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Post by ameslou on Nov 16, 2024 3:34:42 GMT
I've had a spotty relationship with exercise. I was not an "organized sports" kind of kid. I didn't really have a consistent exercise habit until I was in my late 30s. My kids were school aged and a coworker started talking about running a half marathon, then started talking about training for it. I'd done a few 5ks with middling success, but then read an article about a run walk run method that made running a half marathon seem maybe, possibly, just inside the boundaries of what was possible for me. Inspired by my coworker, I recruited my SIL to train for the HM with me .. she'd previously done them, and I knew that I needed a reason why I *had to* do the training whether or not I wanted to do it. She was going to show up to race day ready to go, and I didn't want to face the embarrassment of not being able to start or complete it. Over the course of that training season I fell in love with the things that went along with the training .. having a training plan to follow and check off the WOs, meeting up with friends for a long run on the weekend and coffee or breakfast afterwards, the feeling of accomplishment (and endorphins) that I experienced when I was on the other side of the run, the race day experience and sense of pride I had when I completed something hard.
Then I started getting this weird grinding sound in my knee. I went to a (male) orthopedic doctor who was .. let's say doom and gloom about the long term outlook. I asked for PT but before I could really get started, Covid shut everything down. Since then I've gone to PT a couple of times but never found my groove again. I've gained weight. I've missed having a training plan. I've missed running friends to train and socialize with.
Around this time last year, I started looking ahead to my work "busy season" after the first of the year and knew that it was going to be absolutely terrible, and that the chances that I would actually make it to the gym were slim to none. I knew that I needed the endorphins from exercise to cope with work stress. I had heard that Peloton offered bike rentals with NO short or long term commitment - and though the monthly rental wasn't cheap it did include all of the platform content (bike, strength, yoga, stretching, meditation) for no additional cost. Renting the bike gave me a chance to work up a sweat without lots of additional impact on my knee.
It turned out to be the best thing I've done for myself in years. The app has a calendar with a little blue dot - and every day that I do some kind of exercise - long or short - in a class or a "just walk" session on the app, I get a blue dot for the day. Turns out that I am highly motivated by getting my blue dot and keeping a streak alive. There's another graphic that shows me which muscles I've used in the last 30 days / last 7 days. Turns out that I enjoy trying to "fill in" the major muscle groups. There were weeks when my work stress levels were really high and the only thing that seemed appealing was yoga, so that's what I did, and it kept my blue dot streak alive. After the worst part of my work busy season was over, I tried out the power zone program and finally had a structured training program to follow again - and I love it. The one thing that's still missing is having in person friends to train and socialize with. However - I'll hit 10,000 minutes of exercise for the year sometime late next week. I haven't been this consistent with exercise since late 2019. I'm proud of myself and glad that I decided I was worth the financial investment to try out the bike rental. I ended up buying out the rental last month bc I've been so consistent with it this year.
If you're still reading this far (oops) the irony in this article is that the bike is in the same room where DH stretches in the morning before he heads to the gym for his workout. Unless I wake up really early in the morning, I don't try to workout when he's in there - bc for some stupid reason I seem to think that his stretching is more important than my WO (and he watches the morning news shows - I cannot endure those first thing - so much negative news coverage.). This thread has me reevaluating my thoughts about the importance of his use of. the room vs my use of the room. And this is 100% my perception - he's never said or done anything that makes me feel like I'm less important. He knows I can't stand the morning news and won't turn it on if I'm already in there. Thanks for the prod to try to change my thinking.
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Post by stampinfraulein on Nov 16, 2024 3:50:55 GMT
I thought of something else this morning when I came out of my workout, sweaty, nasty wild hair and hot blotchy purple face—my husband could take a quick shower, run his hands through his hair and be on his way. Me? It took the better part of an hour to put myself back together—wash and condition hair, multiple hair products, multiple body and face moisturizers, diffuse hair, makeup once my face has cooled down enough that it won’t slide off—then get dressed. No chance could I take all that paraphernalia to the gym to shower there, whereas my husband could easily. Maybe this is another aspect to the exercise gender gap—the time required after the workout is prohibitive to women?
