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Post by trixiecat on Aug 9, 2024 1:12:49 GMT
My daugher is 22 - just graduated from college and going to grad school in 2 weeks. A friend of hers is getting married in a month. How much should a poor college student give for these gifts? I am thinking $35 for the bridal shower gift and $100 for the wedding gift. It will be her and her boyfriend attending. The wedding is in the middle of PA at a barn type of event place. She will have to pay for the hotel and meals. The couple getting married is 22 and has been living together for over 2 years - if that matters.
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Post by malibou on Aug 9, 2024 1:15:25 GMT
I think those amounts sound right.
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Post by quietgirl on Aug 9, 2024 2:01:54 GMT
Me too. I think that's fine. Actually, the $100 is rather generous, but at the same time, I guess you probably can't give less then $100 nowadays. Its a shame she has the added travel expenses.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 9, 2024 4:35:01 GMT
In that circumstance I would only give what I could afford, and if I was a broke college student that would be much less than $100. Surely the couple getting married are also young so they should understand that their friends can’t really afford to give expensive gifts? Considering she is also going to have to pay travel expenses, I would say $25-30 for the shower and not more than $50 tops for the wedding gift. Since the boyfriend is also attending, perhaps he should chip in toward the wedding gift if he is also a friend of the wedding couple.
The ages of the couple and the fact that they already live together are totally irrelevant.
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Post by trixiecat on Aug 9, 2024 12:01:56 GMT
Boyfriend doesn't know the couple. Maybe I will recommend she give $75 for wedding. I always in the least try and cover the cost of the dinner at weddings.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 9, 2024 12:35:35 GMT
I think for a college student those amounts are good.
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Post by ajsweetpea on Aug 9, 2024 13:11:09 GMT
I think those amounts sound fine considering she is a college student. Maybe she could use the money she’d give for the bridal shower to buy something off the wedding registry? Where I live, gifts are usually given at the shower and money is given at the wedding, but that could be regional.
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 9, 2024 13:15:56 GMT
She should give whenever she feels comfortable with, and not what others feel like she should. If they are true friends, the bride will love whatever she receives.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 9, 2024 13:20:48 GMT
That sounds good.
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Post by melanell on Aug 9, 2024 13:29:43 GMT
I think she should give only what won't be a hardship for her. If she wants to give those amounts, and feels she can swing them without it making things difficult for her, then fine. But if she feels that $25 & $50 are more in line with what she can afford, then she should do that. A wedding is meant to celebrate a wonderful occasion for 2 people, and the guests are people they decided they wish to have there. I truly believe that guests should not feel as though they "owe" gifts of a certain value because they were invited. They have no control over what the wedding costs, where it is held, or when the couple decides to marry. They should be able to attend if they wish, and enjoy themselves with as little inconvenience to them as possible. I hope everyone has a lovely time at the wedding.  |
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 9, 2024 13:32:38 GMT
I think she should give only what won't be a hardship for her. If she wants to give those amounts, and feels she can swing them without it making things difficult for her, then fine. But if she feels that $25 & $50 are more in line with what she can afford, then she should do that. A wedding is meant to celebrate a wonderful occasion for 2 people, and the guests are people they decided they wish to have there. I truly believe that guests should not feel as though they "owe" gifts of a certain value because they were invited. They have no control over what the wedding costs, where it is held, or when the couple decides to marry. They should be able to attend if they wish, and enjoy themselves with as little inconvenience to them as possible. I hope everyone has a lovely time at the wedding. All of this. Have her look at her budget and see what she can comfortably give. Especially since she has to cover travel and lodging expenses. |
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 9, 2024 13:33:05 GMT
I've never understood that thinking. I don't take that into consideration when I give a wedding gift. It's dependent on my budget, my relationship with the couple, and what their needs are. I just don't think what the parents/couple/whoever is paying spends on the wedding should factor in.
For the OPs DD, I'd recommend that they spend $100 total between the shower and the wedding gift, if that's in their budget.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Aug 9, 2024 13:34:42 GMT
Give what she can afford. That should always be the rule. The pressure to keep up with others in situations like this is so unneeded.
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Post by trixiecat on Aug 9, 2024 14:00:45 GMT
Thanks everyone for all the great advice and confirmations. The person getting married is the best friend of one of her friends. This girl would come to visit the friend at college for the weekend their freshman year, then transferred somewhere else. I have Hampton hotel points so I will be getting the hotel for her.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 9, 2024 14:53:17 GMT
I give based on my relationship to the bride/groom as well as my financial situation.
The amount you listed for the shower seems reasonable, the amount for the wedding seems high considering the additional costs of attending.
