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Post by shescrafty on Dec 15, 2023 21:52:29 GMT
I am a bit let down by this work situation.
Whenever someone is out for a medical issue or has a family member with an emergency, death of a parent, etc. my work (an elementary school) does a collection. We have a “sunshine committee” that we pay dues to as well that always gets flowers for the person as well.
I donate a minimum of $20 each time for every occasion that comes along. I have already done so 3-4 times this year.
Here is where I am feeling petty-another teacher also had a cancer diagnosis and went out for leave 3 weeks before I did. $425 was collected for her from the staff (it went out in an email).
I am leave and just had a partial mastectomy and will be off for the rest of the month. I have been out for 2 weeks. Nothing was collected for me. My 2 teammates and 3 other teachers were very kind and got my a gift card to get some books for my Kindle (which I appreciate). But the rest of the staff? Nothing.
The week I was leaving they were collecting money for a PREVIOUS staff member who sometimes subs and has been retired for at least 10 years because her mom passed away. Last week a staff member was leaving because her husband was changing military bases. I donated to her bridal shower, wedding gift, and a goodbye gift and did so happily.
But now I am feeling kind of bummed that nothing was done for me in the same way it is done for others. I have worked at the school for 9 years and subbed before that. My kids went to the school and I volunteered and was in charge of staff appreciation for many of the same teachers and I always went above and beyond.
I have decided I will no longer be participating in the voluntary donations. Then I feel bitchy for feeling that way. I also know that I am not “owed” anything from anybody, but it still hurts.
Am I the a-hole for being upset by this?
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Post by its me mg on Dec 15, 2023 21:55:43 GMT
No, not at all! Especially when the person who doesn't even work there got some funds. Is there an application process to this? Just curious how they would know or decide. Since you participate in donating to others I'd reach out to the head and see what happened. There's nothing wrong with expressing disappointment.
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Post by malibou on Dec 15, 2023 21:58:17 GMT
I validate you. That seems very off to me.
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Post by alsomsknit on Dec 15, 2023 22:00:13 GMT
DH had donated to countless death/illness/accident collections at work. He was there 26 years when he had his bicycle accident followed by shoulder surgery. Of 5 1/2 months. Nothing was done for him. He was hurt.
When the culture is to take up these collections, it’s terrible to overlook someone.
I hope it was unintentional and am adamant to keep that thought.
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Post by Lexica on Dec 15, 2023 22:07:10 GMT
No, you are not an a-hole or bitchy for feeling hurt and let down by your coworkers. I would feel exactly the same way and would be wondering why my situation was overlooked. It is especially hurtful since you regularly donate to others.
I am assuming they are aware of what is happening with you, right? I am going to guess that whoever it is that typically is in charge of the effort to take up a collection is the one who dropped the ball for you. I am sure the others would have happily donated if they had been given the opportunity. Was the person who should have started the collection gone for some reason? I hope when people realize that no collection was take up for you that someone steps up and rectifies the situation.
And in total honesty, if no one does, I would never donate to a group collection again. I would do something separately if the person is a personal friend, but I would stop the general collections.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Dec 15, 2023 22:09:06 GMT
No you are not being bitchy. You are hurt!
Unfortunately it happens more often then not. This time of year exacerbates the situation money wise.
Ask someone you trust if they have Not thoughts about it.
Another work situation I am aware of, three people retired at the same time, all well liked, but the collections were made at the same time. One person was sort of sad because in essence the dollars were split 3 ways. So they really did get less then had they retired at different times.
It also depends on what cash someone actually has in their pocket at that exact time of the collection.
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Bridget in MD
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Jun 25, 2014 20:40:00 GMT
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Post by Bridget in MD on Dec 15, 2023 22:13:20 GMT
I wonder if they have something for you but it hasn't gotten to you yet? That is my hope. Because I would never donate again, and when people come around and ask for donations, I wouldn't be shy to explain why I was no longer donating. That's TERRIBLE! I hope your recovery is going well.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Dec 15, 2023 22:14:20 GMT
I have decided I will no longer be participating in the voluntary donations. Then I feel bitchy for feeling that way. I also know that I am not “owed” anything from anybody, but it still hurts. If it were me I would no longer donate either. While no one is 'owed' anything with these donations, it is apparently a long standing tradition. For them to completely miss you on this is shameful. Hopefully there turns out to be a good explanation such as oversight? I hope you are doing well after your surgery. |
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Dec 15, 2023 22:41:15 GMT
I'll validate you.
I was in a similar situation. I donated to every little thing. We're taking donations to buy flowers. We're buying a group bridal/wedding/baby shower gift, we need $20. Oh, we're collecting for Gladys' grandson to go to Mexico to build houses. Can you sponsor me on my run to cure cancer. Help my kid by buying wrapping paper or cookies. I did it all. Then when I was out on a leave...{crickets}. In the big scheme of things it seems petty, but it really hurt. After that, I didn't donate to causes. I did my own thing...or not.
I hope you're recovering well.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 15, 2023 22:43:42 GMT
I validate you.
Is there a person who chairs the Sunshine committee? If so, when you return I would ask why you were ignored.
It is very hurtful to be ignored, especially with a big surgery.
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Post by littlemama on Dec 15, 2023 22:48:46 GMT
If you have a coworker that you are close to, who wont repeat what you say, can you ask them about it?
