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Post by cindyupnorth on May 9, 2024 16:31:22 GMT
I've been having lots of thoughts on this lately. So wanted to share on here, and ask how others have approached it, or dealt with it. It's a touchy subject I know. I was raised catholic. My dad's side of the family very very catholic. I was baptized, 1st communion, confirmation, the whole shebang. Went to a private catholic college. Got married at 24 yrs old. Looking back I was soo young. Married a nice guy, in the catholic church, but NOT a religious ceremony. he did not convert. he is Evangelical. Had our 2 dds. baptized them catholic. Over the yrs my beliefs have changed. Quite a bit. I went to church with my parents on holidays, etc, but that's about it. We tried a church in my area, to find a church home, but nothing ever really clicked. It could have been my growing resistance to religion. Now that I am 60 yrs old. I believe I am agnostic. I have had a hard time explaining this to my dh, who thinks I'm nuts. That "I'll find out someday". I also have a friend i talk politics and religion to quite a bit, and he can't understand it either. yes, it's a personally decision, but I guess I feel like I want to explain myself to others, or maybe understand it better myself in doing that?
I know this post is full of questions, but no real questions...but has anyone experienced this before? or know what i'm talking about?
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Post by lisae on May 9, 2024 16:38:40 GMT
I stopped going to church years ago. I'm fortunate in some ways that my family is so reserved. No one asked me why. My mother pushed going at Christmas for awhile and I often did go with them to the Christmas eve service but mostly no one seemed to care. I'm fortunate that my husband and I can talk about this openly and it isn't an issue for us what each of us believes or doesn't.
I have thought about going back to church now that I'm older, have less family and a greater need for community. I haven't decided yet if it is something I want to try. If I went back it would be to the church I went to growing up and some of my extended family still attends. If I stopped going again, that might attract more questions.
So I can't really answer your question because I didn't discuss my decision with anyone except Dh. My bff and I don't even talk about religion. We talk politics but not religion. I think it is very personal and I just don't care what others believe or don't as long as it doesn't infringe on me.
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Post by librarylady on May 9, 2024 16:38:55 GMT
I do understand.
I am feeling agnostic myself, lately. I think it is a common thing to change as we go down life's path.
Years ago I went to our minister and wanted to talk about feeling this way. He told me he was feeling the same way.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
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Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
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Post by rodeomom on May 9, 2024 16:39:26 GMT
I don't. I grew up Evangelical. Everyone around me is Evangelical. They believe atheist or agnostic are of the devil. There would be no discussions, just preaching about going to hell.
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3boysnme
Full Member
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Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on May 9, 2024 16:43:48 GMT
I'm the same way, sort of. I was born, baptized and raised Catholic. Tried to follow the faith after college, but couldn't really justify it anymore. The Catholic Church has harmed so many. A lot of my relatives are still very immersed in the religion. I tell them that I cannot in good conscience, follow this religion anymore. I do feel spiritual in that I believe that there is something far bigger than just us humans.
Religion these days seem to just be an excuse to judge others. To feel above everyone. That is not true of everyone of course, but so many atrocities have been happening in the name of religion. Speaking just of the United States, people immigrated to this country to avoid religious persecution in their homelands. And today, there is a whole lot of religious persecution happening here. I just can no longer justify religion. And if there is a God that oversees it all, I like to think that "they" are unhappy with all the wrong being done in "their" name.
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Post by lainey on May 9, 2024 16:45:38 GMT
Why do you feel like you want to explain yourself to others? Self reflection is fine but is anyone else really interested in your religious beliefs?
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Post by flanz on May 9, 2024 16:46:07 GMT
I think, as living, growing beings, it is normal to change / challenge our beliefs. The more I learned about the world, the more I thought about life's big questions, the more I realized that the faith of my upbringing did not ring true to me any longer. Most of the people in my life know, and my mum suspects, but she doesn't "really want to know" so we don't talk about it. It is a very personal matter AND it's nice to find people to discuss this aspect of life with who have had the same questions.
I wish I could remember the name of the author or the book. I once read a memoir shared with me by an older gentleman who had 5 kids. He said he ended up with one atheist, one UU (like him), one evangelical Christian, one Jewish and a Baptist. He loaned me the book, written by a former Catholic priest who had come to question and then not believe all that he had been taught to take on faith. He then became an atheist psychologist (or similar profession). He wrote his memoir when he was diagnosed with cancer as letter to his family, nieces, nephews mostly. I would love to read it again!
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Post by flanz on May 9, 2024 16:47:22 GMT
I don't. I grew up Evangelical. Everyone around me is Evangelical. They believe atheist or agnostic are of the devil. There would be no discussions, just preaching about going to hell. Hugs. This is exactly why I haven't come right out and told my very Catholic mum that I no longer believe. She would have spent the last 25 years and her remaining days convinced I was going to burn in hell for all eternity. One instance where the price of being truthful would be too high... |
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Post by librarylady on May 9, 2024 16:49:44 GMT
Actually I don't discuss this with anyone. It is my concern and not anyone else's business.
That's my advice--keep it to yourself.
