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Post by katiekaty on Nov 13, 2023 20:35:20 GMT
Or maybe I should ask, is it rude to not read all the messages? It feels rude. It’s not rude. Period. my mil and sil and a few other relatives and friends were chatters and texting and fb- all the time. It was amounting over a hundred things a day! Put my foot down. Told one text, one fb, and one email a day or any of those or a single call. It was too much. I told them I would unfriend the, block their text and ban calls and emails if they didn’t stop with the junk. Several got banned from the for or email, blocked or unfriended on fb and deleted and blocked from my phone! I somehow don’t miss the did you know about this weird thing, photos of pix, memes, excessive religious crap (I don’t need your guidance, I am secure in my faith), and I don’t care about the soaps or any of that other inane stuff! I like where my social media is now. Be rude if it’s necessary.
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Post by lisae on Nov 14, 2023 1:07:49 GMT
jeremysgirl, do you have a landline? If so, that should be the emergency backup that people use if they can't reach you any other way. Then you can turn your phone off or put it in your purse somewhere else in the house while you take time for yourself. If not, I would disconnect from the internet so none of that can bother you. I only connect to Wifi on my phone if I have something specific to do that I must do on the phone like download an audiobook. I use my computer or tablet for the internet. Change ring tones so that only those who you truly have to respond to in case of emergency are ones you pay attention to. Everyone else, ignore. That won't eliminate all your interruptions, but it may limit them. As for the email, have at least 2 email addresses so you have one that you use for purchases and other things that accumulate junk mail.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 14, 2023 12:17:48 GMT
styxgirl said: I totally get it! Its like when you go on vacation from work. You scramble to get ahead before you go and you always have to catch up when you get back! Yes! This is what it is like. I get my role in this too. I mean I had one child who was a suicide risk and another who was on self destruction path and for a long time I couldn't shut off my phone. I was able to be reached at all times and my family was often concerned about my kids and I didn't want to keep them waiting either. Now I can shut off my phone. I know the chances of someone having a crisis are much slimmer. So I'm trying to reverse course. But I get it, I created this monster. I need to get out of it.
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Post by eventhinker on Nov 14, 2023 15:51:41 GMT
Had this rule prior to cells, that just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to answer it. And now, while I admit I answer a lot of things quickly, I feel no string obligation to reply unless it is convenient for me. .
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craftymom101
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,950
Jul 31, 2014 5:23:25 GMT
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Post by craftymom101 on Nov 14, 2023 16:02:49 GMT
If I can't get to my phone for half a day and end up doom scrolling through dozens of notifications, I clear them and move on with my life. I will go back to read texts and listen to voicemails at a convenient time, but I don't stress about the number of notifications I receive. Of course, if it's important, I try to respond right away, but I don't consider 99% of the texts, FB messages, app notifications, and calls important.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,926
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Nov 14, 2023 16:28:05 GMT
I don't have any notifications turned on, I'd never get anything done. Even my work related apps, if I'm working, I'm in front of the computer. I don't need to be responding when I'm "off". I'm really trying to remove myself from the 24/7 always available working environment. I'm an accountant, no one is going to die on the table if I don't get back to you over the weekend or after 6pm at night. I really want to tell some of these folks to get over themselves.
Last year I started putting "I will not be checking e-mail" on my OOO message. Good Lord, you would have thought I put on there I would be killing puppies due to all the uproar. I'm too old for this shit.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 14, 2023 16:42:53 GMT
I know this is a new era of the world but damn I wish we could go back to the way it was. Again, just call me grandma. Oh my goodness, I was having a similar conversation with my friend the other day…not so much about phones, but just saying I feel like an old fashioned lady for sometimes wanting things back the way they were. My issue was a cable problem, in the past, I called the cable company, they sent someone out & fixed it. Now I have to text with a virtual assistant, go through a series of checks and such, then make an appointment at the Xfinity store, go to the store, check in on their system, get a new box, go home, install it myself, then talk to virtual assistant again, that sends a signal to my box remotely and finally, issue resolved. It used to take about 4 hours for someone else to resolve & now it takes 2 days for me to resolve. So I totally get wanting things to go back to the “old ways” As far as the phone, when I want to be disconnected, I do just that, put the phone on the charger and leave it be, until I am ready to get back to it. I don’t respond to everything once I look at it again. I totally validate you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 14, 2023 16:46:45 GMT
I don't have any notifications turned on, I'd never get anything done. Even my work related apps, if I'm working, I'm in front of the computer. I don't need to be responding when I'm "off". I'm really trying to remove myself from the 24/7 always available working environment. I'm an accountant, no one is going to die on the table if I don't get back to you over the weekend or after 6pm at night. I really want to tell some of these folks to get over themselves. Last year I started putting "I will not be checking e-mail" on my OOO message. Good Lord, you would have thought I put on there I would be killing puppies due to all the uproar. I'm too old for this shit. This problem I'm having is personal. Work is not a problem for me. I'm lucky to work in a culture that when you log off, you're off. My email problem is personal. And I don't have any notifications on either. I don't have any problem unplugging. What I have a problem with is trying to catch back up after I've unplugged.
