Just T
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Posts: 5,883 
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Post by Just T on Oct 15, 2024 17:59:30 GMT
I found out yesterday that my divorce case is scheduled for mediation, but it's not until December 16. To say I'm down in the dumps about that is a huge understatement. As I've mentioned before, I am mostly living with a friend and only go home if he is gone on a weekend. I've been doing this off and on all summer, but for all of the past 7 weeks. I'm so grateful I have a place to stay, but it's wearing me down in so many ways. And now, I won't even be able to be at home for the holidays. Even with how crummy my life has been the past 3 1/2 years, I've not lost my love of Christmas--I've still decorated everything, I love watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies...having Christmas music playing, baking, etc. Last year, I started my decorating right after Halloween and loved having it all up so long.
The thought of this Christmas is depressing the heck out of me right now. Add to that, my son recently married a sweet gal from Mexico, and she is going through the process to be able to live and work here, and she doesn't have a new travel Visa yet, so she can't go home and will be here, away from her family for the holidays for the first time ever. I was planning to do anything I could to make this Christmas special for her, but that will be hard to do when I am displaced from my home. It makes me feel bad for her, too.
Any ideas on things I can do to make this holiday season still be special and fun when my life is in turmoil and I'm not even at my own home to decorate?
*November 12* I haven't posted much lately, so I thought I would give a small update.
I have made a couple of plans for the holiday season that I am looking forward to. First of all, a very generous friend of mine has helped me out financially to rent a little condo at a local lake community that I absolutely love. Thanks to her, I will be staying there from December 8-27. Unfortunately, I will need to leave my friend's house I've been staying at for the holidays. Several very valid reasons, and I totally get it, but I was feeling a bit stressed about where I was going to go. This condo will be perfect, and I can't wait. It has a deck that overlooks the lake, and I think it will be the perfect place for me. I can have friends or my kids over to hang out, I'll be able to do some baking, hiking, and just relax.
I'm also going to volunteer for an organization a good friend of mine works for. She works for an organization that provides different services to low income seniors, and one of those things is coordinating meals on wheels. I am going to help out with that.
On Tuesday, I meet with my attorney to prepare for mediation. I have so much anxiety about it all, so I hope she can put my mind at ease a bit. And by Christmas, I should have a resolution.
I'm also getting so excited about my grandson who is due 4 weeks from tomorrow. It's been an emotionally challenging pregnancy for me due to what I do for my job, but thankfully, he will be here soon. My daughter is doing great, and mostly feeling well. She's a 1st grade teacher, so these last weeks aren't easy on her physically. Her shower was 2 weeks ago, and that was so much fun, and now, they are READY. LOL
That's my update. Hopefully, I will soon be writing how it's all over. I am more than ready to get this f*ing divorce over with. In March it will be 4 years since I found out about the double life my husband has been living, and I'm drained and exhausted. Some days, I don't see a way to go on, but I keep plugging away and trying to find things to be grateful and joyful for.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 15, 2024 18:06:49 GMT
I am sorry this happened to you.
Where is your son & his partner living? Can you grab all of your decorations from your house and go decorate their place with them?
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,968
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 15, 2024 18:10:16 GMT
HUGS! Does your son and his wife live close to you? If so, maybe they would like you to help decorate their home? You may pick up some new traditions from your DIL. Also, finding fun X-Mas stuff to do together can replace some of the house-bound traditions. Find a screening of old Christmas movies you can attend. Drive around and look at Christmas lights. If you bake, you could make Christmas cookies with them. Also, lots of organizations need helping hands this time of year. You could find your favorite and help pass out food or gifts?
Another idea is if you have a space at your friend's house (like a bedroom or den) Go all out with your decorations there! You friend may appreciate your love for decorating too.
I'm sure many others will also have awesome ideas for you! Hugs!
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Post by stormsts on Oct 15, 2024 18:25:39 GMT
I am sorry to hear you will still be displaced at Christmas.
