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Post by onelasttime on Apr 18, 2024 21:51:37 GMT
Question - How many years difference in a couple’s age becomes
a “raised eyebrows “ thing?
I bring this up because of snippets of stories I’ve seen about the man or woman being more than a few years older than their partner.
* Chris Evens recently got married and the fact he is 16 years older than is wife generated some criticism.
* Aaron Taylor-Johnson is 22 years younger than his wife. They met when he was 18 and she was 42. They got married in 2012 when he was 22 and she was 45. He is in the soon to be released Ryan Gosling/Emily Blunt movie the Fall Guy and he has been mentioned as the possible new James Bond. I saw a headline that he is defending the age difference between him and his wife.
And then there is Cher. 😀 Her latest boyfriend is 40 years younger than her.
My thinking is if they can make it work more power to them. But the greater the age difference between the couple .the sooner the couple will have to deal with the joys of old age in one partner. And as someone who is old I think that could really be a problem. And Cher pointed out something that may not be a big problem but could be problematic.
From an interview Cher gave about her current relationship.
“Cher and the music producer, 37, have been dating since late 2022.
“I hate to talk about how happy I am, but no, we have a great time together,” she said. “We can talk music. We can talk about everything. He’s a got a great sense of humour, he’s got the cutest son in the world, ever… We just get each other.”
“Sometimes I’m talking to him and he has no idea who I’m talking about,” Cher said in reference to their wide age difference.
“The other day, I said, ‘Do you know who, I don’t know, Clark Gable, [is]?’ Somebody said, ‘Yes, of course,’ but most of my references… He’ll look at me and go, ‘I wasn’t born yet.’”
I think the last two paragraphs could be problematic but not sure how much since if the age difference is decades then one partner has kind of lived a who life in a different generation while their partner was a child or even before they were born. As in the case of Cher and her boyfriend.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 18, 2024 22:15:48 GMT
eh, whatever works for you. But then again, my sister was at an awards show and sat at a table with a famous actor and his very, very young girlfriend. Bob Dylan came out to sing and the girlfriend turned to the table laughing and said "OMG! Who IS that?"  |
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Post by KelleeM on Apr 18, 2024 22:25:51 GMT
When I met my husband I was 45 and he was 60. The age difference was never an issue. Had we been 20 and 35 that would have felt very different to me. The biggest downside to having a significantly older partner is the risk that they will pre decease you. In my case that means I’ll grow old alone.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 18, 2024 22:41:14 GMT
Age differences don’t both me - whatever floats your boat.
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Post by lisae on Apr 18, 2024 22:49:45 GMT
When I met my husband I was 45 and he was 60. The age difference was never an issue. Had we been 20 and 35 that would have felt very different to me. The biggest downside to having a significantly older partner is the risk that they will pre decease you. In my case that means I’ll grow old alone. I am in a similar situation. We were in our late 20's, early 40's when we started dating but didn't marry for 10 years. Our age difference has never really been a problem in our relationship. He insists he is going to outlive me! I do think a lot about being alone at some point especially as I don't have children or siblings. But you never know. I have a friend whose husband is several years older and has had a couple of strokes. When my friend was turning 62, he told me to talk her into going ahead and taking her social security. He said, you know she is going to outlive me and then she will take over my ss which is more. She did sign up at 62 and was soon diagnosed with cancer. She is in remission and hopefully will have a long life but you just never know. Every relationship is going to have its challenges regardless of the ages. I think it the difference is more than 20 years, it might become an issue. |
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Post by ntsf on Apr 18, 2024 23:01:38 GMT
whatever.. my son and his wife are 15 yrs apart.. she is older but they love each other and that is what counts
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Post by Zee on Apr 18, 2024 23:02:12 GMT
It's whatever I guess, but for me, I will never ever want a relationship with someone who could be my child. It feels so creepy. There is nothing to talk about and it also feels like that's the point, you're not with them to talk. And that's even worse. Nor would I ever want a relationship with someone old enough to be my father. BUT it's not my life or my business.
My husband and I are 3 years apart and we have practically grown up together, which isn't for everyone but I love all our shared experiences. Not sure if I'd ever look for another long term relationship at this point in my life.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 18, 2024 23:15:02 GMT
For me, I think there would be an ick factor to date someone old enough to be my parent or young enough to be my child.
I dont care what other people do as long as it is consensual.
