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Post by sweetshabbyroses on Mar 16, 2025 21:08:47 GMT
I recently had a family member pass away. The family requested that "in lieu of flowers" donations be made to an account set up at a local bank for college expenses for the deceased person's grandchildren.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 16, 2025 21:17:08 GMT
I'm fine with this request.
Back in the day, one of my duties was donating somewhere in the name of a deceased employee and I would not have batted an eye at this instead of a donation to a cancer, heart & stroke, MS, dementia charity or sports organization, etc.
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Post by katlady on Mar 16, 2025 21:18:53 GMT
I am fine with that. In my family, it is customary to give money anyways.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 16, 2025 21:29:10 GMT
I don’t have a problem with it either. At least the donation to a kid’s education would be going to something worthwhile and lasting vs. flowers that will be dead in a week or a plant that probably isn’t wanted or will be dead in 6-12 months.
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Post by flanz on Mar 16, 2025 21:47:26 GMT
Totally good with me.
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gizzy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,553
Jul 20, 2014 1:06:15 GMT
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Post by gizzy on Mar 16, 2025 21:50:40 GMT
I wouldn't have a problem with this, either.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Mar 16, 2025 21:53:43 GMT
In ok with it too. Flowers are a bit wasteful.
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valincal
Drama Llama

Southern Alberta
Posts: 6,225
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Mar 16, 2025 21:55:09 GMT
I’m fine with that.
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amom23
Drama Llama

Posts: 5,635
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Mar 16, 2025 21:55:52 GMT
Where I live most people give some money and often times the family will request those donations be made to specific local charities.
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Post by Texas Scrap on Mar 16, 2025 22:03:01 GMT
I have no issues with this either. I would always prefer to give to a cause in name of deceased if that is their wishes.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama

Posts: 5,672
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Mar 16, 2025 22:10:16 GMT
I don't see a problem! People can choose to contribute or not. You can also do something different, like donate to a charity in honor of the person, buy a gift card to Uber Eats or DoorDash to help with meals, or provide an envelope with cash. Although the cash may be frowned upon. In my culture, a cash envelope is very normal to give at a funeral.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 16, 2025 22:10:21 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me.
I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas
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Lurkingpea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,561
Apr 24, 2022 18:37:20 GMT
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Post by Lurkingpea on Mar 16, 2025 22:17:53 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas Maybe the grandparents had been planning on helping their grandchild with college tuition. I know my husband and I hope to be able to contribute to our grandchildren's college. We all know how ridiculously expensive it is and how crippling college loans can be. When you give money at a wedding or graduation you don't get a say on how it is spent. I know it isn't the same thing, but I guess I don't see how this is any different than donating to a charity in someone's name. I mean I would figure out how much money I would have spent on a plant or flowers or charity donation and just give the way the deceased requested. Why does it matter to me where the money goes? As long as it wasn't a donation to something inappropriate or something I was morally opposed to why does it matter?
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Post by nightnurse on Mar 16, 2025 22:51:05 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas No snark, I just wonder why people feel this way? If I’m gonna spend $100 on flowers or a hundred on exactly what you asked me for, I’m going with the thing you want. If i like you enough to buy you flowers, I like you enough to buy you whatever makes you the happiest.
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Post by MichyM on Mar 16, 2025 22:59:18 GMT
I actually said out loud: "ooooh, that is sweet" when I read it. So clearly I'm perfectly ok with it 
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Post by lisae on Mar 16, 2025 23:01:01 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas Yeah, it rubs me the wrong way, too. The cynic in me wonders if this is what the deceased wanted or whether it was the deceased children's idea. I don't send flowers if they want a donation to charity. I donate to the charity requested. However, the last time I did that it was for someone we didn't know well and we never got a card. I have no idea whether they even got notified of our donation. The charity would only respond via email and I had to use the funeral home's email address. It seemed like a good cause. A lot of people think flowers are a waste but at least the family sees them and know you cared enough to do something.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama

Posts: 5,672
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Mar 16, 2025 23:39:43 GMT
When my uncle passed away, I went to the funeral home website to see about flower arrangements and there was an option to plant a tree in his name. He was someone who loved the woods and being in the outdoors, so I know he would have loved that.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Mar 16, 2025 23:46:16 GMT
I like that idea. I would contribute to that, instead of flowers.
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pinklady
Drama Llama

