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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 26, 2024 14:17:21 GMT
Oh my goodness. I'm so frustrated right now. I work in financial aid at a nursing college. So the next start for school is Monday. (we have quarterly starts). Here it is Wednesday. I have a whole slew of students that have not completed their financing. I have been trying to contact these kids for MONTHS. Excuses are, oh I was in Hawaii, or I was out of the country, oh my parents take care of all this.
At what point should these 'adults' start taking care of their situations? When my daughter started college as a Freshman, three months after high school.. she handled everything.. beginning to end. In time. I only assisted her by going to one financial aid meeting (the first one) and by filling out some needed forms only the parent could do. Otherwise it was her responsibility.
If a parent is involved I understand, that is fine, I have worked with some great parents, but they also had the student in charge, they were there for support.
School starts MONDAY.... and now I am drowning in files because these kids can't seem to know which way is up. HOW in the world are they going to make it in the real world? They are going to show up to school on Monday and won't be able to sit in class and wonder why.
Anyways, just a VENT... just got an email from my little world traveler. Gotta run... again, just a vent.. I do love this job... it is definitely stressful at times.
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Post by cat2007 on Jun 26, 2024 14:22:22 GMT
As the mother of a college senior and a new freshman, I have let them handle everything...with guidance if they ask for it. I filled out my part of the FAFSA and that was about it. I have control of the NYS 529 so tuition gets sent directly to the school. Other than that, it's up to them.
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Post by janet on Jun 26, 2024 14:30:31 GMT
I let my daughter handle everything - right now she is frustrated because her financial office is messing up her financial aid offer and tuition estimate since she's going to be studying abroad in London all next year but they are giving her numbers based on tuition/room and board at the university, and she can't apply for her student loan until she knows the right amount to apply for. So I'm glad she's handling it because I would have lost it by now!
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 26, 2024 14:43:03 GMT
We started our kids off early (age 3) with money. They had a savings and an allowance. They earned $ through chores. It was amazing how motivating this was for our kids. I can think of only two weeks that a kiddo didn't get the full amount in over 7 years. Then they were encouraged to start a business and by around 4th grade and began lawn mowing. In a year, they expanded to the whole neighborhood and my neighbors were thrilled to pay my kids $20-$30 a week as opposed to $40-$60 for a lawn mowing service. They could make more money than their friends who worked all year. At twelve, we also introduced them to the stock market and they each got $500 to invest. They continue to make investments weekly as adults. They were given money for school lunches and I bought their clothes for them.
My point is that it is the parents who put their kids in a positive or negative position for dealing with money. If you start them early and are consistent, they can easily learn to make a budget, pay taxes, save etc. They just see it as something they need to do to succeed. If they were raised with a parent who is more likely to do everything for them or save them whenever they need it, you have kids who are a little bit helpless. I know people say schools should teach all of this, but if you wait until high school to teach kids about money, it just isn't instilled in them like it is when you start very young.
My kids had their college paid for by us. We did the college tour with them, but once school started and they were moved into the dorms, I expected that they communicated it all to me. Thankfully they both were good about taking financial situations seriously.
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Post by Laurie on Jun 26, 2024 15:32:48 GMT
I hear your frustration. I worked in the Registrar's Office for years at one of your state universities. The amount of phone calls we received from parents about things their children should have been handling was ridiculous. It was maddening. Once Emily was in high school I started having her make her own appointments, etc. She is going to be a senior in college and I have not had to call on her behalf once. I have helped guide her through processes but will not do it for her.
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Post by fotos4u2 on Jun 26, 2024 16:32:06 GMT
If you're a member of the Grown & Flown FB group you'd see that this is a problem for many. So many parents who didn't teach their kids to be responsible for stuff and refuse to let go even though they now have full grown adults. That said I will admit that I filled out the FAFSA for all three of my kids every year. It was just easier to fill it out as the student than try the do the back & forth giving them information. Everything else was on them. They all were responsible for using whatever money they received to pay all tuition and other bills themselves (or find another way to obtain funds to pay those things).
