Check in for those struggling with the holidays

Thanksgiving was okay. My mom was on her mostly best behavior and stayed in a hotel. She said something unkind about my MIL's hair (not in MIL's hearing) and I told her that I thought it was an unkind thing to say. She backpedaled. She's very awkward and while not unpleasant, it's hard to have a group conversation with her. On her way out to drive home, DH said that we would see her in a few weeks for Christmas.

Sunday she told me (told me, not asked me) that she was flying in on Dec 12 (!!!) and leaving Dec 26 and could she stay in MIL's tiny house on our property. I get her flight itinerary that had her arriving on Dec 21 (whew). Buuuuut, that's a workday for me. This has been a problem in the past that she tries to sneak extra days when I just can't handle that extra time.

I let her know that MIL is going to be here (via text) and her response was "Thanks for letting me know- I've canceled my flight. Hope you have a merry Christmas." Ugh- so pissy. She doesn't want to spend the extra money for the hotel since she JUST was here- I get it, but why not say that up front. In the past, I've had my son sleep on the couch so she can use his room, but I just don't want to put DS out again because he sleeps terribly on the couch. Plus he injured his back again (MRI tomorrow) and it's likely he'll have to have another back surgery before Christmas.

So, she's not coming and "Someone will probably invite me to their house." I'm not picking up that guilt that you're throwing down, Mom.

It's my first Christmas without my mother. I'm non contact with my siblings which is sad but necessary. I'm ok...we moved into our first house and we love it. It's very small, everyone calls it the Dollhouse, lol. I just wish my mama could have seen it. She had dementia and alzheimers, and she left us very peacefully, but I miss her so much. I'm disabled, so it's always me getting looked after. When she was here, I got to look after her. I miss being needed. selfish, but true. It's hard to be the one that needs the help all the time.

I'm at the point in the year where my ex was cheating this time last year and I can go back in my memories and see "oh yeah, that day was rough and now I know it was because of X" or thinking about the anniversary of his grandmother's passing and realizing he uninvited me from the memorial not because he would be helping his dad with catering and didn't want me feeling uncomfortable but because he probably wanted to talk to her on the phone during the drive  Thanksgiving was tough but I made through with minimal tears and thought things would be fine. I've been anti Christmas for months now and even though Paige Evans' scrapbook collection got to me super hard and I convinced myself doing December Daily was a good idea I was still against decorating and doing anything inside my house. We'd just bought a brand new 10 foot tree after the holidays last year and the thought of putting it and all the decorations up depressed me.

I was fine until the 1st when I had a mini breakdown and was in tears over not having a Christmas tree. I love the holidays. I love Christmas so much. I love hot cocoa and mulled wine and having too many colored lights in one room. I love walking around in the cold looking at Christmas lights and I love the cheesy predictable Hallmark movies.. I was angry at the memory of him and then myself for allowing him to ruin it for me. Even though I don't have the oomph to pull everything out of the garage and decorate I headed to Trader Joes on Saturday and bought a little rosemary Christmas tree to put on the credenza. I still need to go through boxes for some lights to make it a bit more festive but I think it'll be cute. And it's a whole sad ass story for December Daily lol

Christmas is different this year but it's just one more thing I'm hoping to leave in 2023 where it belongs. I hope things look up for you guys! ❤️

Dealing with my sister who just found out she has cancer and starting chemo tomorrow. Just feel so useless being far away.

Funds for Christmas this year is tighter than normal. Everything is so flipping expensive and my bills have gone through the roof. Seems like we had such a good long run without worrying about money and it going back down again. Hard time to buckle down. It’s not horrible but it’s on my mind.

I feel for every person who posted on this thread. For each and every one of you my wish for you is: better days, fewer challenges, and lots of love and understanding.
I am struggling this Christmas and this used to be my favourite time of year! Now, however I'm dealing with family challenges all around - dementia, cancer, more cancer, a lay off, dropped classes, mean spiritedness. Ugh.
I'm taking it one day at a time.

Well, DS1 came home tonight and helped me put up our big tree with family ornaments. Is it as pretty as I normally make it? Nope. But I just didn't want to mess with it, so DS1 did the majority. He did request that I make him his favorite dinner so I traded that for him doing the tree. So thats a positive update to my earlier post.

