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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 2:11:51 GMT
You guys know that I moved to Oregon. I thought the only other people that knew that were a few close friends, a couple of old neighbors, and of course, my son. I was just watching a movie when someone rang my doorbell. I looked on my doorbell camera and thought, wow, that woman looks just like my older sister. It took me a bit to answer the door because my body stiffens up with my fibro when I sit still and it takes me some time to get moving. They had walked away from the door by the time I got there, but I could see her car still in my driveway. I opened the door and stepped out to see what she wanted. As she walked toward me, I thought I wished I had my glasses on because she sure looks like my sister.
You guys, it actually WAS my older sister! I am still in disbelief. Disbelief that she found me in Oregon and disbelief that she came to see me. She said my son told her I moved to Oregon (so much for asking him not to talk about me to any of them) and that her husband’s family is all here so they came up for a family reunion. She said they were driving by on the freeway and she told her husband that since they were so close, they should stop in and see me.
I am not sure how to feel about this. I never in a million years expected to see her again. And she was nice, which is an even bigger shock to me. She immediately hugged me and said I looked great. I haven’t seen her or spoken to her in over ten years! At least I know that this was probably the only time that will ever happen since they live in Ventura California and she just told me that her husband has terminal cancer. I knew he had bladder cancer years ago and had hoped he had beaten that. They said he did successfully beat the bladder cancer but now has terminal leukemia. And when my sister said that, I was shocked and got teary for him. And for who knows what reason, my sister didn’t sound upset at all. I kept saying how terribly sorry I was and my sister changed the subject to ask him to take our picture. Maybe it was too emotional for her? She never has been one to show any emotion though.
Oh, and I asked her how she got my address, thinking I was going to have to talk to my son for giving that information out. But she said it was online. I guess none of us can escape being found like in the old days where we just paid to have an unlisted address in the phone book. Does anyone know if it is possible to have your address removed from every possible site online? I don’t have a home phone any longer and I just didn’t think about it being searchable online.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on May 21, 2024 2:19:27 GMT
Wow, didn’t think someone could find you without a home phone. Try clustrmaps.com
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 21, 2024 2:22:25 GMT
There are so many of those people finder sites now that as soon as you request to have your info scrubbed from one, it seems like three more pop up, ugh. What sucks is they get your info legally from public records such as when you buy a house. I think there are services you can hire to get your info removed from those sites but I’m not sure what it costs.
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,643 
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on May 21, 2024 2:28:03 GMT
You guys know that I moved to Oregon. I thought the only other people that knew that were a few close friends, a couple of old neighbors, and of course, my son. I was just watching a movie when someone rang my doorbell. I looked on my doorbell camera and thought, wow, that woman looks just like my older sister. It took me a bit to answer the door because my body stiffens up with my fibro when I sit still and it takes me some time to get moving. They had walked away from the door by the time I got there, but I could see her car still in my driveway. I opened the door and stepped out to see what she wanted. As she walked toward me, I thought I wished I had my glasses on because she sure looks like my sister. You guys, it actually WAS my older sister! I am still in disbelief. Disbelief that she found me in Oregon and disbelief that she came to see me. She said my son told her I moved to Oregon (so much for asking him not to talk about me to any of them) and that her husband’s family is all here so they came up for a family reunion. She said they were driving by on the freeway and she told her husband that since they were so close, they should stop in and see me. I am not sure how to feel about this. I never in a million years expected to see her again. And she was nice, which is an even bigger shock to me. She immediately hugged me and said I looked great. I haven’t seen her or spoken to her in over ten years! At least I know that this was probably the only time that will ever happen since they live in Ventura California and she just told me that her husband has terminal cancer. I knew he had bladder cancer years ago and had hoped he had beaten that. They said he did successfully beat the bladder cancer but now has terminal leukemia. And when my sister said that, I was shocked and got teary for him. And for who knows what reason, my sister didn’t sound upset at all. I kept saying how terribly sorry I was and my sister changed the subject to ask him to take our picture. Maybe it was too emotional for her? She never has been one to show any emotion though. Oh, and I asked her how she got my address, thinking I was going to have to talk to my son for giving that information out. But she said it was online. I guess none of us can escape being found like in the old days where we just paid to have an unlisted address in the phone book. Does anyone know if it is possible to have your address removed from every possible site online? I don’t have a home phone any longer and I just didn’t think about it being searchable online. If your purchased your house under your name, it's easy enough to look up on your county's tax assessor website. It's public information. |
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 2:31:14 GMT
I really would like to have mine hidden. Not that I have any dangerous people that would hunt me down, but I appreciate my privacy. I changed my phone number when I moved here too. But I did keep my email address the same so if anyone that I had given it to really wanted to speak to me, I figured they could email.