OP personally the best way for these kids to learn is to have them face the natural consequence of not being able to attend class. They'll learn that they have to do what needs to be done. Sorry you have to deal with the chaos this will cause.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 26, 2024 16:37:23 GMT
OP personally the best way for these kids to learn is to have them face the natural consequence of not being able to attend class. They'll learn that they have to do what needs to be done. Sorry you have to deal with the chaos this will cause. Oh they will figure out in just a few days!! LOL... the ones that I am waiting on have already been placed on hold. If they are trying to see their classes they won't be able to access it, forcing them to contact us. I will say there are MANY students who are angels. They get it done and well on their way. Even if there are issues, they get right in there and fix it. I love those kids. Thankfully they outnumber the ones that I want to whoop them. I will say I'm not the perfect parent and all that. I'm horrible with finances.. I struggle ALL the time. It's just something that just doesn't click with me. But I told my kids they have to learn this stuff on their own, cause I am a lost cause on some of this grown up stuff. lol... I remember my middle, who is 27 now, still wanted me to call the doctor's office for her after she turned 18. She HATED to do that kind of stuff. I remember sitting with her making her do the call on her own and just prompting her with answers if needed. it's how they learn and soon enough she did all those things on her own. Same with son although he always done his own thing.
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Post by katlady on Jun 26, 2024 16:41:13 GMT
Glad you love your job! I used to have a co-worker who was on the phone all the time with her son's college making appointments and what not for him - finance, registration, counselor, etc. My parents never had to call my college, and I never called my kids colleges. And then I had another friend who would scramble on Sunday night to find certain school supplies for her college aged daughter.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,319
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Jun 26, 2024 16:42:56 GMT
For a lot of kids now (NOT all of them) - everything is done for them. If they don't complete something on a timely manner, there is no consequence. There is no personal responsibility. So what is happening to you is happening to a lot of employers.
I have a friend that just retired from school administration. They said the new teachers coming in just can't get it together to get things done or they feel like "it's not my job" and simply don't do things. They are not taking imitative to complete tasks. I hear this from many other people in other settings besides schools.
I am NOT labeling every kid/young person here. But as an overall issue - I hear it A LOT!
We have a young man that works for us, and if the world was full of young people like him I would not be worried. He is conscientious, friendly, always makes sure any tasks he has been assigned are finished. If he has an issue with something or something goes wrong - he comes to us to let us know, instead of just skipping over it. His parents have always given him responsibilities from a young age, and he has been responsible for many things. This is the key!
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 26, 2024 16:44:09 GMT
Glad you love your job! I used to have a co-worker who was on the phone all the time with her son's college making appointments and what not for him - finance, registration, counselor, etc. My parents never had to call my college, and I never called my kids colleges. And then I had another friend who would scramble on Sunday night to find certain school supplies for her college aged daughter. Getting SCHOOL supplies for their college kid? WHAT? Hell that stopped when my kids hit high school. I just drove them to the store and paid for it if needed. I can't even imagine college age. (other than helping them get setup in a dorm the first year) BUT that was it.
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Post by katlady on Jun 26, 2024 16:46:42 GMT
Glad you love your job! I used to have a co-worker who was on the phone all the time with her son's college making appointments and what not for him - finance, registration, counselor, etc. My parents never had to call my college, and I never called my kids colleges. And then I had another friend who would scramble on Sunday night to find certain school supplies for her college aged daughter. Getting SCHOOL supplies for their college kid? WHAT? Hell that stopped when my kids hit high school. I just drove them to the store and paid for it if needed. I can't even imagine college age. (other than helping them get setup in a dorm the first year) BUT that was it. Yeah, I was shocked when she called me to see if I had certain items. The excuse, the daughter worked and didn't have time to go to the store.
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Post by Laurie on Jun 26, 2024 16:53:56 GMT
We had our own little version of Hall of Shame students. The one that topped the cake for me was a lady called trying to order a transcript for her son. HE WAS IN HIS 40s!! We told her that he has to complete the form, sign it and mail or fax it in to us. She said he can't do that because he is too busy. We receive 50+ requests per day are you trying to tell me that he is busier than all these people who were able to take the 3-5 minutes to do it?
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Post by Merge on Jun 26, 2024 17:24:44 GMT
The only thing my college kid wants from me is money. She handles all the administrative stuff and is handling her own grad school search and applications as well.
But I was an advisor at her current university when she was in preschool, and we had all those same problems back then. My favorite was a parent calling me to ask if I could help her son put down the video games and do some of his homework. No, ma'am, that is outside of my job description.
