used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,097 
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 25, 2024 5:15:50 GMT
My uncle (mom’s brother) was found dead yesterday after a few days. My aunt (dad’s sister) is in home hospice care and will pass in the next day or so. Both sides of the family (my parents are divorced) are reeling and I don’t even know how to begin to support my cousins. Any advice?
I dropped off paper plates/kleenex/napkins/paper towels/toilet paper today. I’m just super sad and emotional and don’t know how to best support either situation.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 25, 2024 5:30:02 GMT
I am so sorry. Especially that it’s a double hit. So hard on you and everyone in both families.
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Post by compeateropeator on Apr 25, 2024 5:40:06 GMT
I am so sorry. Losing and having to grieve a loved one is the hardest thing, but two loved ones in one week is just beyond comprehension. My thoughts and heart are with you and your family as you tr6 to navigate these terrible losses.
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Post by jackietex on Apr 25, 2024 5:43:09 GMT
That's terrible, too much, I'm so sorry.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Apr 25, 2024 5:50:56 GMT
So very sorry for you losses.
Paper products are great.
Do your cousins live close or do they need a place to stay? Can you just let them know that any one of them could stop by your house to get away from the hub bub for a bit? A place of quiet to restore their thoughts.
......HUGS for you and both your families..
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Post by brynn on Apr 25, 2024 6:15:49 GMT
Food, and not cookies. With a sudden death, families are reeling. I am forever grateful for a relative bringing a ham and buns.
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Post by lg on Apr 25, 2024 7:35:24 GMT
Both of my grandfathers passed in the same week - one on 1 April and one on 4 April - a few years ago. If possible, meals to feed any small kids so those who are grieving don’t have to cook would be my recommendation as for a few weeks I couldn’t really function let alone think of what to feed my kids each night. We ate a lot of takeaway.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,130
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 25, 2024 12:31:18 GMT
I'm so sorry. Last month I had the same thing happen. An uncle, cousin and my nephew's dad all died. It's such a shock and you don't even get a chance to properly grieve before the next wave hits. Wishing you peace and comfort in the days ahead.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 25, 2024 12:40:02 GMT
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for your losses and others on this thread.
I think food and checking up on them is great support.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 25, 2024 12:59:48 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is a lot. It was really great of you to drop off paper products.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,351
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Apr 25, 2024 13:07:59 GMT
Sorry to read about your losses in your family. Prayers for you and the family. Sometimes it is so difficult to know what to do to support the famiy. Could you start meal trains for them? Keep your ears alert to pick up on things they might say and then just do, don't ask as most will say oh you don't have to do that. {{Hugs}}
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Post by Linda on Apr 25, 2024 13:46:57 GMT
(((Hugs))) and prayers. I'm so sorry
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Post by KikiPea on Apr 25, 2024 14:09:56 GMT
I’m so sorry. Big hugs and prayers for your whole family.
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hutchfan
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,614
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Post by hutchfan on Apr 25, 2024 14:49:01 GMT
I am so sorry for your losses. Hugs and prayers.
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 25, 2024 15:39:28 GMT
I am really sorry. That is so much. Dropping off food if they are nearby and letting them know you are there to listen and help is great.
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Post by quietgirl on Apr 25, 2024 16:07:17 GMT
Im really sorry. I like the idea of making meals too, and its something I do for others. Remember to take care of yourself during this rough time for you and your family. Im really sorry.
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3boysnme
Full Member
Posts: 405
Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on Apr 25, 2024 16:20:58 GMT
I am so sorry for the losses you and your family are facing right now. That is a lot. I think your bringing over the paper goods is good. Nobody really thinks about those. A lot of people bring food dishes for the families, but don't think of all the dishes that will need to be washed, etc, if they don't have paper plates. Also, just being there for them. Listening to their stories about their loved ones. That will help you as well. And don't forget that you need time to grieve as well. Be helpful where and when you can, but also don't overdo it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 25, 2024 16:26:49 GMT
I’m so sorry for your losses. Been there, done that so I know how tough it is. It’s hard to know how to help when the people closest to your loved ones might not even know what they need. Sending wishes for peace and comfort your way.
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Post by mom on Apr 25, 2024 20:16:03 GMT
Oh gosh, thats a lot all at once. I think you've done good dropping off paper products. Maybe make something for them to eat that can be frozen so they can use it when they need it?
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Post by littlemama on Apr 25, 2024 21:24:17 GMT
Be there. Go be with them, go to the services (at least the visitations). Offer to buy dinner or pick up dinner or cook dinner.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,097
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 25, 2024 22:12:10 GMT
Thank you all for the condolences and suggestions. My aunt has passed today. It’s indeed a lot. 😢
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 25, 2024 23:02:29 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this. It does sound like you need to take care of you too. Two losses is really hard.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,105
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Post by mimima on Apr 26, 2024 0:49:12 GMT
Memory Eternal. I had a week like that in January. Take care of yourself and lots of love.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,014
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Apr 26, 2024 2:34:33 GMT
I'm so sorry for your losses, it's definitely a lot all at once. Bringing paper products was good & helpful; I'm sure it was appreciated.
Another idea is just offering to be there at the house and assist with organizing guests, helping coordinate donated meals/food/flowers, childcare, answering the door, and just sitting with people to listen, be present for visitors/other family when they need time alone, or give them a shoulder to cry on. Any or all of these were things that helped my extended family when we went through a devastating loss ~18 years ago.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,717
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Apr 27, 2024 1:37:34 GMT
First, I am so sorry to hear about your family's losses. That is for sure a double whammy.
If you can, take your aunt's family grab and go foods or offer to bring a meal/to-go. When I was sitting beside for my mom, we never left. I wasn't going to leave. Eating was an after thought. My cousin brought us lunch one day. I placed a door dash order the first night and that was $$$. My sister's boss sent her money to order us dinner one night. So anything like that is super helpful.
Same with your uncle's family. A basket of things they can grab and go as they are going through the planning process. The less they have to worry about the better.
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