Home renovations paid thru elderly estate? *Final Update*

DH and SIL share the same parents. They shared the same father with the half brother.

SIL has POA but I don’t think it is a guardianship or conservatorship. From what I understand my MIL is completely wheelchair bound. She is not a flight risk bc she can’t actually move without help. She is totally dependant on her caregivers. This is why I think they need to give her more care than they think or or she may end up not staying out of a facility for long bc they need more specialized care for her.

Update: So SIL and BIL came on Saturday and DH was very quiet until Tuesday. I didnt push but he told me they brought papers to sign and left him. He brought up many of the things I mentioned the peas mentioned here, plus some stuff on reddit. I found a MD website that clearly stated about the 5 yr reach back for medicade, consequences of selling or gifting the house for less than market value, etc. He especially paused when I mentioned what happens if something happens to SIL, she is early 50s and BIL is early 40s - will BIL take care of MIL? They dont have kids. What if her savings runs out? That really seems to make him think. He thinks she has plenty of money, and is currently not using her savings, but using only social security, but I told him, she needs 24 hr care. That can really add up.

He didn't sign anything, and I looked at the paper (which was filled out), this is what they want him to sign:


Affidavit and Consent



I, DH, do swear and affirm under penalty of perjury the following:

1. I am the son of MIL who is legally incompetent.

2. I am a remainder-person in a Life Estate deed with full powers excuted by MIL and FIL (deceased) on XYZ date, and recorded among t he land records of X county address, ("the property")

3. I hearby irrecovably concent to SIL, as POA and Atty in Fact for MIL, exercising such POA to transfer the Property, for no consideration, to SIL and BIL.

4. I understand this this transfer will extinguish any rights I may have in the Property after the death of MIL.


I solemly affirm under the penalities of perjury that the contents of the forgeoing are true, to the best of my knowledge, information, and belief.



Date__________ and then DH's siggy space

So, they were going back to a lawyer with more questions I guess. I asked what does 1/2 brother say about all this, and he said apparently they have been trying to meet with him, but he won't unless his wife is there, and I guess that hasn't happened. It does seem cut and dry, he just gives up his rights to the property, which I guess means if they run thru her money, they either have to possibly sell the house or pay for her care? I don't know if that was discussed, or what happens if she has to go into a facility.

They did say the plan was to just fix/renovate what they needed to get her in the house (ie the bathroom), and then they would do a much more extensive renovation after she passed. They just don't want to put money into a house they don't own...

I am not much feeling better about this... I know DH thinks I am a doomsday thinker, but I feel like he has no idea the costsbut we will keep talking.

Another small update:  I just wanted to say thank you to all the peas who have chimed in, please know I have read and shared a lot of thoughts with DH. I asked him about only using social security currently - he said he even questioned that bc he thinks she gets like $2500 in SS, but they should be taking $1500 out a month for her care (the cost of her living situation is roughly $4000). My SIL told him it didn't seem like she was having to take out that much. That raised alarm bells right away to me, and even DH then admitted that he has not asked for proof or statements on what is being spent... he doesnt want to be overbearing or act like he doesn't trust her, but this whole house thing is now putting everything in a different light.

To the pea who mentioned, what happens if something happens to my SIL, and now my BIL owns the house that wouldn't even go towards my MILs care? Well, that stopped DH right in his tracks. He told me this morning that the things I have brought up - Medicare, my SIL passing before my MIL, etc, has brought him to the conclusion that he just cannot bring himself to sign that paper. He is kicking himself for not even thinking about this scenario, bc he could have told them in person, and now he feels bad he has to say it over the phone.

I brought up the idea also mentioned recently, what if they just moved into the house? That alone saves them money. Then they can save the rent they would be paying to make renovations for when the house becomes theirs (bc DH still feels very strongly that SIL should get the house). He said that was an idea, or they buy the house outright from the estate, fair market price, and then do whatever they want with it, and hope they don't put themselves at risk. But this way, the house remains as his mother's asset, and hopefully will not need to be touched for her care. 

My MIL is in a fantastic facility, so moving her, IMO is not ideal for her. We wished we had moved both her and FIL into a facility like this much earlier, but they fought it. The interaction with others has been so amazing for her, and care has been top notch. The peace of mind it brings my husband is worth every penny. I truly feel bad and understand why they want to start moving forward with the house, but DH has finally realized that this is not in the best interest for his mom, and that is what has to be the #1 priorty. Like someone said, she may live for 2 weeks or she may live for 10 more years. We need to make sure we do not put her quality of care at risk.

From what I understand, the parents moved into thier current house, which I believe is also a rental? or maybe just a bigger house? And he and his brothers and sisters were still living at home. But, these are all kids in their 40s (he's the youngest), so it's not like they are just coming home from college. Then, I believe in the last couple of years or so, the siblings have gotten married or moved out. My BIL/SIL just celebrated their own 1 yr anniversary this past April. I guess he feels that it was because all the kids were living at home when the parents made the decision to move to that house, and now that they are all gone, he feels obligated? No idea how his parents feel. My SIL is in her 50s, so her apartment was already filled up with her stuff, so I guess he felt there was really no place for him either. I haven't asked, but it sounds like he sleeps over occassionally and other times he stays at his parents.