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Post by Zee on Nov 14, 2023 18:14:06 GMT
I think by not responding that eventually they will get the hint and possibly tapper off thinking, Becki won't respond, so why text/message. If it is something of real importance, then maybe a voicemail. You will have to screen voice mails, but if you narrow or quit getting so many other messeages, screening voicemail might not seem overwhelming. There is a restrict feature in FB Messenger, but I think it only works on the phone. Unless its something of real importance, I would not engage and I don't think its rude, but rude on their part that they think you are at their disposal every minute of the day. Also, maybe the peas could take note as well and not tag you unless its something of real importance. I appreciate that but I have everything shut off for peas. I actively have to go looking for a notification here. So do note that if you expect me to respond, I might not even see it. I think I have peas under good control. I e cut way back on a lot of my participation here too lately. Sometimes the only thing I participate on are the dinner thread and the craft thread. Unless I start something like this. I think I'm just annoyed because I shut everything down and it still doesn't feel like it's good enough, kwim? For a while there it helped me so much and then it felt like well I still can't get away. I want to be able to participate when I choose to. Like I do here. It feels like it's not a choice especially when it is my mother. Sigh. You don't have to respond to everything. The less you respond, the more people will start to not include you though, and that might bother you one day. So, just keep your responses to maybe once a day or once a week or whatever. And, not everything requires acknowledgement.
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Post by alsomsknit on Nov 14, 2023 18:29:58 GMT
My notifications are turned off. My phone is set to silent.
Fact is, my phone serves me. I am not here to serve my phone. Anyone who thinks I am going to be available 24/7 and gets mad because I am not can walk. I let people know to text me anything I need to know. I’ll get back to them when I next look at my phone. I loathe those group messages.
I rarely check email. I check what has come in the past 2 weeks and dump the rest because the info is likely out of date.
I don’t care who thinks I am rude. I will not be slave to a phone.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,282
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Nov 14, 2023 18:41:30 GMT
I work on a production line in a manufacturing plant... 4 days on 4 days off... i take my 1st day off... completely off... i dont do too much in chores and i am phone free... i send my family a group txt saying im offline all day... they respect that... i use that time to read.. craft... catch up on tv shows... do whatever i want... which is basically nothing.... i dont check into fb ig tt sc here or my other message boards...
I just dont get on my phone or online... i do play some games on my tablet that do require wifi but i don't really interact with anyone online....
I use that time to just the noise out of my head.... when i get back on... i catch up on texts but dont respond if i dont want... i dont really have personal email that isnt work or bill related... so thats not to much...
I only have my faves that i am following on fb or tt to check... i get my notifications here but im not as big a poster as a lot of other peas so dont really have tons of those...
Just respond to what you want... its ok if you dont...
Not criticism but even on this post or any thread you start. .. you really don't have to reply to each person individually.... we are having a conversation... not 1 on 1 chat of you and each pea who posts something...
It really really is ok if you dont respond to each pea!!! I promise!!!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 14, 2023 22:03:19 GMT
anaterra said: Not criticism but even on this post or any thread you start. .. you really don't have to reply to each person individually.... we are having a conversation... not 1 on 1 chat of you and each pea who posts something... Thank you for that. I just want to make sure you all know I'm listening, I'm considering, and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I value your thoughts. What started out as pretty much a vent helped me build my backbone a little. I have a hard time with no/boundaries. Thank you. ❤️
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FuzzyMutt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,644
Mar 17, 2017 13:55:57 GMT
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Nov 14, 2023 22:38:35 GMT
I had an omg moment way back around high school when I got a pager.
These people are bored. So they message me, and I am supposed to stop what I’m doing and find a phone to call them back?! Noped right out of that and wasn’t even tempted when people started sending messages with numbers lol Hah! I was even slow to a cell phone for that reason.
I’m probably a lot like your daughter OP. But I will say there is no one size fits all for me, and maybe you too. My parents would never DREAM of interrupting anyone at work. They just wouldn’t. And, they always wait for me to call. They probably call 4 times a year between the two of them. I usually call them on my (ridiculous commute.) If I saw either of them calling me, I’d have to be seriously unavailable to not answer. Sister and brother, same. They would normally text or message though.
My boyfriend? Eh, I might let it slide just a little, but if he called, I’d try to answer (that’s his way of telling me that it can’t wait I guess lol) in 6 years, it’s only happened once that I didn’t answer his call, and he called back a second time. I was having a very sensitive convo with my cousin but switched over. I agree.. people will get used to your “style.” It’s not rude. It’s managing your time. Just like not constantly monitoring email during your workday.
My son? He’s like texting a dude that’s not interested hahahahha. So if he responds, he always gets a response - he’s got me trained.
