Gennifer
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,238 
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Post by Gennifer on Apr 19, 2024 13:37:51 GMT
When I was 18 I casually dated a 28 year old college professor (he wasn't MY professor, he was A professor at another school). I wasn't crazy about him but we had 2 or 3 dates. He was cute but kind of boring (probably because he was 28 and I was 18.) When I was 19 I went out with a coworker and found out mid-date that he was 30. It kind of freaked me out, because I was a bit of a late bloomer and was always being taken for younger than I actually was. I should have been full of red flags for him, and yet. |
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Post by Sparki on Apr 19, 2024 15:52:50 GMT
My husband is 28 years older than me. We've been together for 16 years now. My first husband (deceased) was 26 years older than me. We were married for 13 years before he passed away.
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Post by Merge on Apr 19, 2024 16:08:59 GMT
I really don’t care what other people do. But all kinds of alarm bells go off in my head when my 22 year old daughter mentions she “matched” with a 40 year old man on a dating app. I have to wonder what’s wrong with him that he is interested in women young enough to be his daughter, and who are still so young and lacking in life experience.But I also know she couldn’t match with these guys if she didn’t have her age settings set to allow 40 year old matches. We’ve talked about that, too. I ask her if she thinks she’d have a lot in common with his same-age friends or him with hers. So while I don’t care what other people do, I would have significant reservations about a huge age difference in someone one of my daughters dated. I don’t wonder about that at all. They’re interested in a young hottie so they can prove they’ve still “got it” ew. I’ll take “mid life crisis” for $1000. I wonder more about the young women wanting to hook up with some wrinkly old dude. I asked my former friend about that once and she said, “He wasn’t that bad when he was 45.” But when she was 35 and he was 60? Yeah. Not so much. She ended up divorcing the old guy, marrying someone much closer to her own age and had a baby not long after that. On a related note, my DH was out to lunch with some friends a while back and he came home and said to me, “How did I never notice so many of my friends are so creepy when it comes to young women?” Apparently one has a whole file of photos on his phone of his “friends” who all happen to be female waitresses or servers at various bars and restaurants, another one leers lecherously at any hot young thing that walks past, another one said something about being glad his wife wasn’t going with him to Sturgis this year because then he can “look at all the women with painted boobies” 🤢 etc. etc. I told DH that his perspective has changed now that our DD is a young teen so he probably notices this stuff more. Men can be so gross. They can indeed. My daughter says, probably not incorrectly, that guys nearer to her age are all just looking for a hookup. She's not looking for marriage at this time, but she would like to find someone she can be in a relationship with, and guys like that are thin on the ground. She also has - and please no one mark this thread as political, it's just an observation - trouble finding younger guys who don't have something along the lines of "red-pilled" or "liberal women swipe left" on their bios. Texas, you know. I explained to her that a 40 year old who wants to date 22 year olds probably isn't really looking for a relationship, either. He's looking for a young hottie and/or someone he can manipulate and "mold" to his preferences. She is six feet tall, strawberry blonde and blue eyed and frankly gorgeous. A perfect mark for an older man looking for arm candy. But she also has had some serious mental health issues and is probably autistic, so she needs someone who sees her and not just her looks or her challenges, and it seems younger men are rarely able to do that. It's rough out there. (She is bisexual and generally feels more safe dating women right now, but seems to want a man for a longer-term thing.) |
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Post by koontz on Apr 19, 2024 16:22:25 GMT
My DH is just over 10 years older, we've been together for almost 40 years. I have friends dating much younger men. Not a problem at all, as long as they are at the same maturity level. A 27 year old dating a 17 year old would really worry me.
I also never felt the age difference nor has it been an issue for us. My DH looks younger so I don`t think many people know we're more than 10 years apart. I do worry more about the age difference as we are getting older, but we have a wonderful life together.
However, whilst we will accept and love out kid's future partners, I do hope my kids end up with a partner around their age. When they were born, my DH was in his mid-40s. I would have loved to have one or two more, but we decided that, based on his age, two was enough. I still think that was the right decision, but I would have liked to have more choices!
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 19, 2024 16:23:32 GMT
Personally I don’t even *want* to date someone younger lol.
The sweet spot seems to be about 4-5 years older.
My biggest age difference was when I was 22 I briefly dated a guy I worked with who was 33.
Also when I was 18 I also briefly dated a guy who was like 27 - and that was a bit “creepy”.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,784
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Apr 19, 2024 18:27:02 GMT
Honestly, the older the couple is the less the age difference registers with me. It's when you have young people, with no life experience, getting together with older people that causes me pause.
I know there are a lot of videos on TT about being a sugar baby (skeeves me OUT) or going for older guys (talking about at least 20yr age differences). The older guy can show off his hot young partner and the girl is going to be taken care of. I always shake my head b/c you'll be taken care of until he wants a younger model.
