dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 8,556
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
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Post by dawnnikol on Jul 24, 2024 23:32:58 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear all these heartbreaking stories, but also kinda glad I'm not so alone.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 25, 2024 0:26:59 GMT
Sorry you are being treated that way. Being treated shitty sucks. Hugs.
I have experienced this (not invited, left out entirely, I'm on the "B" list of invitees) from Family....many times over the years and many decades.
In my younger days (20's, 30's, and part of my 40's).....I let it bother me. Deep hurt, in my heart and soul and I took it very personally.
In my late teens, early 20's and part of my 30's......I was a full fledged people pleaser and desperately wanted to be included and be a part of what considered to be the "Family in group of favorites".
Then I changed my life and found me.
In general, the new me doesn't care about stuff like that anymore, the new me doesn't take it personally.
I say "in general", because I do have feelings. These days and during the past many years-last couple of decades...when I am left out, not invited or receive a "B" list invite....I experience a slight wince(and I quickly move on from it)....but it's no longer a deep hurt.
On my path of healing and finding me.....I've come to figure out and realize, that I was mostly invited to things >> if a gift was involved or a purchase was needed (home sales parties...pampered chef, home interior, princess house crystal, etc..).
I view life differently these days and I have firm boundaries, when it comes to toxic and asshole Family members. I am always polite and civil, and remind myself I'm just here for the nice ones and the one's I like.
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ModChick
Drama Llama
True North Strong and Free
Posts: 5,092 
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Post by ModChick on Jul 25, 2024 3:52:56 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear all these heartbreaking stories, but also kinda glad I'm not so alone. Right. 😔 I feel the same way. Hugs to everyone. |
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Post by peasapie on Jul 25, 2024 10:36:30 GMT
My mom used to pit sibling against sibling, whilst professing to want her children to all get along. It gave her a sense of strength and power. That used to bother me a lot.
She’s long gone now, my sibs and I are spread around and seldom see each other, and my lesson learned is I’d never do to my own kids what she did to us. I took a lesson from it.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 25, 2024 13:37:33 GMT
I completely get it. My siblings socialize, but I never get invited. One sister only responds to texts about our parents.
I've moved on and do things with my friends. I don't invite them to anything.
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Post by lbp on Jul 25, 2024 14:54:52 GMT
I sometimes think I must be completely invisible.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,990
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Post by peppermintpatty on Jul 25, 2024 17:00:46 GMT
Often.... Mine stems from bullying/being purposely left out in high school (one day was walking to a friend's locker, saw the two of them there, next time I looked up they were rushing away in the opposite direction).I have a great group I meet with weekly for business networking, but we have all become friends. Another local gal is getting married, I'm doing her cake, she works with my DD, I know her well. But they had a cottage weekend for her "bachelorette" - I wasn't invited. I know it wasn't a slight, but the oompf went out of my sails for a day. I was sad. And I know it is silly - but it's still how I felt. This happened to me all the time in high school. Some in elementary as well.
Once my dd was doing competitive cheer, all the girls on the team did a sleep over and I didn't know about it. We showed up at the girls house and they all had their gear and were happily hanging out on the trampoline. I was completely taken aback. I said something to the mother and she said "oh I know H had something last night". My response was "um, no she didn't, we were home." The mother was supposedly mortified and apologetic but honestly, I couldn't wait to leave with my daughter. My daughter brushed it off but I know it really hurt her feelings. She was in elementary school. Girls suck. I think this is why I have so few girl friends. I only have one friend who has never screwed with me and honestly, I keep going back and getting kicked in the gut. I'm like a puppy.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,920
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 25, 2024 17:37:35 GMT
I'm sorry everyone. Life isn't fair and people aren't fair.
My latest hurt was when the supervisor on my team got married. We always got on really well, but weddings are mainly family affairs so I wasn't upset not to be involved - until she shared the wedding photos and most of the rest of the team were there. I gave myself a good talking-to, and managed to push down the left-out feeling, until another colleague who also wasn't invited voiced to me exactly the same feelings.
Then I started beating myself up, wondering whether I had caused similar feelings when I got married 20+ years before...
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 27, 2024 13:55:53 GMT
I often feel left out, to the point I expect it now and just try to brush it off.
I think everyone has an elementary school story, but the one I recall sharply is when I was in 5th grade.
Our class had a long term substitute teacher, and she was a really nice, young fun teacher. It's important to note that I was distinctly not a cool kid, though I didn't think I was hated. Just sort of ignored mostly.
A few days before the end of the school year, the whole class surprised our teacher with a party, candy and treats included. She was very surprised. And so was I, because no one had told me that they were doing it, and therefore I hadn't brought anything. It was so obvious that I was in the dark, that a boy piped up, "Yeah we didn't tell her because she would've told you because she's a teacher's pet."
I was mortified.
Sink in the ground, want to die, mortified.
But the party went on, with me sitting in a quiet reading seat in the corner, not eating or drinking anything (not that I was offered) because my mom had long since told me that you don't take if you haven't brought anything to share.
The sub gave me a few "fun" worksheets to work on, a word search and a double sided multiplication worksheet.
As an adult, I get looked over all the time, but for a different reason. I am the responsible one. The one who people come to for help. The person who can get a problem fixed. I'm the person who plans, and saves, and makes good choices, even if they're not always the most fun choice.
I know I'm seen as "boring" sometimes. Even by the same family who come to me when they have a financial need that they need help covering. I grew up in a family of partiers, but have been straight-laced all my life.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jul 27, 2024 22:44:46 GMT
Yep. I feel like this all the time. I am like the person that can hang in any group. Which seems great until I realize I don't really have close friends and people do all sorts of things without thinking of inviting me. I don't have a person I would call at 3 a.m. if there was an emergency. If I think about it too much, it is really kind of heartbreaking to me. I’m the same way.  Most of the time I don’t think about it much but sometimes I get really upset about it. Especially when I see or hear other people talk about spending so much time with others or having good friends that they have had for years. Social media makes that more obvious. |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 28, 2024 2:20:47 GMT
I’ve mentioned on here before that my sisters have always treated me as if I shouldn’t belong in the family. I found out many years later that they were both jealous of me. And for what reason? I don’t have a clue.
They are both happily married and didn’t have to have a job unless they chose to.
I was divorced and struggled for years to work two jobs just to keep things together.
I wanted multiple children, but divorced after one. They both had multiple kids that they complained about frequently.
My dad is the one who told me of their jealousy. Apparently my younger sister was bitching about me and my dad walked in the room and had it out with her. Both sisters treated my mother horribly. That is why I was so happy to have been declared unable to work so that I could be home to take care of Mom after Dad died. He was the buffer that protected Mom.
When she came to live with me, I did my best to make her life as happy as I possibly could. This was after both sisters told me they didn’t want Mom after Dad died first. So were they happy that she moved in with me? Nope! She told them how well I treated her and how much we were doing together. They got jealous of that and both demanded she visit them or move back in with them. I realized they would be bitter and envious no matter what. It felt so freeing to move away from them.
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