What bothers me is when "rules" or opinions change based on the gender- for example a 60 year old man dating a 40 year old gets a very different reaction from society than a 60 year old wpman dating a 40 year old.
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breetheflea
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Posts: 6,582 
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Apr 18, 2024 23:20:14 GMT
My grandparents were 22 years apart, apparently my grandma didn't know this until shortly before or after the wedding. My best friend and her DH are 10 years apart, that doesn't seem quite so abnormal.
I can't think of anyone else I know with a huge age difference...
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 18, 2024 23:23:51 GMT
I think there is a big difference between a 46-year-old dating a 32-year-old and a 32-year-old dating an 18-year-old. With the former I would just say “thar’s not for me” while with the latter I’d say “that’s a bad idea.”
My father was 11 years older than my mother and I, personally, would not be open to that age difference. As I have posted here before, however, my father was 30 and divorced and my mother was 18 and had no prior relationships when they started dating, and I do not think that was a good idea.
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Post by Linda on Apr 18, 2024 23:25:48 GMT
Personally I'm basically the same age as my dh (8months apart) but both my parents and his had wider gaps. I'm less icked by my parents who married when he was 44 and she was almost 33 than I am by my ILs who married while she was still in high school (15) and he was mid-20s. In my parents' case - they were both adults with careers and life experience. In my ILs - he was an adult marrying a child. I think the older you are, the bigger the gap can be before you run into the different life-stages/generations issue. I wouldn't want my 17 y/o dating someone more than a year either way in age. My 24 y/o? I wouldn't be happy with her dating someone in their teens or 30s. My 32 y/o I think it would be weird for him to date someone younger than say 25/26 or older than early 40s. On the other hand, I'm unlikely to complain if either of the older two found anyone to date provided the anyone was a legal adult. But just because those are my opinions doesn't mean I get to impose them on others. I do agree 100% with littlemama about the gender differences |
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Post by busy on Apr 18, 2024 23:29:17 GMT
I think large age differences are an issue when one party is very young - like 18 and 28 is gross to me. There's just too much difference in life experience - a 28 year old wanting to be with an 18 year old is eyebrow-raising.
If one party is in their mid 20s, a 10 year age difference is fine but a 20+ year age difference is kid of skeevy.
If both parties are over 30, fair game.
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Post by busy on Apr 18, 2024 23:39:35 GMT
Aaron Taylor-Johnson is 22 years younger than his wife. They met when he was 18 and she was 42. IMO, this is predatory, regardless of gender. 18 is a child. Legal age of consent, yes, but there is no way a 42 year old and an 18 year old are anywhere near the same maturity level. It's messed up for someone 40+ to want to be with a teen. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 18, 2024 23:42:01 GMT
Had we been 20 and 35 that would have felt very different to me. My friend feels the opposite way. The age gap between her and her husband isn't quite as big as that, I think it's 'only' 10 and a bit years instead of 15. She says that when she was 19 and he was 29, it felt pretty cool to be dating an older man. But when she was 39 and he was about to turn 50, she wasn't feeling quite so cool about it! |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 18, 2024 23:43:39 GMT
Whatever people want to do as long as both are consenting adults makes no difference to me. But I do find it skeevy when someone 15-20 years older is crushing on a teenager. That’s just gross to me. We have a friend who was about 40 and divorced who started dating this girl who was about 18-19.  They ended up getting married, had a kid a few years later and they’re still together going on must be 20 years now, so what do I know. I also know someone who was about 20 and in college when she fell for someone 20+ years older who worked at the school. Didn’t help that he was already married to wife #2 at the time, ew. She became wife #3. 10 years later, she was thinking about babies and he was starting to think about retirement, and maybe five years after that they were divorced so I guess it could go either way. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 18, 2024 23:44:54 GMT
Aaron Taylor-Johnson is 22 years younger than his wife. They met when he was 18 and she was 42. IMO, this is predatory, regardless of gender. 18 is a child. Legal age of consent, yes, but there is no way a 42 year old and an 18 year old are anywhere near the same maturity level. It's messed up for someone 40+ to want to be with a teen. I agree with this. It's all well and good for people to say "who am I to judge" and "as long as they're both of legal age and consenting" yada yada yada...... But the idea of my 19yo son in a relationship with a woman in her 40s makes me feel ill. Yuk. |
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milocat
Drama Llama
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Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Apr 18, 2024 23:51:30 GMT
I think large age differences are an issue when one party is very young - like 18 and 28 is gross to me. There's just too much difference in life experience - a 28 year old wanting to be with an 18 year old is eyebrow-raising. If one party is in their mid 20s, a 10 year age difference is fine but a 20+ year age difference is kid of skeevy. If both parties are over 30, fair game. I agree. My grandma remarried. She was 40 and grandpa was 60. A year older than her mom. People said why do you want to marry that old man, you'll just have to take care of him. He took care of her more. Only the last 2 years of his life did he slow down, he passed at 100. She passed only a few years after him. So you never know. I'm mid 40s, would I date someone who was 20, eww no that's the age of my kids. I call refer to each DD and her boyfriend as "the kids". |
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Post by librarylady on Apr 19, 2024 0:30:04 GMT
I think others have expressed my opinion.
