WWYD-Needing a weekend day to yourself?

If I had the mental space for it, I’d see the friends. What you’re doing doesn’t really matter but the time you get to spend with them will. Clothes always need to be washed, groceries always need to be bought, but things can change in a flash and your friends might not be around any more or be able to catch up as regularly. I’m never going to look back and think “wow, my chores were done that week” but I will remember the fun time I had with friends.

What would I do? Stay home. You are fine with it, Jeremy is fine with it so stay home. It's a very important part of self care to acknowledge what you need...and then to do it! Your friends will be disappointed for sure as I'm sure you are fun to hang out with. But how much fun will you be if you really don't want to be there?

When DD started school I instituted a new house rule - no invitations accepted on Sundays. I declared it family day. It gave us all a day to connect, rest up and get ready for the week to come. She's long grown but DH recently enacted the Sunday rule to decline an invitation which I thought was sort of funny!

I’m not sure what I’d do if I didn’t want to go somewhere I’d agreed to go. If I’m not sick I usually drag myself out anyway because I think vegitating at home isn’t a healthy thing to do. Because I ‘ought’ to need connection. I ‘ought’ to not be a hermit.

Well, I’ve seen a few things recently that we do need rest & recharge, especially as women. Since scientists have apparently just begun to really study women so much of what we were told is all wrong.

Anyway I totally agree with you that we need 1 full day to recharge. I get that ever other week. I get every other Friday off at my job by working longer hours the other 9 days. When the program first began I always thought I’d do something with that day. I do a chore or a project or whatever. Well, no I just vegetate every single time. ( unless I have a dr appt ) literally every 10 days I just do absolutely nothing an entire day. I might craft but I might not. I read, watch tv, I NAP. I began being disappointed in myself for wasting that day. Despite being productive the other 2 weekend days, despite being very productive the other 9 workdays ( measurable more productive at work which is why the schedule was renewed )

Then I kept seeing various things that we actually need time like that to recover from carrying the mental loads we all carry.

It’s really hard, it’s hard to deprogram myself and let go of the guilt I get for allowing myself to relax, reset, and recharge.

My first tactic was to point out to myself that I’d earned it by already completing my work hours.
Then I dug deeper into what others do and found I am not at all alone in this need.
I found a study that showed it was healthier and better to allow yourself to spend days basically renewing yourself.
I’m >< this close to accepting that this is fine, it’s not lazy, it’s normal, other people do it. Etc. but it is very hard to get past the programming telling me that I’m being lazy.


So I say ( not that I can follow my own advice at all ) decide what’s best for you, decide which you *want* to do and do it without guilt. Go you.

hop2 - I think the guilt of doing nothing is very deeply ingrained. Think of all the old sayings about ‘the devil making work for idle hands’ and the like. It is really difficult, and I think especially for women (a woman’s work is never done!) to take time out. I am glad to read that studies are showing it’s not lazy, not bad, but necessary to take time out.

Four hours in the car for 1 hour of fun?

I would nope myself out.

NOW if this was yesterday and I hadn't seen them yet, I would go.

Since you spent time with them yesterday, I wouldn't feel bad about opting out. The drive for me for an hour event would be enough for me to say no.

I do not like my weekends to be packed full of activities. Especially during my busy season at work.

I think most of us need to take more downtime for ourselves.

There are several reasons i wouldn’t go, aside from you needing down time. 2 hour drive, saw them yesterday, golf, jeremy doesn’t mind and then factor in you needing alone time - that’s an easy no for me 😊

I would stay home. I'm an introvert and need my down time.
I too would not want to drive 2 hours each way for 1 hour of golf and coctails.
4 day work weeks would be nice, but 10 hours makes for a long day as well.

It would be a no brainer for me. I’d stay home. Your mental health is far more important than the activity planned. Being stressed all week is not worth the effort of the trip.

I require a lot of downtime. This is day five of my five day weekend and the whole thing was basically downtime. It’s been wonderful. I interacted with different people I saw in stores (had a particularly fun one with some strangers down from Canada for a ladies weekend), lots of texts with my dd and bestie and then dh in person. Last weekend I saw people- good enough for me for a while. I need so much downtime that if I have plans with people I often add a day to my weekend to make Sure I get it. Your scenario would not happen to me to do and two days in a row - I just wouldn’t choose that in the first place.

I have every other Thursday off at work and that is always a down day. My job is remote but very people heavy. I have many on camera meetings and teams chat interactions all day. I NEED the downtime and I have zero guilt about it. It’s just who I am and what works for me at this point in my life.

I love any time I can be alone. Two weeks ago DH went camping for 4 days with DS and DGS on a guys trip. It was my idea of heaven. I didn’t even tell my best friend DH was gone, because I didn’t want even her company.
I had Wendy’s frosty one night for dinner. 😂