The Beauty of Embracing Aging

I think at 60 you can embrace aging. I don’t have a problem with wrinkles and other signs of lost youth. As time goes by and you start dealing with debilitating illness that can last for years and years the embracing becomes a little harder. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at least 15 yrs ago and it has been an incredibly painful process for her and for us. Not much to embrace there.

In one sense I'm embracing aging - I'm greying naturally, I'm not worried about wrinkles, and so on.

In another sense, my mum dying really made me aware of my own mortality. I'm almost 54 -my dad died at 64 and my mum at 84...I'm hoping for another 30 years like my mum but healthwise? I'm more like dad so I'm conscious that when he was my age, he only had 10 years left. So I'm trying to both get a grip on health issues to give myself a better chance at longevity and trying to make the best of the coming years in case there are less of them than I want.

DH (54) and I are the older generation now. All of my siblings are alive but only 2 of his 6 siblings are. His dad was 64/5 when he died and his mum was 81. His siblings died at 52, 54, 58, and 63. I'm encouraging him to take care of his health and hoping he takes after his mum and grandmum (she died in 2020 at 104). But mortality is looking both of us in the face. He has said several times that he's not sure he'll get to retire...I thought at first he meant, he didn't think he would be able to afford to retire but I think he's conscious of the fact that his siblings didn't live long enough to retire.

Every day is a gift...

Timely post for me as I turned 65 this year. I barely worked outside the home and have been a stay-at-home mom until DS left home for good two years ago. I'm starting to see myself as retired and have been following the "what to do after retirement thread" with interest.

I'm going through a phase where I'm not obsessing (or at least to the extent I used to) about food, weight, carbs, fasting. I'm putting more "forbidden" foods in my diet like, bread and pasta and fruit. I have a mild gluten sensitivity, but I can tolerate it in small doses. I'm listening to my body and eating what it tells me it wants, which lately has been protein, protein, protein! I'm 20 pounds above where I want to be but honestly: it's OK. I accept this as just where I am and I don't know where I'll be when I come out on the other side of it.

DH tells me I look 15 years younger than my age; I still color my hair, but this summer I'm all about the baseball cap. I don't feel like doing my hair every day, I don't feel like penciling in my brows or putting on the minimal amount of makeup I normally wear. I just want to wash my face, get dressed and go. I do still care about how I dress, mainly because I like to look put together and style is a way of expressing my creativity.

I let doctors tell me how fragile my spine is last year, bought what they told me, and this launched me into a pretty severe depression over the winter. I've been a daily year-round walker for at least 25 years and stopped doing it regularly last winter. Which snowballed into my depression. At some point, I mentally told the doctors to go F themselves and got back out there. I live with chronic pain, but it's not significantly worse than last year. So I'm back at it, with a makeshift staff from a branch I found on the ground--maybe it's just psychological, but I find it very helpful on inclines, which are the most painful for me. I started a different route which has two benches for me to stop, sit, and decrease the spasms in my nerves. I am not obsessed any more about the time/distance I walk; I just try to do the best I can.

My father gave me a scare last month. He's 88, on oxygen, and was hospitalized for a week with Covid and pneumonia. I'm so grateful that he is still mentally sharp--his aging challenges are physical. Trying hard not to feel irritated with him that he won't do any more Covid vaccines, as he's a daily Fox Kool-aid drinker.

I am thinking ahead to the days where my mobility might be reduced even more than it is now, and thinking about what activities I want to include in my day: collage and crafty stuff, taking up knitting again, being a more consistent reader.

I've thinking about the main dopamine sources in my life: dogs and music and how a daily dose of each gives me such joy and pleasure in life.

I'm very drifty these days, and my lack of focus and energy is making me anxious, so I try telling myself I'm just going through a transition and I'm where I need to be to absorb and synthesize it.

Thanks for posting this jeremysgirl. Very timely topic for me. Interested in hearing what others have to say.

My best high school friend died last August from ovarian cancer. Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is a given. I now treat every day and every birthday as a gift. I'm growing old the way I want to grow old - I still like my blonde hair, so I still highlight it. I don't have any grey, it's just turning a kind of dull light brown.

I plan to continue working for as long as I can - not because I have to; I don't. I just really like to stay busy and I work in an elementary school and I adore the kids. And I feel like it keeps me young at heart.

I truly believe age is just a number.

I have had this working conversation with some of my friends a hundred times.  I am in my 70s and they are in the 80s.  That 10 year difference is almost another generation.  Their thought process.  Money aside, working is almost always a good thing.  So many pluses to it.  They see it as a negative.  And, they are all bored to pieces.  

As to the aging process, I have always maintained the same way that I feel and think inside myself.  Nothing has really changed, ever, about the way I feel / think.  Outside factors have changed, many times, but me inside myself, I have always remained the same.  Core thinking wise.  

Frankly I find nothing beautiful about aging, at all. Other than being largely free of sexual harassment by young men. I also think that young men are less likely to harass girls now than in my day back in the 90s and 00s.

I like where I am mentally but it's all downhill from here physically. Mentally, it's a crapshoot. I highly hope I can see the end coming before dementia. I try to stay fit and active and hope to be wiping my own ass until the day I die.

I will hire someone to tip my wheelchair over the edge of the Grand Canyon. Preferably in a remote spot so that no one wastes too many resources looking for me or feels that they should waste time or take risks rescuing me.

From the time she was a toddler, my granddaughter would hold my face between her hands, look into my eyes, and say, “Grammie, I LOVE your smile wrinkles!”  She loves to stroke and snuggle my loose skin, saying it’s so soft. 

How can I complain and put myself down after that?  The truth is I was a California girl who spent a lot of time at the beach growing up and into my adolescence. And I continued to get as much sun as I could until my 30’s, when I knew better, but by that time, the damage was done. 

And I used to weigh over 80lbs more than I do now. Things sag. So I could get unhappy about all the wrinkles and loose skin, but I don’t care. My grandchildren think I’m beautiful and I like the freedom to wear bright fun clothes I love and everybody just sees a happy older lady. 

My mother didn’t get the privilege of growing old. Ever since the year I passed her up in age forever, I have had the mindset to live in the moment and savor each experience. 

I’ve been disappointed in my health these last few years, it has limited some of my travels and activities. But still I’ve pushed on, and with the help of friends, in the last few months gone up in a hot air balloon, gotten to see and photograph the northern lights, and travel to another state for a concert and girls’ weekend. 

I turned 60 a few months ago. It was hard. I still haven't fully accepted that I am 60. I am still very active. DH and I walk, hike...

But I do feel like I don't belong in any one age group. Is 60 old? I don't think so but it seems like most people do. I feel like time is flying by and there is so much I want to see/do.

I am watching my parents age and it is hard. I keep thinking that I am not that far off from what they are experiencing.

I'm so sorry about your mother.  It's very hard to watch and to deal with all that Alzheimer's entails.  {hugs}

I read some of the letters to the editor about this article.  One piece of advice I'm going to try to take came from a reader who said her doctor had given her 3 directives to help with aging:  - Don't gain weight  - Exercise, exercise, exercise  - Make friends with younger people.