taking teens belongings as punishment, if they paid for them

Um... Yes. Or you could just take away the Internet access code that YOU pay for. Or the electricity to charge them, or the phone service you pay for.

Yes. I have and my parents did to me. I paid for my own car and after a little incident of getting caught drinking (I was 18) they took my car keys and said that I couldn't have my car for 2 weeks.

I shouted, "You can't take my car. I paid for it!"
And my mother said, "Watch me."
And then I did.

Nope, no way.

We have restricted use of items (DS paid for his Xbox but was not able to use it during the school week in MS), but not actually taken away anything they have bought.

I'm going to go with the "it depends" answer. When they were younger teens (13-15), I would be more likely to take something away that they bought if they were misusing that item (downloads bringing virus to computer, going way over data limits on phone, etc.) and couldn't demonstrate responsible ownership.

I'm not really comfortable with the whole concept of taking things that aren't yours... so I'm not really sure if this would be okay or not. On one hand I get that parents feel they have the right to do whatever they want to punish kids but on the other hand I feel like it could cross a line I'm not sure should be crossed. So I have no idea. All I know is that I would have been more furious at my parents and less likely to modify my behaviour for taking something I bought than them taking something they gave to me.

I just posted about this in another thread. My now teenage son was given the talk about what punishment is. Just because he paid for his gadget, doesn't mean as parents we can't take it away as punishment. He has a paper route and has bought many things over the years. When his Nintendo was his most prized possession, that would get taken away. As long as he lives under our roof, we are responsible for him. This includes promoting good behaviour and raising a responsible child into adulthood. Both my 14 and 10 year old have chores. They get a bit of money for doing the chores and are encouraged to think how to spend their money. When my son got his paper route it meant more money. He saves up for what he wants. We can't afford to give him the latest gadget of the moment like a friend of his. He has learned to save up for what he really wants. He also knows that anything goes when there is punishment. He knows what is expected of him.

Last year in the first part of grade 8 he let his grades slip. Some really badly. He wasn't paying as much attention in class and missing when deadlines were. His teacher was preparing them for highschool. Forgetting or not getting the due date right was no excuse. It reflected in a lot of the kids grades. Our son had that Christmas bought a new gaming computer. We paid half of it. He knew right away when he saw his marks what his punishment was. He asked how long he would not be allowed on his computer. He took his punishment and got those grades back up. At graduation he got the Boys High Achievement Award which meant he had the highest overall average. He was very happy with that reward. He told us he would never have gotten that award if we hadn't motivated him like we did.

There are things my kids have purchased with the understanding that if they didn't abide by the rules we had set, that they would lose that item for a period of time. Since it was agreed upon beforehand, I don't feel any qualms about taking away the item when they haven't upheld their side of the deal.

I may not have purchased the item, but I can certainly control how a teen's time is used in the home that I provide for him. If that means taking the phone or iPod that he purchased, then so be it.

So if your (general you) 13 year old daughter was using her iPad that she paid for with babysitting money to FaceTime inappropriately with a 25 year old man she met online...would you really still question taking away the iPad as her parent?

I think that different situations call for different measures. If my teen bought herself an iPad and then used it to broadcast inappropriate videos of herself to the world, I would take it away. On the other hand, if she was hellbent on something like that I am not sure taking away the tool would address the root of the problem. Recently, I took my daughter's phone for a day or so and in the evenings and so she could focus on her homework and go to sleep on time. She actually seemed relieved and grateful to see it fully charged in the morning.

Yes! It is often not just about the "thing" and who paid for it. It is often that "power struggle" with boundaries and respect.

I don't believe for one second that it is teaching a good lesson to allow a child to believe that just because they paid for something that there are not consequences for bad behavior, disrespect, negative actions or bad choices.

I think that allowing to believe that just because they paid for something gives them ideals that money (cash, things,etc) is what does the talking or rules the roost.

I'm not a parent that allows my kids to be the boss of us! Lol

Believe it or not, this WAS a discussion before our 14 year old bought her Kindle. Several months earlier her brother had something taken that was gifted to him from a grandparent. He half heartedly tried the "you didn't buy it, you can't take it" argument. He quickly gave up but when she started talking about buying her own Kindle we already knew to head off that line of thinking as a result of that incident. Our kid's currency is their electronics and when we take them we take them ALL- Phone, ipod touch, computers and tablets. I mean what good would be grounding her from electronics when she still has access to her Kindle with internet?

So, we DID talk to her about this exact situation before she even BOUGHT the Kindle. We told her the only way it was coming into our home was with the understanding we ultimately had control over it. We still had final approval of how it is used. We still have the right to check how she is using it if we feel necessary and we still have the right to take it as punishment.

She had a choice. She chose to buy it under those conditions. We absolutely have final say of what comes into our home and the conditions of which those items our used. I don't care WHO buys it. It is very rare the kids are grounded anymore, anyway. She was a few weeks ago and that was the first time in a long time any of them had been.

And as a s/o of the thread this thread spun off of, I mentioned to her (14 years old) that I was being criticized by a poster on a message board for "taking her room away" when she was 5. She laughed and said, "What were you supposed to do? Clean it for me? How would that have taught me responsibility?". Smart girl. I suspect in 10 years when I mention people thought it wrong that we took her Kindle she will have the same attitude.