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Post by supersoda on Sept 19, 2024 19:26:43 GMT
Sorry this is so long, I just have to get it out somewhere!
My 19 y.o. nephew, John, came to live with us a few weeks ago. His mom kicked him out for being trans. His dad (hubby's brother) passed away 4 years ago.
We've always known that John's mom was difficult, and we learned things after John's dad passed that went way beyond difficult. She was controlling and abusive to John's dad, and she cut John off from both his dad's family and her own family after his dad passed. She controlled John's phone and frequently took it away so that we had no way to connect with him.
Dad's family reconnected a few months ago when his aunt found him walking to work and offered a ride. He has no driver's license, and was dependent on his mom to get around. (This is Texas--it's pretty tough to get around without driving.)
John's dad always intended to give John Dad's first Jeep. It was in rough shape and they worked on it together. Dad was a big Jeeper and Jeeps were a big part of his personality. John is still very into Jeep culture.
When John's mom kicked him out she told him "you better get your Jeep off of my property." We've been trying to arrange to pick it up since then, but, of course, she wouldn't cooperate. Yesterday she told us that the Jeep had been sold. John is devastated. This was his connection to his Dad, and she just ripped it away from him. And then it gets worse...
He had a bank account that she was on and I had asked him a couple of times about moving money out of that account but he didn't want to because, he said, "at least she's not a thief." Well, she's taken all of the money out of the account "for rent" while he lived at home. Over $2000. Pretty much everything he had earned from his job.
We can pursue legal remedies, but John really doesn't want to get entangled further with his mom. She's his only remaining parent, and we'll respect his wishes for how he wants to proceed. For now we're using every resource we can find to try to find and buy the Jeep back. The sentimental value is far greater than the monetary value.
I just can't believe that anyone can be so cruel to their own child. I'm heartbroken for John, and worried that his mom is trying to drive him to the same end as his dad.We're trying to provide a safe haven for John. He left work, school, and most of his possessions behind when he came to live with us (we're not in the same town as his Mom or the rest of our family). But just when he is finally starting to relax his mom pulls this shit--still controlling and abusing from hundreds of miles away.
John is such a good kid and so much like his dad. I want to wrap him in bubble-wrap to protect him from all this. He's already had too much to deal with in his young life.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Sept 19, 2024 20:14:26 GMT
I really hope you find the jeep. I have no words for the mum. Actually, I have but I don't want to type them out.
He needs to open his own bank account, has he all his documents? Can he put something in place to protect his social security number and his credit rating? She might not be done messing with him.
Thank you for giving him a safe place, hugs to you all.
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Post by marmargirl on Sept 19, 2024 20:34:20 GMT
I can’t even comprehend how a parent can be so cruel.
I just want to thank you for being a safe and loving place for John to land. 💕
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 19, 2024 20:45:55 GMT
That poor kid. I'm so glad he has you.
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Post by malibou on Sept 19, 2024 20:46:30 GMT
She's going in the biting journal. What a hideous human.
I am so sorry John is having to go thru this. Mean people suck!
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Post by supersoda on Sept 19, 2024 21:31:11 GMT
Thank's y'all. I'm just so angry and trying really hard not to say negative things about his mom in front of him.
We've already got him set up with his own bank account. We're working on getting his license and getting him back in school. I'm trying to proceed slowly, since he's been under a controlling influence for so long, to assure him that he has autonomy. He's clearly used to walking on eggshells at home, and is a bit like a scared puppy.
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Post by malibou on Sept 19, 2024 21:35:07 GMT
Thank's y'all. I'm just so angry and trying really hard not to say negative things about his mom in front of him. We've already got him set up with his own bank account. We're working on getting his license and getting him back in school. I'm trying to proceed slowly, since he's been under a controlling influence for so long, to assure him that he has autonomy. He's clearly used to walking on eggshells at home, and is a bit like a scared puppy. Thank you so much for taking him in and being sensitive to all he has been thru. He is at such a tender age, teetering on the cusp of being an adult, as well as still need parental support. Particularly with all that has gone on the past few years.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Sept 19, 2024 21:43:07 GMT
What a fucking bitch!!! I feel so bad for him... that is horrible....
Big hugs for you and him
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Post by melanell on Sept 19, 2024 21:43:58 GMT
I'm so sorry. Poor John. I don't understand people who are purposely cruel towards their children.
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Post by mom on Sept 19, 2024 21:59:52 GMT
Oh my! What bullshit! His mom sounds just absolutely horrible.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Sept 19, 2024 22:35:08 GMT
Inexcusable!! Certainly glad he has you to look out for him.
He is an adult. He can request to transfer his records for a new school.
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Post by Lexica on Sept 19, 2024 23:02:29 GMT
The poor guy. You and your husband taking him in is going to change the trajectory of his future. Bless you for being there for him. The mother will hopefully get what she deserves while still in this life. Do you think he would go to therapy sessions? I imagine his mother has filled him with a lot of harmful crap and he would probably benefit from a therapist assuring him that none of this was his fault and is entirely due to a personality disorder with his mother.
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Post by ghislaine on Sept 19, 2024 23:14:05 GMT
I really hope you find the jeep. I have no words for the mum. Actually, I have but I don't want to type them out. He needs to open his own bank account, has he all his documents? Can he put something in place to protect his social security number and his credit rating? She might not be done messing with him. Thank you for giving him a safe place, hugs to you all. Yes, now that he knows his mother is a thief, make it hard for her by freezing his credit! I used to work for a second chance credit card lender and it's far too common of a story that parents ruined their child's credit.