It depends upon the ages when the couple are getting together.
20 years is different if one is 17-18 and the other 35+.
That has an entirely different feel than 40 and 60.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 19, 2024 0:43:52 GMT
Doesn't bother me much really... I have always been drawn to older men all my life. My DH is only 2 years older. But I have had a couple of boyfriends who were probably about 4 to 5 years older, which really isn't that much, but I was young.. over 18 but around that age.
I think I raise an eyebrow when I see someone like Ann Nicole Smith and that really old guy she was with. That just screams that I'm (whoever) in it for the money. I know that isn't always the case... so I normally don't say much.
Oh that school teacher/student thing years ago... that was major ICK factor.
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Post by Merge on Apr 19, 2024 1:25:25 GMT
I really don’t care what other people do. But all kinds of alarm bells go off in my head when my 22 year old daughter mentions she “matched” with a 40 year old man on a dating app. I have to wonder what’s wrong with him that he is interested in women young enough to be his daughter, and who are still so young and lacking in life experience.
But I also know she couldn’t match with these guys if she didn’t have her age settings set to allow 40 year old matches. We’ve talked about that, too. I ask her if she thinks she’d have a lot in common with his same-age friends or him with hers.
So while I don’t care what other people do, I would have significant reservations about a huge age difference in someone one of my daughters dated.
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on Apr 19, 2024 2:28:46 GMT
For me, I wouldn’t go more than 5 years in either direction, and I would have concerns if any of my kids partnered with anyone at that range, too.
As far as other people, I tend to agree with the “half plus seven” rule of thumb. So, at thirty, the lowest you should date is 22 (15+7), and at 40, you shouldn’t date anyone younger than 27. I’d probably still side eye a little, though.
ETA: My SIL was (barely!) 18 when she married my BIL, who was 26. They’ve been married almost 30 years now and it’s still clear that he chose a young wife for a reason. He’s very controlling.
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 19, 2024 2:56:20 GMT
I think past a certain point it doesn't matter much but when I hear about a 30 something year old guy with a girl that is in her early 20s I wonder why he would be attracted to her. It's a bit of a red flag for me.
My dad was actually 28 years older than my mom and when I hear about that age difference now it absolutely shocks me that my mom's family was ok with it. My mom was 24 when I was born and my dad was 52ish (no one's quite sure of his exact DOB).
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 19, 2024 3:07:31 GMT
If someone is just out of high school (or close to that), and the partner is 5-10 years older, it seems like it could be more of a power imbalance. Other than that, eh, if it works for you, it works for you. several of my high school friends married men that were 15-20 years older and they have lost their husbands. You can go anytime, but knowing that women often live longer and marrying someone so much older increases the odds of becoming a widow sooner. They were happily married, so is it more important to marry someone closer in age? Neither of my friends would have chosen differently.
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Post by lainey on Apr 19, 2024 8:35:52 GMT
I'm 16 years older than my husband, we'll have been together for 19 years this July. The age difference has never bothered us, we've had challenges like every couple but none of them have been age related.
I don't think being the same age or near the same age has any bearing on the happiness, longevity or success of a relationship.
As long as everyone is over the age of consent, mature enough and mentally capable of making their own decisions then its no one else's business.