Posts: 6,653
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Mar 16, 2025 23:47:18 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas Yeah, it rubs me the wrong way, too. The cynic in me wonders if this is what the deceased wanted or whether it was the deceased children's idea. I don't send flowers if they want a donation to charity. I donate to the charity requested. However, the last time I did that it was for someone we didn't know well and we never got a card. I have no idea whether they even got notified of our donation. The charity would only respond via email and I had to use the funeral home's email address. It seemed like a good cause. A lot of people think flowers are a waste but at least the family sees them and know you cared enough to do something. Yeah, this is not something I’d donate to unless I knew it was the grandparents actual wish. This feels like a money grab at a vulnerable time.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 16, 2025 23:47:50 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas Maybe the grandparents had been planning on helping their grandchild with college tuition. I know my husband and I hope to be able to contribute to our grandchildren's college. We all know how ridiculously expensive it is and how crippling college loans can be. When you give money at a wedding or graduation you don't get a say on how it is spent. I know it isn't the same thing, but I guess I don't see how this is any different than donating to a charity in someone's name. I mean I would figure out how much money I would have spent on a plant or flowers or charity donation and just give the way the deceased requested. Why does it matter to me where the money goes? As long as it wasn't a donation to something inappropriate or something I was morally opposed to why does it matter? Presumably, your contribution to a college fund would come from your estate if you were deceased, which is my point. This smacks of a money grab on the part of the family.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 16, 2025 23:51:01 GMT
Eh. I dont see how the grandparent passing has anything to do with grandkids' college funds so it doesnt seem appropriate to me. I think I would hope I wasnt close enough to the deceased to be a flower-sending person. If I were thst close and I didnt want to help fund college for grandkids, Id either send a plany or flowers or I'd make a donation to a charity they supported if I knew what that eas No snark, I just wonder why people feel this way? If I’m gonna spend $100 on flowers or a hundred on exactly what you asked me for, I’m going with the thing you want. If i like you enough to buy you flowers, I like you enough to buy you whatever makes you the happiest. Because funerals arent gift giving occasions? Because there is no connection between a grandparent dying and the grandchildren's college funds - Unless the grandparent was guardian to the children, Im not seeing the tie in. It's a money grab, in my opinion.
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Post by quinlove on Mar 17, 2025 0:22:02 GMT
It sits like a money grab with me too.
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Post by voltagain on Mar 17, 2025 1:16:04 GMT
The GRAND part gives me a slight pause.... grandparents normally don't fund grandkid's educations. That would be done via the estate of the deceased grandparent. I see college educations as a parental responsibility not a grandparent responsibility. I would happily give to such an account for a deceased parent who may not have lived long enough to develop an appropriate savings plan for their children's education. I would also give to a scholarship fund set up to provide scholarships for college students. Which I have done. My son in law's uncle was a university professor. Uncle was killed in a car/bike accident (uncle was the bike rider) Family set up a scholarship for college students in his name. I contributed to that instead of flowers. But I think I'd forgo both flowers and money in the case of a grandparent.
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Post by voltagain on Mar 17, 2025 1:18:20 GMT
Because funerals arent gift giving occasions? Because there is no connection between a grandparent dying and the grandchildren's college funds - Unless the grandparent was guardian to the children, Im not seeing the tie in. It's a money grab, in my opinion. If the grandparent was the child's guardian I can see donating to that. Didn't think of that type of scenario. But you are right, funerals are not gift giving or more importantly, receiving occasions. eta, I also don't mind making donations to a charity the family indicates is appropriate due to hobby, professional or medical interests etc. But in those cases the family isn't receiving the funds so it doesn't feel gift grabby.
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christinec68
Drama Llama

Posts: 5,673
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Mar 17, 2025 1:29:14 GMT
I've mostly seen these types of requests are donations to a charity so this does seem odd. But if this was a funeral where I would have sent flowers, I would go ahead and make the donation to the college fund as long as it can be done electronically.
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Post by Linda on Mar 17, 2025 1:49:26 GMT
It doesn't bother me. I would donate or not donate depending on whether I would have sent flowers or not. When my mum died, we suggested donation to her local library in lieu of flowers* and we got a lovely letter of thanks from the library a while later that included the total donated and the names of the donors (and yes, I sent thank yous to those who donated)
* in part because neither my sister nor I were local and mum was cremated so no gravesite to place them at (the cremains were buried at a later date). There were still a few flowers that I believe my sister ended up donating to a nursing home. And dh's job sent a plant to our house once we were back home
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Post by voltagain on Mar 17, 2025 1:54:18 GMT
oh man... the potential family fall out on this. How does anyone know all the eligible grandkids have been born? My grands range in age from 20 years to 13 months old with the 13 month old might get younger siblings at some point. How many adult kids will be benefitting from not having to paid all their kid's college expenses? On of my kids has 5 children. One has a single child. Seems like the one with 5 benefits from my death more than the one that has an "only" I know this issue isn't for the doners to figure out but I'd feel bad about participating in family drama. The more I think about this the more I'd avoid it.
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Post by melanell on Mar 17, 2025 2:04:21 GMT
I recently had a family member pass away. The family requested that "in lieu of flowers" donations be made to an account set up at a local bank for college expenses for the deceased person's grandchildren. Personally, I think it's a far better use of any money you wish to spend to honor the individual than to buy flowers that will be wilted, then gone in a few days. It also has a comforting kind of feel to me, as if people who decide to go with this option are, in a small way, taking up a bit of the mantle of being a support in the lives of these children, now that they've lost one of the people who previously supported them in their lives.
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Post by nightnurse on Mar 17, 2025 2:16:14 GMT
No snark, I just wonder why people feel this way? If I’m gonna spend $100 on flowers or a hundred on exactly what you asked me for, I’m going with the thing you want. If i like you enough to buy you flowers, I like you enough to buy you whatever makes you the happiest. Because funerals arent gift giving occasions? Because there is no connection between a grandparent dying and the grandchildren's college funds - Unless the grandparent was guardian to the children, Im not seeing the tie in. It's a money grab, in my opinion. Why is it more of a money grab than flowers? Your money is gone either way, isn’t college more lasting and useful than flowers? (Trying to clarify and understand, not judge. Everyone totally gets to decide how to spend their own money and what is worth it to them.)
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Post by librarylady on Mar 17, 2025 2:27:48 GMT
Does not bother me at all. If I had planned on flowers, I wonder rather help a child with education.
FWIW, recently we had a financial upturn. I notified our two grandchildren that are in HS that we would contribute to their college education. Sometimes grandparents do help with that expense. I see nothing wrong with asking for a contribution rather than flowers.
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