I'm so glad you are in his corner!
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Post by AussieMeg on Sept 19, 2024 23:18:55 GMT
My heart breaks for John. Thank you for giving him his autonomy, and a safe place to live and heal. As for his 'mother', may she live a long, lonely life with nobody to love and care for her.
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Post by supersoda on Sept 20, 2024 0:07:37 GMT
I've talked to him about therapy and he's interested in going.
He (surprisingly) got to go to college for a year before landing back home. This fall he was living at home and paying for his own community college when he got kicked out. We'll get him back to a fuller course load wherever he wants to go for spring semester or next fall. He's hella smart and has great grades, despite everything.
John is a great kid and it was no burden on us to take him in--we would have done it years ago if given the opportunity.
I've also mentioned to him and my daughter about freezing their credit in light of the recent breaches, so we'll make sure they both do that this weekend.
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Post by Merge on Sept 20, 2024 0:16:13 GMT
I will never understand how a parent can do something like that to their own child. Thanks for being a safe place for him.
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Post by mollycoddle on Sept 20, 2024 0:52:02 GMT
He is a lucky kid to have relatives who care. His mom sounds like a nightmare. I am sorry that he lost the Jeep and his money, but at least he’s away from her. Hopefully he stays away from her. Overly controlling people are pure poison.
Clean slate; now he can live his life as he wants, and do what he wants to do. I wish him well.
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Post by ntsf on Sept 20, 2024 0:52:30 GMT
thank you for caring for the person he is. love is the best medicine and I'm sure he will come to trust the love from you.
we need more stories of people caring and not people rejecting others.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 20, 2024 12:21:55 GMT
I'm so happy he found such a great support system with your family.
I just want to hug him.
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Post by hop2 on Sept 20, 2024 13:09:21 GMT
I really hope you find the jeep. I have no words for the mum. Actually, I have but I don't want to type them out. He needs to open his own bank account, has he all his documents? Can he put something in place to protect his social security number and his credit rating? She might not be done messing with him. Thank you for giving him a safe place, hugs to you all. Yes, now that he knows his mother is a thief, make it hard for her by freezing his credit! I used to work for a second chance credit card lender and it's far too common of a story that parents ruined their child's credit.
I'm so glad you are in his corner!
Oh absolutely she knows everything she needs to to pull off some ID theft. Freeze his credit so she can’t further torture him. Controlling people will grasp at straws & stoop to even lower levels to regain any portion of the control the lost over another person.
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Post by disneypal on Sept 20, 2024 13:31:52 GMT
Wow! That is so hard to believe a mother would do that to her own child. I feel bad for him that his mom sold the jeep and took all his money. Unfortunately, if he he wanted to, he probably couldn't go after her legally since she was on the account.
I'm so glad he has your family to help him. I hope he gets a job soon near you, so he can open a new account, start saving money and hopefully save up for a car and start building his life. Can you help him in working towards getting his driver's license? That will help once he can get that.
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Post by supersoda on Sept 20, 2024 13:52:25 GMT
Wow! That is so hard to believe a mother would do that to her own child. I feel bad for him that his mom sold the jeep and took all his money. Unfortunately, if he he wanted to, he probably couldn't go after her legally since she was on the account. I'm so glad he has your family to help him. I hope he gets a job soon near you, so he can open a new account, start saving money and hopefully save up for a car and start building his life. Can you help him in working towards getting his driver's license? That will help once he can get that. Yes, we're working on getting a driver's license. He has his permit, so we've been practicing. His grandpa was going to fix the Jeep up so he could drive it, but we'll figure something out. He can drive my car as a stop gap. I've also been giving him work at my office so he has some cash coming in until he can find something else.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 20, 2024 14:04:50 GMT
What an awful person his mother is. He’s lucky to have you and life should get better and better for him now that he’s away from her.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,990
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Sept 20, 2024 14:05:25 GMT
Okay, I will say it his mother is a vile human pile of shit and there is a special place in hell for people who do things like this to their children. Karma is a bitch.
Thank you for being there for him. You are an amazing person by just being a human being.
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Post by NanaKate on Sept 20, 2024 14:35:04 GMT
I am so sorry. I hope you find the Jeep and can buy it back. Good luck to your family
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Post by quinlove on Sept 20, 2024 15:48:25 GMT
((( supersoda ))) You are a hero and an angel. Please post here if you need any additional help or advice in locating the Jeep. I’m in DFW.
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Post by supersoda on Sept 21, 2024 12:58:20 GMT
Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I definitely don't deserve all the praise--we're only doing what any reasonable person would do and we're fortunate to have the resources to allow John a solid reboot.
We got a lead on the Jeep last night, so fingers crossed that we can turn it into something!
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Post by gizzy on Sept 21, 2024 23:22:22 GMT
I'm glad he has you guys to lean on. What an awful mother.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,838
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Sept 22, 2024 1:23:59 GMT
Does your nephew have a Venmo?
I was in his place at the same age and would love to send him a little something.
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Post by ladyinpink1969 on Sept 22, 2024 7:11:28 GMT
You are truly amazing for taking him in and showing him what unconditional love is all about. I recently started counseling because of my own emotionally abusive and controlling Mother. My counselor recommended the book “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson. I highly recommend this book. It helps people learn how to set boundaries and to not feel guilty about it because your parent is emotionally equivalent to a 5yo child. I hope this book is right for John and that it brings him some comfort in knowing that he isn’t crazy.
Best of luck to you both!
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