pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,273 
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 10, 2024 0:11:19 GMT
I'm not going to answer the question directly. I have a friend who has 3 disabled kids - two profoundly and one not quite so profoundly - but none of them will never live independently. She's a wonderful, fierce advocate for those kids but after many years she's also angry and honestly, embittered. She feels abandoned, unsupported and and ignored by every agency, program that's supposed to help, the government, charities, etc. She lashes out a lot and she particularly gets angry about 1) programs that are supposed to help but end up making her kids feel more excluded and 2) anything that lumps higher functioning people in with people who are profoundly disabled. What you've described is exactly the sort of situation that would enrage her but also, she would also never have let her kids participate in the first place because she would say that it's obviously set up to fail. I've felt a lot of different ways about my friend's responses to things over the years but what I've finally realized is that I don't get to police how she feels about things which affect her family. Getting upset about a club that's supposed to be about inclusion but actually ends up making her kids feel LESS included? She's allowed to feel upset. Now how we approach that may differ and most of us would probably not choose to go on a public diatribe but on the other hand, none of us are living her life or parenting her children. The club is for on site friendship. There is nothing about after school or non required school activities where the kids from both SDC and gen ed must hang out. All the kids are fully included on Tuesdays. And during SDC on site activities like Prom, choir, and athletics day where the football field is set up and the kids play all kinds of sports, walk the track to parent and community applause, win ribbons and trophies. I understand that the mom thinks this should extend to outside of school but that isn't a club requirement. But I understand your point. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Oct 10, 2024 1:29:57 GMT
Can her child attend the regular prom if they wish?
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,273
|
Post by pantsonfire on Oct 10, 2024 1:47:12 GMT
Can her child attend the regular prom if they wish? Yup! Any student can attend any event. Unless you have 5 tardies and don't clear them or have a suspension. But other than that, you are a student, you can attend any school event (dances, sports games, district wide live music event, theater, music concerts). |
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Post by littlemama on Oct 10, 2024 10:31:16 GMT
I think that that parent will make it so that no student wants to he involved in the club. Imagine volunteering for something and then being berated on social media for it. Why would anyone want to be in that organization?
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Post by Merge on Oct 10, 2024 11:04:16 GMT
I guess I would wonder why she feels her kids are more entitled to friendship and inclusion than any of the other kids who are excluded from social groups for being different. I guarantee you there are plenty sitting at home on prom night because they don't have anyone to go with. They also miss football games and other high school social events. They're never invited to parties or to hang out.
Most teens' self worth is so fragile that feel they won't survive being seen to be friends with someone who doesn't fit the mold. I don't think that has changed since I was in high school in the late 80s. We see those heartwarming stories of kids with special needs being elected homecoming king or whatever, but short of that kind of group effort, the fact is that kids who are different - neurodivergent, trauma survivors, deep in poverty, too fat, too skinny, wrong clothes, or any of a number of things - often lead lonely and isolated lives.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 10, 2024 14:15:32 GMT
While I think forced inclusion is not the way to go, my heart also goes out to parents who have an ed kid and have no idea how to properly manage things in their lives, whether it is social, academic or emotional. We don’t have instruction books as parents to tell us what to do even in the best of circumstances, and certainly not enough support for parents of kids with special needs. I’ve had several parents of my students over the years who are well meaning but honestly don’t have a clue how to deal with social issues where their child becomes their own worst enemy by reacting poorly when they are unhappy about being left out, for example. I’ve tried to be a listening and sympathetic ear for parents of students in my classes over the years, and their issues are real, but it’s a wasteland trying to get the kind of emotional support they truly need.
I sincerely hope this parent is able to avail herself of counseling specifically to assist parents with special needs children, but it will probably be a tough slog finding that.
And no, I don’t think forced friendship is the way to go. I also think this child should have ongoing counseling outside of school to help improve their social skills, if possible.