That is what we are here for. We support, give advice, empathize, and wrap each other up in safe thoughts. No ones struggles are any less than anyone else's.

Sending you a solid 20 second hug! And hoping that in real life you have someone you can give a 20 second hug to because they really do feel just right.

I've decided I'm ok not having a big family Christmas. DD & I will go to late DH's brother's house Christmas Eve. Christmas day we are going to the casino for a nice meal and some fun. DS and the grands can't make it this year. I've asked my kids to make charitable donations in lieu of gifts for me. I bought myself a couple of things. I'm keeping gifts simple - former DIL that I love will get cash for medical bills, DS and granddaughter will get Delta GCs. DD and grandson are getting hockey tickets and a few other things. Done.

I have decorated for Christmas. I felt like it and really enjoy the extra glow of lights here in the cold, dark north. I'm going to keep the lighted greens and some flameless candles that have timers out all winter.

Giant hugs to all my friends here not feeling it. Please, do something just for you this year. Coffee with a friend, a walk to look at lights, baking your favorite cookie - whatever brings you happiness.

My mother passed away November 21, which leaves my 86 year old father. I bailed on in-laws Thanksgiving and stayed home alone, I didn't want to hear "sorry" all day.

I'm not doing Christmas this year. I don't feel merry or joy and don't have the bandwidth to fake it. I'm not hauling stuff out of the attic. I will probably go visit my father Christmas eve and have lunch with him. I had already bought him a T-shirt, and will stop in a grocery store and get him some meals prepped. I'd like to get him into some sort of assisted living but this has all happened pretty fast. I work Christmas day (hospital) which is fine with me.

I had already planned to NOT due a DD album, but am doing a Heidi Swapp-ish memory planner December, which was always structured as a "daily" rather than a holiday.

Thanks for this thread.

I'm excited for you to have all freshly painted walls and ceilings. That's awesome!

So very sorry for your loss. Hopefully you and your dad will share some happy memories of your mom with each other to help see you thru the tough days ahead.

Hugs!

Tomorrow is what should be our daughter Phoebe’s 17th birthday. She was alive in her 9th birthday, but we had to spend that in the hospital so really 2014 is the last time we had a true joyous Christmas.

Last Friday I had a partial mastectomy so I am recovering from surgery. I am very thankful that my margins were clear on the biopsies and I will need radiation but hey feel they got everything at this time.

Trying to focus on the positive even when it is hard.

Peace and strength to all who are struggling 💕

This is me as well.  I come from a large family but apparently it’s a struggle for us to get together for the holidays anymore. I’m the youngest by quite a few years and all of my siblings are retired and spend much of their time traveling now. Last year they were all on a cruise over Thanksgiving, so my immediate family got together with my niece and her daughter. Christmas last year was nice, one of my brothers hosted. I hosted Thanksgiving this year. It was nice but after eating I was ready to visit and play cards or play a game and my guests did not stay around long. Now it looks like nobody is going to host Christmas. One sister is going out of state to visit her daughter, another sister is going on a trip with her son and leaving Christmas morning. None of my brothers will be hosting this year for various valid reasons. I’m hosting my husbands family on Christmas Eve this year so I really did not want to do Christmas Day too. Then I thought, I will just suck it up and do it so that I can spend time with my family. And then I heard my sister going on the trip Christmas Day is having a gathering with her kids and grandkids on Christmas Eve so has invited the siblings too. She knows I can’t go, I’m hosting at my house that day. So now I feel like they have moved our Christmas gathering to Christmas Eve which I’ve been celebrating with my husbands side of the family since I was 16. Holidays have not been the same since we lost both of our parents several years ago. If I had some extra money my husband and I would take our 2 kids on a little trip, but money is tight right now.


So I know I need to be thankful we have our health and we are not mourning the loss of anyone near to us lately…but I am struggling. I have our tree up, the simple one, but I need to finish the rest of my décor.

I’m so sorry about your dad. I don’t think you should have to hide your tears. September was just a few months ago.