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Post by smasonnc on Apr 19, 2024 12:38:56 GMT
I think I raise an eyebrow when I see someone like Ann Nicole Smith and that really old guy she was with. That just screams that I'm (whoever) in it for the money. I know that isn't always the case... so I normally don't say much. I'm from South Florida. There are lots of "nieces" hanging out looking for "uncles" as we call them. They're not looking for soulmates. DH and I have so much history and shared experience. I don't know if I could handle someone who couldn't name all The Beatles or remember events from the 20th century and they would think I was a fossil because I can't tell the difference between the music of Drake and the Weeknd. My friend got divorced and her husband married a woman who was a year younger than their daughter. Yuk. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 19, 2024 12:52:35 GMT
For me, I wouldn’t go more than 5 years in either direction, and I would have concerns if any of my kids partnered with anyone at that range, too. As far as other people, I tend to agree with the “half plus seven” rule of thumb. So, at thirty, the lowest you should date is 22 (15+7), and at 40, you shouldn’t date anyone younger than 27. I’d probably still side eye a little, though. ETA: My SIL was (barely!) 18 when she married my BIL, who was 26. They’ve been married almost 30 years now and it’s still clear that he chose a young wife for a reason. He’s very controlling. The 40 year old guy I know who married the 19 year old girl was extremely immature and impulsive which was a big part of why his first wife divorced him. IMO he hasn’t improved with age either. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 19, 2024 13:11:38 GMT
I really don’t care what other people do. But all kinds of alarm bells go off in my head when my 22 year old daughter mentions she “matched” with a 40 year old man on a dating app. I have to wonder what’s wrong with him that he is interested in women young enough to be his daughter, and who are still so young and lacking in life experience.But I also know she couldn’t match with these guys if she didn’t have her age settings set to allow 40 year old matches. We’ve talked about that, too. I ask her if she thinks she’d have a lot in common with his same-age friends or him with hers. So while I don’t care what other people do, I would have significant reservations about a huge age difference in someone one of my daughters dated. I don’t wonder about that at all. They’re interested in a young hottie so they can prove they’ve still “got it” ew. I’ll take “mid life crisis” for $1000. I wonder more about the young women wanting to hook up with some wrinkly old dude. I asked my former friend about that once and she said, “He wasn’t that bad when he was 45.” But when she was 35 and he was 60? Yeah. Not so much. She ended up divorcing the old guy, marrying someone much closer to her own age and had a baby not long after that. On a related note, my DH was out to lunch with some friends a while back and he came home and said to me, “How did I never notice so many of my friends are so creepy when it comes to young women?” Apparently one has a whole file of photos on his phone of his “friends” who all happen to be female waitresses or servers at various bars and restaurants, another one leers lecherously at any hot young thing that walks past, another one said something about being glad his wife wasn’t going with him to Sturgis this year because then he can “look at all the women with painted boobies” 🤢 etc. etc. I told DH that his perspective has changed now that our DD is a young teen so he probably notices this stuff more. Men can be so gross. |
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 19, 2024 13:12:19 GMT
I think large age differences are an issue when one party is very young - like 18 and 28 is gross to me. There's just too much difference in life experience - a 28 year old wanting to be with an 18 year old is eyebrow-raising. If one party is in their mid 20s, a 10 year age difference is fine but a 20+ year age difference is kid of skeevy. If both parties are over 30, fair game. When I was 18 I casually dated a 28 year old college professor (he wasn't MY professor, he was A professor at another school). I wasn't crazy about him but we had 2 or 3 dates. He was cute but kind of boring (probably because he was 28 and I was 18.) I didn't really care about the age difference but my mom lost her mind over it. And now that I'm the mother of young adults, I can see how kind of creepy it was and I wouldn't be a fan either (I mean, really, this guy couldn't find someone his own age?) I will say I was one of those "born 40" kids - definitely more mature than my peers, but I still wasn't 28 years old mature. |
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Post by paulao on Apr 19, 2024 13:20:17 GMT
Mick Jagger is 80 and his current paramour is 37….She claims when they met she didn’t know who he was. Could be true.
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Post by janet on Apr 19, 2024 13:25:56 GMT
I'm 13 years older than my husband, and I really only think about it in instances like this when it's brought up. He's got an old soul and I have a young soul, LOL!
I did worry a lot about whether he'd be embarrassed, what his friends/family would think, etc. All things that a man who was 13 years older than the woman would NEVER have thought about. But it works for us, and that's all I care about really.
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They ended up getting married, had a kid a few years later and they’re still together going on must be 20 years now, so what do I know. 