I would try to make some new traditions with your son and his wife, if they live close to you. Check around your community for events that maybe you have never thought about experiencing before.
Hugs!
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,883
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Post by Just T on Oct 15, 2024 18:30:34 GMT
My son and his wife don't live too far. They are living with my oldest daughter until she gets a green card and can start working. I did tell my son a couple of weeks ago they can borrow my Christmas tree and decorations. My daughter has only been in her house a little over a year, and I don't think she did much in the way of decorating last Christmas, so they can decorate her house with my stuff.
I do have a skinny silver tree that I was thinking I can put in the bedroom I am staying in at my friend's house. She will have her own decorations, so that will help. I'm just rather a homebody, and it's hard enough not being at home without it being during the holidays, too.
Thanks for the responses. <3
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Oct 15, 2024 18:32:26 GMT
Also, lots of organizations need helping hands this time of year. You could find your favorite and help pass out food or gifts? I actually love this idea. It will help me get out of my own head and stop feeling sorry for myself. Because I know that even in the midst of all this, I have much to be thankful for, too. I do have the birth of my first grandchild to look forward to--he's due December 12. |
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Post by MichyM on Oct 15, 2024 18:51:41 GMT
Also, lots of organizations need helping hands this time of year. You could find your favorite and help pass out food or gifts? I actually love this idea. It will help me get out of my own head and stop feeling sorry for myself. Because I know that even in the midst of all this, I have much to be thankful for, too. I do have the birth of my first grandchild to look forward to--he's due December 12. Well that is 1,000X better than any holiday decorating! Omg enjoy that little bundle of joy this year! NEXT year, when baby can start to take in the awe of the season you’ll be in a much more stable place and you all can have a beautifully decorated home, can bake your heart out, and enjoy any other “at home” holiday things that you love! I totally agree with volunteering. As an aside, NOW if the time to figure out who you’d like to work for, and volunteer spots fill up FAST as it gets closer to the November and December holidays. Continued good thoughts. For your sake I hope (hard) that mediation works and signifies the end of this chapter in your life. |
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Post by Scrapper100 on Oct 15, 2024 18:59:45 GMT
Also, lots of organizations need helping hands this time of year. You could find your favorite and help pass out food or gifts? I actually love this idea. It will help me get out of my own head and stop feeling sorry for myself. Because I know that even in the midst of all this, I have much to be thankful for, too. I do have the birth of my first grandchild to look forward to--he's due December 12. A new grandbaby is a great way to celebrate the holiday. I know this year sucks in so many ways but this added bit of joy will help. I agree with others. Volunteer and try spend time with your new DIL and maybe create some new traditions. I know she must do things a bit differently. Embrace them. Im so sorry that things are being dragged out. I hope you can still find joy in the season and look forward to changes in the new year. |
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scrappyesq
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You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Post by scrappyesq on Oct 15, 2024 19:20:40 GMT
I was so afraid of spending first Christmas after I left DH alone....when I left him I also cut off my family so I was completely alone. I came up with my own traditions, which 9 years later I've kept up with. Decorating my windows (I didn't really want a tree at first). Tons of Christmas movies and also Christmas romance novels. I make Christmas Eve overnight cinnamon rolls where all the fun is in the prepping in my own little world. Last year I finally got a tree and added a new tradition of making my own ornaments.
Ultimately my point is loving Christmas will help ease the way into new things that you love...I adore the season and I wasn't going to let any of my circumstances change that. Maybe you can do some fun things with you new daughter in law, especially since I'm sure she is missing her family. It's hard to imagine at first but it will be ok.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Oct 15, 2024 19:44:40 GMT
Add to that, my son recently married a sweet gal from Mexico, and she is going through the process to be able to live and work here, and she doesn't have a new travel Visa yet, so she can't go home and will be here, away from her family for the holidays for the first time ever. I was planning to do anything I could to make this Christmas special for her, but that will be hard to do when I am displaced from my home. It makes me feel bad for her, too. How about you offer to be her student and let her teach you her Christmas traditions? I"m sure since she's missing her family too and she might love to be able to share her traditions and even tell you stories of her family. You two are both out of sorts this Christmas and it might be a great way to bond and could bring you closer together. |
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Post by quinlove on Oct 15, 2024 19:48:38 GMT
I do have the birth of my first grandchild to look forward to--he's due December 12. That is the bestest of the bestest Christmas !! Congratulations 💙 You never know how much love your heart can hold ~ until someone calls you grandma.  |
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Oct 15, 2024 20:07:55 GMT
Will he not be away with the side piece for Christmas? If so, could you not use your house to host your kids and family?
