Older child (adult) figuring out life question.

I have to keep reminding myself to not mother them ( or ‘smother’ them while they are here. ) I caught myself the other day reminding them they were running late. I apologized to them that evening. Old habits are hard to break. I just didn’t want them stressing about being late & then driving stressed & possibly fast. But apparently they don’t stress about being late they just work their 8 hours from whenever they get there and no one cares. They say no one is at their new office when they get there. They’re partly between the old office & new office at the same company.

There’s definitely some executive function stresses. I can’t tell if there’s depression or just lack of direction.

And no, suggesting jobs doesn’t work. I just keep my mouth shut and try to be open in case they need advice. Adult kids are hard.

The other one is very independent and that also comes with parenting things that are hard to navigate. Like how often & when to call because I don’t want to bother them but reaching out shouldn’t always be their issue. Never knowing when to offer advice or assistance.

I just keep on trying to be open & understanding & hoping they have a mostly happy life.

I was that young adult.

I was so terrified of being an adult and having to be responsible for myself/live on my own/pay bills on my own that I married someone much older than me the day before I graduated from college and moved in with him. Four abusive years later and after spending most of that marriage not working at his request, I left him, moved in with my parents for 3 months, and then got a job with my friend's mom about 6 weeks after moving home. I was independent for about 2 years until I met my kids' father and "fell in love" and tried to do it right that time. I spent the last 5 years of that marriage making a plan: moving us back to my hometown to have support, going from being a SAHM to working part-time to working full-time, getting a remote job so I could maximize time with my kids, & opening up my own bank account so when I brought up divorce, I was READY.

I now am completely financially independent. My husband works, too, but I make twice as much money as he does and what I make alone can pay for all of the bills + some left over. I own my own house and vehicle. While I don't love my job, I've spent the last 4 years in the same field and have been promoted twice. 

I just really had to grow up. I was very naive and sheltered as a kid with undiagnosed and untreated anxiety and ADHD. My parents are just not people who talk about things or accept people who are different from them so I spent a long time trying to be the kind of person they want(ed) me to be & it made my life so much harder. Once I figured out what was important to me and what I cared about and what I was good at, I was able to put a plan in place and succeed.