scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,063 
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Post by scrappyesq on Sept 10, 2024 17:04:27 GMT
I found a place and I am moving. I'm finally excited after months of looking at places, disagreeing about dealbreakers with McD (elevators, backyard, dishwasher, W/D....I could go on) and a few heartbreaks (since this is NYC apartment hunting) we found something that checks most of both of our boxes.
I am excited but also very overwhelmed. I feel like that has been my 2024 tagline. I have A LOT of stuff. I definitely indulged myself and now I'm paying for that indulgence, just looking at what I have to either move with or get rid of. My biggest thing is the idea of having to get rid of so many things that I admittedly don't use (sometimes not even remember having). Craft items. Clothes. Books. Some of it came with me when I left ex-dh but some of it is newly acquired. I feel like I failed myself because it's literally thousands of dollars of just STUFF that I didn't need. Money that I could have used more effectively (like having a decent savings) or to pay down bills. I guess I'm feeling sad and overwhelmed for more existential reasons. We can't really start to pack until I start decluttering.
I guess this turned into more of a wail of despair than a detailed post, but if you have any big move tips that would be great.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 10, 2024 17:17:43 GMT
Well don't beat yourself up on your purchases.. we all do it (well most of us do..lol)..
I started following this lady on TT and she is kinda a declutter advise person and has good tips. One thing I did catch was books. She said to LET GO of the books (lol.. that is a hard one for me). If it is a 1st edition, rare book, yes keep it. Otherwise, if you read it, get rid of it. Period. I'm still struggling with it. It makes so much sense in my head but yet, I LOVE my books.
On your craft items, I would just take one pile at a time.. pick the best from that and get rid of the rest. Maybe that will cut it down a bit.
Clothes, the old saying if you haven't worn it in a year, get rid of it.
Maybe go cabinet by cabinet and just saying to yourself, I have to get rid of 1/2 of each cabinet.
Hang in there!! I have moved over 30 times in my life, so yeah.. I know.
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Post by Linda on Sept 10, 2024 17:21:32 GMT
Yay for a new place! (((Hugs))) for the decluttering and packing angst. Join us on the declutter thread - there's a ton of tips and encouragment there. I'll tag you.
Are you familiar with sunk costs? All that stuff you bought - you've already spent that money. Now you have a choice about whether you want to spend more money keeping it (cost of moving and storing it) or whether you want to let it go freeing yourself from packing, moving, storing, organising, and feeling overwhelmed by it.
Moving tips - declutter, declutter, declutter. Label EVERYTHING - if possible with the room it is going INto (which sometimes isn't the same as the one it's currently in). Have an unpack first box with essentials (bedding, toilet paper, supplies for coffee (or your pickmeup of choice), screwdrivers (for re-assembling stuff) etc...) And START unpacking with setting up and making your bed - you'll thank yourself at bedtime.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,063
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Post by scrappyesq on Sept 10, 2024 17:22:11 GMT
Hang in there!! I have moved over 30 times in my life, so yeah.. I know. WOW!! This is only my 4th move as an adult and I'm losing my mind. And it's (hopefully) temporary while we save for a house. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 10, 2024 17:28:02 GMT
I like this 'we' are saving for a house talk!!!
Dump the clutter! Start new. Craft stuff could go to a school, community center, boy and girls club .they will Live it..
'Let it go!!'. You will be happier. Only keep what you are sure you will love and use it!!
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Sept 10, 2024 17:29:50 GMT
I'm probably not the right person to comment because I'm not a "stuff" person. I have boxes in my garage that have been here since I moved in 4 years ago that came out of a storage unit with exH. He decided he didn't want anything so I got dumped with it all. Everyone says I need to go through them but I don't have room for the stuff in them. I don't like a lot of clutter so my house is nice and pretty neat but the garage looks like a bomb went off. It's way too hot in the summer to work in the garage (100+ days) so I might get to a bit this fall.
Don't feel guilty about what has brought you enjoyment. You don't have to keep everything that once gave you joy, but maybe keep things that are still giving you joy and giving up the things that aren't. Books are a good one since they take up SO much space! I have a Kindle, but I used to be a book hoarder.
There's nothing like the feeling of a good purge so take the time you need to go through your stuff.
