Put my mom in hospice yesterday. What to expect?

We never really got that far with either my mom or MIL, but our neighbor did after his wife had been in the nursing home for a while. I want to say she was under hospice care for about 8 months or so before she passed. She had dementia and was moved to comfort care mostly because she was becoming more and more agitated as her condition worsened. From what my neighbor said, it was better care at a lower cost. This was at her regular nursing home.

For my BFF’s mom it was truly end of life care since she was dying of cancer and she was only there for about a week. She was at a specific hospice facility since she had previously been cared for at home. 

Sending good wishes your way for a smooth transition for your mom, none of this is easy.

My DH was on hospice once he stopped responding to treatment (chemo, radiation). The treatment was doing more harm than good.

Even though the time was a blur, what I remember most is that it was comforting to know that they were going to make sure he was comfortable. This allowed us to spend time with him during his last days, without him being in pain and “out of it.” He wanted to be at home, so we got him set up with a hospital bed in the living room. They gave us a comfort pack to keep in the fridge, with medicine in it to use if needed. I am so grateful for the nurses they sent to the house to help us take care of him.

Just because someone is out on hospice doesn’t mean they are going to die very soon. It means they’re not going to take any measures to prolong life and that they will make sure they can manage the pain. Some are only on hospice for a few days, and others can be on it for weeks/months.

I think removing part of the burden of caring for someone is a large part of how hospice helps families. We could just be with him instead of rushing him to the hospital or the doctors when something happened. We really appreciated those last days even though we knew what was going to happen.

Hugs as you go through this. Wishing you strength and peace in the coming days.

Hugs and prayers

We’ve experienced hospice care with three relatives

My BIL had hospice care at home towards the end of his cancer journey- they provided the necessary equipment to keep him comfortable as well as painkillers etc there was also support for my MIL who was his caregiver- it was overall a positive experience

My Aunt-IL was also on home hospice for cancer and while I was less involved it allowed her to stay at home (her wish) and for her family to be more family and less caregivers

My MIL spent nearly 9 months on hospice after she declined dialysis- she was mainly in a hospice facility but did spent some time on home hospice at my niece’s house (a nurse) and at our house. This was obviously the situation I was most involved with and the hospice staff was so caring and kind to MIL and to us

Do be prepared- because it’s comfort care they’ll only continue treating any medical conditions with comfort in mind - my MIL was a bit confused about that at the beginning as they stopped some of her meds she was accustomed to taking.

My Mom also had a diagnosis of dementia and as her condition deteriorated she was transferred from the hospital to The Kaplan House and inpatient facility....The Nurses and staff were nothing short of amazing.
A few years later My Dad had emergent surgery and after meeting with Hospice, he was transferred home on Hospice care...He continued with care for about a year and was so much inmproved he was discharged. A few years later in December of 2020...you remember Covid!!? He did the downward slide and once again Hospice came to the house...Again Amazing care for both the patient and family.
Most recently(December) My Dear Older Brother was transferred from the hospital to Kaplan House where he passed peacefully a few days later.

I cannot say enough good things about the care and concern shown not only to the patient, but also to Family members. It takes a Very Special Nurse to care for those facing end of life. The Hospice nurses care not only for the patient but also for the Family members...they will reassure you regarding your mom, but also make sure you are caring for yourself.

Love and Gentle hugs to you and your family during this most difficult time.

My mom is on home hospice. She has dementia, losing her mobility due to brain atrophy, heart issues and type 2 diabetic. She had been living the past 6 months or so in an assisted living facility but no longer met their client standards... meaning she needed more care than they could provide even though my sister was living in the facility as mom's companion. Mom forgets she can't walk without her walker (and sometimes can't walk with it) so she was falling. My sister signed her up for hospice and moved her back home. It has meant that any medical treatment is not longer expected to be a potential cure but is strictly for mom's comfort. Nurse come to the house on a regular basis, and my sister can call them if needed before the scheduled visit. The nurses can get medications prescribed without having to haul mom to a doctor's office. Mom is prone to UTIs which makes her aggressive. The nurse has been able to prescribe a different anxiety med and antibiotics without needing to get mom into a car and sit in a doctor's office. It also has meant there are 3 or 4 "sitters" who rotate shifts that help my sister with mom's care. They help bath and toilet mom, stay in the room with her so my sister can go to the bathroom herself, go to the kitchen to cook their meals and what have you. A Death Sentence means "we are going to kill you" Hospice does not kill people. They help the patients live out their final days with all the dignity and comfort possible. Youtube has some good content on what hospice does and WHY they do it. I like Hadley www.youtube.com/@nursehadley and Penny www.youtube.com/@hospicenursepenny But there are others.

