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Post by monklady123 on Oct 5, 2024 17:31:27 GMT
My dh retired in June. Now he's home all day, after working at a demanding job that included a lot of overseas travel. As a SAHM for years I did all the house stuff. Now that he's home I haven't yet seen him doing things like cleaning the bathroom, or the kitchen, which I don't mind because I have my own standards for bathrooms especially (all those germs  ). He does do the dishes, and he's even started cooking dinner on days that I work! omg I love it! haha But the thing that makes me crazy, which is a little thing and no I'm not going to mention it to him because it isn't really important, is that when he puts dishes and utensils away he often puts them in the wrong places. Our kitchen is VERY small and pretty much everything has lived in its same place since we moved here (a long time ago). Now I'll find the vegetable scraper in the wrong drawer, or the large spoons I use for stirring at the stove (that live in a crock right next to the stove) will be in the utensil drawer, or pots that I use often (which should be right by the stove for convenience) will be in another cupboard.  One day I was standing right there talking to him when he was looking around for something to grab rolls out of the toaster oven. I said "how about the big tongs? they're in the knife drawer." He reached over to the knife drawer, got the tongs, used them, put them in the sink. The next day I found them washed and put away in a different drawer. I feel like this is a man thing, because I tested dd (who hasn't lived here in years) and she knows exactly where everything goes. lol  As I said, it's not worth mentioning because I don't want to discourage him since I HATE to cook and if he wants to do it I'm thrilled. But I find it fascinating that an intelligent man who ran an entire bureau at the State Department (so he knows details) just doesn't notice where kitchen items have lived for years and years. |
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Post by katlady on Oct 5, 2024 17:42:03 GMT
Yes and no. He did have a little say when we set up the kitchen where things would go. He wanted the plates and cups in a certain cupboard, so I let him have that. Some times he'll mess up putting away utensils, but like you, I don't say anything because at least he makes an effort.  . I'll also occasionally find less common used things in the wrong place after coming out of the dishwasher. |
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Post by hopemax on Oct 5, 2024 17:42:38 GMT
DH and I made a deal when we started dating that he was responsible for the dishes. 29 years later, he still is the primary dish person. So generally, yes. Sometimes I will tweak arrangements (we also have an incredibly small kitchen) and he'll put something in the old spot. But he's pretty good.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 5, 2024 18:01:59 GMT
In the 90s I was in graduate school for 2 years and DH took over the kitchen. He would say I don't put things in the correct place.
He does all the cooking so I am will let him be the boss of the kitchen.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,117
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Oct 5, 2024 18:04:45 GMT
My dh has always struggled with this. He’s been doing more dishwasher unloading lately and I just asked him to give me a percentage of how much he knew where things going the kitchen. He said 30%. That’s pretty accurate. He’s been doing better so I would have been more generous and said close to 40%. For his unloading the dishwasher, I’ve asked to just leave things he doesn’t know where they go on the counter and I’ll put them away later. I’d much rather that than search all over when I need something. It works pretty well to have him unload when I am working on something else in the kitchen as I can direct him when I see him pause. But it takes a lot of times of me saying the same thing. He said the other day it was “incredible” how I had specific places for every single thing in the kitchen and probably had a list of reasons for every placement. I said I did and would he like to know and he said no as he wouldn’t be able to remember.  it is interesting- it must be about not caring that much as my dh is very intelligent. But he is very absent minded. |
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Post by cmpeter on Oct 5, 2024 18:18:07 GMT
We lived in our last house for 18 years, so yes he knew. He cooks occasionally and does dishes if I cook.
We are in temporary housing currently and only brought the essentials. The kitchen is small and I had to get creative. I unpacked the kitchen and he’s on the struggle bus finding things.
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Post by lisae on Oct 5, 2024 18:41:45 GMT
A husband who puts things away?
DH will take things out of the dishwasher that he thinks are in his way getting to other things and leave them on the counter because he claims he doesn't know where they go. However, he can magically find things in the cabinet when he wants to use them.
If you husband has retired and even cooks now for you, be happy. Do not knit pick.
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,423 
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Post by naby64 on Oct 5, 2024 18:51:42 GMT
Preach on sistah!! God love him, he has come so far. He unloads the dishwasher most every time it washes. I'll come home and find things on the stove top. Some are the glass storage items and due to a shoulder injury just can't squat down and bend into the low cabinet. But they are just above where they go. So he knows the general area. Then the things on the stove are big pots, bowls. He just can't seem to figure out they go to the left of the stove. Where they have lived for 25 years.
Don't get me started on the utensil crock and drawers. Oh, and the plates. We have an odd assortment. I like the corelle and flat melamine that he prefers to be on the bottom. Then the white plates and then the 3 assorted PW plates. It just makes everything stack better. I finally figured out the anger I was rearranging with just wasn't worth it. Now they stay where they lay.
At least he is trying. Now cooking, that is the day my heart stops when I walk in and he's cooking.
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Post by malibou on Oct 5, 2024 19:14:23 GMT
I'm going to sound bitchy coming right up.
No, he does not put things back where they go. He also doesn't remember where he puts things. He very very very seldom cooks.