Just a few weeks ago I had a mom from my private studio ask if I had any advice for getting her son to practice when he doesn't want to. Granted, he's seven. But nothing wrong with making your piano practice part of homework, mom. No screens until it's done.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 26, 2024 17:45:47 GMT
Honestly my perspective is that we don’t give kids enough independence and autonomy as they are growing up and then expect at 18 that they magically will be adults. Definitely you can consciously parent your kids to be more independent and responsible, for for a variety of reasons good and bad, kids are much more supervised, managed, remindered, and second-chanced now. I try to give my students grace, but it definitely is frustrating to be trying to get a 25-year-old to turn things in.
Anyhow, my parents made me handle everything school-related from a very early age, and I think that was a bit extreme.
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Post by nightnurse on Jun 26, 2024 19:44:27 GMT
My daughter filled out the fafsa the day it went live. She got her results today. This year is a mess. These kids may have been waiting on their fafsa results.
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Post by nightnurse on Jun 26, 2024 19:49:13 GMT
Honestly my perspective is that we don’t give kids enough independence and autonomy as they are growing up and then expect at 18 that they magically will be adults. Definitely you can consciously parent your kids to be more independent and responsible, for for a variety of reasons good and bad, kids are much more supervised, managed, remindered, and second-chanced now. I try to give my students grace, but it definitely is frustrating to be trying to get a 25-year-old to turn things in. Anyhow, my parents made me handle everything school-related from a very early age, and I think that was a bit extreme. My mother in law gave me one great piece of advice. If you want your child independent at 18, you need to get them half way there by 9. While that seemed a little extreme, it did get me thinking about it and helping my daughter do as much for herself as was age appropriate. I agree that we don’t give them enough support and just expect them to magically be all knowing at 18
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 26, 2024 20:07:00 GMT
My daughter filled out the fafsa the day it went live. She got her results today. This year is a mess. These kids may have been waiting on their fafsa results. This year is a mess.. It's been a nightmare.. Some of them have not even attempted to fill out their FAFSAs until like last week. I still have one that hasn't done it. We have students that there have been issues with and that is understandable, we are working with them. Students I am talking about just don't respond to messages, fill out other documents needed that I have sent two, three and four times. All go ignored until we say, your not starting Monday. Those are the ones frustrating. All the errors and delays are another whole frustrating thing, that I don't blame the student/parent. We get that. We were sending out emails the days FAFSA went live.. We posted on our webpage, all around the school were flyers, teachers were telling them, anyway we could get how important it was to get it done early we did.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,268
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Jun 26, 2024 20:11:11 GMT
My sister is like this with her daughter. Too much hands on in my opinion. Daughter does have some learning differences but she had to move home with her family during her first year of teaching so they could get her up and get her on the way to her job. Surprise, surprise, her contract wasn't renewed and she was on the job search this summer. My sister, again, got way too involved and started sending out emails to prospective jobs and applying for them for her daughter. She ended up getting a job in our town but her friend and she are going to get an apartment and she'll move out again. Nothing has really changed and her parents still do everything for her.
I was kind of the opposite way with DS and he has always been fairly independent. He still resents me for making him pay his student loans when he dropped out of college after a year (he went back and finished with honors a few years later), but I was like, hey, i'll pay your loans while you are in school but after you get a job, they're yours.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 26, 2024 21:02:14 GMT
Honestly my perspective is that we don’t give kids enough independence and autonomy as they are growing up and then expect at 18 that they magically will be adults. Definitely you can consciously parent your kids to be more independent and responsible, for for a variety of reasons good and bad, kids are much more supervised, managed, remindered, and second-chanced now. I try to give my students grace, but it definitely is frustrating to be trying to get a 25-year-old to turn things in. Anyhow, my parents made me handle everything school-related from a very early age, and I think that was a bit extreme. I agree with this 100%. We were fortunate that our middle school was of the main to let them “fail” at 12 with certain tasks. That some of the best lessons is life comes through failure and the best time to learn that is in middle school, not magically when they turn 18. #1’s college was good about that, too. They were specific with what the kids had to deal with themselves vs us parents. We were given several scenarios and ways to coach them through solving it themselves, including the emails and phone numbers to give them when they called in a crisis. For our family, was really helpful.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 26, 2024 21:47:25 GMT
My daughter filled out the fafsa the day it went live. She got her results today. This year is a mess. These kids may have been waiting on their fafsa results. This year is a mess.. It's been a nightmare.. Some of them have not even attempted to fill out their FAFSAs until like last week. I still have one that hasn't done it. We have students that there have been issues with and that is understandable, we are working with them. Students I am talking about just don't respond to messages, fill out other documents needed that I have sent two, three and four times. All go ignored until we say, your not starting Monday. Those are the ones frustrating. All the errors and delays are another whole frustrating thing, that I don't blame the student/parent. We get that. We were sending out emails the days FAFSA went live.. We posted on our webpage, all around the school were flyers, teachers were telling them, anyway we could get how important it was to get it done early we did. I have a fully adult student (college grad at the least) who ignored a half-dozen emails from our admissions office and registrar and at least seven from me and "didn't know" that my summer course started yesterday. I feel your pain, believe me!
