scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307 
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 15, 2023 3:02:05 GMT
If you were going to a friends house for a meal and that friend was vegan, would you expect them to make a main dish like fish or chicken? Would you be happy with an all vegan meal? This is me... we follow a plant based diet and we are both fantastic cooks. I also teach plant based cooking through the cardiac therapy unit of our local hospital. We have "friends" who won't eat anything "vegan". We still socialize with them as part of a larger, very accommodating circle, and on occasions where we share food, I will not label my food as vegan and dh and I make it a habit to bring "separate" food for us, even if it's the same dish. They've been know to lap it up and comment on how good it is as long as they don't know we made it.  We invited the group over for a meal and their comment this time was... "we would love to join you. We can always stop at MacDonalds on the way home" I am so pissed. I want to tell them to not bother coming. I don't need this in my life right now, they will make comments about the food all night long. For the record I'm planning on strawberry soup, veg spring rolls, gnocchi side dish, black bean burgers with all the trimmings, a quinoa salad, a kale salad, watermelon and homemade mint choc chip ice-cream. If they opened their minds, they would not go hungry. UPDATE: So to answer some questions - we eat this way for health reasons and as a result we don't eat Beyond beef or Impossible meats. Any cheese we eat, I make myself and I also make all our own seitan and tempeh products. I think our dinner was a success, I don't think anyone went home hungry, at least I hope they didn't. Here is our food, recipe for strawberry soup linked in another post, and happy to provide recipes if needed.   |
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Post by shescrafty on Jul 15, 2023 3:04:21 GMT
That is very rude to say. Even if they do it they certainly don’t have need to say it. I am sorry that they made you feel like your efforts will be wasted  |
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 15, 2023 3:06:10 GMT
I would expect a vegan meal and I would enjoy it.
You are cooking a lot of food.
If they are going to comment on the food I would make an excuse and back out of hosting them honestly.
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Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2023 3:13:48 GMT
Ugh. Double ugh. I have had (and made, my adult son was vegan for about 2 years, then went back to vegetarian) some very lovely vegan meals, and yours sound delicious! While I completely understand why they really need to be included in the get-together, I think I might try a "preemptive strike" of sorts. If you can either talk with them in person, or over the phone (not text or email) and let them know that you know that vegan food is not their favorite thing, and because of that you totally understand if they decide not to attend. No harm, no foul  If they insist it'll be ok, I'd reiterate that you're unable to accommodate anything other than what you're serving, and that you hope everyone enjoys themselves. I don't know what else you could do without creating a stir, KWIM? |
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cynthia1218
Junior Member
Posts: 55
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Post by cynthia1218 on Jul 15, 2023 3:14:57 GMT
you have every right to be pissed. Invited people don't have the right to complain about the meal. They don't like it that is fine but they need to keep that dislike to themselves
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,837
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 15, 2023 3:16:32 GMT
I would expect a vegan meal.
BTW- I'm VERY picky and would 100% eat what you are making! It actually sounds really good.
I'd be pissed.
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Post by busy on Jul 15, 2023 3:18:49 GMT
That’s so rude.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 15, 2023 3:28:49 GMT
Good lord. I have been vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, and kosher at different points. Delicious meals to be had on all those diets. I have no idea what they are on about. Do they literally never eat a meal without meat and dairy? Definitely I would not expect hosts with dietary plans like that to serve me something else.
Anyhow, stop at McDonald's if you must, but don't insult your hosts like that.
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Post by vjlau on Jul 15, 2023 3:33:24 GMT
I would definitely assume it was going to be a vegan meal.
I'm not vegan, but I have had some interesting dishes at potlucks etc, so I can admit I might be leery of what's going to be served - but would eat it regardless.
Your meal sounds delicious, and I would love everything you're serving!
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Post by Minnesota*Mom on Jul 15, 2023 3:41:42 GMT
I would not expect a meat based meal. Your menu sounds delicious and I'd be happy if anyone served that meal.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jul 15, 2023 3:44:03 GMT
That’s really rude of them. Im sure they already eat vegan food they are not aware is vegan. How childish. People like this annoy me. I think your meal sounds good. And yes, I would expect a vegan meal at your house.