Congrats on the new place!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 10, 2024 17:34:33 GMT
The stuff you bought served a purpose when you first got it, not necessarily the function of the item but the purpose of giving you some happiness, hope, joy. That's okay. You needed that comfort, now, if it's not got a use in your future, pass them on with love to someone who will enjoy using the functionality. Either sell or donate. One option will be more work than the other!
Leave all the regrets outside your new front door.
The Marie kondo type method would have you pull out all the same things at the same time, e.g. pull out all your t-shirts from where ever they are atm and put them on your bed. That way you will spot you have five t-shirts of the same blue, two are designed to go, black bin bag them immediately.
Do the same for all your clothes, bedding, towels etc.
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Post by jill8909 on Sept 10, 2024 18:03:47 GMT
I think you need to reframe this.
Trust me. You've already spent the $$. It's what's known as a "sunk cost."
Why spend even more on stuff you don't want and won't use? - moving, space needs, mental strain?
Get rid of it! Donate, sell, whatever.
I use what I have so much more now that I regularly declutter/give away. Every 6 months like clockwork.
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Post by chitchatgirl on Sept 10, 2024 18:29:49 GMT
I’m about to pack up all my stuff in preparation for a flooring redo. The only thing I reallly like about packing is I always get rid of a ton of stuff because I just don’t feel like I’d rather not move it.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 10, 2024 18:33:16 GMT
I agree with the no looking back on the wish I hads and what ifs. What’s done is done.
Spend some time defining in your head what you want your new place to “feel like” even more than what it looks like. That can then guide your decisions about what to take and what to leave behind.
We moved locally this last time (like less than 3 miles) and that gave us a very unique opportunity. I hired movers to relocate all the furniture and big pieces I was taking. And then I “shopped” the old house for just the right art for that wall and the lamp that’s best on that table, etc, etc. Rather than just unboxing every thing I owned and then trying to make it fit, I looked instead for those pieces that fit my vision of the new home and moved only those pieces. What was left went to auction or was donated.
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Post by piebaker on Sept 10, 2024 19:06:49 GMT
I'm stopping in to send good thoughts on your move and the search for a new home.
We have all experienced the "stuff syndrome." My advice is a set an achievable time limit each day so as not to be overwhelmed. Plan on a few days of rest and recovery after moving day. ((Hugs))
Also, if this is any consolation, with the advent of eBay, practically any item you regret parting ways with in the future can be reacquired.
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Post by cmpeter on Sept 10, 2024 19:15:14 GMT
We just moved after living in our previous house for 18 years. We had a lot of stuff too. I looked at each item and asked myself “if I didn’t own this would I purchase it again?” That really helped me downsize (which was the goal of our move since we are now basically empty nesters).
I do agree that you need to let go of the guilt of getting g rid of perfectly good prior purchases. I was able to give tons away on our Buy Nothing FB group. Dh sold some larger ticket items on FB Marketplace. One couple took our garage fridge and lawnmower. They were just starting out and so tickled pink they asked dh to pose for a selfie with them and the fridge.
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Post by ntsf on Sept 10, 2024 22:39:38 GMT
I do keep books.. but then I do reread books.. I try to be selective about what I get rid of.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,118
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 10, 2024 23:20:11 GMT
I saw this on TT, and it cracked me up. I think it could be helpful, too!
Don’t ask, “Does this spark joy for me?”
Ask, “If it had poop on it, would I clean it or throw it away.”
Decision made.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,118
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 10, 2024 23:22:08 GMT
I do keep books.. but then I do reread books.. I try to be selective about what I get rid of. They will pry my well-loved and tattered copy of “A Prayer for Owen Meany” from my cold, dead hands! I lost track of how many times I’ve read it! |
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Post by melanell on Sept 10, 2024 23:26:53 GMT
There's not one single thing to be done about money already spent. So perhaps try to tell yourself that you found enjoyment in those things at the time, and now that your outlook is different, you spend differently. Hugs!
