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Post by lainey on Jun 16, 2024 15:26:37 GMT
I'm sorry this causes you such sadness, I have a few friends in the same position and it's a difficult place to be.
I chose not to have children even though I did work with them for many years, while I enjoyed it it did confirm that my choice was right for me. I was an excellent provider of care and support for the children I worked with but I would have been a terrible mother.
I have two brothers who also chose to be childfree but obviously for men there isn't the same level of judgement for making that choice.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,470 
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Post by katybee on Jun 16, 2024 16:08:44 GMT
I’m in the exact same situation. I just never met anyone I wanted to have kids with. I love kids and I would have been a great mom. I always thought I would have kids, but, time goes by so fast, and before you know it, you’re in perimenopause. I’m a spinster by accident, too. I like (most) men. I chose a profession that is dominated by women, I don’t go to church, I’m long past going to bars and dating apps have been a disaster for me. It gets lonely, sometimes.
HOWEVER, I’m OK with it now. This is my first weekend of summer vacation. I can do whatever I want. My friends with kids are going to spend their entire summers shuttling kids around to different activities. They spend their weekends at sports tournaments and birthday parties (their entire weekends!) And I’m sure they love it and their kids. No judgement, at all. But I get exhausted just thinking about it. I have full control over the remote control, can eat girl dinner every night, don’t have to do anyone else’s laundry, can go on vacations wherever I want….
So, yes, sometimes I get sad. But this is my life and I am determined to enjoy it.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,410
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Post by artbabe on Jun 16, 2024 16:11:16 GMT
I know I sounded very sad, but honestly, most of the time I'm fine. Thanks to very good psychiatric drugs I'm very good at compartmentalizing thoughts, so the only time I get sad is when I talk (or write) about it. So I usually don't and I'm fine.
It isn't only the no children thing. It is that everyone assumes that they are going to grow up and get married and have kids. I hear people talk about their young adult kids and mention that in the future they will get married and have kids. Uh, not necessarily. Everyone always seems to think it is a given that their kids lives are going to go that way. Obviously, that is not so.
I definitely wish I had gotten married. But then I read about all of your divorces or I go shopping and I hear couples sniping at each other, and I think "wow, dodged a bullet, there."
Bipolar has taken so much from me. I can't even begin to tell you what a tragedy it was. I think I've had 14 boyfriends in my life (guys I dated 3 months to 3 years). It sounds like a lot but I've been dating for 40+ years. Bipolar screwed a bunch of those up.
I'm lucky I've been on super good meds for the past 10 years, but I just didn't find them in time.
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Post by quinlove on Jun 16, 2024 16:57:13 GMT
((( artbabe ))) Your story brought tears to me too. You are one of the good ones - don’t you ever forget that.
eta ~ A wise pea once quoted someone and posted here -
Comparison is the thief of joy. (Words to live by)
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Post by Lurkingpea on Jun 16, 2024 17:03:36 GMT
I am sorry for everyone who wanted to have children and couldn't or didn't for numerous reasons.
I have several family members and one close friend in the same situation. I know it brings them sadness. A form of grief, I imagine. Not always in the forefront, but there just the same.
I hope your relationships with your nieces and nephews continues to be a strong one.
I for one have a wonderful relationship with my aunt. She is like an extra mom to me. I know my cousins feel the same about my mom.
Gentle hugs to all of you who shared your stories.
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