Everything I make is gluten free so I will occasionally have similar issues with guests who have no idea their food is gluten free, but if I tell them ahead of time they'll make snide comments.
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,083
Location: Valley of the Sun
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Jul 15, 2023 4:06:53 GMT
I would expect a vegan/plant based meal—and I would be pumped because I also eat vegan/plant based!
My dh, who eats meat and dairy, would also expect a vegan/plant based meal and he would also be excited. He enjoys going to vegan restaurants with me and he usually eats vegan at home with me rather than make additional food or a separate meal.
Your “friends” are rude. If they know you eat vegan and come over expecting anything else, they are also not very bright.
Not sure what I would do. Part of me wants to say send them the list of items you are making and leave it at that. They can decide if they want to come. The other part of me wants to say send them the list of what you are making and tell them to take it or leave it and you don’t effing care if they leave it.
I also don’t expect people to have a vegan option for me either. I can usually find something or friends will offer to make a vegan comparable dish (like grilled portobellos if they are grilling steak or chicken). Worst case is I offer to bring something to share or bring a meal of my own if they are eating something like pulled pork and cole slaw.
It’s up to you if you want to offer that they can bring a meat dish if they’d like. I guess that’s not totally different than me bringing a vegan dish? If you don’t want to do that though, tell them to go pound sand. Lol.
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Post by cmpeter on Jul 15, 2023 4:10:16 GMT
I would expect a vegan meal and not make rude comments. Are you vegan for health or ethical reasons? I’m not gluten free, but when my gluten free friends come over I do make sure to accommodate them. When my vegan sons gf comes over I make sure there are plenty of vegan options for her.
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Post by Zee on Jul 15, 2023 4:32:06 GMT
I would expect a vegan meal and be quite happy with what you have planned. I am not vegan but I don't eat a lot of meat (mainly, chicken) or dairy.
I wouldn't consider them very good friends if they respond to an invitation that way, and I wouldn't make any attempt to invite them again.
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Post by ntsf on Jul 15, 2023 4:33:10 GMT
boy.. rude too.. I have had guests over who are vegan and I make sure that there is something vegan for them ..and I am am willing to make a meal everyone can enjoy. I am picky, and if I don't find what I like, I nibble, don't say anything and go on with it. no one will starve if you don't eat much one meal.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jul 15, 2023 4:45:18 GMT
Picky eater here. Your meals sounds good. I actually would like to try your black bean burgers. Not sure about all the trimmings though.
Doesn't seem I would leave hungry..
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Post by katlady on Jul 15, 2023 4:57:12 GMT
Your meal sounds delicious! They are just so rude to make comments like that!
A couple we know will tell everyone up front that there will be no meat but that you can bring your own if you want. They usually host a pizza night, with homemade pizzas. It is BYOM, if you want to.
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Post by dewryce on Jul 15, 2023 5:07:42 GMT
It sounds delicious, and they are just rude! Before they were rude about it if I was vegan for health reasons instead of moral/ethical I might have planned some regular hamburger patties for others if I knew they likely wouldn’t enjoy the vegan option. And left everything else as is because it sounds amazing. And I don’t think a lot of people realize how many “vegan” dishes they eat every day! Do they never consume vegetables without butter or cheese? Like a salad? There will be plenty to eat even if they don’t like the bean burger option. Some people! What time should I be there?  |
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Post by flanz on Jul 15, 2023 5:10:20 GMT
I would expect and enjoy your vegan meal.
Have fun!
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 15, 2023 5:57:38 GMT
Their comment is rude.
If they don't want to eat the type of food, that they know is going to be served....they should have declined the invite.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Jul 15, 2023 6:09:06 GMT
Ouch that stung.
How can someone eat non vegan only?
Just meat all day?
Or does that mean substitute foods?
Yeah I’m not going to have my plant based home cooked meal go to a complete waste because even if they do eat it and have a Big Mac later on it’s all for nothing.