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Post by Cupcake on Apr 19, 2024 22:44:40 GMT
I think it all depends on the people involved. DH is only 8 days older than I am, but my sister’s husband is 12 years older than she is. My sister is 5 years older than I am, so BIL has known me since I was in high school and is nearly old enough to be my dad. They married when she was 23 and he was almost 35. Their 35th anniversary is this year.
DH and I have always joked about how our DS (23) has been an ”old man” since kindergarten, and that we wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with someone older than himself. Well, he is about to move in with his girlfriend, who is 31. They seem to be a good match, and it hasn’t bothered me. She was very upfront about her age when he first introduced her to us. After college, she worked overnights as a 911 dispatcher for years so didn’t really meet anyone until she switched jobs and met DS.
As long as it’s not a “Mary Kay Letourneau” situation, I say people should be with whoever makes them happy.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,920
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Apr 20, 2024 9:51:33 GMT
For me, I think there would be an ick factor to date someone old enough to be my parent or young enough to be my child. I dont care what other people do as long as it is consensual. What bothers me is when "rules" or opinions change based on the gender- for example a 60 year old man dating a 40 year old gets a very different reaction from society than a 60 year old wpman dating a 40 year old.  DH is my toy boy. A whole 2 years younger than I am - younger than my "little" brother. When we met in our early 20s, I had to joke my way through that a lot more than now we're in our 50s. We were watching a TV show last week of pop music from the '80s, and he didn't remember some of my favourites. If that's the worst, I'm OK with it. My first serious partner was 36 when I was 18, and that lasted 2 years. I discovered that I was more mature in some life-skills ways than he was, or ever could be. |
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Post by littlemama on Apr 20, 2024 13:07:47 GMT
For me, I think there would be an ick factor to date someone old enough to be my parent or young enough to be my child. I dont care what other people do as long as it is consensual. What bothers me is when "rules" or opinions change based on the gender- for example a 60 year old man dating a 40 year old gets a very different reaction from society than a 60 year old wpman dating a 40 year old. DH is my toy boy. A whole 2 years younger than I am - younger than my "little" brother. When we met in our early 20s, I had to joke my way through that a lot more than now we're in our 50s. We were watching a TV show last week of pop music from the '80s, and he didn't remember some of my favourites. If that's the worst, I'm OK with it. My first serious partner was 36 when I was 18, and that lasted 2 years. I discovered that I was more mature in some life-skills ways than he was, or ever could be. Im 17 months older than my dh and we heard it all when we were younger. The funny thing is that in his family, there are multiple couples with about the same age difference with the wife being older! |
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Post by rymeswithpurple on Apr 21, 2024 0:00:31 GMT
DH and I are 20 days apart.
My parents are 10 years, 5 months apart.
My favorite story, though, is my great-grandma. She and her husband were 20 years apart. He had been married before they were (his first wife passed), so he informed my great-grandma she couldn't wear white when they got married, despite the fact she had never been married. So she wore black. 🤷🏼
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Post by onelasttime on Apr 22, 2024 15:31:35 GMT
This article popped up today… When I was 42 I would see an 18 year old as kid. But then I remembered that in this country when one turns 18 one can enlist in the military where they basically train them to kill and sent to a combat zone before turning 19. Which makes me believe some 18 year olds are old enough to decide who they want to have a relationship with, even if that person is 24 years older. The couple has been together 14 years, 12 of them while married. They seem to be making it work. Good for them. I also agree with the comment there two sets of rules where men for generations have married much younger women without raising an eyebrow. But when it comes to women marrying much younger men they get the criticism men don’t normally get. From the Independent.