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FuzzyMutt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,644
Mar 17, 2017 13:55:57 GMT
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Nov 14, 2023 22:47:25 GMT
I don't have any notifications turned on, I'd never get anything done. Even my work related apps, if I'm working, I'm in front of the computer. I don't need to be responding when I'm "off". I'm really trying to remove myself from the 24/7 always available working environment. I'm an accountant, no one is going to die on the table if I don't get back to you over the weekend or after 6pm at night. I really want to tell some of these folks to get over themselves. Last year I started putting "I will not be checking e-mail" on my OOO message. Good Lord, you would have thought I put on there I would be killing puppies due to all the uproar. I'm too old for this shit. This problem I'm having is personal. Work is not a problem for me. I'm lucky to work in a culture that when you log off, you're off. My email problem is personal. And I don't have any notifications on either. I don't have any problem unplugging. What I have a problem with is trying to catch back up after I've unplugged. I don’t know how it works for you and Jeremy, but for my guy and I, he is an extrovert, communicator, who thrives on planning and organization. We live near his (amazing!) family. There are family chats, group chats etc. I have played up my work schedule (he helps) and I have “trained them” that he is our family planner and organizer. I let 99% of the group messages zip right by. Respond to anything I find important to respond to. Send a little hype and love from time to time. But he respects my time and knows me. I am an introvert that works alot. He knows Friday nights are a pain in the butt. And I totally trust him to be “our” social planner. His parents send about 8 group emails a month between them. Jokes, but also serious family stuff. I respond to about 3. And I’m always the last response lol because I literally am busy, and they get that.
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Post by tommygirl on Nov 14, 2023 22:52:25 GMT
It sounds like you want to set some boundaries. When you are talking to your family/friends let them know you are cutting back on phone/social media. Let them know that if it is really important the best way to reach me is X but not to be upset if I don't respond to a, b, or c. Then keep your boundaries. If they have to call you about the gravy boat but they know they will see you soon then they probably will just wait and talk to you when they see you or figure out the gravy boat situation without you!
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 14, 2023 22:53:37 GMT
I've taken to telling my family and in-laws when I am taking a break. My therapist suggested I shut off my phone periodically. I can't, as I have my grandson living with me. But, I don't have to respond to the group texts.
One sister-in-law is the WORST for relentless group texts. Her I can ignore!
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Post by pantsonfire on Nov 14, 2023 23:12:58 GMT
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 14, 2023 23:23:13 GMT
Thanks for sharing. I just downloaded it. Might be just something I need for reinforcement.
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Post by pantsonfire on Nov 14, 2023 23:30:28 GMT
The constant need to be on and connected wears us down. There comes a point where we need to let go. And realize it isn't rude. It is a health risk to our bodies to just keep status quo.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 15, 2023 12:04:37 GMT
anaterra said: Not criticism but even on this post or any thread you start. .. you really don't have to reply to each person individually.... we are having a conversation... not 1 on 1 chat of you and each pea who posts something... Thank you for that. I just want to make sure you all know I'm listening, I'm considering, and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I value your thoughts. What started out as pretty much a vent helped me build my backbone a little. I have a hard time with no/boundaries. Thank you. ❤️ The problem may be that you’re just too nice… which isn’t really a problem. Lol. Seriously, it’s okay to do what’s right for you. If you want to scale back on frequency and amount of interaction on your phone, it’s okay. As referenced in the thread, it may take a little retraining for you and your family, but you can change the boundaries and reinforce them to do what is better for you.
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taliakat
Shy Member
Posts: 38
Oct 31, 2023 4:22:28 GMT
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Post by taliakat on Nov 15, 2023 12:07:32 GMT
I have been where you are. High risk family member. Always needing to be on. I have to turn off my phone. I have a job that requires quiet and concentration. Can you add another phone line? I have two separate phones. I have one that is a mini computer, no notifications, phone the number is unknown. My other phone I have set up only for people who need to call me in case of emergency. I have the phone set to vibrate and light up. I know the call is important. My husband's phone for his work always needs to be on. We use his phone for everyone else. They are trained to know my husband will get to it when he gets to it. They need to wait for him to tell me. This has been a sanity saver. I had to setup strict boundaries. I do love my friends and family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:52:59 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2023 12:21:47 GMT
Prompted by the other phone thread, I had a discussion with a few people about whether they leave their ringers on or off. I was surprised all the younger people I asked keep them off. I asked why and one of them said “This generation doesn’t feel obligated to answer calls. If anything, they actively avoid calls.” They also said, “if you can text it, don’t call.”
I’ve been thinking about that, and it occurs to me it’s probably a healthy thing. I grew up before cell phones. We weren’t “on call” and tied to our phones every day. Now we get stressed if we leave the house without our phones because we need to feel connected…to what?
On the other hand, my SIL always has her ringer off so we know she won’t pick up if we call and it’s annoying as hell when we really need to get through to her.
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Post by AngieJoy on Nov 15, 2023 15:18:13 GMT
It’s not rude to pull back and set new boundaries, but I DO think that communicating your new boundaries is also important. It sounds like you might like to make a pretty major change in how you’re communicating with people who care about you and might worry if you suddenly pulled back. I did this not too long ago… And I just let everybody know that my phone was driving me crazy and I don’t get a lot of time off from work, so I would be pulling back and not being so responsive on the phone… But if they had something important, they could just call me directly.
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