I hate the "do you have a sibling" question (vent)

Well, you can say No.
You can say, I had one but he passed away before I was born.
Or you can say Yes.

I usually say, Yes, but I havent seen him in over 30 years. I have no idea why I dont just say No.

It would bug me if anyone other than a doctor asked. Sister died at age 41 and it’s none of their business. I have said no and it helps to keep my thoughts of Annie (not her birth name) to myself. I feel like it’s a secret they aren’t entitled to.

I hear what you are saying.

Who’s asking if you have a sibling? Why do people need that kind of info?
Maybe a date might ask in small talk I guess.

I guess I’m just trying to understand in what context do people ask this question.

It's pretty normal small talk to ask about siblings.

hop2 I lost my brother 11 years ago. Only in a new friend context has anyone ever asked me that. And it never bothered me to say he passed away. I'm not speaking for anyone else here, just myself.

But I remember how it was such a big deal when I finally left the house a couple of months after Esther died and I went for a pedicure. The woman doing my nails asked me if I had any children. I nearly collapsed. I started crying. I was so shaken up I know that poor woman felt terrible.

People ask if you have children....a lot. I mean even a cashier at the grocery store will ask making small talk. And I still, two years later, do not know what will come out of my mouth. Sometimes I just respond with, my daughter Chloe is 24 and blah blah blah. Sometimes it feels like a betrayal not to mention Esther. But I often really don't want to talk about it.

And I'll just say, I'm not advocating people stop asking at all. As time goes on, it gets easier. I do want to talk about my children...both of them. Just be aware that you might come face to face with someone who has lost a sibling or a child and might not quite react the way you intend them to.

Yes you get it. My grief was profound. I nearly lost my mind. No one needs to go back to that.

This is me. I usually just mention my surviving children. To answer differently would open up to a discussion that I’m unprepared to have with a stranger. But sometimes it just seems wrong.

I have a step-brother... but since my step-mom died, and I have spent about an hour of my life total with the guy (and that was still too much time) if anyone asks I just say I have two sisters.

My mom's older brother died as an infant before my mom was born, I'm pretty sure she just mentions her sister if anyone asks.

I have an older brother that was stillborn, 7 years before I was born. My husband has an older brother that died as an infant before he was born. Neither one of us counts them as one of our siblings in our day-to-day lives, particularly with strangers or acquaintances.

My family will discuss my brother on occasion, particularly around his birthday. He’s buried next to my grandparents, and my mom still decorates his grave for all of the holidays and we take flowers there a few times a year.

My husband’s family is very different. I’ve never even heard anyone in the family discuss his brother, and only know about him because I’ve read it in various written family histories. I just asked my husband, and he doesn’t even know where he is buried.

My son is named after my brother who passed before I was born (about 3 yrs age difference). My younger brothers middle name is also the same as my son/older brother's name.

Although we were both always aware of the brother who passed the only time I might mention him is in the context of my son's name or siblings/child death. Otherwise I answer the question about siblings that I have 1 younger brother. If we had experienced life together I do think it would be different and a much hard question to answer.

The question that I hate is "where did you grow up". I lived in 3 states and 2 countries before I was 10. Add that I am biracial and they could really be asking my ethnic back ground. I usually answer "I spent most of my time in XYZ" or "went to HS in XYZ". Depending on the progression of the conversation I add more infor as appropriate.

I agree with you. I don't think people should be afraid to ask. It certainly was not something I thought twice about until my own child died. And I certainly don't take any offense. I just haven't perfected my answer yet.

I always say 4 - 2 sisters, 2 brothers. Then I feel sad because we had another sister who passed shortly after birth. I feel like we've forgotten her. It was back in 1965 and she was less then a month old.

I would say I had a brother but he passed before I was born.

I haven't had to deal with it although I guess it is something in the back of my head now. (My sister is fighting cancer). So now pondering if the worst happens what would I say. For me, I think I would just say yes and leave it at that. If more to the conversation I would just add she has passed away and hopefully direct the conversation in another direction. I don't think it would 'bug' me because whoever I am talking to is just making conversation. BUT I haven't been there so I can't really say. Hopefully this is something I won't have to answer in a very long time, if ever.