link” Sam Taylor-Johnson ‘can’t fathom’ the fascination around her 24-year age-gap marriage”She discussed tabloid interest in her relationship while promoting ‘Back to Black’ “Sam Taylor-Johnson has admitted that she “can’t fathom” why people are fascinated by her marriage to a man 23 years her junior. The director, 57, has been in a relationship with Aaron Taylor-Johnson, 33, since meeting on the set of the John Lennon biopic, Nowhere Boy, back in 2009. Now, over a decade into their union, which has seen the pair get married and have two children, the director has admitted people still are fascinated by their age gap. “I guess that interest was more when we got together, which was now 14 years – at the beginning, was quite intense,” Taylor-Johnson admitted on BBC Radio 4’s This Cultural Life. And that sort of fascination, because he’s younger than me, which you know, we couldn’t really fathom the fascination. But I guess it’s sort of gone away a little bit. Mostly when I’m doing press and things like this it sort of resurges a little bit. But yeah, I guess people want to understand things when they can’t. They want to pick apart when they can’t fathom what a certain love story that doesn’t fit in a box is.” Taylor-Johnson’s thoughts on the fascination surrounding the relationship come after she was asked about it from a cultural point of view earlier this month. The director, who was previously married to art dealer, Jay Jopling, 60, stressed that even though there are more than 20 years between her and her significant other, they never notice a difference in terms of cultural frames of reference or interest. No, [the age gap] never does [show up there]. I mean, it’s coming up now because you’re asking,” she admitted to Guardian Saturday. “And it comes up on the outside perspective of people who don’t know us, because I guess people will always. “We’re a bit of an anomaly, but it’s that thing: after 14 years you just think, surely by now it doesn’t really matter?” A recent survey on age-gap relationships found that in the US, just 0.4 percent of all married couples involve a woman who is more than 20 years older than her male spouse. Meanwhile, relationships between men who are over 20 years older than their female spouses account for one percent of heterosexual marital unions. But Taylor-Johnson said that any cynicism surrounding a relationship with a man so much younger than herself did not enter her mind when she got together with Taylor-Johnson. She said: “If I had been cynical for a second, it wouldn’t have worked. If I had questioned anything, it would never have worked. I’m quite instinctual. I’ve gone feet-first into everything in my life. I’m always, ‘This seems amazing’, and I jump straight in and go through the experience, whether good or bad. “It’s definitely a ‘f***it, let’s go with it’ approach. And I’m a great believer that the heart overrides everything. Love conquers all.” |
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,330
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Post by gina on Apr 23, 2024 0:28:56 GMT
Oldest I've ever been with was 8 years older than me. I liked the age gap.
Youngest was 2 years younger. That was fun in college but I don't/wouldn't care for a man younger than me now.
My husband is 4 years older than me. It works nicely.
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Post by onelasttime on May 1, 2024 23:03:26 GMT
You got to love Cher. She was on the Jennifer Hudson show talking about her current boyfriend who is 40 years younger than she is. She said “The reason I got with younger men is because, men my age are older…now they’re all dead.” Well she kinda does have a point. http://instagram.com/p/C6cVLOXtHkl |
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,090
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Post by AllieC on May 2, 2024 0:15:46 GMT
I'm 15 years younger than my husband and generally it isn't an issue. He is 74 now and slowing down a bit but we make it work. I've always been much more social that he has so he is happy for me to go out sometimes without him. We have always had our own interests which I think is healthy because if one of us passed away, then we aren't so reliant on them for every single thing. We met when I was 28 so it wasn't as if I was a teen. I do think if one party is 18 for example it would be a different story.
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Post by librarylady on May 2, 2024 2:44:40 GMT
I think age difference matters less when the couple are past age 25 or so.
A 17-18 year old with a 50 year old has a different feeling than a 27 with 50, for example.
Like everything else in life, it depends on the people involved.
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on May 2, 2024 14:47:41 GMT
It depends on the context and the couple, really. My first marriage was to someone 15 years older than me, and it was problematic for all the same reasons it sometimes is for other couples with a much older man and a much younger woman. Although it seems more acceptable in Hollywood since it happens so often, it doesn't feel super great when a much older famous rich man marries a much younger not-famous not-rich woman. The Aaron Taylor-Johnson marriage is a classic case of grooming that is all kinds of gross.
However, a "regular" couple with an age gap doesn't raise my eyebrows as much especially if they seem to be on the same maturity level, one does not seem to be taking advantage of the other, etc. Then there are couples who just seem like they have an age gap when they actually don't; my husband is only 2 years older than me but his salt & pepper hair and mostly white beard and general demeanor + the fact that most people think I'm about 10 years younger than I am means people might see us together and think we're different ages than we are.
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Post by gryroagain on May 2, 2024 17:38:35 GMT
Since my divorce I’ve only dated younger men, except one and its the partnership that stuck.
Honestly? Men seem to age a LOT faster than women. I’m 50 and men my age are just very old acting, physically and mentally. The exception is my partner, who works very hard to stay physically sharp and mentally sharp. Otherwise, I prefer younger men due to that. It doesn’t seem like an age gap since we line up personality and activity level wise if they are 30-35 and I am 50. I do think there is some fetishizing going on sometimes, on their end, which I find yucky. There isn’t on my end- I’m not with them because they are young but because it’s a good match of personality.
I will never understand how the theorymen age better than women got started. It’s not true at all IMO. Where I live I’m on the young side for expats/immigrants, and the numbers of vibrant women in their 60s and 70s taking care of their same age partners who seem so much older is staggering. Honestly it makes me angry for the women. The men don’t seem to make taking care of themselves a priority at all (of course things happen, sickness and disability, I’m not talking about that). My ex is a classic example, he lamented about gaining so much weight but would never even walk dogs with me or stop the 10 cokes a day habit. The man can hardly walk or get up and down and he is just 50-!
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