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,482
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Jul 15, 2023 6:39:05 GMT
If my host were vegan, I would expect a vegan meal. I would happily eat the menu you have planned (except the kale salad, but that's because it is kale, not because it is vegan) I have noticed recently that a lot more things are being labeled 'vegan' at my supermarket, like canned beans, snack foods, nuts etc. I wonder if your 'friends' no longer eat mixed nuts or potato chips, if they won't eat vegan food?  |
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mamallama
Full Member
Posts: 148
Sept 14, 2018 7:30:33 GMT
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Post by mamallama on Jul 15, 2023 7:15:29 GMT
Your meal sounds delicious! I wouldn’t have any problem eating vegan even though I’m not. I would have no doubt that someone with experience would make good food. And if I didn’t like it then McDonalds wouldn’t be where I would stop on the way home that’s for sure. I also would never say I was stopping elsewhere. It’s just rude.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,907
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 15, 2023 9:05:50 GMT
I have stopped off for food on my way home from parties, but not McDonald's. And if I was planning on doing that, there's no way I would tell the host. That's very rude. I'm sorry they're behaving this way and you're caught in the backdraft. I like the suggestions of calling them and giving them "permission" not to come if the food doesn't suit them.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 15, 2023 9:25:49 GMT
Can I come? ☺️ Seriously, that menu sounds delicious.No, I would not expect a meat-based dish in the home of a vegan. And I certainly wouldn’t make special food for them. Your friends need to expand their horizons. Let them stop at McDonalds; more of your good food for everyone else.
I would be annoyed, but I think that I would just smile, shrug, and say “More for me” if they made comments, because I would not give them the satisfaction of indulging them in their ridiculous stance. Everyone else will lap up the dinner, and they can have their crappy fast food. They will look ridiculous.
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Post by monklady123 on Jul 15, 2023 10:49:14 GMT
Totally rude on their part. If I was invited to a vegan's house for a meal I would expect vegan food. Why should I expect vegans to bring meat/dairy into their homes? The only accommodation I would expect is if I had some type of life-threatening allergy. Then my expectation would be that they wouldn't serve me that, which of course they wouldn't. Also they're rude to mention McDonald's on the way home. Go ahead and stop there if they want, but why say so to you? If the food is truly horrendous then just suck it up, eat something, and stop wherever you want on the way home after thanking your host for the evening. Your menu sounds delicious to me. Now I need to know what strawberry soup is! Is it hot or cold? yum.... |
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dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 8,492
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
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Post by dawnnikol on Jul 15, 2023 11:10:53 GMT
If you were going to a friends house for a meal and that friend was vegan, would you expect them to make a main dish like fish or chicken? Would you be happy with an all vegan meal? Our house is non-red meat and non-pork. I don't stock up on red meat just to appease everyone who visits. I don't even like the smell of it, so I'm certainly not tossing it in my pans or on my grill. I also do not go to other people's homes and request that they don't cook that while we are there, we just won't eat it and are careful with cross contamination. If someone didn't provide us with enough food, we wouldn't fuss, we'd just thank them and eat at home. Good grief, people are so rude sometimes. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I would cancel my plans with them. |
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,549
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Jul 15, 2023 11:28:52 GMT
While I completely understand why they really need to be included in the get-together, I think I might try a "preemptive strike" of sorts. If you can either talk with them in person, or over the phone (not text or email) and let them know that you know that vegan food is not their favorite thing, and because of that you totally understand if they decide not to attend. No harm, no foul I agree. What your friend said is rude and immature. They’re old enough to know that they can eat what you serve (and enjoy the company of friends, which is the real reason for gathering) or have themselves a nice meal with meat and dairy at home or McDonald’s or anywhere else. |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 15, 2023 11:45:43 GMT
I say dump those friends and invite me instead! Your menu sounds delicious. I have stopped eating meat for the most part, but do eat salmon. I have tried Beyond Burgers and black bean burgers and find I like them more than I ever did hamburger of turkey burgers. I can usually find something without meat to eat, but if there are no other meatless choices, I will eat it and not make a scene. Giving up meat is a personal choice for me and I am certainly not going to make anyone else feel uncomfortable about my choices. One meal with some chicken in it isn’t going to kill me, but bitching and whining about it will certainly kill a friendship.
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Deleted
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Nov 1, 2024 2:33:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2023 12:02:03 GMT
I would tell them not to bother coming then. And don't invite them to anything you're hosting ever again, even if it's potluck.
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If they insist it'll be ok, I'd reiterate that you're unable to accommodate anything other than what you're serving, and that you hope everyone enjoys themselves. 