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Post by fiddlesticks on Oct 15, 2024 20:26:40 GMT
I am so sorry. This has been such a hard year for you. A grandbaby will certainly help and I agree with others that say volunteering might help! Our family likes to make lists when there is a season of something we don't want to just have us pass us by or want to make sure to celebrate and we see how many things we can do.
Baking cookies with your DIL
Find a drive-thru Christmas lights and get hot chocolate to drink while driving thru
Get a Christmas puzzle and listen to Christmas music when you are putting it together
Watch Christmas movies
Read a Christmas book
Make Christmas cards for family
Send cards to soldiers that will be overseas for Christmas
Get yourself an advent calendar that you will love! (tea, chocolates, stationary)
Look at your local newspapers website for holiday activities to attend or maybe help with!
And buy that new grandbaby the cutest holiday thing you can find and get a picture of the two of you!!!!
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,883
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Post by Just T on Oct 15, 2024 20:40:09 GMT
Will he not be away with the side piece for Christmas? If so, could you not use your house to host your kids and family? I never know when he will or won't be home. Last Christmas, he was home. He's pretty much home all week and is only gone on the weekends. |
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Post by koontz on Oct 15, 2024 20:55:00 GMT
I love the idea of volunteering, perhaps this is something you can do with your family. Also, would you be able to rent an Airbnb for the holidays? Somewhere you can decorate,bake, host?
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Post by Just T on Oct 15, 2024 20:59:25 GMT
I love the idea of volunteering, perhaps this is something you can do with your family. Also, would you be able to rent an Airbnb for the holidays? Somewhere you can decorate,bake, host? I was actually thinking about doing that, at least for the week of Christmas. |
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Tearisci
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Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Oct 15, 2024 21:03:17 GMT
I love the idea of volunteering, perhaps this is something you can do with your family. Also, would you be able to rent an Airbnb for the holidays? Somewhere you can decorate,bake, host? I was actually thinking about doing that, at least for the week of Christmas. I think this is a great idea. You will be starting new traditions that you may or may not keep but make this holiday season memorable in its own way. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 15, 2024 21:03:19 GMT
Is there anything you've ever sort of wished you might do on the holiday or over the holiday that you haven't because you were doing the typical things you do every year?
This might be the right time for you to get to try those things.
I remember a few years when things went wrong--there was a blizzard, or family was sick, and so we didn't get together, and there were some little things I got to do that I had never done before. I never slept in on Christmas Day, for instance. Never got to stay in my pajamas and have a leisurely breakfast, never went to the movies on Christmas Day before, never got to scrapbook on Christmas, and so on.
Those years went things went "wrong", I can recall enjoying the fact that there was no timeline. That I wasn't trying to rush from one place to another. That I didn't have a checklist of things to bring everyplace I went. I enjoyed the day at my pace, and in the case of the non-blizzard year, in places I never got to see on Christmas Day before, including simply taking a walk.
I'm sorry this year is difficult for you, and I hope you can find little ways to make it better. And congrats on being a soon-to-be grandmother!
