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Post by Fidget on Mar 5, 2025 18:45:45 GMT
A young couple I know are moving in together, I know, not a new trend. They posted their happy news on social media along with an Amazon wish list of things people could buy for them to help them set up house. This is the first time I've seen this, what say the peas, would you send a gift or wait a few years for the potential wedding shower?
Edit - Thank you for not making me feel old and out of touch! Honestly if one of my grands were to move out and set up house on their own, I would 100% ask them what they need and send them a little something to help out, but I think requesting gifts is out of the question. Now I have another question but that will be a new thread!
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ellen
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,128 
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Post by ellen on Mar 5, 2025 18:47:17 GMT
I have never seen this.
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Post by peano on Mar 5, 2025 18:48:21 GMT
I'm clutching my pearls.
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Post by ~summer~ on Mar 5, 2025 18:49:06 GMT
Never seen that.
Very bold! lol
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 5, 2025 18:49:28 GMT
I would not send a gift because you are living together. So what? I lived w/dh for many years before we got married and it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask people for stuff, so that I didn't have to buy it myself. When we needed a new blender we bought one, cause we worked and had an income. Gifts for living together? That's entitlement on a whole new level, imho.
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Post by Zee on Mar 5, 2025 18:51:01 GMT
I'm drawing the line here. They can set up their own house like the rest of us. I wouldn't even waste a card on this, let alone a gift.
I would bring them a little something for a housewarming gift if they had a party after buying a home but that's different.
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Post by quinlove on Mar 5, 2025 18:52:30 GMT
No, nopety, nope
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Mar 5, 2025 19:18:44 GMT
For some, but not all...it's a new trend, thing to do, way of life, etc...
For some, but not all.....any reason, is a good reason >> for a gift grab, go fund me, sponsor me, etc...
I've been asked for a donation, seen the link or request for a donation on social media, or heard about.... various requests for donations, in the last several years.
Donate to teenagers first car.
Graduation from High School trip.
Study abroad expenses.
First place to live.
Wants to attend Beauty School.
Car repairs.
Not enough funds for this months bills.
Veterinarian bills.
I will sometimes donate to those who have unexpected car repairs and emergency vet bills.....because that is always last minute, and always seem to happen at the worst possible time.
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Tearisci
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,964
Nov 6, 2018 16:34:30 GMT
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Post by Tearisci on Mar 5, 2025 19:22:40 GMT
I would bring them a little something for a housewarming gift if they had a party after buying a home but that's different. This is exactly what I would do. |
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The Birdhouse Lady
Prolific Pea
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,589
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Mar 5, 2025 19:43:06 GMT
That is weird in my opinion!! I would cringe if any of my kids did that. I swear these days everyone wants a gift for EVERYTHING.
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Post by busy on Mar 5, 2025 19:51:08 GMT
wait a few years for the potential wedding shower? Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. |
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Post by Zee on Mar 5, 2025 19:52:15 GMT
wait a few years for the potential wedding shower? Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. I try to do this too and generally I enjoy gifting, but this... This is just too far for me. |
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Post by busy on Mar 5, 2025 19:56:47 GMT
Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. I try to do this too and generally I enjoy gifting, but this... This is just too far for me. Yeah, it feels strange to me because of how I grew up and what "normal" has been in my lifetime. But having a registry doesn't mean anyone has to buy from it, so I guess I just don't really care that they decided to do that. |
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 3,165
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Mar 5, 2025 20:43:52 GMT
My niece posts a yearly birthday Amazon list. Not a fan.
I feel like either do the "thing" or don't, but we don't need to give a gift if you "don't do the thing."
I don't like asking for gifts or making a wishlist unless there is a need like their apartment burned down. I have asked and given for teacher wishlists, but I admit that they make me feel weird--even if I think they are valid and we should NOT have to pay out of pocket to do our job.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 5, 2025 20:45:59 GMT
While I think it is odd, it really doesn't affect me. I'd just ignore it.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748
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Post by pilcas on Mar 5, 2025 20:48:49 GMT
wait a few years for the potential wedding shower? Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. I get that times and etiquette change. I would see it differently if they hosted a gathering in their new home. To just ask for gifts seems a bit out there. |
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Post by lucyg on Mar 5, 2025 20:49:14 GMT
I too am clutching my pearls.
Are they also in the “well, it doesn’t hurt to ASK” camp?
Yeah, often it actually does.
