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Post by epeanymous on Jun 22, 2024 21:44:07 GMT
I posted before that my 18-year-old (who just graduated HS and leaves for college in the fall) has their first girlfriend (if you were in that thread they ended up getting some beauty care products at Sephora for her for her birthday). This AM, I was on the couch (I got back from travel after everyone was in bed) and they came up from their room and said “by the way, [girlfriend] is here.”. It turned out, they meant the girlfriend was at our gate waiting to be buzzed in, not in their room, but it got me thinking. At this age, what did you do about things like that for your kid? My oldest dated in HS but never seriously until their senior year of college, so I just have not thought about it before.
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Post by littlemama on Jun 22, 2024 21:54:03 GMT
Overall, it is your house, so you set the rules you are comfortable with, especially with younger children around.
I cant remember the exact situation with these 2 people, but pregnancy risk is usually a reason that people set strict rules. If that isnt an issue with your child and their SO, I might not be as strict.
I guess I dont really know what I would do, honestly!
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Post by Lurkingpea on Jun 22, 2024 21:55:05 GMT
Not quite sure what your question is. I assume you mean is your child allowed to be alone in the house with their girlfriend. They are 18, but it is your house. Just know that if they want to have sex they will. It doesn't need to be in your house or any house really.
That doesn't mean you need to provide.thw condoms and the romantic music or anything, but you should be realistic.
I know when I was in high school my boyfriend and I had sex, but never in a house with parents. Maybe just have a very clear talk about safety and responsibility if birth control fails.
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Post by Zee on Jun 22, 2024 21:58:51 GMT
This didn't come up until DD was 19 and had her boyfriend spend the night. I hadn't met him and was pretty annoyed that she had someone I didn't know in my house while I was asleep (they had come in late, and I didn't know he was there until morning).
So she must have told him I wasn't happy about it, and then he avoided coming over at all. Eventually we broke the ice with a cookout and we all had a great time, and he became like a member of the family and was always welcome to stay over.
I didn't have a problem with her (or DS) having their bf/gf over, if I at least knew who they were and that they would be staying.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 22, 2024 22:29:54 GMT
Overall, it is your house, so you set the rules you are comfortable with, especially with younger children around. I cant remember the exact situation with these 2 people, but pregnancy risk is usually a reason that people set strict rules. If that isnt an issue with your child and their SO, I might not be as strict. I guess I dont really know what I would do, honestly! My kid is gender-fluid but assigned male at birth. Can I be honest and say I think the girlfriend is female but could be trans femme for all I know? I am a former Planned Parenthood escort and the kids have all gotten the contraception talks many times. I assume they may have sex or may have had sex and I am not supervising but I think I had not considered that she might literally sleep over (she hasn’t). |
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Post by nightnurse on Jun 22, 2024 23:10:03 GMT
The first time I let my daughter’s boyfriend sleep over, they were in high school. He lived about 45 minutes away and it was snowing, seemed the safest thing to do was stay put. She slept on the couch because he’s allergic to dogs and he slept in her bed. I think sex is a normal part of human relationships, not shameful, not reserved for marriage. And they had cars so they could drive to all sorts of places for that sort of thing. I don’t think they were comfortable doing it in our house down the hall from her parents! He spent quite a few nights here over the years and it felt unnecessary to split them up on the couch and the bedroom. Feeling safe and comfortable and knowing we weren’t judging them seemed a lot more important than outdated rules about sleeping over. I don’t regret it at all. I hope my daughter never feels shame around such things, and is always comfortable in my house. I want her home to feel like her home and not my kingdom.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 22, 2024 23:33:16 GMT
The first time I let my daughter’s boyfriend sleep over, they were in high school. He lived about 45 minutes away and it was snowing, seemed the safest thing to do was stay put. She slept on the couch because he’s allergic to dogs and he slept in her bed. I think sex is a normal part of human relationships, not shameful, not reserved for marriage. And they had cars so they could drive to all sorts of places for that sort of thing. I don’t think they were comfortable doing it in our house down the hall from her parents! He spent quite a few nights here over the years and it felt unnecessary to split them up on the couch and the bedroom. Feeling safe and comfortable and knowing we weren’t judging them seemed a lot more important than outdated rules about sleeping over. I don’t regret it at all. I hope my daughter never feels shame around such things, and is always comfortable in my house. I want her home to feel like her home and not my kingdom. Thank you. I think this is basically exactly where I am, but I just hadn't given it much thought because I hadn't had to do so. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 23, 2024 0:03:10 GMT
As adults I'd prefer that they stay here rather than a car or cheesy motel. My sons are in their mid twenties and live on their own. It would be silly of me not to allow a girlfriend to stay here, since they probably stay together when they're out in the world. At high school age, it would not have been allowed. Ds and I never slept together at either my parents or his parents house, but that was a different generation.
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mamallama
Full Member
Posts: 159
Sept 14, 2018 7:30:33 GMT
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Post by mamallama on Jun 23, 2024 9:15:09 GMT
My youngest who just graduated has a new BF as well. I leave town often for a day or two and have just chosen to trust her to make the right decisions for her. I won’t lie, I do check the ring camera because it alerts me and he hasn’t spent the night but like someone else said above, sex can happen anywhere. I found plenty of places besides my house to do it. The biggest thing is safety and making sure that they are protecting themselves.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 23, 2024 12:46:17 GMT
Not for morality reasons (because I'm fine with older teens and college+ having sexual lives, as long as they are safe and consensual), but i don't allow boyfriends and girlfriends to sleep over/have sex in the house.
I have a decent sized house, but we are a large family all packed in, and no one wants to overhear anything. Grandpa doesn't wanna hear it. I don't want to hear it. And I certainly don't want my elementary school aged children to hear it.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 23, 2024 14:16:17 GMT
It would depend on how new the relationship is and if I knew the person.
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