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 2:33:40 GMT
I did buy the house in my name, darn it. I wasn’t supposed to, but the movers had packed all my paperwork and the information for my trust was packed and the language has to be exact. I need to find it and will have the ownership of the house changed to my trust.
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Post by katlady on May 21, 2024 2:40:35 GMT
I did buy the house in my name, darn it. I wasn’t supposed to, but the movers had packed all my paperwork and the information for my trust was packed and the language has to be exact. I need to find it and will have the ownership of the house changed to my trust. I think people will still find you because when they google your name, those people finder websites will have all the addresses, past and present, associated with your name at one time or another. In other words, it is too late to completely hide now that those websites have your new address associated with your name. Try it ... google your name, click on one of the people finder websites that pop up and you'll see all your past addresses, and who they think lived with you. ETA - You can request to have your information removed, but you'll have to contact each and every one of those companies, and there are a lot. |
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,351
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on May 21, 2024 2:44:07 GMT
I think it is cool your sister took the time to track you down. I don't know your history, but I'm pro family if possible.
I do not believe changing your house to the trust will help anything about hiding you in that search. I can go to our assessors office, do a search on my mom's name and it comes up. It then lists the Trust Name, and my dad and mom as trustees.
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 2:46:17 GMT
Oh, and my sister HUGGED me. That sister has never hugged me once in her life. And I am not exaggerating. She HATES a display of affection. I tried to hug her when we found out she had a spot on her pancreas and that it was most likely cancer. And we know how few people survive pancreatic cancer. She wouldn’t let me give her a hug. She has always been like that.
I remember years and years ago when my whole family had gone to lunch for Mother’s Day at a restaurant in the harbor. My mom wanted a picture my sisters and me. She was standing in the middle. We immediately went to put our arms around her for the photo and she got so angry. She finally agreed to stand close if we promised not to touch her. My younger sister and I almost put our arms around her anyway but knew she would walk away. I did tell her I love you, and she just walked away upset. She has never done any display of affection. So when she came at me with her arms open, I didn’t know how to act. Do I hug? Do I duck? And when she asked her husband to take our picture, she put her arm around me! I just looked at her. Who are you? I am going to choose to believe it was because it has been so many years since we saw each other that she was happy to see me.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,891
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 21, 2024 2:52:49 GMT
My high school students found my cell number and address in addition to my parents numbers and address and my DH’s info. My middle name and birthdate and previous addresses as well.
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Post by AussieMeg on May 21, 2024 3:17:37 GMT
I was shocked when I discovered how easy it is to find the address and phone number of people in the US. I found that out when I wanted to send a card to a Pea. I knew their real name and had their address previously from the Christmas card list. I had lost the address list, but remembered their real name, so I plugged in that information and found their address and phone number. I can't remember which site(s) the information came up on, I just remember being really surprised at how easy it was!
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 21, 2024 3:33:26 GMT
I found me and my neighbors on a voter list online, including party...
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 3:46:28 GMT
I guess I just haven’t searched anyone on line or looked to see how much information they could access on me. I figure if someone wants me to call them or write them, they will email me their info. I won’t go looking. That feels invasive. Surely there must be some way to contact a single site and pay a fee to have them erase my information. I don’t have a Facebook page or any other social media site either. But the property information isn’t going away. Darn it.
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Post by Scrapper100 on May 21, 2024 5:07:13 GMT
Changing the name on the house to your trust won’t hide you from it. We moved ours into one but our address still shows up if you google us. I was really surprised how easy it was to find us online.
