
My way, may not be someone else's way.
Be polite and civil, because that is all that is required.
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Post by Basket1lady on May 31, 2023 19:46:50 GMT
I would have been annoyed, but glad that I didn't have to deal with it. I agree--the lack of communication is weird.
If you do have an HOA, check to make sure that it's compliant, even if it looks like others on the street. A friend of a neighbor's kid ran into our mailbox late one night and damaged the pole. The damage was more visual than structural. We put a black plastic sleeve over it that looked nice and was half the price (and work) of replacing the post. A few months later we got a letter from the HOA that said that it wasn't in compliance with the neighborhood mailboxes, even though there were several others exactly the same on our street. So I ended up replacing the whole darned thing. Grrr...
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Post by disneypal on May 31, 2023 19:47:45 GMT
We did ultimately pay them for it and we seem to be OK, but that was weird, right? Right! I wouldn't like it. Now if he said...I'm replacing mine, do you want me to go ahead and replace your's too - then okay...but to just do it, I wouldn't like that. I don't like people messing with my property in any way without my permission. |
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Gem Girl
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 29, 2014 19:29:52 GMT
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Post by Gem Girl on May 31, 2023 19:54:32 GMT
Sounds as if you didn't provide the new neighbor with your phone number. That would have been friendly (along the lines of, "In case you have any questions about the neighborhood, local services, or such....") and made it easier to contact you about the mailbox replacement. You said you were busy, so they could well have had a difficult time catching up to you in person, and not everybody is comfortable going up to doors uninvited. Just a thought. They seem considerate, to me.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,983
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Post by The Great Carpezio on May 31, 2023 20:02:44 GMT
--No doubt I overthought it.
--We do not have an HOA
--I don't think I am going to give someone my phone number that doesn't even want to learn anything about me or my family. That would be weird to me.
-- We are busy but not gone all the time. After I found out the entire story, I did understand why they did it on that weekend but without context, I don't think it is that far-fetched to feel it was a little judgy or at best awkward. The context, given weeks later, was helpful. I still think a little note on the door would have saved us from the weirdness.
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Post by lucyg on May 31, 2023 20:14:35 GMT
Yes, it’s weird to replace your mailbox without consulting you first, but honestly, I’d be grateful I didn’t have to deal with it myself. I think you can let it go now.  |
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on May 31, 2023 20:16:52 GMT
My mailbox story. We moved to a house that the mailbox is 1/4 mile away. Four regular mailboxes on a post. One day a neighbor stopped by and said they had some mail stolen and were going to replace their mailbox with a locking type mailbox and did we want one? Yeah sure. A few weeks later they bring a couple of keys to our house with a note that we owe $$ for the mailbox steel post, concrete, hardware. I was happy to pay because I didn't have to buy all the stuff or do any of the work to install the mailbox.
IMO you're overthinking it.
ETA - Just re-read the OP. I guess you never actually OK'd him to replace yours. That would make me a bit weirded out. But still I'd be happy it was done.
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Post by compeateropeator on May 31, 2023 20:21:54 GMT
I am straight down the middle.
I would feel a little guilty and possibly a little judged, although judged seems a bit strong, but only because I know it was my procrastination and that I was judging myself ( this is in reference to actual me, my personality, no one else’s.) But I also would have been happy it was fixed and all I had to do is pay for it. And so happy I didn’t have to deal with it. That would have superseded my being judged, by a lot. 😁
I also don’t mind doing things for people and might
be thinking I am helping but I have actually pushed the boundaries. My time here has been well spent and
I have learned a lot about the world outside my bubble. 😁
If he was expecting any payment from you, I would have hoped he would at least leave you a stickie note on the door to run it by you. If he was just replacing it because he was embarrassed/taking responsibility because his kid hit it and wanted to get it fixed as soon as possible then I get why he did it as quickly as possible without running things by you.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,983
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Post by The Great Carpezio on May 31, 2023 20:22:17 GMT
I know, I was overthinking it. Like I said, it just popped in my head again recently--been a couple of other weird things happening over there, so I was thinking about it. That said, it was months ago, so it is not like I ran to the peas right away all upset.
I am over it, but I was just wondering if I was the asshole or if it was as weird as I thought it was at the time KWIM?
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Post by gar on May 31, 2023 20:25:18 GMT
Bearing in mind we tend not to have that mailbox arrangement here I would find it super weird and I wouldn't like it. My thoughts really are - where might it lead? What else might he feel entitled to do on your behalf'?
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Gem Girl
Pearl Clutcher
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Posts: 2,681
Jun 29, 2014 19:29:52 GMT
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Post by Gem Girl on May 31, 2023 20:29:24 GMT
I am over it, but I was just wondering if I was the asshole or if it was as weird as I thought it was at the time KWIM? I'd say no, you weren't being an a., and probably not as weird as you may have thought. Love a good AITA story. |
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Post by mollycoddle on May 31, 2023 20:51:01 GMT
A minor issue, but strange. I wouldn’t have liked it, but ultimately NBD.