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on Nov 16, 2024 6:14:39 GMT
I started getting fat in third grade and was a size 16 (which is not fat but made me a bigger girl than average) all through middle & high school where I learned that girls shouldn't be smart OR fat & I was both. My parents and most of my extended family was also fat + my mom was an emotional eater so I learned that girls shouldn't be smart OR fat but if you were one (or both), you could try to be invisible by shoving food in your mouth so your emotions and voice didn't come out and that our family just was fat the same way that we were white so there was no point in trying to be different or change who we were.
I married a much older abusive man when I was 22 (my first real romantic relationship) who told me at least once a week how ugly & fat I was, that if I loved him that I would lose the weight, that he was embarrassed to be seen with me, that losing weight was no big deal and that I was lazy for not doing it, that I was not a good or worthy person because I was fat. This happened every week for 4 years. I can't tell you how many exercise programs I tried and gyms I joined and diets I went on, and nothing worked.
I married someone else when I was in my late 20s. In the first 6 years we were together, we had two unplanned pregnancies, four moves (including cross-country), two layoffs, one firing, one repo, countless final notice bills, a grocery budget that only allowed me to eat one box of Kraft macaroni & cheese every other day for several months, three housing scares, and a contentious ex (his) who would drag us to court over not paying her back $7.50 for a field trip fee. There was definitely no money for exercise, and I had two small children to raise. In the last 6 years we were together, our income tripled but he worked 50 hours a week and refused to do anything else including helping me with our children, helping around the house, or touching me. We were not physically intimate for 2 1/2 years and for someone who has body and abuse issues, is a recovering emotional eater, and has physical touch as a love language, this nearly broke me. There was the money but no time or energy as I worked 30 hours a week, did all of the childcare and all of the housework, and was just trying to survive the yelling & blaming & gaslighting.
So yes, it was for many many reasons over a number of years.
I'm no longer in either of those relationships and have made some real progress in therapy but it's still hard. I don't know if it will ever not be hard.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 16, 2024 11:36:07 GMT
I thought of something else this morning when I came out of my workout, sweaty, nasty wild hair and hot blotchy purple face—my husband could take a quick shower, run his hands through his hair and be on his way. Me? It took the better part of an hour to put myself back together—wash and condition hair, multiple hair products, multiple body and face moisturizers, diffuse hair, makeup once my face has cooled down enough that it won’t slide off—then get dressed. No chance could I take all that paraphernalia to the gym to shower there, whereas my husband could easily. Maybe this is another aspect to the exercise gender gap—the time required after the workout is prohibitive to women? This is a huge problem. My husband expressed several weeks ago that he'd like to join a gym. And I was all about that idea. But, he is at work at 3:30 am. I wake at 5. He is normally home by 2 and I work until 3:30 usually. He was like, that's great, I'll come home and nap for a bit and then we can go after you're done working. Which is good timing actually. But then I'll need to shower and wash my hair. (I have thin hair that needs to be washed everyday) And then what am I supposed to do? Wake up the next morning and not shower and wash my hair until after I go to the gym in the afternoon? My hair is almost chin length now and I wear a CPAP at night. My hair looks crazy in the morning. So am I supposed to take two showers and wash my hair twice a day? I just haven't figured this one out yet |
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Post by peasapie on Nov 16, 2024 13:19:52 GMT
This article pairs self-care with exercise, but I’m not sure those two things necessarily should walk (yes pun intended) hand in hand.
Do we as women need to prioritize self care? 100%. Many of us grew up with all sorts of ideas about what it was meant to be a mother, a wife, a friend — and for many of us that meant allowing our own needs to become secondary to those of our family and friends. I personally needed to get into therapy and be instructed to make self time and to walk for my mental health (endorphins etc) before I understood the importance.
In the lives of my children and my friends’ children, however, couples share much more of their responsibility than my generation ever did, both for income, household, child care, and more. And along with that, self-care for all is becoming much more the norm. Yes, I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but definitely in my world.
And yet - what are women choosing to do with the time they carve out for themselves? Many men I know choose exercising as their self care, while women have more varied interests. My daughter, for example, loves gardening, crocheting, and reading. My friend’s daughter is writing a book. Even in this NSBR group, there is much more discussion of cooking and crafting than exercising.
