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Post by bc2ca on Oct 8, 2024 22:57:25 GMT
RE: the pickleball situation, but then why ask individuals specifically at all if it’s an open call for anyone present who’s interested? By naming specific people to ask if they’re interested, it makes those not specifically asked feel somewhat awkward for having to basically invite themselves which is also something I was raised to not do I have no idea. Maybe she started going down the line and figured the others would chime in if they wanted to be in on the league. Even the OP doesn't know how they felt. She knows how she felt and is assuming the others felt left out in the same way. Maybe the organizing gal already knew they had something else going on. Maybe they were avoiding eye contact so they didn't have to get roped in to another commitment. Who knows? I don't . . . |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 9, 2024 13:03:45 GMT
it makes those not specifically asked feel somewhat awkward for having to basically invite themselves which is also something I was raised to not do. I am of the opinion that most things can be asked without being rude if you choose the right words/attitude when you ask. And you need to convey that you are prepared for an answer you don't like/want and that you are OK with being told no. In the pickleball circumstance, if I wanted to be included, I probably would have said, I'm open that night and willing to play if you need another, even just a fill in on occasion. But this position really assumes that I'm not already upset by not being specifically asked or included, which I wouldn't be. I might be a little bit different than other people. I can be super emotional, both good and bad. Like I will always be the person who is quick to cry over sadness or anger. I do not have a poker face. People know exactly where they stand with me. I am not afraid to explain how I'm feeling, why I'm feeling that way, or to advocate for myself. This has its drawbacks in that yes, I make myself very vulnerable. But I am not afraid of disappointment or disagreement so I generally can handle both. I might not like it, but I can sit in it with minimal discomfort. I also tend to believe that most people are inherently good and not wanting to hurt others. But this is part of cognitive behavioral therapy which I've gone through twice. My experience and personality are not the same as others and I understand that too. I'm just stating the reasons why this wouldn't have affected me the same way and why I absolutely would have felt comfortable saying something if it bothered me or I wanted to be included. I encourage everyone to speak up for themselves in situations where they want to be included in something. Inviting yourself isn't the same thing as saying, hey, if you don't mind another person tagging along, I'd love to come, but I understand if you want to just have a small group too. |
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Post by jill8909 on Oct 9, 2024 14:12:03 GMT
Totally agree sister!
I WAS a member of a knitting club in my apt building for a year until I noticed that members were discussing lunches, drinks, dinners, trips to yarn stores and I was never included in any of these events.
I got the hint and stopped going. When I bump into some of these ladies, they ask why I stopped going. I want to say because you clearly don't like me enough to include me in your other events. I just say I'm busy.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 9, 2024 15:16:43 GMT
it makes those not specifically asked feel somewhat awkward for having to basically invite themselves which is also something I was raised to not do. I am of the opinion that most things can be asked without being rude if you choose the right words/attitude when you ask. And you need to convey that you are prepared for an answer you don't like/want and that you are OK with being told no. In the pickleball circumstance, if I wanted to be included, I probably would have said, I'm open that night and willing to play if you need another, even just a fill in on occasion. But this position really assumes that I'm not already upset by not being specifically asked or included, which I wouldn't be. I might be a little bit different than other people. I can be super emotional, both good and bad. Like I will always be the person who is quick to cry over sadness or anger. I do not have a poker face. People know exactly where they stand with me. I am not afraid to explain how I'm feeling, why I'm feeling that way, or to advocate for myself. This has its drawbacks in that yes, I make myself very vulnerable. But I am not afraid of disappointment or disagreement so I generally can handle both. I might not like it, but I can sit in it with minimal discomfort. I also tend to believe that most people are inherently good and not wanting to hurt others. But this is part of cognitive behavioral therapy which I've gone through twice. My experience and personality are not the same as others and I understand that too. I'm just stating the reasons why this wouldn't have affected me the same way and why I absolutely would have felt comfortable saying something if it bothered me or I wanted to be included. I encourage everyone to speak up for themselves in situations where they want to be included in something. Inviting yourself isn't the same thing as saying, hey, if you don't mind another person tagging along, I'd love to come, but I understand if you want to just have a small group too. I totally understand where you are coming from. For me though, I always seem to feel like the desperate, awkward third wheel chiming in saying, “Oh! Me! Me! Can I come too?” 🥹 I would feel totally different if someone presented it as an open invitation “Hey, who wants to go?” vs. “I’m picking you, and you, and you to come with me for this fun thing!” |
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