And no, you were not an asshole.
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Post by katlady on May 31, 2023 21:16:29 GMT
I would have thought it strange that there was no prior communication, but I would be happy to have someone repair my mailbox for me. No, I don't think you were an asshole.
We have a single post mailbox with 4 boxes on it. The post is not in my yard, but in the neighbor's across the street. It fell down twice. The first time required new wood and everything, and we were just happy the neighbor took control and repaired/replaced it all and we just paid him our share. It recently fell down again, the neighbor fixed it temporarily. 3 out of 4 us want new mailboxes. Ours currently don't lock, and the HOA has ok'd the locking type. We can go ahead and just replace 3, but we are waiting to see if the 4th neighbor will change their mind. The neighbor is doing all the work and research, so we will just be happy to pay him.
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Post by justkat on May 31, 2023 21:29:17 GMT
Disclaimer: I've not read the entire thread.lol
If I'm reading the original post correctly, the neighbour's child hit the post/mailbox causing damage. The neighbour was unable to contact the original poster and then replaced the mailbox. Given the fact that the child damaged the property I'd expect them to replace it and at no cost to me.
If I'm reading it wrong, then I'm in the eh-weird-but-one-less-thing-I-need-to-deal-with-camp.
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Post by workingclassdog on May 31, 2023 21:44:35 GMT
I know, I was overthinking it. Like I said, it just popped in my head again recently--been a couple of other weird things happening over there, so I was thinking about it. That said, it was months ago, so it is not like I ran to the peas right away all upset. I am over it, but I was just wondering if I was the asshole or if it was as weird as I thought it was at the time KWIM? Well always remember in Pea land.. something simple that is posted can turn ugly. Even mailbox posting. lol |
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Post by Patter on May 31, 2023 21:45:48 GMT
There should have been some communication when their child hit it. I would think they wouldn't have expected payment either since they ruined it. My parent's mailbox has been driven into 2x at least. Each time the person that hit it has replaced it. For me, I would be livid but it's only because my mailbox is done in all stonework, large, with a lamp on top, and beautiful. Don't mess with my mailbox. I have LOVED mailboxes since I was a young kid so this is special to me at the end of my driveway. |
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Post by KiwiJo on Jun 1, 2023 0:08:11 GMT
Putting myself in your new neighbour’s shoes ……
Thinks to myself: Oh good, the neighbour with whom we share a mailbox post said she was ok with us getting a new mailbox.
…. 2 months later….
Right, I’ve installed our new mailbox, it looks great.
…..1 month later….
Hmm our neighbour hasn’t put up their mailbox yet, I wonder why. Oh no, maybe she thinks we will do it because it was all our idea. Gosh, I don’t want to upset her, and I’m too embarrassed to ask her is she intends getting them a mailbox - that would sound soooo judgy! I will just do the right thing and get them a mailbox.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jun 1, 2023 0:22:46 GMT
Their kid hit your mailbox/post and it was leaning so he replaced it. I'm not sure what the problem is.
We share a post with our neighbor. The post sharing pre-dates these particular neighbors. The original neighbor in that house told us we could share his post. After they moved out the post needed to be replaced so dh replaced the post and put both mailboxes on the new post. Wasn't discussed with neighbor as we didn't see the need. Post was down and needed to be fixed, dh fixed it.
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Post by Merge on Jun 1, 2023 1:00:41 GMT
I understand your annoyance. I would have preferred that the neighbor leave a note when he replaced the mailbox so you didn't have to wonder.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 1, 2023 1:28:55 GMT
The only thing that would have bugged me would be that I didn’t choose the mailbox myself, especially if I was planning to get something different from what I had before. If someone knocked our mailbox down, I would expect whoever did it to leave me a note letting me know what happened before just replacing it on their own.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 1, 2023 6:23:38 GMT
You are not the asshole. |
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Post by scraplette on Jun 1, 2023 12:18:22 GMT
That would be me, KiwiJo. Plus any hyper focus thoughts would constantly note the unfinished project in front of my house. But no OP, your are not. |
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,983
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Jun 1, 2023 12:34:25 GMT
The only thing that would have bugged me would be that I didn’t choose the mailbox myself, especially if I was planning to get something different from what I had before. If someone knocked our mailbox down, I would expect whoever did it to leave me a note letting me know what happened before just replacing it on their own. I wasn't really upset, but they have a nice big mailbox and they put up a regular/small one for us. Again, I was planning on probably getting the same one they put up--after checking price difference. Oh well. |
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