Should dying wishes be honoured?

Well, costly things like burial, which takes place prior to an estate being settled ought to be prepared for and funds set aside in a trust or other account that someone would have access to prior to all the wills & probate being completed.

Otherwise, his wishes are not anyone’s commands.

You could always tell him fantastic, it's probably a good idea for him to start pre-planning and saving up so he can get exactly what he wants.

If he wants you to be a part of it, you can tell him no worries, (making up an example here) that you'll be happy to come to whatever service within __ miles of where you live when the day arrives - if that's how you feel - but that's the end of your contribution.

An ex spouse does not have the same obligations as a current spouse.

Not after death wishes. Before death wishes, to the maximum extend possible. After death - a will controls but otherwise, the living comes first

First, discussing the after death wants is so important. When Mom passed unexpectedly, we were left trying to remember if she expressed any wishes or what she may have wanted. It was the 3 people who knew her best. It was during COVID and Dad’s needs were the first priority. Still have an uncle (her brother) who is pissed we didn’t arrange the service around his schedule. Dad wants the same type of service. No viewing. Immediate family only.

Under the OP’s circumstances, if the ex had everything chosen and paid for—plot, the ins and outs of transportation, etc…—I would honor his wishes. Have the service locally. Send him to the final destination and let the funeral home in that town deal with the cemetery. It isn’t necessary to see him put in the ground, unless someone wants to be there.

My mother made me promise that my 2 shiftless brothers wouldn’t be buried in Potter’s Field. My sister and I kept that promise. The brothers died within 3 months of each other and we footed the cremation bills. Scattered their ashes in one’s backyard.

He has really thought this through in my opinion. Sometimes people show up to the service that the deceased person does not even care about or barely knows. i would not want those people touching me either. About the family...maybe he does not want his kids to touch his cold hands and remember that forever? I touched my cousin's hand and it was cold, and that was about 25 years ago. When my parents passed I did not touch their bare skin because that is not a memory I wanted to have of them. Their warm hands is what I wanted. 

If they made arrangements and covered costs, yes.

If not, not gonna happen.

I don't care at all about stuff like that and don't feel beholden to honor a "dying wish" that is impractical or extremely inconvenient.

they should be but often times, those left behind will do what appears to soothe their grief more.  suppose mom wanted to be buried with her parents but the kids think she should be with dad.  i've seen this scenario a few times and i've stopped being surprised when the decedent doesn't end up where they wanted to be.

😂😂

When my sister and I were having this conversation with mom, we were asking what food she wanted served. I asked her if she wanted Mexican and she said yes. Then she says and a butterfly piñata. 😳😆. No clue where that came from. And I tried. I thought I could make one. By 11pm the night before her celebration of life, I gave up. But she had Mexican food, her brothers and sisters sang Amazing Grace. She had roses as centerpieces.

I did make her signature cake for everyone and gave them note cards with the recipe on it.