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 15, 2024 21:35:03 GMT
How about you offer to be her student and let her teach you her Christmas traditions? I"m sure since she's missing her family too and she might love to be able to share her traditions and even tell you stories of her family. You two are both out of sorts this Christmas and it might be a great way to bond and could bring you closer together. Love this idea!!! Think of this Christmas as your bridge into new traditions and experiences, especially with a new baby in the family. Definitely decorate your room, watch your movies and listen to your music, but I think this is a year to explore things happening in the community that you might not have gone to in the past. Create a holiday To Do list and try to get as many things on the list ticked off. You can write everything on a piece of paper/tag and put them in a jar or create and advent calendar/banner. Pull an idea every day. If you like something structured use the 12 days of Christmas for your base to make a list of things to be done over the month. - visit 1 gingerbread house display
- attend 2 holiday plays/shows
- bake 3 new to you Christmas cookies/treats
- find 4 volunteer opportunities/angel trees
- buy 5 vintage/new children's Christmas books
- try 6 new appetizers
- drink 7 different holiday themed hot chocolates/mocktails/cocktails
- read 8 holiday stories/books
- make a playlist from 9 versions of a favorite carol
- watch 10 holiday movies
- photograph 11 different Santas
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 15, 2024 21:46:47 GMT
I think you’ve gotten some good suggestions already. I think volunteering to do something for the less fortunate always really helps to raise your own spirits especially at Christmastime, maybe something you could do together with your son and DIL like bell ringing for Salvation Army or packing meals for an organization like Feed My Starving Children would be options, or shopping together to fill a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child would be fun. Does your DIL have seasonal recipes from home that she could show you how to make? It sucks being displaced from the home you love during the holidays but I like the idea of giving your kids some of your family decorations to spruce up their home, and/or setting up a small tree in your room at your friend’s house.
And adding a new baby to the family right before Christmas will be an awesome distraction! If you scrapbook, this might be a great year to do a December Daily album even if it’s just a Project Life style book. You will have roughly half of the month to anticipate the arrival of the new little one, documenting traditions you hope to share and pass on, and the other half of the month to document all of those miraculous first weeks of his life. That time is such a busy whirlwind for the parents so it’s nice if someone else can capture some of it for them to look back on later. I made one the first Christmas after we had DD and I love it so much. It was a fun project that’s easy to commit to and it’s so fun looking back on it now, years later. I bet his parents would love having a copy of it too.
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Post by malibou on Oct 15, 2024 23:41:58 GMT
Why is your mediation so far out?
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 16, 2024 3:03:46 GMT
2 things come to mind from this self proclaimed "grinch" though I would never want to take away anyone's love of the season. If you can find one, pick up the fischer price nativity set for the new grandbaby. Put it away for him for next year, and by the time Christmas comes around again you can set up a new tradition of unboxing and playing with it with him. He'll certainly be old enough to interact with it - even if that interaction is to put the people in his mouth. Secondly, if you're a reader, pick up a great book set at Christmastime. Jenny Bayliss writes books which are romance novels set around Christmas. Donna Andrews writes a somewhat screwball comedy mystery series, her Christmas story is called a partridge in a pear tree other suggestions: janmoran.com/8-best-christmas-books-that-you-need-to-read-this-year/ |
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Post by peasapie on Oct 16, 2024 9:48:53 GMT
You’ve gotten so many good suggestions!
I know you’re feeling down, and who can blame you. In a season of traditions, you can’t rely on yours right now. But as others have said, this is a wonderful time to form new traditions. My divorce many years ago can right before Christmas. My ex insisted the family home be put on the market immediately and it sold the day it went on the market, leaving us homeless for Christmas. It was a tough time.
I ended up renting a cabin in New Hampshire while we waited for the townhouse I’d bought to be ready. That time in NH was destined to become one of the treasured memories my kids n I had. It snowed on Christmas Eve and we went for a night hike in the snow. We made a paper tree, taped it to the wall and called it Harry. We made cookies and brought some to the local fire dept., then ate the rest for breakfast. You get the idea.
I hope you are able to make this unconventional holiday season your most memorable one ever. Hoping to see pictures!
