Visiting/staying with relatives?

I would never invite myself to someone's home or ask to stay with them. Not even family. What I would do is tell them you will be in their city and would love to see them when you are there. Then I would ask if they had any suggestions on the best area for a hotel. It doesn't sound you are close to these people so I would not be comfortable staying in their home.

I'm not really sure if you are asking if you should invite yourself.

I'm not sure I'd want to stay with someone I wasn't super comfortable having the "hey, can I stay with you" conversation with? Just check for hotels if you want to visit. I'm sure once they hear you're coming they'll invite if they want, and you can change it?

To me it depends on how close you are. I will stay for several days at my mom's house and my dad's house, and my cousin's house for one night (because he lives alone and I won't be bothering a wife or anyone else and we're cool like that), and that's about it.

I prefer my own space to relax except when visiting my dad--we go out for breakfast and shopping and watch movies and have beers and it's easier to just stay there, and more fun.

Dh's family is very much the stay-with-family type of family. It is not my favorite. Both of his sisters have large homes with bedrooms/bathroom in the basement that they allow friends and family to stay in. We do travel out there much more frequently than they come here. I remember suggesting a hotel several years ago was told absolutely not. One we enjoy staying with, the other one is just too stressful.

Our home is smaller and my inlaws home (10 mins away) isn't suitable for anyone to comfortably stay there. But we are having both families (family 1: 1 adult, 3 teenagers, family 2: 2 adults, 3 teenagers) stay with us because they would never be willing to pay to stay somewhere and it is just expected that they will stay with us. The first family was here last week and we had a major heatwave and my sil had to stay downstairs (no A/C) on our Murphy bed, I felt bad, but the other option was staying at her parents that have no A/C and their house didn't get under 90 inside all week with the only bathroom being in their bedroom.

Dh suggested that we should give his sister our room and sleep on the Murphy and I said unequivocally no. I said we could have our kids sleep on our floor and give her one of the kid's rooms, but I wasn't giving up our room.

I like having my own space and it always stresses me out when we have to stay with family. I want to be a considerate house guest and I don't want them to feel like they have to entertain me all the time.

My sister lives on the opposite coast from me. WE aren't very close and I would never want to have to stay in her house if we came out to visit (we won't).

That said if I was going to be in town I would let people know and ask about meeting up, but I would never assume that I would stay with someone. But again, that is me and the last 20+ years of having to do it with dh's family has soured me on it.

I think there's been some great advice...

If I didn't know them that well, I'd not want to stay with them...

If I knew them better, or just would like to stay with them (no judgement- some places we want to stay can be a couple grand for 2-3 days- better to stay with family/friends and treat them to meals etc) I would just do like suggested... hey, I'm thinking I want to check out the _____, isn't it near you? I'd love to see you while I'm there- do you have any recommendations where to stay, what to see, how long you think I will need to stay to get the flavor of the area?

We have a home in one tourist/business hub area, and a second home in a second vaca/beach area. I LOVE to host at our second home. Basically, if we are there, and someone wants to come, and no one else is already staying with us, just bring your swimsuit- everything else is there, love to have you!!

At our home here, it isn't set up for company. We don't have a spare room. No child has walked through the door and I'm more than ok with that. Our dog is old, she doesn't like other dogs, and I don't like the way some people seem to think they can talk to other people's dogs just any kind of way. It would stress me the hell out to have someone other than my daughter or one of my son's friends stay here. But those folks love my dog the way they should lol, don't need to be entertained, can feed themselves and will make themselves at home.

All that to share my scary reality..... Over the last 30 years I've been out of my hometown, my sister has had a 100% open door policy for me, my kids, my SO, my doggos, whatever. That said, for about the last 10ish, if it's more than just me, I stay at a hotel. No one has made the trip (or any trip) to visit in over 10 years and I have alot of resentment that I am always the one expected to travel (I don't share that with them.) My mid 20's nephew finally got his first car, and wants to come up for a visit. 10000000000000%%%% YES!!! Name the day and I am thrilled, I'll book a whale watch, lobster trip, beach day, Boston tourist, North End eating.. whatever he wants. But, he plans to bring his girlfriend (ugh- don't know her well, but what I do know, I don't like) and the girlfriends 3 or 4 year old child. My house is not a place that kids will have much to do. Other than get into things because that's what kids do. OMG. THAT is stressful (to me.) There's no way I will say no, but I definitely would prefer just him. Or maybe the two of them, without the kid. But of course I won't say that.

All this to say... Will you be traveling alone? What is their lifestyle like where they are at? I just think there are so many variables that aren't at all personal at play here. Please don't be offended if they don't offer their home.

Our family is all pretty near each other so it mostly isn’t an issue.

DHs nephew moved to the US and one year they stayed two nights with us before going to his wifes family. I was happy to have them but wouldn’t do it again. They have two young kids and we have nothing for littles in our house. DS managed to find his old tub of Lego and that kept them busy for a while. The morning I thought they were leaving he sat down with his laptop to work for a few hours and she took the kids out in the snow. It was chaotic lol.

My brother is two hours away and he’s welcome any time with his lovely fiancé - and we have gone up to their place to go on his boat and stayed in their spare room too. Always a good time.

DH has family in Scotland - we’d be welcome any time. But we’d wait until the week we were leaving to say “hey we will be there from x to x can we meet up?” Because while we really want to see them all, we don’t want to sleep on couches and spend every night in their living room while the men go to the pub. DH wants to SEE Scotland, he’s not been back since he was 6.

I invited myself and my kids to my aunt's house every year, if I don't bring it up first she would be calling to ask when we'd be coming. Same with a friend she always says pleaae come and stay. I usually go to her but last summer she did come here. She just asked if she could stay. She picks me up and I picked her up from the airport. Buy specific food we know the other will need. I let her borrow my car when she was here, my aunt has let us use her car if we've flown down to her.

If you're coming here it's implied you're staying at my house because the city is over an hour away with decent hotels. Same when other people around here, friends or family just stay with them.

I live half way around the world from my family. When we go back to visit, we will often stay with one of my sisters. She is about 20 minutes rom my son and his family, and they don't really have space for guests - and she has a large house, with several spare rooms now that he children have moved out. If she hears we're coming over, she'll as if we want to stay with her. Sometimes, we choose to get a room at a short stay apartment complex nearer to my son, depending wat we plan to do.
Flip side is - if any of our family, and that includes cousins and their kids, are traveling in Europe, and want a few days in Munich, se have a sofa thy are welcome to use.

I dont think it is "inviting yourself" to open the conversation by saying, "Hey, I'm thinking of coming for a visit!" The rest of the conversation should flow from there.
They are your siblings, not casual acquaintances

I've always had an extra bedroom to accommodate guests. When I lived in DC, I had an extra bedroom that was set up as an office so we got a blow-up air mattress for guests. ExH had all sorts of access to the Pentagon and White House so we had a LOT of people come visit when we lived there.

Now I have a second bedroom with a pull out couch and it's just my BFF and DS that stay with me. Other family stays with my sister in town because she has two guest bedrooms.

I agree with this, although (while I don’t have siblings), family dynamics can be weird. There are people who get upset if you don’t stay with them and people who get upset if you do, and while, ideally, we’d all be out here comminicating healthily about our preferences, definitely that doesn’t always work.

If you are open to either, I’d say, we’re thinking of coming to visit, we can get a hotel or stay with you, genuinely whatever is easier for you. I personally hate staying in people’s homes (I like to control my own schedule way too much for it), so I am usually on the end of having to smooth things over with people who decide I am saying there is something wrong with their home.