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Post by lucyg on Mar 5, 2025 20:56:47 GMT
wait a few years for the potential wedding shower? Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. Even people getting married don’t post on social media “please send us a gift.” A bridge too far for me. |
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Post by busy on Mar 5, 2025 20:56:59 GMT
Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. I get that times and etiquette change. I would see it differently if they hosted a gathering in their new home. To just ask for gifts seems a bit out there. Right, because that’s not what we’re used to. Bur really… what’s so different from getting married or having a baby, times we don’t blink at registries? They are all big life transitions. Also, not everyone is invited to weddings or baby showers and still give gifts and/or are sent the registry info and we largely don’t find that objectionable. |
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Post by busy on Mar 5, 2025 20:58:15 GMT
Some people aren't interested in marriage and perhaps this couple looks at this milestone as worth celebrating. I haven't seen this before, but it's pretty much a shrug from me. Etiquette and social norms evolve and I try not to be stuck on the way things used to be. I might give a gift, I might not, depending on my relationship with the couple. Even people getting married don’t post on social media “please send us a gift.” A bridge too far for me. Oh crap, I missed in the OP that this was a public social media post. That’s way more yikes lol |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Mar 5, 2025 21:02:21 GMT
I have seen it a few times but it was done by people who seem to and for money and go fund me’s for other things as well. I wouldn’t gift anything personally.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748
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Post by pilcas on Mar 5, 2025 21:03:25 GMT
I get that times and etiquette change. I would see it differently if they hosted a gathering in their new home. To just ask for gifts seems a bit out there. Right, because that’s not what we’re used to. Bur really… what’s so different from getting married or having a baby, times we don’t blink at registries? They are all big life transitions. Also, not everyone is invited to weddings or baby showers and still give gifts and/or are sent the registry info and we largely don’t find that objectionable. Yes, sometimes we are not invited, which is ok and we might send them a gift just because we like them. But to not invite someone and send gift registry info, in my opinion, is extremely entitled. I remember getting some gifts from work colleagues when I had a baby even when they were just colleagues, not friends. But it would have been pretty cheeky if I had passed registry info to mt colleagues. |
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 5, 2025 21:18:36 GMT
This is the first time I've seen this, what say the peas, would you send a gift or wait a few years for the potential wedding shower? I assume you know the couple well enough to know if this is a serious relationship and would not treat it as only worthy of gifting if they get a marriage license/ throwing a party. Half my niblings are in common law relationships and we have gifted them in the same way as we have their siblings/cousins who got married. But we also know that the relationships are just as serious. I get why some need to make a public declaration if others are not treating them as a "real" couple and/or constantly asking when they are getting married. One niece did get married about 5 years into their living together because of pressure from his family. We didn't gift again. Sadly, 10 years later, they are now divorcing. We haven't asked for our gift back. FWIW, my parents gifted my sis the amount they'd set aside for our weddings when they realized she was moving forward without the wedding. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 5, 2025 21:26:15 GMT
I get that times and etiquette change. I would see it differently if they hosted a gathering in their new home. To just ask for gifts seems a bit out there. Right, because that’s not what we’re used to. Bur really… what’s so different from getting married or having a baby, times we don’t blink at registries? They are all big life transitions. Also, not everyone is invited to weddings or baby showers and still give gifts and/or are sent the registry info and we largely don’t find that objectionable. We don’t blink at those registries because in both cases there is some higher level of commitment involved compared to just “We decided to shack up! Please give us stuff!” If the couple decided after a few months or whatever that it wasn’t working out, they can split pretty easy and go their separate ways. It’s a bridge too far for me too. If they had a housewarming party, I might or might not bring a small housewarming / hostess gift, depending on how close I was with the couple but definitely not anything on the same level as a shower or wedding gift. DH and I lived together in an apartment for a couple years before we got married and we cobbled together our first household on our own. When we got married, we really didn’t have a lot on our registries because we had already bought most of the stuff we needed when we initially moved in together. |
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Post by librarylady on Mar 5, 2025 21:44:27 GMT
Clutching my pearls and replying with a big NO.
What next: My sheets are worn out, will you chip in so I can buy a new pair of sheets for my bed? (substitute any household item for sheets)
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Mar 5, 2025 22:53:16 GMT
The custom of giving wedding presents began to help a newly-married couple set up home independently of their parents. People didn't move out of the family home unless they married, or got a live-in job. These days a couple moving in together is still getting started independently, but without the commitment. Marriage is no longer expected, and more people can afford to move out of the family home by themselves, so the line between living with parents and setting up a home has become blurred.
While I can see how they got the idea, I'm also on the "no" side. If I was invited to their housewarming party then I'd probably bring them a house plant or something small, but that's my limit.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 5, 2025 23:01:39 GMT
They posted their happy news on social media along with an Amazon wish list of things people could buy for them to help them set up house. That's an easy answer for me. The announcement wasn't sent to me personally nor was I invited to any sort of celebration. I would not feel obligated in the least to buy something off their list. |
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Post by Linda on Mar 5, 2025 23:16:21 GMT
I wouldn't do that nor would I be pleased if my children did. But we also eloped and really didn't get wedding gifts(except from my mum, his mum, my sister, and my bestie).
If I saw that on social media? I would scroll on by just as I do the posts asking for contributions towards vacation and the like.
If I received a housewarming invitation or an invitation to some sort of celebration? Then if I was attending, I would bring a gift just as I would if invited to a shower or wedding. If I wasn't able to attend - whether I still sent/gave a gift would probably depend on how close I was to the person/couple. It's possible I would send/give a gift for housewarming regardless of whether there was a event - depending on the circumstances. If a distant cousin or coworker/acquaintance bought a house - probably not. A young family member or friend buying a first home or getting a first apartment? probably
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Post by littlemama on Mar 5, 2025 23:22:25 GMT
Nope.
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 5, 2025 23:22:59 GMT
If, G-d forbid you're fighting a horrible disease and the medical bills are too much then gofundme makes sense, because it's a life or death situation. If you invite me to a housewarming party because you just moved in together then I hope you'll enjoy my houseplant! You kids stay off of my lawn!!!!!
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