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 16, 2024 13:53:19 GMT
I love the idea of volunteering, perhaps this is something you can do with your family. Also, would you be able to rent an Airbnb for the holidays? Somewhere you can decorate,bake, host? This was my thought, too. You and your kids could all be under the same roof. |
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Oct 16, 2024 15:35:08 GMT
You all are THE BEST. Such great ideas!
I've already tried to start some new traditions the past few Christmases so it's not such a shock when I am actually divorced and living on my own. But those aren't going to work this year.
I will definitely keep you posted on how it goes. I did find a cute little house in my town on VRBO that isn't very expensive for a week-10 days. I haven't booked it yet, but I think I'm going to.
Interestingly, when my friend got home from work, she told me she had been thinking about the holidays, her kids have almost a 5 week college break. She has her family over on Christmas Eve. It was good timing, and I told her I was thinking of renting something for the week of Christmas. She really IS great, but I don't want to disrupt her family's holiday. Maybe I will get lucky and stbx will be out of town, but I'm not counting on that.
Thank you all for the fantastic ideas!
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Post by Just T on Oct 16, 2024 15:36:07 GMT
Why is your mediation so far out? No clue. I just got an email from my attorney's paralegal telling me that is when it is. |
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Post by Just T on Oct 16, 2024 15:38:41 GMT
"Is there anything you've ever sort of wished you might do on the holiday or over the holiday that you haven't because you were doing the typical things you do every year?" If it wasn't for my daughter being due just before Christmas, I would love to go to the beach for a totally different kind of Christmas. But I sure won't want to leave my daughter and grandson now.  I am also trying to think of some tradition I can start for him, even though he will only be a week or two old at Christmas. |
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Post by christine58 on Oct 16, 2024 19:18:39 GMT
Just T. Getting the VRBO or Airbnb is a great idea. I bet you could put up minimal decorations enough to make it feel like Christmas time if you can afford to do it maybe you could do it for two weeks. But book it now before somebody else does lol
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Just T
Drama Llama
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Post by Just T on Nov 12, 2024 22:50:55 GMT
*November 12* I haven't posted much lately, so I thought I would give a small update.
I have made a couple of plans for the holiday season that I am looking forward to. First of all, a very generous friend of mine has helped me out financially to rent a little condo at a local lake community that I absolutely love. Thanks to her, I will be staying there from December 8-27. Unfortunately, I will need to leave my friend's house I've been staying at for the holidays. Several very valid reasons, and I totally get it, but I was feeling a bit stressed about where I was going to go. This condo will be perfect, and I can't wait. It has a deck that overlooks the lake, and I think it will be the perfect place for me. I can have friends or my kids over to hang out, I'll be able to do some baking, hiking, and just relax.
I'm also going to volunteer for an organization a good friend of mine works for. She works for an organization that provides different services to low income seniors, and one of those things is coordinating meals on wheels. I am going to help out with that.
On Tuesday, I meet with my attorney to prepare for mediation. I have so much anxiety about it all, so I hope she can put my mind at ease a bit. And by Christmas, I should have a resolution.
I'm also getting so excited about my grandson who is due 4 weeks from tomorrow. It's been an emotionally challenging pregnancy for me due to what I do for my job, but thankfully, he will be here soon. My daughter is doing great, and mostly feeling well. She's a 1st grade teacher, so these last weeks aren't easy on her physically. Her shower was 2 weeks ago, and that was so much fun, and now, they are READY. LOL
That's my update. Hopefully, I will soon be writing how it's all over. I am more than ready to get this f*ing divorce over with. In March it will be 4 years since I found out about the double life my husband has been living, and I'm drained and exhausted. Some days, I don't see a way to go on, but I keep plugging away and trying to find things to be grateful and joyful for.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 12, 2024 22:53:51 GMT
I am soooooo excited for your pending divorce!  Honestly I have rarely grown to loathe a faceless stranger like I do your STBX. I am glad you have some nice plans for the season. |
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Honestly I have rarely grown to loathe a faceless stranger like I do your STBX. I am glad you have some nice plans for the season.