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Post by katlady on May 9, 2024 16:59:10 GMT
Why do you feel like you want to explain yourself to others? Self reflection is fine but is anyone else really interested in your religious beliefs? Unfortunately, in some areas of the US, religion is a common topic to talk about. I like to watch/listen to the videos from the Atheist Community of Austin. It just helps clarify your thoughts when you hear others talk about the same things you are going through with regards to religion. www.atheist-community.org/theatheistexperience |
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 9, 2024 17:03:13 GMT
My bff and I don't even talk about religion. We talk politics but not religion. Yea. I didn't either up until the last 5 yrs. Seems like politics and religion are joined these days in the US |
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Post by bossymom on May 9, 2024 17:04:12 GMT
I do not justify my faith to anyone. If pressed, I say " I refuse to support or participate in an institution that allowed and covered up years of sexual abuse of children".
I am from a city with 250 accused priests. I am hoping the catholic church implodes.
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 9, 2024 17:04:55 GMT
I don't. I grew up Evangelical. Everyone around me is Evangelical. They believe atheist or agnostic are of the devil. There would be no discussions, just preaching about going to hell. ooooh yea. I live in a rural republican area. i am for sure going to hell |
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 9, 2024 17:05:47 GMT
Why do you feel like you want to explain yourself to others? Self reflection is fine but is anyone else really interested in your religious beliefs? Yes. people are interested. |
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3boysnme
Full Member
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Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on May 9, 2024 17:06:49 GMT
I do not justify my faith to anyone. If pressed, I say " I refuse to support or participate in an institution that allowed and covered up years of sexual abuse of children". I am from a city with 250 accused priests. I am hoping the catholic church implodes. And continues to cover up to this day! I'm on the bench with you. If there is a hell, it'll be all those "holy" people that will be going there. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on May 9, 2024 17:09:34 GMT
I wish I could remember the name of the author or the book. I once read a memoir shared with me by an older gentleman who had 5 kids. He said he ended up with one atheist, one UU (like him), one evangelical Christian, one Jewish and a Baptist. He loaned me the book, written by a former Catholic priest who had come to question and then not believe all that he had been taught to take on faith. He then became an atheist psychologist (or similar profession). He wrote his memoir when he was diagnosed with cancer as letter to his family, nieces, nephews mostly. I would love to read it again! I would love to know the name! |
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Post by papersilly on May 9, 2024 17:22:13 GMT
we all started out catholic. when we were in elementary school, my mom started sending us to a Baptist Church for bible study while she and my dad attended catholic church. to this day, i do not identify as a catholic. far from it. if people ask why i am not a practicing catholic, i tell them it doesn't align with my beliefs.
my mom was a catholic until she died. my dad moved onto other christian churches. my siblings and i don't consider ourselves catholics. DH is catholic but not a practicing one. only steps inside a catholic church when he has to go to a funeral. his mother is devoutly catholic, his father was not.
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scrappert
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Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
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Post by scrappert on May 9, 2024 17:23:41 GMT
I wish I could remember the name of the author or the book. I once read a memoir shared with me by an older gentleman who had 5 kids. He said he ended up with one atheist, one UU (like him), one evangelical Christian, one Jewish and a Baptist. He loaned me the book, written by a former Catholic priest who had come to question and then not believe all that he had been taught to take on faith. He then became an atheist psychologist (or similar profession). He wrote his memoir when he was diagnosed with cancer as letter to his family, nieces, nephews mostly. I would love to read it again! I would love to know the name! Leap of Honesty: Priest to Atheist by Stephen Frederick ? www.amazon.com/Leap-Honesty-Stephen-Frederick-Uhl-ebook/dp/B00JNSNMPK |
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Post by flanz on May 9, 2024 17:27:49 GMT
Oooh, I could hug you right now!!! I was just about to Google a few keywords to try to find the book and you beat me to it!!! Thank you! I just ordered. I wish it was also available in paperback. This is a book I'd love to share and that's hard when it's on a Kindle. |
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on May 9, 2024 17:34:56 GMT
flanz You are welcome!! I will take the hug!
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3boysnme
Full Member
Posts: 405
Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on May 9, 2024 17:45:54 GMT
I second the hug! I'd love to read that as well! Thank you!
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Post by ntsf on May 9, 2024 17:53:11 GMT
my daughter in law struggles with the relationship with her mom over this.. she was raised catholic, catholic college. and so on.. first time I met her parents I can remember discussion over their friend the priest..
then her mother gave her crap about not being married in a church.. and lisa was having none of it. and then her parents were not helping out with marriage costs due to that. I thought that was a low move.
I am an active member of a presbyterian church.. and she respects my faith and knows I am not in the business of shaming about religion. poor woman has the same problems with politics with her parents too.. she felt they brought her up with good values and how can they support a lying sleeze?
I wouldn't get into explanations with anyone outside of immediate family. turn it back on them.. "why do you ask?"
