Post by Lexica on Jun 29, 2024 21:26:38 GMT
I am in an admittedly very strange mood today. I know that I am getting older and the people that I care about will slowly begin to pass on. I really struggled when my parents passed. Especially Mom because she had been living with me and went to my sister’s house to visit and never returned. Mom was my constant and losing her both hurt and scared me. Loss is inevitable. I know that. But it seems like now that I am finally in a better place after the deaths of my parents, I am suddenly having people all around me dying.
I have met a few very nice women here in Oregon that I hoped would become good long term friends. So far, I have met three. And all three of them have passed. That is three out of three and I have been here about a year and a half. Two lived on my block and the third lived a couple of blocks away. And they ranged in age from 68 to 73. I just turned 70 and I don’t feel anywhere near the end. My mom passed at 98, the same age as her mother was when she died. My dad had loads of health issues but he lived to be 90. So I look at 70s as still having many more years to go.
Yesterday morning I got a message from my oldest friend. Our parents bought homes on the same street when we were both toddlers so we grew up together until my family moved to another town when I was in Junior High School. We have remained friends all these many years. Yesterday I learned her younger sister had died. She was 67, but had been fighting a brain tumor for several years and kept winning. She was so strong and had such a great outlook. Her time ran out a few days ago. I am happy that she is no longer in any pain and that she lived for several more years than her doctors ever thought she would.
While my mind knows this is how it goes as we get older, my heart doesn’t know how to handle it all. It just seems like too many losses so close together. I am not sure how to keep a positive attitude going forward. I met a new neighbor yesterday. She is renting a room from someone on my street. She came over to introduce herself when I was out front trimming the roses and I liked her right away. She asked if I was open to her coming over to visit me because she has been getting bored staying in her room and watching movies all day. She was told I was single too and that we might have a lot in common. She said she wanted us to become good friends. We sat in my front yard for several hours and got to know each other. I like her. She is funny and we do have a few things in common.
But here is my fear. She is very thin and didn’t look well. She brought up the health issues she has been dealing with. We both have chronic pain and spoke briefly about how we try to mitigate it and move on to a happier place by accepting it, especially since we cannot change it. Then she told me that she was just recently in the hospital for a week after a horrible UTI that led to kidney problems and she said she almost died. When we both stood up for her to leave, she almost fell backwards. She said she still feels weak from the infection and hospitalization. She told me her hospitalization was only a week ago.
I fear getting close to someone else only to see them pass. Again. I want to be open to all new friendships, but I will admit that I am afraid of losing these new friends too soon. I have never thought like this before and I am unsure how to stop it. I even called one of my best friends in California last night and made him promise to take better care of himself and to promise me that I get to pass first. We have been good friends for about 25 years and I need him in my life. He has many friends since he has lived in the same area all of his life and I don’t really have anyone yet since I moved away. I told him it was only fair that he outlive me. We obviously have the same strange sense of humor.
How do you keep yourself in a positive mindset when you have been experiencing multiple losses quite close together? Do I just go into the friendship taking every day as a gift while steeling myself for when it stops? I certainly don’t want to close myself off just to protect myself from loss. But I don’t like feeling this way either. I know none of this is my fault but I am starting to feel like I should warn people off because if they get close to me, they won’t be alive very long.
How do you do it? What do you tell yourself to keep looking forward with a strong positive attitude as you age and keep losing people?
I have met a few very nice women here in Oregon that I hoped would become good long term friends. So far, I have met three. And all three of them have passed. That is three out of three and I have been here about a year and a half. Two lived on my block and the third lived a couple of blocks away. And they ranged in age from 68 to 73. I just turned 70 and I don’t feel anywhere near the end. My mom passed at 98, the same age as her mother was when she died. My dad had loads of health issues but he lived to be 90. So I look at 70s as still having many more years to go.
Yesterday morning I got a message from my oldest friend. Our parents bought homes on the same street when we were both toddlers so we grew up together until my family moved to another town when I was in Junior High School. We have remained friends all these many years. Yesterday I learned her younger sister had died. She was 67, but had been fighting a brain tumor for several years and kept winning. She was so strong and had such a great outlook. Her time ran out a few days ago. I am happy that she is no longer in any pain and that she lived for several more years than her doctors ever thought she would.
While my mind knows this is how it goes as we get older, my heart doesn’t know how to handle it all. It just seems like too many losses so close together. I am not sure how to keep a positive attitude going forward. I met a new neighbor yesterday. She is renting a room from someone on my street. She came over to introduce herself when I was out front trimming the roses and I liked her right away. She asked if I was open to her coming over to visit me because she has been getting bored staying in her room and watching movies all day. She was told I was single too and that we might have a lot in common. She said she wanted us to become good friends. We sat in my front yard for several hours and got to know each other. I like her. She is funny and we do have a few things in common.
But here is my fear. She is very thin and didn’t look well. She brought up the health issues she has been dealing with. We both have chronic pain and spoke briefly about how we try to mitigate it and move on to a happier place by accepting it, especially since we cannot change it. Then she told me that she was just recently in the hospital for a week after a horrible UTI that led to kidney problems and she said she almost died. When we both stood up for her to leave, she almost fell backwards. She said she still feels weak from the infection and hospitalization. She told me her hospitalization was only a week ago.
I fear getting close to someone else only to see them pass. Again. I want to be open to all new friendships, but I will admit that I am afraid of losing these new friends too soon. I have never thought like this before and I am unsure how to stop it. I even called one of my best friends in California last night and made him promise to take better care of himself and to promise me that I get to pass first. We have been good friends for about 25 years and I need him in my life. He has many friends since he has lived in the same area all of his life and I don’t really have anyone yet since I moved away. I told him it was only fair that he outlive me. We obviously have the same strange sense of humor.
How do you keep yourself in a positive mindset when you have been experiencing multiple losses quite close together? Do I just go into the friendship taking every day as a gift while steeling myself for when it stops? I certainly don’t want to close myself off just to protect myself from loss. But I don’t like feeling this way either. I know none of this is my fault but I am starting to feel like I should warn people off because if they get close to me, they won’t be alive very long.
How do you do it? What do you tell yourself to keep looking forward with a strong positive attitude as you age and keep losing people?