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 5:42:51 GMT
Changing the name on the house to your trust won’t hide you from it. We moved ours into one but our address still shows up if you google us. I was really surprised how easy it was to find us online. Well, I guess there is no getting away from it then. I am still shocked that my sister bothered to hunt for me and then show up here, after over ten years of not speaking when I was living an hour away from her in California. At least she was nice. Honestly, this was the nicest she has ever been to me. I wish she had been this person from the beginning. |
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Post by malibou on May 21, 2024 6:21:01 GMT
Changing the name on the house to your trust won’t hide you from it. We moved ours into one but our address still shows up if you google us. I was really surprised how easy it was to find us online. Well, I guess there is no getting away from it then. I am still shocked that my sister bothered to hunt for me and then show up here, after over ten years of not speaking when I was living an hour away from her in California. At least she was nice. Honestly, this was the nicest she has ever been to me. I wish she had been this person from the beginning. Many times it is true that time heals old wounds. Sounds to me like your sister has softened, a lot. I think I'd just go with flow on this new development and see if perhaps there may be a bit of a chance of a relationship with her. |
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Post by Lexica on May 21, 2024 8:23:44 GMT
Well, I guess there is no getting away from it then. I am still shocked that my sister bothered to hunt for me and then show up here, after over ten years of not speaking when I was living an hour away from her in California. At least she was nice. Honestly, this was the nicest she has ever been to me. I wish she had been this person from the beginning. Many times it is true that time heals old wounds. Sounds to me like your sister has softened, a lot. I think I'd just go with flow on this new development and see if perhaps there may be a bit of a chance of a relationship with her. I would be open to communication with her. I doubt she will come up here again though, unless her husband somehow beats this new cancer too. He looked quite grey though. I actually looked it up on my calendar. We stopped talking the year my father died so it has been 15 years since I last saw her. We fell out over my stopping her from reading my younger sister’s emails. She had tricked our younger sister by telling her she needed her email password to set up my father’s laptop at her home. I had bought my dad a laptop so he could have a computer wherever they went. My parents spent 6 months at each of their homes, one right on the ocean and the other in the mountains. My younger sister gave her the password, not questioning what her personal email had to do with enabling my dad’s laptop accessing her Wi-Fi. For whatever reason, my older sister began spying on the younger and reading all of her emails. She showed one to me thinking I would enjoy making fun of our sister too. I did not. I only accepted it and started to read it because I thought it was another email from someone who had just learned that our father had died. People had been sending them for several days so I was used to reading them to my mom. But instead of condolences from a friend it was one of my younger sister’s emails. I just found the idea of her spying to be such an invasion. I warned my younger sister and advised her to change her email password. She did so. Then the next day when my older sister couldn’t get in to read her emails. That made my older sister furious. She asked me if I told her and I said yes I did and that she should be ashamed for spying on her. In reality, I was mainly trying to protect my older sister’s own daughter. She had started emailing our younger sister to request advice on something she could not talk to her mother about. I did not want her to be found out by her mother’s spying on our younger sister’s emails. If her mother knew what they were talking about, she would have kicked her out of their home. So as much as I felt uncomfortable getting involved, I felt I had to in order to protect my niece. And that was the last time she and I spoke, over 15 years ago. So you can see why I was so shocked to see her turn up all these years later in my new Oregon home. |
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Post by christine58 on May 21, 2024 9:55:06 GMT
Wow, didn’t think someone could find you without a home phone. Try clustrmaps.com if you have someone’s name and the state that they live in you can find them on any whoo.com. that being said, I know you’ve had issues with her but I kind of think it was nice of her to stop and see you. Maybe she just wanted to give you a hug and reopen lines of communication. in my head I don’t think it was a sinister move, but you know her better than anyone. Look at it as an opportunity to maybe heal old wounds I know that you have your reasons for not talking to her in so many years. |
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Post by compeateropeator on May 21, 2024 11:09:45 GMT