Maybe the exercise gender gap has more to do with what we like to do in our free time rather than advocating to make time for ourselves. I’m curious about what others see in the younger generations.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 16, 2024 14:32:28 GMT
peasapie I think you make a very valid point. Very valid. I see it in my own life. My kids dad was not into childrearing at all. I had to handle all of it both before and after the divorce (he ended up not even taking his visitation). Plus working a full time job. It was a loooooot. Add to it my kids mental health problems and I was completely overwhelmed for a very long time and the only way I could cope with that level of anxiety was to crochet. Seriously that helped my anxiety immensely. In 2020 for a while I was running and that when I discovered how well it helped with my mood. But then, kids got out of control, and I reverted back to my anxiety and crafting. Now I'm in a new phase. I have time. And not just actual time but space in my head for things I want to work on. (I often believe people say they don't have time when really they mean life is overwhelming to the point where they don't have mental space.) I've learned to cope with grief and disappointment and the anxiety is so much less now. I am in a phase where after all that, I'm like, damn I now have time to take of myself on every level. I can crochet, quilt, camp, knit, cook, bake, read and if I can do all this and still not feel *busy* then I can also find the time to exercise and take better care of myself. I think too, that for me, losing a child just really puts into perspective the amount of time that child missed out on living. I have a renewed sense of the importance of taking care of myself. I love hearing from everyone on this topic. Helps me motivate.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Nov 18, 2024 15:19:01 GMT
jeremysgirl Could you get a spray bottle and wet your hair and then style it in the morning? That way it won't look crazy all day and you won't have to wash it twice a day. I know this won't work for everyone, but it's an idea that I'd like to throw out there for you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 18, 2024 15:26:44 GMT
jeremysgirl Could you get a spray bottle and wet your hair and then style it in the morning? That way it won't look crazy all day and you won't have to wash it twice a day. I know this won't work for everyone, but it's an idea that I'd like to throw out there for you. I'm going to have to give this a try. My hair is just really fine and really thin. So it tends to look greasy quickly. I know, first world problem. But I think people underestimate how long it takes women to look presentable compared to men. And I don't even wear makeup. |
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Post by Merge on Nov 18, 2024 17:07:10 GMT
I thought of something else this morning when I came out of my workout, sweaty, nasty wild hair and hot blotchy purple face—my husband could take a quick shower, run his hands through his hair and be on his way. Me? It took the better part of an hour to put myself back together—wash and condition hair, multiple hair products, multiple body and face moisturizers, diffuse hair, makeup once my face has cooled down enough that it won’t slide off—then get dressed. No chance could I take all that paraphernalia to the gym to shower there, whereas my husband could easily. Maybe this is another aspect to the exercise gender gap—the time required after the workout is prohibitive to women? This is a huge problem. My husband expressed several weeks ago that he'd like to join a gym. And I was all about that idea. But, he is at work at 3:30 am. I wake at 5. He is normally home by 2 and I work until 3:30 usually. He was like, that's great, I'll come home and nap for a bit and then we can go after you're done working. Which is good timing actually. But then I'll need to shower and wash my hair. (I have thin hair that needs to be washed everyday) And then what am I supposed to do? Wake up the next morning and not shower and wash my hair until after I go to the gym in the afternoon? My hair is almost chin length now and I wear a CPAP at night. My hair looks crazy in the morning. So am I supposed to take two showers and wash my hair twice a day? I just haven't figured this one out yet Is there a reason you need to go together? Can you just go first thing in the morning? TBH I generally don’t shower until after noon, after I’ve done my exercise for the day. I wear my hair short and it looks like a hot mess when I get up. I put on a ball cap or, more often, a stretchy wide bandeau type headband before I leave the house if I haven’t showered yet. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 18, 2024 17:39:06 GMT
Merge there is no reason we can't go separately. However I thought until I could make it a habit to go, it might be helpful to have someone who was saying basically, I'm going, c'mon with me. Moral support really.
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Post by ~summer~ on Nov 18, 2024 17:55:25 GMT
I would just wet my hair when I wash my face, then blow dry the bangs and flatten it out.
