Dementia experiances with parents

It sounds fairly typical to be honest. As far as I’m aware there’s no new treatments and the patches work well for some and do nothing for others.
I wish I had words that would help but sadly i don’t. It’s brutal.

I would start long term care planning.. your dad probably at some point won't be able to take care of her.. or it would not be safe and you need a plan on what happens then.

It does sound like it’s time for a doctor to get involved. You may need to lock their stove or flip the circuit breaker. That’s what I worried about a lot.

My MIL was in a trial about 20 years ago and received medication for her memory loss. It’s my understanding that the drugs fight off the decline, but don’t regain ground. She managed to cope for about 18 years through sheer force of will. Then she just became too angry and we had to put her into care.

My 92 year old FIL was just diagnosed with dementia and was on a drug for it, but it was making him dizzy and he was falling. So we took him off of it. Quite frankly, he’s just here “until the good Lord takes me home.” He has so much guilt about putting MIL into care that it would almost be a blessing if he forgets that part.

It’s rough. I spend a lot of my days just dealing with our elderly parents and trying to keep my parents in their home. I really don’t know how they were managing before we moved back into the area.

I'm so sorry. I agree with the others that her behavior sounds pretty typical. She may have had trouble remembering that you didn't live with her because in her mind she was back in time to when you did. (Mother kept asking me if I was married.) That in and out of the present seems to be common. And having worsening symptoms after an illness is also common. It's amazing the things you can't do when your short term memory goes.

My mother tried a couple of medicines but had side effects from both. I think it was probably too late anyway. I know a woman diagnosed in her 60's and lived 15 more years. Her husband swears the medicines made a world of difference. I've heard of a new drug but do investigate the side effects. One side effect my mother had was getting dizzy so she stopped the medicine. If your mother takes something that affects her balance you can have far worse problems. A broken hip being a real setback to the elderly is really true.

I also agree that you may want to think about the long term plan. It's impossible to say what will happen with her and your dad but knowing what facilities are in the area and the costs can help you be better prepared. If she were to have another health event, she might need a facility on short notice. You want to know what places you would prefer and those you don't.

My DH is 88 and has been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. The first reading of a MRI was late onset Alzheimer’s. But we were able to get an assessment at the Pat Summitt Clinic, and they diagnosed the MCI. It is soooo important to get diagnosed accurately. He is currently taking Donepezil to slow the rate of memory loss. And he still functions well regarding every day activities and driving well known routes. Not all memory loss is Alzheimer’s. Please have your loved one diagnosed soon.

My grandmother started living with my Dad (he was a nurse) after her stroke. She had mobility issues but was pretty independent until one night she came out of the bathroom and went the wrong way. She fell down 6 stairs and broke half her body. This was the beginning of the end for her, and it was a long road until she passed this past winter.

She was a tiny thing and hydration was super important, so we had to give her Pedialyte mixed with water to keep up on it because otherwise she only drank coffee. Please make sure areas are well lit if she has to get up at night. We got my Grandma these batter powered motion lights to line the hallway and bathroom, they definitely helped. Make sure she has a way to call for help if she does fall - those pull cords with the alarms would be fine as long as someone is home all the time.

I'm sorry you're going through this because it sucks.

My mom had a severe case of sepsis following a surgery. The doctor told us after she recovered that he did not think she was going to make it. Since then she has had dementia/memory issues. Apparently there is a link between severe sepsis and memory loss in elder patients. The sepsis releases some type of chemical in the brain that causes the memory issues. I don’t recall all of the specifics now but if you google it there is medical research that explains the biology/science behind it.


I’m sorry that you are going through this. I know how difficult it can be. One of the saddest parts for my mom is that she is aware of her memory decline and she gets sad about it at times when she can’t do things she used to enjoy (like baking, etc).

I unfortunately have a lot of experience with dementia (my mother is developing it and my MIL has had it for several years).  MIL has medication from her parkinson's doctors that basically needs to be constantly adjusted and/or replaced with different medication, which then needs to be adjusted or replaced.  She still isn't particularly functional, but it keeps her in a state where she is less dangerous physically and verbally.  My mother won't seek medical help so .

One thing I have learned is that arguing with someone with dementia is fruitless.  

Newer research has found a very strong link between alzheimers and metabolic dysfunction. Some doctors have started referring to it as Type 3 diabetes. High cholesterol, high fasting glucose, high HbA1C, high liver lab test results are all indicators of metabolic dysfunction. Putting patients on a very low carb or keto-type diet has shown significant improvement in alzheimer patients. I follow Dr. Mark Hyman on YouTube because he is very up on recent research. Search on YouTube for his name and alzheimers and you’ll find several videos where he discusses it. I’m not a fan of keto diets for most people, but if I had s parent with memory problems I would immediately put them on a keto diet if their labs suggested metabolic dysfunction. The other thing I would do is to review what medications your mom takes and see if any of those could be causing memory issues. Ask a pharmacist about side effects. They know more about med side effects than doctors. I would talk to at least two pharmacists. I used to work in the pharmaceutical industry as a project manager for FDA clinical trials. 

 100% Asking your mom where the groceries came from is not going to trigger her memory. 

Rather than looking for a med, at this point I would be concentrating on what the next living situation is going to be for your parents. Should they move closer to you? Will they be able to stay together? Is help available to come into their home and any adult daycare for her/respite for your dad? What services can you tap into? Have a heart-to-heart with your dad about what the real choices are. Pulling the trigger on leaving their home (or bringing in help) will be easier if you start the hard conversations now. 

FWIW, my mom was a wanderer and left the house if left alone for more than 30 seconds. Dad couldn't even get a bathroom break without losing her. Thankfully she usually ended up home for the next meal, often hours later. Occasionally she had a ride home from the local police. 

So sorry dementia is hitting your family.

This was my mom too.