Do you ever feel like the left out step kid? (FLUFF)

Yes.

I’m sorry someone(s) is making you feel this way at present.

Occasionally. I was in a book club with 4 other ladies and I didn't feel we had a lot in common (one I was very close friends with, but the other 3 I wasn't) but I read the books, went to the dinners etc... and then on FB saw they went out for an event without me. I was like "oh, okay." And I passive-aggressively liked the post

The close friend one immediately texted me and apologized. She didn't put the pictures up and she felt badly that someone had. We're still very, very good friends and see each other a lot. The other two I'm just fine not socializing with ever again (one was a 50 year old "mean girl" - surprise, she was the one that put the pictures up knowing I'd see them.)

So - anyway - yes, I know the feeling. Surround yourself with people who get you. What's that meme that's out now? "If I'm a lot, go find less."

My 2 sisters, their husbands, and I pretty much do everything together. They're good about including me in things and know that I have a tendency to want to stay home but they usually still include me.

A couple of weeks ago, we were all playing cards and an ELO song came on and my BIL (who had had quite a bit to drink) said, Oh I can't wait for this concert. I was like...what? I didn't know we were going to the concert. He said, I bought tickets one night you weren't here and well, we didn't include you. I was just taken aback because normally they are so good and I felt totally left out. I put my cards on the table and walked out before I said something I would regret.

The next day my sister felt horrible and kept texting me saying that they all felt really bad and then ended up buying two new tickets so I could go. I know that they didn't purposely leave me out but out of sight was out of mind. I said it wasn't even so much about going but feeling left out.

Oh well, problem solved and now I'm going to ELO in October

Yes. I still feel like this around friends and every time my family gets together for a family dinner. I always leave the dinner feeling like crap. It is amplified by the fact that the dinner table is huge and my sisters sit at one end with my parents and I am sitting on the other side of the room. Moving closer isn't really an option (I don't really want to get into it so please don't tell me to do that). This is more than just sitting at the table, it is a systemic issue that has been there for my entire life. My sisters will often go on vacation together.  That's fine, I don't really care because I have no interest in vacationing with either of them.  I won't vacation with my parents because my dad is a pill.  He expects everyone to cater to him (even when I paid for the vacation). He didn't like the food at a restaurant one year, got up in the middle of the night to make something to eat.  He woke me up and my dh went out to see what was going on (I was still in bed).  He said that I should have gotten up and made him something to eat at 3 am.  My dh got into it with him and we had a HUGE fight the next morning.  My dh, myself and my kids left and spent the entire day outside of the house because I couldn't be around him. I had hoped my parents would leave but they ended up staying.  That was the last time I ever asked my parents to come to the beach with me.  It's my vacation, I paid for the damn house and it isn't my responsibility to get up in the middle of the night and cook you something. I really don't care if they go on vacations together.  I would rather enjoy my vacation than spend it with any of them.

Growing up, I was always the kid who was excluded and bullied. I chose to be friends with people who routinely screwed me over because I figured that was better than not having any friends. I needed to have people to hang out with because staying at home with an abusive father wasn't an option.

I think we all can experience the feeling of being left out, no matter what age we are. And there are mean girls of all ages.

I'm sorry for anyone who has experienced this, it's never a good feeling.

I'm a grown ass adult, I've been left out and let it hurt my feelings, even though if asked I would have declined with no, that is something that I would absolutely hate to do.

librarylady peppermintpatty

Sometimes families just suck.

Hugs to everyone! ❤️

Yes. I work remotely and management at the office decided on a whim to close at noon the Friday after fourth of July. I figured it out about 4 pm, wondered my emails were so quiet. It's a small company, but three of us are mainly remote. That stung a bit.

Interesting that this comes up now. Over the weekend I found out I was the only cousin (actually the only biological family member) not invited to a cousin's wedding. I found this out when my (half) sister and all the other cousins posted on social media showing they had gotten together. I didn't think much of it because my sister has organized many get together with the cousins without me. She even did a big "cousins party" right before her wedding which really bothered me, especially after my grandmother pointed out of course I wasn't invited because I wasn't her cousin!

Another of those cousins had me and my kids sitting separately from the family at her wedding. It was quite embarrassing when one of the bridesmaids mothers asked if she had met me at the bridal shower that I had not been invited to. At that time I thought we were a close family. We did at least quarterly get-togethers at the grandparents all through our childhoods.

That said there is an age gap. I'm the oldest grandchild (and the only one with divorced parents) and the cousins are closer in age to my kids than myself. My sister was in kindergarten when my oldest was born.

While all of this is hurtful I've gotten to the point in life where I've decided to let go of people that don't treat me the way I think I deserve and I think I'm happier for it.

Yes! More often then I'd like to admit. Happened twice, yesterday. I still feel stupid and think it would be better if I sit back at my crochet group at the library and just smile and nod my head. Which, has always been the default. However, I got comfortable, which leads to my being stupid. Im extremely introverted. That said, I do like everyone in the group and I go every week, partly because it forces me to work on my crochet for an hour and a half, instead of my usual stops and starts. But...I'm sorry for the tangent. I understand perfectly.

I totally get this, being an introvert myself. 

Yep. I feel like this all the time. I am like the person that can hang in any group. Which seems great until I realize I don't really have close friends and people do all sorts of things without thinking of inviting me. I don't have a person I would call at 3 a.m. if there was an emergency. If I think about it too much, it is really kind of heartbreaking to me.

Often....

Mine stems from bullying/being purposely left out in high school (one day was walking to a friend's locker, saw the two of them there, next time I looked up they were rushing away in the opposite direction).

I have a great group I meet with weekly for business networking, but we have all become friends. Another local gal is getting married, I'm doing her cake, she works with my DD, I know her well. But they had a cottage weekend for her "bachelorette" - I wasn't invited. I know it wasn't a slight, but the oompf went out of my sails for a day. I was sad. And I know it is silly - but it's still how I felt.

I've actually been struggling with this thinking lately. I seriously told DH the other night that no one would miss me if I wasn't here. The backstory is the last few times we've gone to dinner with a certain group of people, I get ignored by the other women. When I am with these women on 1:1, everything is great. Add the three of us together and I am ignored and left out. I seriously texted DH the other night while we were out that I could have left and no one would have noticed.