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Tearisci on May 9, 2024 18:02:30 GMT
I went to church fairly often since I moved here. My whole family goes so I would just go too. I ended up joining the church after seeing how caring our pastor was and just very down to earth. He sold me on becoming a member. He's now gone and we have an interim pastor and I haven't gone. I miss Pastor Ernie and just haven't been real excited about meeting the new temp guy. He could be with us for a year or so as it takes a long time to find a new pastor.
I'm sure my family is wondering why I don't go any more but it doesn't feel the same to me. We're fairly liberal ELCA so it doesn't really have anything to do with my beliefs or lack thereof, I just haven't felt like going. They're having a big lunch on Mother's Day and I'm wondering if I should just come up for that or suck it up and go to church with my mom. Decisions, decisions.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by tracylynn on May 9, 2024 18:04:05 GMT
Honestly, I usually don't. It's not an argument that either people are going to win.
I'm atheist. Have been since I was in my 20's.
I did once have on religious friend ask me "Aren't you afraid of going to hell?"
My answer was that I live a good life. I'm kind to people, I help when I can and I don't purposely cause harm and grief to others. I don't have any interest in believing in a God that would send me to hell because I didn't believe in him. Especially if he's giving last minute forgiveness for those that beg on their death bed and may not deserve it.
I wasn't asked further questions on that topic.
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Post by littlemama on May 9, 2024 18:05:19 GMT
Well, first of all, you dont have to explain it to anyone. I dont ever discuss religion and neither do most people I know.
As for your dh's comment, Id hope he would hear what you have to say about yourself and try to understand. You arent trying to convert him to your beliefs, so it shouldnt really ne anythinf more than him letting you tell him how you feel.
Years ago, there was someone who applied logic to the concept of God. They said that the safe bet was to believe in God. If you dont believe in God and he exists, you are theoretically in for a trip to hell. If you do believe in God and there is no God, then no harm, no foul (assuming you didnt use your religion to harm others). That being said, I am becoming more and more agnostic as I see people cherry picking the parts of religious texts they want to use and ignoring the rest.
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wellway
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on May 9, 2024 18:28:49 GMT
The short answer to your thread title is...I don't. I don't judge people by their brand of religion or lack of a religion so I expect the same courtesy. You could tell people that you are on a faith journey and you are still educating yourself. And leave it at that, remind people it's a one woman journey. I am more impressed by someone who questions, reads widely, reflects and comes to a decision that they are comfortable with. Way better than the "but it's always been that way" brigade. You might like these programmes if you can find them en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilgrimage_(TV_series) As per wiki Pilgrimage is a BBC Two television series following celebrities from different faiths trekking together as a group (assembled for the show) on an historical pilgrimage. Along the way they engage in interfaith dialogue. I've watched them all and have enjoyed the conversations, refections, history and scenery and I'm not religious. |
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Post by workingclassdog on May 9, 2024 18:55:43 GMT
I was Catholic growing up. Whole family was. We went to church, that is, my mom, sister and I and it was expected. Dad didn't go although he preached we have to go. That always set wrong with me. But that doesn't have anything to do with me changing. I changed because my values didn't line up with the Church. I have no hard feelings towards the Catholic church. Nothing happened bad to me or my sister. Our friends from our Catholic school are still friends today. Sometimes when weddings or such come up and are held in a Catholic church I really feel at home if that makes sense. Like an old familiar thing. It's weird.
I never said anything about it unless it came up. My mom didn't care. My sister for sure didn't. My dad was a little taken back by it but didn't make much out of it. It is what it is. My decision. My life. So yeah, that's it.
Some of my die hard Catholic friends kinda 'looked' down upon it. But in the scheme of things in life they have no impact on my life. So that didn't really matter either.
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Post by monklady123 on May 9, 2024 19:23:54 GMT
flanz You are welcome!! I will take the hug! One thing I've learned in all the years I've been on this board is that there is ALWAYS someone who knows the answer, can find something that's lost (like the name of this book), or who knows someone who will know.  |
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Post by mom on May 9, 2024 19:29:22 GMT
Actually I don't discuss this with anyone. It is my concern and not anyone else's business. That's my advice--keep it to yourself. And should anyone ask why you aren't at 'XYZ" church, you just say you are finding your way. Thats all they need to know. |
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Post by Merge on May 9, 2024 19:35:12 GMT
I was not brave enough to disassociate from the church until after my parents died. They had already refused to attend my younger daughter’s baptism because it was in an Episcopal church (I was raised Catholic). I had started on the path to total nonbelief but didn’t completely make the break until after they died. Anyway.
Our closest friends know I’m atheist. The husband in that couple is also an atheist so they don’t care. Some of my teacher friends knew as well. I don’t think I’ve told anyone in the family, though. Most think I’m headed to hell already because I’m a liberal. I don’t go to family reunions so there’s no awkwardness when everyone goes to Mass and I stay home.
As another poster had said above, my mother would have spent all the rest of her life freaking out about my soul and the state of my children’s souls if I had told her. She already had huge anxiety because my brother and I weren’t Catholic enough to suit her, and then of course my family switched to an Episcopal church and she about lost her mind.
I guess my answer is - don’t tell unless you need to, or you know for sure the person won’t freak out. It’s not worth it.
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