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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 14:01:21 GMT
My DD is a Senior in HS. She will not be allowed to go to her Sr. Prom because she is graduating early (January) & it was a choice between going to prom or walking with her class for graduation. This is a really stupid rule IMO. Anyway, she went to her Jr. Prom last year with her first boyfriend. We took a million pics (I'm not even sure I have any of just her alone). They have since had a very bad break-up, to the point of an order of protection being sought against him(she has a temporary one in place) because he is stalking/harassing her. This relationship started out really good, he was on a good path for his life and tossed it all away when he started drinking(he seriously blew his life up, kicked out of the army, flunked out of HS with one class left to finish, etc.). He got in with some questionable people and boom!! He is in all of the prom pics.  What should I do?? Cutting him out (or editing him out) will probably not work. Do I scrap them in the moment since they were a "happy" couple at that time? Do I not mention him at all (even though he's in the pics)? I've never had to deal with this sort of thing. I have family that don't speak to us anymore but I've scrapped those pics because it was a happier time, and eventually I'll make a page (or maybe not) about them leaving our lives. I am divorced, but it was amicable and even 8 yrs later it is still. Plus, he is their Dad, so he really needs to be in the pics. LOL Help?? |
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Post by caspad on Oct 27, 2023 14:43:33 GMT
Do you have any photos of her with her friends from prom? Maybe make those the focus? Or does she have some selfies and group photos she can share with you from the dance?
Ordinarily I'd probably say let those shiny happy cute couple photos "age" a bit so the breakup isn't so recent and raw, but it makes sense to scrap those photos before her graduation too.
Also, it does seem odd that your daughter would be excluded from prom in exchange for walking at graduation. I hope the admin will change the rule so she can participate in both celebrations with her friends.
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Post by breakfastattiffanys on Oct 27, 2023 14:56:44 GMT
How does she feel about it? I asked my own dd about a set of pictures with her and her ex boyfriend. She said she didn’t want to see his face in her hs album.
So that made it an easy decision for me.
Do you have dress shopping photos, getting ready, corsages, etc?
Maybe you can crop closer to her face and get a decent picture with just her and supporting photos.
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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 15:09:56 GMT
Do you have any photos of her with her friends from prom? Maybe make those the focus? Or does she have some selfies and group photos she can share with you from the dance? Ordinarily I'd probably say let those shiny happy cute couple photos "age" a bit so the breakup isn't so recent and raw, but it makes sense to scrap those photos before her graduation too. Also, it does seem odd that your daughter would be excluded from prom in exchange for walking at graduation. I hope the admin will change the rule so she can participate in both celebrations with her friends. Yeah, it's a strange rule. It's because once she isn't an active student anymore, she would be considered "Alumni" and only active students can participate. I guess it's just something you accept when you choose to graduate early. I don't really see how she could be considered alumni though since she won't actually have her diploma until the graduation ceremony. I didn't give her the choice, she was NOT cheating me out of her walking across the stage on graduation day. LOL It's been a rough go of it for her in High School. She missed the last half of 8th grade and the first 1/2 of 9th due to the Covid shutdown & virtual classes. Then, we had issues with the school district that she had gone to all of her life and after much consideration (and heartbreak on my end), we moved her to a different school in 11th grade. She has excelled there!! She is a very smart girl, and focused on her future. She is dual enrolled in our community college and last summer got her CNA certificate, and by the end of December, she will be finished with EMT 1. She will be starting the Paramedic program in January (at a college only 1.5 hrs away). |
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Post by mom on Oct 27, 2023 15:25:29 GMT
If it were me, and my kid was ok with it, I'd scrap the photos and be very matter of fact about it. This is who she went with, etc. No mention of them breaking up, or the things that happened later on. If you can only use photos of her, then I would choose that as well.
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Post by joblackford on Oct 27, 2023 16:15:54 GMT
Oh man, that sucks!
It sounds like you haven’t started on these photos yet so go take a good look and see if there is a photo that can be the star, highlighting her. Maybe he’s not hovering next to/behind her in every photo.
If it was a regular high school breakup I would feel differently but since the situation progressed to legal involvement and possibly traumatic memories it’s tricky. I would definitely check in with how she feels, knowing she also might feel differently later, but I’d be inclined to try and arrange the photos to minimize his appearance. Maybe some photos could be overlapped to highlight her and friends and minimize him, or maybe you create a pocket of extra photos that you/she could look through in the future with some distance and perspective.