I guess I just haven’t searched anyone on line or looked to see how much information they could access on me. I figure if someone wants me to call them or write them, they will email me their info. I won’t go looking. That feels invasive. Surely there must be some way to contact a single site and pay a fee to have them erase my information. I don’t have a Facebook page or any other social media site either. But the property information isn’t going away. Darn it. It is very easy to search people. And as others said it often gives you possible family members or relations, even when last names and such are not the same. I don’t think there is really any realistic way erase your information these days, or at least one that doesn’t cost you oodles of money and that will actually work. If you do not have social media pages and do not have a big presence on the internet, the number of people looking for you or searching for you is probably pretty minimal (other than family or old friends) and you probably just need to accept that if someone really wants to find you they will. As long as it is people not looking to physically harm you, you can try to fly under the radar but pretty slim chances in these days (especially as it is often easily to access public records online, you don’t even need to do it in person). |
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Post by mom on May 21, 2024 14:05:23 GMT
Wow, didn’t think someone could find you without a home phone. Try clustrmaps.com if you have someone’s name and the state that they live in you can find them on any whoo.com. that being said, I know you’ve had issues with her but I kind of think it was nice of her to stop and see you. Maybe she just wanted to give you a hug and reopen lines of communication. in my head I don’t think it was a sinister move, but you know her better than anyone. Look at it as an opportunity to maybe he’ll old wins. I know that you have your reasons for not talking to her in so many years.I agree with this. And I will add that her husband having cancer could possibly pushing her to mend fences with people. Who knows. For the future, if you do decide to continue to not have a relationship with her, you can just ignore her if she ever stops by. |
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Post by disneypal on May 21, 2024 14:08:31 GMT
Wow! 15 years is a long time and that probably took a lot of courage for her to stop by after all this time.
Sounds like some things have changed in her life & helped soften her.
I’m glad you were able to visit with each other.
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Post by mikklynn on May 21, 2024 16:53:12 GMT
That would be quite a shock! I am happy it was a pleasant experience for you.
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Post by malibou on May 21, 2024 17:05:35 GMT
Many times it is true that time heals old wounds. Sounds to me like your sister has softened, a lot. I think I'd just go with flow on this new development and see if perhaps there may be a bit of a chance of a relationship with her. I would be open to communication with her. I doubt she will come up here again though, unless her husband somehow beats this new cancer too. He looked quite grey though. I actually looked it up on my calendar. We stopped talking the year my father died so it has been 15 years since I last saw her. We fell out over my stopping her from reading my younger sister’s emails. She had tricked our younger sister by telling her she needed her email password to set up my father’s laptop at her home. I had bought my dad a laptop so he could have a computer wherever they went. My parents spent 6 months at each of their homes, one right on the ocean and the other in the mountains. My younger sister gave her the password, not questioning what her personal email had to do with enabling my dad’s laptop accessing her Wi-Fi. For whatever reason, my older sister began spying on the younger and reading all of her emails. She showed one to me thinking I would enjoy making fun of our sister too. I did not. I only accepted it and started to read it because I thought it was another email from someone who had just learned that our father had died. People had been sending them for several days so I was used to reading them to my mom. But instead of condolences from a friend it was one of my younger sister’s emails. I just found the idea of her spying to be such an invasion. I warned my younger sister and advised her to change her email password. She did so. Then the next day when my older sister couldn’t get in to read her emails. That made my older sister furious. She asked me if I told her and I said yes I did and that she should be ashamed for spying on her. In reality, I was mainly trying to protect my older sister’s own daughter. She had started emailing our younger sister to request advice on something she could not talk to her mother about. I did not want her to be found out by her mother’s spying on our younger sister’s emails. If her mother knew what they were talking about, she would have kicked her out of their home. So as much as I felt uncomfortable getting involved, I felt I had to in order to protect my niece. And that was the last time she and I spoke, over 15 years ago. So you can see why I was so shocked to see her turn up all these years later in my new Oregon home. This is all starting to sound like some of my sibling dynamic. I am so sorry you were put in that awkward position, and cannot thank you enough for protecting your niece. I have two nieces that I protect from their mother, my oldest sister. Your story also explains why she just showed up at your door without calling. I would now advise you to proceed with the relationship if she reaches out again, but with caution. |
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Post by librarylady on May 22, 2024 14:23:20 GMT
I can understand your shock. Perhaps life's experiences and the illness of her husband has had her rethinking things. I hope this all turns out well for you.
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