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,268
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Jun 26, 2024 21:53:26 GMT
Honestly my perspective is that we don’t give kids enough independence and autonomy as they are growing up and then expect at 18 that they magically will be adults. Definitely you can consciously parent your kids to be more independent and responsible, for for a variety of reasons good and bad, kids are much more supervised, managed, remindered, and second-chanced now. I try to give my students grace, but it definitely is frustrating to be trying to get a 25-year-old to turn things in. Anyhow, my parents made me handle everything school-related from a very early age, and I think that was a bit extreme. I agree with this 100%. We were fortunate that our middle school was of the main to let them “fail” at 12 with certain tasks. That some of the best lessons is life comes through failure and the best time to learn that is in middle school, not magically when they turn 18. #1’s college was good about that, too. They were specific with what the kids had to deal with themselves vs us parents. We were given several scenarios and ways to coach them through solving it themselves, including the emails and phone numbers to give them when they called in a crisis. For our family, was really helpful. I think this is a great learning experience. It's ok to fail and learn what you did wrong. it's essential for growth at all stages in life.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,319
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on Jun 27, 2024 0:12:58 GMT
My mother in law gave me one great piece of advice. If you want your child independent at 18, you need to get them half way there by 9. While that seemed a little extreme, it did get me thinking about it and helping my daughter do as much for herself as was age appropriate. I agree that we don’t give them enough support and just expect them to magically be all knowing at 18 That is great advice! Age appropriate is important, but some parents think it is age appropriate to do everything for them at 18 or older! LOL
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,579
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Jun 27, 2024 2:16:06 GMT
The one that topped the cake for me was a lady called trying to order a transcript for her son. HE WAS IN HIS 40s!! I do think it's funny that my 18-y.o. who is going to be entering her senior year in HS is not allowed to sign things (at the HS) as her own legal guardian (permission slips, sports physicals, early dismissals from school, etc.). However, she is attending a class at the local community college and they aren't even allowed to tell me anything about her financial account or her grades or anything...Like, is she an adult, or not? It's not actually an issue for us, but it's sure a case of mixed messages in my opinion.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jun 27, 2024 4:17:37 GMT
My daughter did absolutely everything for her own university admission, including organising the HECS loan (Government loan). I had no idea even how much her degrees were going to cost. She's been very independent like that for her whole life - through no help from me, it's all nature over nurture with her, that's for sure.
My son on the other hand..... He didn't go to uni, but if he did, I'm sure we would have had to help him (or get his sister to help him!). DSO helped him get an apprenticeship. He had to get his first passport a couple of weeks ago, and I told him that I was not going to do it for him, but I would help him find the documentation that he needed. I think if we hadn't kept reminding him to do it, he would have got to the day before he was due to fly out, and gone ooooops! He got the forms and filled them in, and honestly, it looked like a five year old filled them in! They would not have accepted them with all the crossing out and messy writing. I ended up filling the forms in online and printing them out, then sending him on his way to do the rest.
I do think that I have done my son a disservice by not making him do more for himself when he was younger.
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Post by cindytred on Jun 27, 2024 11:14:08 GMT
I'm not ashamed to admit that I did it all for my kids. I celebrated the day that I filled out the last FAFSA form! My oldest graduated with her teaching degree and had only half-a$$ed looked for a job. I told her to get dressed we were going job hunting. We got in the car and I drove her from one school to the next and had her go with resume in her hand and introduce herself to all the principals. (I stayed in the car.). By the end of the day she had a job teaching 4th grade! That was in 2010 and she is a successful adult, despite her helicopter mom.