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gina
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Post by gina on Dec 15, 2023 23:14:25 GMT
Extremely RUDE of the whole sunshine committee. I would never participate again!
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MorningPerson
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Post by MorningPerson on Dec 15, 2023 23:18:06 GMT
This is not ok at all.
I might wait a bit more to see if there is a good reason you received nothing (I can’t imagine what that might be though.)
I wouldn’t remain silent about it. You could mention it to a few people you work with and if it makes the decision makers uncomfortable or embarrassed, so be it. What they did was shitty and you’re not petty.
I hope you’re doing well and are on the way to full recovery.
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Post by lisae on Dec 15, 2023 23:25:54 GMT
First of all, I hope your recovery goes well. Secondly, I would give it a few more weeks but if nothing is forthcoming, I would say something to someone on the sunshine committee to be sure they knew you were on medical leave but were left out of the traditional gift. You are right to feel hurt and they need to treat everyone fairly.
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 15, 2023 23:30:10 GMT
When I got the chance I'd say something, while grinning, to the effect of “I am going to save a ton of money because I won't be donating to any group funding ever again”. Then never donate again.
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Post by AussieMeg on Dec 15, 2023 23:35:15 GMT
I would be so hurt too! And I would not participate in any further collections.
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Post by shescrafty on Dec 15, 2023 23:42:24 GMT
Thank you for the validation!
Typically the sunshine committe sends flowers or a $25 card. I got the $25 card and was able to use it for some compression bras for my “updated” chest! Then someone else will ask for donations and give their Venmo.
I have been out for 2 weeks so perhaps it is coming, it is just usually done within the week but who knows. Either way I feel validated and will no longer be donating unless it is someone I am very close to, and even then I will do my own thing.
Happily, my pathology came back clear! 👍🏼 I had a reduction and lift along with the partial mastectomy and am adjusting to the changes in my body. I am still in some discomfort, but not awful and mostly along the incision lines. I have been doing lots of walking to help my blood flow. I will start a preventative medication and preventative radiation in January.
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valincal
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Southern Alberta
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Post by valincal on Dec 15, 2023 23:53:17 GMT
You’re not being petty. That’s very hurtful. Feel better!
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Post by flanz on Dec 16, 2023 0:10:05 GMT
NOT PETTY! That would sting any one of us. How could it not?
I'm wondering if there is no rhyme or reason as to who takes up these collections.... and if your case somehow fell through the cracks at this busy time of year. Still stinks though.
((((( hugs )))))
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Post by flanz on Dec 16, 2023 0:11:15 GMT
Happily, my pathology came back clear! 👍🏼 I had a reduction and lift along with the partial mastectomy and am adjusting to the changes in my body. I am still in some discomfort, but not awful and mostly along the incision lines. I have been doing lots of walking to help my blood flow. I will start a preventative medication and preventative radiation in January. I'm so happy for you!!! |
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Dec 16, 2023 0:37:53 GMT
Not petty at all, I quit mine at work for similar reasons.
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 16, 2023 0:46:12 GMT
Also, if they found out you are hurt about it and then tried to do something, I would not accept it. Too little, too late.
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Post by mom2rjcr on Dec 16, 2023 0:54:01 GMT
I have felt the same way. We have a sunshine committee at our school too. I have been hospitalized twice in the past 3...one for my gallbladder and the other just this month. Also two years ago my DH almost died in a motorcycle accident and I was out for 3 weeks taking care of him. I don't get much either. I have been at my school for 15 years. I got $100 and a couple of gift cards when DH was hurt. This most recent time, I got $100 and couple of gift cards both to places we never eat. My paraprofessional brought me a blanket, comfy socks, a stuffed Minnie Mouse, and some coloring books and new pencils. That was not from the sunshine committee but from my SPED team. I often feel like I don't belong and this just proved it.
I am so sorry that you have to feel like that. It sucks!
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Post by getting started on Dec 16, 2023 1:02:19 GMT
I think it's ok to feel hurt and to ask someone close to you about what happened.
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anaterra
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Dec 16, 2023 1:05:30 GMT
NTA i would be hurt and pissed and then hurt and then pissed again...
Also dont feel bad about no longer contributing.... just send a card of ur own to any special to you...
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,468
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Post by katybee on Dec 16, 2023 1:16:51 GMT
You are NOT petty! I’m so mad for you!
Also…I didn’t realize you were fighting cancer. I’m so sorry! Sending lots of hugs and praying for a speedy recovery!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 16, 2023 1:29:55 GMT
Definitely NTA and not petty either. This is exactly why I hate stuff like this. Even if it wasn’t intentional the hurt from being left out still stings just as much, especially after you have donated so much for so many other people over the years. I would be hurt too and I would be annoyed enough to never donate another penny to any future collections.
Could you ask one of your friends that you’re close with to inquire with the sunshine coordinator on your behalf? I think if one of them went to her and said something to the effect of, “Hey, I know it’s a busy time of year, but does anyone know why no one started up a collection for Shescrafty? She recently had surgery and I bet she could use a little pick me up right about now.”
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 16, 2023 1:39:29 GMT
I was on that committee and we did miss an important occasion. We did fix it, but I still remember feeling bad about missing someone.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Dec 16, 2023 2:08:25 GMT
This type of thing, is why I usually opt out of group giving.
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Post by Zee on Dec 16, 2023 3:25:47 GMT
That's very hurtful, I'm sorry 😢
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