I know I’m being petty, but…

I don't think you are petty at all.

Not petty at all. Like others have suggested, stop contributing to the office fund and if anyone asks why, tell them after doing it all these years, nobody bothered to give you anything. Be snotty about it (I would!)

I got myself into an uncomfortable situation when trying to do something nice for the person who put on all of the birthday gatherings for my office.  The receptionist was the one who purchased the card and got the cake for any birthdays each month and we would meet in the boardroom, sing and eat cake and ice cream.  The boss paid for it, the receptionist just picked it up.   It was very nice. But after I had been working there for 2 years, I realized we had never celebrated the receptionist’s birthday.  I thought she must feel awkward passing a card and getting a cake for herself so she just didn’t say anything.  I asked the HR person to look at her file to give me her birth date, determined to put something together for her next birthday.

I made a nice card and got it circulating around the office.  I own one of those chocolate fountains so I decided to pick up some pound cake, brownies, and various things that can be dipped into the chocolate instead of getting a regular birthday cake.  I truly wanted it to be nice for her.

Well, the day of her birthday arrives and I had trays of goodies all cut up bite sized and on trays hidden in the back of my car.  I had brought in a crock pot to melt the chocolate, keeping it plugged in under my desk so that I could monitor the melting chocolate.  The boss then sent the receptionist to the store for something as an excuse to get her out of the office so that we could set up her surprise birthday celebration.

I set up the chocolate fountain and some coworkers ran to my car to get the trays and set them up in our boardroom.  One of the guys hung a few streamers and put up a “Happy Birthday” sign.  It looked very nice and when the receptionist came back from the store, we all yelled SURPRISE and took her into the boardroom.  She didn’t act very happy to be celebrated though.  I thought perhaps she just wasn’t used to being the center of attention and felt a little uncomfortable about it.

The following month, it gets back to me that the receptionist had asked to be removed as the person who organized all the birthdays.  Instead of feeling honored and finally recognized by everyone for her own birthday, she was angry that what I had put together was quite nice and festive, making what she put together each month feel small and amateurish!  She thought I was trying to show her up instead of realizing I was trying to make her feel special because no one had ever done anything for her birthday!  I was so surprised.  I was truly trying to do a nice thing for her.  

That was the last time I organized her birthday.  I figured now that everyone knew when it was, I would let someone else organize for her.  The next year, no one remembered and no one bothered to do anything for her birthday.  And I certainly had learned my lesson about trying to go the extra mile to thank her.  I didn’t say or do anything.

I didn’t know about your breast cancer. So glad it sounds like a good report. Feel better!

Oh shescrafty - what a horrid situation for you.

I too think it would be good to ask why you weren’t included, but I know it can feel terribly awkward to do so, even if you’re asking a good friend.

So I suggest you go to whomever seems to take charge of such things, and ‘innocently’ tell them you’re unsure how the process of receiving the gift/collection works, and ask if they could tell you how to go about it.  Just act as though you really believe there is something you have to do to initiate the process, don’t let on that you are feeling hurt you haven’t already received anything. 

In your situation, I might be tempted to think it wasn’t worth it, that it won’t be the same if you have to ask for it - but that’s not really true because your co-workers would still be donating for you regardless of the timing, and you wouldn’t be ‘asking’ for special treatment of any kind.  I suppose it’s possible that you still wouldn’t receive anything, which would be very hard to take, but then maybe you could take comfort in knowing you’ve probably made them think about the fairness of leaving someone out in the future, so no-one else will have to go through what you are.

Regardless of what happens, we’re all here for you!

We have an announcement at school just before the doors are opened for students to arrive. If there is a staff birthday it is announced then. 

Last year my name wasn’t mentioned. I said something to a team mate and she must have called the office because a special second announcement was made. You would think they would update the calendar to make sure it didn’t happen again. Nope!

I was looking for something n the calendar and noticed my name is left off again this year. 

I’m currently out on FMLA due to the school being a toxic workplace, causing me anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I have 8 weeks sick leave saved. When my sick leave is used up I’m submitting my resignation. I already have another job lined up that will begin after the new year. 

I will totally validate you.

That is a legitimate gripe. I hope you’ll have a good recovery.

At the next staff meeting, I would ask to speak and say something like:

I would like to address what is happening with the sunshine committee. 
There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the help and assistance. Some receive maximum help and assistance, some receive above and beyond the maximum help and assistance.... and some receive the bare minimum or nothing at all. 
I would like to suggest, that some guidelines and protocol be put in place in regards to the assistance and help, so that it is fair for everyone who is in need.
Perhaps a standard checklist (x amount of money, x amount in gift cards, x amount of meals, etc...) of what is given, as well a assign a couple staff member to oversee the checklist, to make sure the staff members in need, are actually receiving and not being left out.
Thank you for letting me share my concerns, in regards to this issue.