Looking back on my reasoning - it was probably because I didn't have anyone in my corner cheering me on or helping me figure it out. I wanted to be there for my kids. They went away to college - but strategically it was only 1.5 hours away in case they ever needed me. Luckily, they didn't.
Cindy
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Post by Bridget in MD on Jun 27, 2024 13:17:46 GMT
My daughter did absolutely everything for her own university admission, including organising the HECS loan (Government loan). I had no idea even how much her degrees were going to cost. She's been very independent like that for her whole life - through no help from me, it's all nature over nurture with her, that's for sure. My son on the other hand..... He didn't go to uni, but if he did, I'm sure we would have had to help him (or get his sister to help him!). DSO helped him get an apprenticeship. He had to get his first passport a couple of weeks ago, and I told him that I was not going to do it for him, but I would help him find the documentation that he needed. I think if we hadn't kept reminding him to do it, he would have got to the day before he was due to fly out, and gone ooooops! He got the forms and filled them in, and honestly, it looked like a five year old filled them in! They would not have accepted them with all the crossing out and messy writing. I ended up filling the forms in online and printing them out, then sending him on his way to do the rest. I do think that I have done my son a disservice by not making him do more for himself when he was younger. Sometimes I feel this way about my own son, I think part of it is his sense of urgency does not match mine. He doesn't understand that forms get kicked back, and what may look easy could take a long time. And honestly, some of these things are too risky for him to miss (IMO) so we will nag him to get his part done. And I don't feel bad about it bc I think part of it is if he needs my help, he needs to do it when I am available, not when he's ready at the last minute....
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Post by monklady123 on Jun 27, 2024 13:28:33 GMT
The only thing my college kid wants from me is money. She handles all the administrative stuff and is handling her own grad school search and applications as well. But I was an advisor at her current university when she was in preschool, and we had all those same problems back then. My favorite was a parent calling me to ask if I could help her son put down the video games and do some of his homework. No, ma'am, that is outside of my job description.Just a few weeks ago I had a mom from my private studio ask if I had any advice for getting her son to practice when he doesn't want to. Granted, he's seven. But nothing wrong with making your piano practice part of homework, mom. No screens until it's done. Maybe that comes under that umbrella statement of "other duties as assigned"?
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Post by smasonnc on Jun 27, 2024 13:44:23 GMT
I had this on my refrigerator: “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”
DD is in medical school. The FB parents group is frantic about where to buy a toaster, what to do about lost keys, etc. These are adults who will be responsible for people's lives in 2 years and they can't even find their own keys without their mom getting involved. I send screenshots of this stuff to DD and she just rolls her eyes. This summer there are a lot of tests, relocations, etc. to proceed to the next step. DD is handling all of it herself. We'll help her get her stuff where it needs to go, but that's it.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,567
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Jun 27, 2024 23:18:02 GMT
I worked in the financial aid office part-time in the early 80s and it was the same then.
You had capable students, students that needed some reminders, students that were late on things and acted like it was your fault, students who had no clue that college cost money, and students that you swear don’t even know how to wipe their own butt.
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Post by Zee on Jun 28, 2024 15:39:11 GMT
We started our kids off early (age 3) with money. They had a savings and an allowance. They earned $ through chores. It was amazing how motivating this was for our kids. I can think of only two weeks that a kiddo didn't get the full amount in over 7 years. Then they were encouraged to start a business and by around 4th grade and began lawn mowing. In a year, they expanded to the whole neighborhood and my neighbors were thrilled to pay my kids $20-$30 a week as opposed to $40-$60 for a lawn mowing service. They could make more money than their friends who worked all year. At twelve, we also introduced them to the stock market and they each got $500 to invest. They continue to make investments weekly as adults. They were given money for school lunches and I bought their clothes for them. My point is that it is the parents who put their kids in a positive or negative position for dealing with money. If you start them early and are consistent, they can easily learn to make a budget, pay taxes, save etc. They just see it as something they need to do to succeed. If they were raised with a parent who is more likely to do everything for them or save them whenever they need it, you have kids who are a little bit helpless. I know people say schools should teach all of this, but if you wait until high school to teach kids about money, it just isn't instilled in them like it is when you start very young. My kids had their college paid for by us. We did the college tour with them, but once school started and they were moved into the dorms, I expected that they communicated it all to me. Thankfully they both were good about taking financial situations seriously. The Pea-est answer I have ever read. Congratulations! Signed, The Grasshopper
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