That works for me at least…
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Post by Merge on Nov 18, 2024 18:02:59 GMT
Merge there is no reason we can't go separately. However I thought until I could make it a habit to go, it might be helpful to have someone who was saying basically, I'm going, c'mon with me. Moral support really. DH and I just guilt trip each other (in a playful way) about whether we've gone to the gym that day. |
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,429 
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Post by huskergal on Nov 18, 2024 18:13:11 GMT
I have been a yo-yo dieter and yo-yo exerciser my whole life.
I like to workout. I hate running or high impact cardio. I like walking and lifting and body weight exercises.
I had the sweet spot in 2019 when I lost 40 pounds. I was working with a trainer, walked 5 days a week and went to the gym at least 4 times a week.
Enter the birth of my granddaughter in 2020. We are co-parenting her. She lives with us. I used to go to the gym at 5:00 in the morning. Sleep is now more important because dd works 3 nights a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) at a restaurant. She doesn't get home until usually after 11:00. I or my dh doze on the couch until she gets home. I was getting back to the gym when I got home from work. It is has been so crazy that I have not been for a month. My walking time is a 15 minute walk at work during lunch/plan. I am hoping life circumstances change, and I will have my me time back.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 19, 2024 12:17:23 GMT
I thought of something else this morning when I came out of my workout, sweaty, nasty wild hair and hot blotchy purple face—my husband could take a quick shower, run his hands through his hair and be on his way. Me? It took the better part of an hour to put myself back together—wash and condition hair, multiple hair products, multiple body and face moisturizers, diffuse hair, makeup once my face has cooled down enough that it won’t slide off—then get dressed. No chance could I take all that paraphernalia to the gym to shower there, whereas my husband could easily. Maybe this is another aspect to the exercise gender gap—the time required after the workout is prohibitive to women? This, and the fact that men have more muscles and testosterone than women. Working out is a different experience for men entirely. Their bodies respond more readily. Our bodies are different. So we have more inertia to overcome. Then, yes, our grooming expectations from society are different. Some women do rock short wash and wear hair, but the rest of us are more complicated. This causes a workout to take an even bigger bite out of our day. |
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
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Post by peppermintpatty on Nov 19, 2024 12:29:19 GMT
Maybe I am not the norm but I started regularly going to the gym in my 20's. Now I am in my 50's and still do it. I work full time and still went to the gym when my kids were young. If dh and I both went together, they would go to the kids club and play. I made it a priority. I needed to do it for my mental health more than my physical health. I have chronic pain conditions plus fibro. I still go 3 times a week. I drag my ass out of bed at 6 am during the week and we go and work out. On the weekends I sleep in and then we go.
You have to make it a priority in your life. There are so many options beyond just lifting weights. When the gyms closed during Covid, I bought a spin bike and have tons of weights and balls so if I want to, I can work out at home. I am not motivated to do that though so I go to the gym. If it is nice, we walk for 30 minutes in addition to the gym. My gym has a pool, yoga studio, cardio studio, zone 4 training studio, even a cardio room with machines that is set up like a theater. It's dark and you can watch a movie on the big screen. It's only $40/month.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,989
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Post by peppermintpatty on Nov 19, 2024 12:30:13 GMT
I'm the stereotype they talk about. I hate exercise and always have--even as a child, even when I weighed 100 lbs and was 5'4". I've never gotten that adrenaline high everyone talks about. I've tried. I'm actually not unathletic. When younger I could run decently fast and was coordinated enough to play most sports I just chose not to. That said I know exercise is part of healthier living so I've tried. I've joined many gyms and did the "couch to 5K" program way back when it was a thing (didn't get even close to a 5K, barely got to running a mile). Now I do think part of the gender equity is because males are socially conditioned to enjoy exercise. More boys are put in sports, encouraged to go the gym at a young age. A good portion of adult men still play organized sports whereas women don't always have the same opportunity. Basketball, softball, soccer, tennis, golf... It's much easier to stay active when you've been active your whole life. My dislike of exercise led to my encouraging my own kids to not follow in my path. All three of my kids played organized sports all the way into high school. Two of them still exercise regularly, not surprisingly, that includes my son and the one daughter who continued to play sports into college. I don't really believe there is an adrenaline high. It's just feeling good about yourself. That is the high. |
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