I think I’d be tempted to write the journaling with today’s views on him, that they had been happy and it was a shame he imploded his life, but I know not everyone wants that kind of thing in their books. I am not a fan of pretending someone didn’t exist/something didn’t happen, but that’s really up to you and your daughter. I’d go with minimizing but not erasing him.
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Post by infochick on Oct 27, 2023 17:44:22 GMT
I agree with everything everyone here has said. Take the cues from your daughter and how she feels. Hidden journaling might be a tasteful way to be able to record what happened. Maybe it would be fun to do a photo shoot of her in the dress. It wouldn't replace the memory, but she would have some beautiful photos of herself all dressed up and I am sure they would be something she would treasure as she gets older.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 25, 2024 10:31:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2023 19:30:48 GMT
Some people may become neutral to the idea of including exes in layouts with the passage of time. That said, if you’ve met the criteria for an order of protection it likely involves serious or egregious behavior (based on the criteria where I live). This isn’t just a ex. She might prefer anything with him be excluded.
I think this needs to be your daughter’s decision and she needs to know there is no pressure to oblige. You need her input to determine if including him impacts your daughter’s happiness and wellbeing in any way.
I completely understand the desire to accurately reflect life, but even a mature teenager contextualizes and reflects on events differently than an adult. It may be unfair to expect this from your daughter by including the pictures.
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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 20:38:18 GMT
When I went home at lunch, I looked through the photos. There are several of her and her BFF, and a few of the group where he is on the end. I might see if I can make a little magic and make him disappear in a few of those. I'll just tuck the others away for later if she ever wants them. They had a good relationship in the beginning, but when it went bad, it happened fast.
Thanks Peas!!
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on Oct 27, 2023 20:38:33 GMT
I agree with the other women in that if it was a "regular" ex/breakup, I would scrap him but since this has escalated to something more than that, I would not. I might create a pocket for a photo of them together + some journaling in case that was something she might want later.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 27, 2023 21:43:21 GMT
There is no way I would include photos of someone that we'd taken an order of protection out against. No way. I wouldn't care how happy they once were.
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Post by sarahsprettypapers on Oct 27, 2023 21:43:51 GMT
I am glad that you were able to find some scrappable photos for this layout. I agree with everyone else, ask your daughter what her thoughts on the matter are concerning the other photos, but perhaps at a later time.
And as for the not going to prom rule, that really stinks. Maybe you can help her plan a prom/graduation party for a different weekend in the spring where your daughter's friends can get dressed up with her and dance the night away! Congrats to her graduating as well!
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,012
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Oct 28, 2023 3:37:43 GMT
In general, I scrapbook from the perspective of the time the story/event happened (not in hindsight). Therefore, I would document her junior prom, include photos of her & her date, friends, group, invitation/tickets, etc., & factual information, such as the date, photo shoot/dinner/prom locations, high school name, prom theme, & names of everyone pictured. (I'd also create a separate layout about prom details, such as shopping, dress/shoes/jewelry, corsage/bouquet, hairstyle, & other services, if those were important to her.) Even if your daughter & her prom date were still dating or friends, I wouldn't include more information about him or their relationship/friendship (then or now) on a layout(s) about her junior prom; it would be all about her!
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Post by boymom5 on Oct 28, 2023 13:04:18 GMT
Normally I’d say scrap for the moment but considering how badly this turned I wouldn’t include him in the pictures. I’d use the few you found if her and friends.
If you need help editing him out if some I’m happy to try.
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kitbop
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,625 
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Post by kitbop on Oct 28, 2023 16:12:03 GMT
All the peas comments are similar to what is in my head - it's a complete dilemma and unsolvable. What a shame that he threw it all away. And a huge congrats to your DD for such success the past 2 years!!! Sounds like the is blooming beautifully  (Hey, that's a good scrapbook page title. "blooming beautifully"!) My only "fun" thought was that you could photoshop a Ken doll where he is in photos. Or Ryan Reynolds. Or some music/movie star she likes. Be blatant in removing him and silly so that the photos generate a smile rather than trigger a bad memory. |
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 7,286
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Oct 28, 2023 19:51:03 GMT
I have nothing to add except that is the stupidest rule ever! Punishing kids for graduating early? Seriously? It makes no sense. Dropping out, ok, you don't belong anymore. But academically graduating early? Just stupid.
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What should I do?? Cutting him out (or editing him out) will probably not work. Do I scrap them in the moment since they were a "happy" couple at that time? Do I not mention him at all (even though he's in the pics)? 
(Hey, that's a good scrapbook page title. "blooming beautifully"!)