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 11, 2024 0:53:55 GMT
I'm going to "ditto" everyone saying not to beat yourself up about buying things you haven't enjoyed/used. We thought our move from Canada to the US was temporary, so took the basics and put the rest in storage. Almost two years later, after deciding to stay and buying a house, we retrieved it all. My sis at the time said she would have just donated/junked it all given we hadn't looked at it for two years. It was seven years later (with more stuff added) that we did a hard purge before moving to CA. I have zero regrets about donating/sell a huge portion of the book collection. Most paperbacks were given to a few different friends for their cabins where we get to visit. I have zero regrets about a good purge of the kitchen. Appliances, dishes, etc., found new homes with friends or were donated with no guilt. And, yes, that included some wedding gifts. After purging my closet I have really embraced living with a minimal/capsule wardrobe. I'm sure I have read that studies show people wear 10% or their wardrobe 90% of the time and it was true for me.  Good luck! |
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Post by mom on Sept 11, 2024 0:59:34 GMT
Eh. Don't put too much thought into whether or not you wasted the money. It's done and gone, so time to move on. Keep what you love + use and either sell or donate the rest. I always look at moving as a time to sort through my crap + figure out what I truly want to keep. A new home means new chances to create new memories and you can't do that if you are lugging all the old with you.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Sept 11, 2024 1:12:57 GMT
I took pictures of a set of dishes my Mom gave her Mom in the 1950’s and then they came to me. I kept the pictures and a pickle dish then donated the money to charity. We sell things, donate or give away in a local buy nothing group.
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Post by lg on Sept 11, 2024 5:30:49 GMT
scrappyesq from reading your previous 2peas posts, and your long and frustrating search for McD, I assume that previously you replaced the hole that you had in your life with material things. I applaud you for your amazing progress, and have such happiness for you, that you are now able to replace the things with true companionship etc in your life from an actual person/partner. Coming from another person who has filled gaps in her life with things in the past - so 100% from a place of love… hope the above makes sense, I’m sooo happy for you 🤗 And my suggestion is be ruthless and sell sell sell at very reasonable prices, and then take the money and have a nice dinner out or a holiday to replace the things with companionship and happy memories. I’m currently at $1,500, maybe a little friendly competition??? 😉
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 11, 2024 13:03:19 GMT
I think you will find the more you purge, the easier it gets. I did a first pass during the pandemic. Then I got serious when DH and I signed a purchase agreement for a townhouse. I had 1 year to really purge and to start thinking hard about what I really wanted to keep.
A great piece of advice I read is: If you are only keeping it in case you may need it, but it would cost under $20 to replace and would be easy to replace, toss it. Do not keep it just in case.
Also, if you wouldn't buy it again or didn't remember you had it, let it go.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,808
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Post by ellen on Sept 11, 2024 13:20:05 GMT
Seriously, just let it go. We are currently doing a major purge in our main home. My daughter just finished her commitment with the service and moved back here with her young son. Rather than get her own place right away we suggested she just live there and we will live in our smallish lake home not far away. A lot of her stuff is staying in storage, but we had to make sure she had ample closet space and just some room to put her things so it felt like home. I am finding it very easy to get rid of clothes since I don’t need a a full working wardrobe anymore. When I get rid of something I really liked, but don’t use I feel like it will end up with someone who will probably appreciate it.
One of my main things is to be very careful about what I buy now. I can’t clutter up my small house.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Sept 11, 2024 22:37:09 GMT
I have learned that it's okay to let something go.
Just because I paid money for something, doesn't mean I am obligated to keep it.
Just because someone gives me a gift, doesn't mean I am obligated to keep it, especially if it's something that I don't like or won't use.
For many years, letting go of stuff was hard. Then I dealt with and healed from the emotional aspect of it.
Now I occasionally go through all my stuff, and get rid of things or downsize more.
Some stuff is usable. Some stuff isn't useable (like >> home decor).
I always ask myself:
Do I use this? Do I love it? Does it make me happy? Does it make my home ambience and heart and soul..... feel good, content, at peace, grounded, etc...? If I got rid of it would I wish I hadn't?
How many dishes, towels, plates, blankets, forks, glasses... do *I* (one person) need to maintain my lifestyle and the way *I* like to live??
I've accepted my own truths.....I don't enjoy entertaining. I don't like people intruding on my quiet and content space.
My stuff was not compatible with my life or my lifestyle. So I made some changes and figured out what kind of home life that I wanted and would make me happy and content. I let go of the stuff that wasn't doing that.
I let go of any external expectations (one must have the stuff necessary to entertain guests, one most do what society does, one must try to keep up with the proverbial Joneses, one must do what others expect, one must fit into the proverbial box, etc...).
My first few trips to the thrift store with donations......were boxes of serveware, entertaining stuff (platters, cupcakes stands, ice cream dishes, cookware, etc... most of it never used. I let it all go.
I don't worry about the money *I* spent on it. I didn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings, if it was gift.
Letting it go, felt so freeing.
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