He got a bee in his bonnet last Christmas Eve when all of our invited guests had to cancel. I was so stoked not to have to make dinner and looked forward to getting stockings and such done early so I wouldn't be up stupid late. Suddenly out of the blue, the man that doesn't really like pizza, decided he was going to make pizza from scratch. The f*ing mess he made was insane. Then he suggested he would clean it up in the morning. I had just cleaned my oven the week before. Cleaning the oven after he made pizza took hours! Seriously hours! I didn't get to bed until about 2:30am. He could not fathom what was possibly wrong.
Just in case I don't sound bitchy enough, when I spent 6 months living with and taking care of his mother, which I was lucky to get to do because she is awesome, he rearranged all of our food cabinets and I could not find anything. Pissed would be an understatement. It took every fiber of my being to not go out and completely rearrange his bike bench.
So, unlike all of you lovelies, who said nothing, I went off, which I very seldom do. Not pretty.
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Post by sabrinae on Oct 5, 2024 19:25:33 GMT
This is one of the thinks that makes me mad every time. The deal is supposed to be since I do all the cooking, he’s supposed to do the dishes. We’ve lived in the same house for 16 years. He still doesn’t put things away where they belong and then I can’t find them when I cook and he doesn’t know where he put them at. He just doesn’t seem to care enough that it inconveniences me and makes my day more difficult to not do it. It’s bad enough that he won’t learn to cook even the most basic things.
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Post by bdhudak on Oct 5, 2024 19:32:53 GMT
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Post by sabrinae on Oct 5, 2024 19:37:04 GMT
This is one of the thinks that makes me mad every time. The deal is supposed to be since I do all the cooking, he’s supposed to do the dishes. We’ve lived in the same house for 16 years. He still doesn’t put things away where they belong and then I can’t find them when I cook and he doesn’t know where he put them at. He just doesn’t seem to care enough that it inconveniences me and makes my day more difficult to not do it. It’s bad enough that he won’t learn to cook even the most basic things. But it drives me nuts that he won’t put a modicum of effort into putting things away correctly.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,122
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 5, 2024 19:37:04 GMT
Yes my husband knows where things go in the kitchen. The rule is, if you live in the house, you pull your share of the work involved with the upkeep. There were a few years when I didn't work, then a few where I worked just part-time. I probably did most of the house work. But it got to the point when I started working more and I needed help. I erupted in anger and of course that didn't help the situation. But after discussing both of our feelings, he started pulling his weight in the house. Once I started working full-time, it was close to an even split. I won't let him do the grocery shopping because I enjoy that. And he won't let me do the yard work because I'm a bit accident prone and he doesn't trust that I won't run myself over with the lawnmower. Please don't think I'm attacking anyone here. I hear the frustration. Men get away with this behavior because it's allowed. If it gets to you, say something. Set clear expectations. But do it calmly. Don't have the discussion when you're mad. That won't help. |
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Post by ntsf on Oct 5, 2024 19:42:58 GMT
preach sister.. it drives me batty.. dh hates how I put the kitchen together.. but I do 98% of the cooking. he thinks we have too many dishes, his logic is not my logic and the drinks glasses has to go where they are handy to him.. but there is no room for the coffee cups where I can reach them.
we all understand why this is maddening. dh will do housework at our condo, but not at home. why we have a housecleaner.
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Post by malibou on Oct 5, 2024 19:44:06 GMT
Please don't think I'm attacking anyone here. I hear the frustration. Men get away with this behavior because it's allowed. If it gets to you, say something. Set clear expectations. But do it calmly. Don't have the discussion when you're mad. That won't help. You are right. |
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Post by cadoodlebug on Oct 5, 2024 20:01:21 GMT
Basic stuff that he needs like plates, bowls, glasses, silverware ~ yes. But, I never let him unload the dishwasher ~ ever!
But, he also took over the cleaning of the bathrooms (3 1/2) and floors/carpets so I'm blessed! I do all the meals, dusting and laundry.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,433
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Oct 5, 2024 20:09:48 GMT
DH puts the dishes away and he knows where most things go. He might miss on something I don’t use frequently but I’ll tell him where it goes so he knows for next time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 24, 2024 3:44:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2024 20:13:35 GMT
My husband does know where things go in the kitchen (if he's doing dishes or unloading the dishwasher) but he seems to forget where the dishwasher is when it comes to putting dirty dishes away!
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,273
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 5, 2024 20:17:29 GMT
Dh does the dishes after dinner. Both hand wash only and dishwasher dishes. He knows where all but 1 item goes.
He keeps putting the Fiestaware spatula in one of my Fiestaware utensil Crocs but it actually hangs up on the cabinet.
I giggle when I move it because he takes it from there when he makes certain dishes for his lunch on the weekend. It is kept there so dd doesn't use it (and knows not to) as it has touched gluten.
But yeah, he knows where everything goes.
The only hand wash items I put away are my Le Creuset pots because they stack a certain way and I baby those things. Dh is afraid he won't do it right and ruin them.