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Post by fotos4u2 on Oct 10, 2024 15:40:11 GMT
I guess I would wonder why she feels her kids are more entitled to friendship and inclusion than any of the other kids who are excluded from social groups for being different. I guarantee you there are plenty sitting at home on prom night because they don't have anyone to go with. They also miss football games and other high school social events. They're never invited to parties or to hang out. Most teens' self worth is so fragile that feel they won't survive being seen to be friends with someone who doesn't fit the mold. I don't think that has changed since I was in high school in the late 80s. We see those heartwarming stories of kids with special needs being elected homecoming king or whatever, but short of that kind of group effort, the fact is that kids who are different - neurodivergent, trauma survivors, deep in poverty, too fat, too skinny, wrong clothes, or any of a number of things - often lead lonely and isolated lives. This is why I always have an issue with the meme that talks about how special needs kids aren't weird and just want to be accepted. The implication is that if your kid is typical then it's okay for them to be ostracized for being weird or not following social norms, but we should accept the same if the kid is atypical/special needs. Instead of just promoting that maybe we should just acknowledge that everyone is different and that's also okay. That said, I'm shocked that no kids in this program would've wanted to go with this kid. In my experience with my own kids (Millennial/Gen Z) is that there's usually at least one kid in those things willing to go the extra mile, most aren't doing it for "college applications" but because they really do want to be inclusive. |
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Post by cindytred on Oct 10, 2024 18:01:36 GMT
My initial thought is that there will be many kids across the country not going to Homecoming because they don't fit in, or don't have many/any friends, even if they have no special needs at all. Kids who very much wish they could go, but have no one to go with, and they don't want to turn up alone. And yet I doubt any clubs are being put on the spot to go seek out those kids and ask them to go to the dance with them. I also feel that in this case, the parent almost sounds like they would expect the other kid(s) in the club to be responsible for their child's wellbeing during the dance, which seems unfair to me. I've gone to dances with groups in my day, and we don't always stick together like glue for the duration of the event. We might arrive together, and meet back up to go to a party afterwards together, but in between we might mingle a bit. But in this case I get the feeling the parent expects a club member to act as a personal chaperone, not just a "friend". I could be wrong about that, of course. I am the person you are describing in the first paragraph. I never went to Prom or to any school dance. Wasn't invited. Not interested at the time - so luckily it didn't make me sad or jealous of my friends who had dates and went. I don't understand why this woman is acting so salty about an event taking place 7 months from now. No one is thinking about Prom yet -why is she? To stir the pot? Get more hits on her social media accounts? If she's concerned about her child's safety at Prom she should volunteer to be a chaperone so she can keep an eye on him. Also in the next 7 months she could help him to be more comfortable in social situations and help in fit in more. Cindy |
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Post by cindytred on Oct 10, 2024 18:08:50 GMT
But I just thought maybe I am old school and it should be this way 🤷🏻♀️ but honestly that isn't life. Honestly, it is a good thing that your school even has a club like that. Not all schools do. Many have absolutely no way to encourage any kind of inclusive behavior toward children with disabilities other than good intentioned teachers who try to be inclusive in their classrooms. I'm going to say something and I want it to come to you in the spirit of friendship and looking out for your well-being, but it might be necessary to step away from this if you can. I know as the mother of disabled children you have a healthy balance. Of when to push and when to protect. My kids had challenges too and it's a delicate balance between being understanding of their limitations and pushing them to achieve what they can and learn resilience. I have challenges myself and while I like to stay up to date on mental health issues, I sometimes find social media ripe for people on two extreme sides of this debate, knowing full well that what works for me is that delicate balance between knowing when to push myself and knowing when to embrace that at certain moments I'm just not OK and no amount of pushing is going to get me there. I know that this isn't just some random influencer, but an actual member of your community so that makes it harder. But if you can, protect yourself from what sounds to me like a very toxic debate. Take care. I agree. Step away. Disengage. Protect yourself. Just reading what she says is upsetting, and you don't need that negativity in your life. Cindy |
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