If she cannot afford $135 on top of the travel expenses, she could definitely cut those gift amounts down.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 9, 2024 14:56:01 GMT
Boyfriend doesn't know the couple. Maybe I will recommend she give $75 for wedding. I always in the least try and cover the cost of the dinner at weddings. I have never understood this rationale- if I have 2 people I know who are getting married (not to each other) and my relationship with them is equally close but one chooses $100/plate meal and the other chooses a backyard BBQ, Im not giving different amounts. And Im not giving each $200 either unless we are super close Your dd could do $25 shower and $50 wedding and that would be just fine if that is what she can afford comfortably |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 9, 2024 17:29:44 GMT
Boyfriend doesn't know the couple. Maybe I will recommend she give $75 for wedding. I always in the least try and cover the cost of the dinner at weddings. I have never understood this rationale- if I have 2 people I know who are getting married (not to each other) and my relationship with them is equally close but one chooses $100/plate meal and the other chooses a backyard BBQ, Im not giving different amounts. And Im not giving each $200 either unless we are super close Your dd could do $25 shower and $50 wedding and that would be just fine if that is what she can afford comfortably I agree with you completely. What the couple (or their parents) choose to spend on the food, venue, etc. is completely outside of the guest’s control, so why should any of that have any bearing on what the guest can afford to give as a gift? Also, it is the couple’s decision (and sometimes influenced by the parents) who to invite in the first place, so one could assume that if you’re getting an invite it’s because they would enjoy your company at the event and not because they expect you to give them something equal in value to what they’ve spent. Also, even if the OP is covering the cost of the hotel for her DD/BF, they will still have gas/travel, meals, possibly clothing to pay for over and above the cost of the gifts. I think people may be overestimating how much disposable income a typical recent college grad / graduate student has. I really think a $100 wedding gift is excessive in that situation. |
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by TXMary on Aug 9, 2024 17:43:47 GMT
I think $100 total for both gifts is plenty. Especially since it sounds like she isn’t super close to the bride or groom.
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milocat
Drama Llama
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Post by milocat on Aug 9, 2024 18:38:52 GMT
Boyfriend doesn't know the couple. Maybe I will recommend she give $75 for wedding. I always in the least try and cover the cost of the dinner at weddings. We got married 26 years ago and dinner was $8/plate, plus $1 for the midnight lunch. Shower gifts were $15 to $40. Wedding gifts were $50 to $100. A few were quite a bit more. We've only been to a couple of weddings in the past quite a few years and I'm never quite sure how much to give based on what we got so many years ago. |
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Aug 10, 2024 1:58:58 GMT
$100 for a couple sounds a bit low to me.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 10, 2024 2:42:36 GMT
$100 for a couple sounds a bit low to me. If that is commensurate with their relationship with the couple and their financial situation, it is perfect. Do you think they should not attend? |
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Post by katiekaty on Aug 10, 2024 4:42:26 GMT
$100 for a couple sounds a bit low to me. If that is commensurate with their relationship with the couple and their financial situation, it is perfect. Do you think they should not attend? And I think $100 is high considering the circumstances! She’s a college student, not a college graduate holding down a full time wall paying job! She should pay what ever is in her price range, something off the registry in her budget is fine or even Amazon gift cards would fine. She still has to pay for accommodations and other meals. for her, maybe $25 for shower and and $35 wedding or do a combined gift of $60 value from the registry. I had cash gifts because it seems to add to the sense of money grabbiness-same as I dislike feeling like I have to gist a shower and wedding separately. I know some consider the shower should be lingerie but I am not buying lingerie, sex toys, books or videos! They can do that on their own and choose what they like-I choose not to play, and would skip the shower if that was the only option! |
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Post by littlemama on Aug 10, 2024 12:40:10 GMT
If that is commensurate with their relationship with the couple and their financial situation, it is perfect. Do you think they should not attend? And I think $100 is high considering the circumstances! She’s a college student, not a college graduate holding down a full time wall paying job! She should pay what ever is in her price range, something off the registry in her budget is fine or even Amazon gift cards would fine. She still has to pay for accommodations and other meals. for her, maybe $25 for shower and and $35 wedding or do a combined gift of $60 value from the registry. I had cash gifts because it seems to add to the sense of money grabbiness-same as I dislike feeling like I have to gist a shower and wedding separately. I know some consider the shower should be lingerie but I am not buying lingerie, sex toys, books or videos! They can do that on their own and choose what they like-I choose not to play, and would skip the shower if that was the only option! Where I live, shower is household items, Bachelorette is lingerie and such, and wedding is money. |
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