*He also puts his dirty laundry in the hamper, hangs up his towel, and puts his clean laundry away 😱🤪🤗*
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leeny
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Location: Northern California
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Oct 5, 2024 20:29:42 GMT
He does and if he doesn't remember, he will figure it out because he leaves cupboard doors and drawers open anyway!
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Post by KikiPea on Oct 5, 2024 21:23:59 GMT
Yes, but that’s because he puts them there.
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Post by peano on Oct 5, 2024 21:27:28 GMT
He alternates between putting them in the wrong place and leaving things on the counter because he doesn't want to slide in the cookie sheets or cutting boards, which involves bending.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Oct 5, 2024 21:39:36 GMT
I am beginning to think it’s something on the Y chromosome. Neither my son or husband puts things away when unloading the dishwasher. Lots of things land in the dish drainer. They will sit there for days if I don’t put them away. These are things that they know where they go. They get them out constantly. I understand putting them there for an hour or do to dry but then freakin put them away. It pisses me off to have to spend time putting stuff away every morning. It’s the first thing I notice in the morning before I even can make my coffee.
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Post by gar on Oct 5, 2024 21:42:09 GMT
Yes, 99% of the time but he still isn’t sure about which dials for which oven 🙄
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Post by melanell on Oct 5, 2024 21:42:56 GMT
My husband does the lion's share of the cooking, plus he's the one who found places for everything in the kitchen to live in the first place, so yes, he most definitely does.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 5, 2024 21:55:33 GMT
My DSO definitely does more housework than I do. However, he doesn't know where everything goes in the kitchen, and it irks me a bit, especially when I can't find something I need.
The other day I was searching for my plastic Tupperware colander that goes in the drawer with the plastic mixing bowls and jugs, but he'd put it in the the cupboard with the saucepans and frypans. Then another day I was looking for my big metal colander, that does actually go in the cupboard with the saucepans and frypans, and he had put it in the drawer with the bakeware.
Hmmmm, maybe I'm not making things easy..... 🤔 😆
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 5, 2024 22:06:51 GMT
The thing that annoys me most is when they mess up my very meticulously organised Tupperware / plastic container drawer. I have a lot of plastic containers that take up a whole big drawer. I stack similar sized and shaped containers inside each other. There are three tubs inside the drawer - one for big lids, one for medium lids, and one for small lids. Whenever DSO or DS unpacks the dishwasher, they just throw stuff in there willy nilly, which of course makes it hard to find anything and also takes up more room than my neatly stacking method. I started telling them to leave that stuff on the sink and I would put it away. But I'm not a fan of weaponised incompetence. They also always complain that they can never find a lid for whatever container they want. The only reason that would be true is if they didn't put the lid back in one of the tubs. The last time I cleaned out the drawer, I only put containers and their matching lids in there. Anything that was missing a lid, or a lid with no container, did not get put in the drawer. I am going to clean out that drawer again today, and if either of them complain about not being able to find a lid, I will slap a big lid from the big lid tub either side of their heads!  |
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 5, 2024 23:37:14 GMT
In a general sense he knows where things go, but is very much a "if there is an empty space here, and I have a thing in my hand that fits that space, then I guess it could go here" kind of guy. And then he asks me where it is the next time he needs it.  My dad retired early and completely re-engineered their kitchen for "efficiency". Mom's attitude was it kept him happy and out of her hair even if it took her forever to adjust. For almost 30 years I would go into wrong cupboards and drawers looking for things where they'd been growing up. My siblings and I never adjusted. |
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,441
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Post by huskergal on Oct 5, 2024 23:47:24 GMT
Mostly.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 6, 2024 0:57:50 GMT
Nope. Which is really weird because he cooks dinner about 75% of the time. Case in point, when we moved to this house, I went through and downsized all of our Tupperware and other containers. I got rid of anything that didn’t have a lid, anything that didn’t nest together neatly, anything with a melted lid that didn’t fit tight. I have three stacks of Tupperware microwave bowls now: a stack with all the deep bowls nested together, a stack with all the medium depth bowls and a stack of all the shallow bowls. The lids are all interchangeable so they are all collected together. It seems like it should be simple, right? Wrong! I will repeatedly find the shallow bowls interstacked with the deep bowls, etc. so they don’t fit right in the cabinet which makes them harder to get out the next time someone needs one.  The same is true with the pots and pans at the lake cabin. Because of the cabinet configuration there is really only ONE way they will fit in the lazy susan cabinet. Yet I will find them in there wrong which means I can’t get the thing to spin to get anything out, because the handles are sticking out and get jammed against the side in the back.  It really shouldn’t be that hard, but apparently it is. |
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). He does do the dishes, and he's even started cooking dinner on days that I work! omg I love it! haha
One day I was standing right there talking to him when he was looking around for something to grab rolls out of the toaster oven. I said "how about the big tongs? they're in the knife drawer." He reached over to the knife drawer, got the tongs, used them, put them in the sink. The next day I found them washed and put away in a different drawer. 
. I'll also occasionally find less common used things in the wrong place after coming out of the dishwasher. 
it is interesting- it must be about not caring that much as my dh is very intelligent. But he is very absent minded. 
It really shouldn’t be that hard, but apparently it is.