Most people do have an incorrect view. Our moms' medical conditions are the death sentences they have been living under. In my mom's case her heart and diabetes have been slowly killing her for decades. The hospice staff has been a god send for my sister. The posters above who note the support they give to family is also very true and important. You are going to find they are people with a great deal of knowledge and compassion for both the ill and their families. Do check out Penny and Hadley's you tube channels. I think you will find them comforting. Even if you only have time for their shorts instead of the full lenght videos they are so helpful.

My mother had in home Hospice care and my mil had hospice care at my house. She passed in my living room and it was very peaceful. You'll have a social worker assigned to your family. Hospice considers the entire family to be the patient. You can talk to him or her when you need support and they will be truly helpful. The hospice team will answer questions and quide you though the process of Hospice. You'll know when your mother is about to pass and they'll explain the stages of dying. While unpleasant and sad to hear about it really does help make the process a bit easier.

Hospice is usually up to 6 months, but it can last longer. Some people graduate and go off of hospice care and back to their lives, but in this case I think that your mom is just so ill. It must be so hard for her to keep going back and forth to the hospital. At some point, hospice is the kindest thing do for her and for all of you. Your mother will pass away in a peaceful environment w/dignity and respect and most of all love. After my mil passed away the hospice team was available for support. In this case, your dad might want the support.

Hospice makes dying more natural and takes a load of stress off of your shoulders, too. You won't have to worry and run back and forth. Your mom will be cared for and you can see her whenever you want. You can still bring in her favorite foods and enjoy being w/her. Now the care is in the hands of people who do this everyday. You will be able to rest a bit more.

In my mother's case she was younger and had terminal cancer.  So, her story is different.  She had to do hospice.  Mil was 94 and not a day goes by that I regret the choice to put my mil into hospice care. She was so tired of going back and forth to the hospital and ambulances and poking and prodding. She was able to rest and enjoy her family until she gently passed. Your mother is right where she needs to be and where all of you need her to be. She's well tended and now you can focus on reminding her of all of the happy memories that you've shared together. This is the time to let her know how much you love her and to share funny stories and heartwarming moments. It's a very sad time and surreal, but it's deep family time and while you go through it I'll be here to support you. ((((HUGS)))).

I miss both my mother and mil everyday and I loved them both w/all of my heart. You will learn to find joy, again. It will just happen over time.

I think almost every hospice nurse will tell you that people do not call them soon enough. I’ve been through hospice twice now, with my mother and brother. And both times, it was a wonderful support. Hugs to you and your mom.

You are getting great advice. I don't have anything to offer other than my prayers for you and your mom. It's hard. But it sounds like you are all making the right decision.

Huge hugs. These are hard, sacred moments. Love to you

Hospice can be a great thing. My grandmother was on hospice for a few months before she passed. We did as you did, didn’t call it hospice in front of her. Just people coming to visit and find ways to make her comfortable. In some ways I think it was as much for my mom (only child) and it was for my grandma. They were wonderful for us all and offered so many different options. Being on hospice meant the hospice medical people overrode the assisted living place. So if grandma fell she didn’t need to go to the hospital for tests she didn’t want and treatment she would refuse.she could be made comfortable at her home.

My mom called them in once she learned that one of grandma’s neighbors in the assisted living place had been on hospice for 3 years! You don’t need a terminal diagnosis in many cases! We wish we would have contacted them sooner.

The assisted living place was wonderful, but the added care that hospice provided and that experience was helpful. They checked in grandma multiple times a week. As they saw trends they increased or decreased that.she fooled them & us at one point- they felt the time was getting close. She rallied and lived another couple of months and took us all by surprise. I ended up being the one they called (late at night, my parents were asleep), and they were very kind when they told me she was gone. They stayed on the phone and helped me tell my parents.

My dad was on hospice for almost a year before he passed away a few weeks ago. He was in his home most of that time until the very end when he needed 24 hour care and we moved him into a VA facility. Hospice was a blessing that allowed my dad to stay in his home as long as possible which is what he wanted. He had COPD and when he went on hospice he wasn't necessarily terminal, but did require a terminal diagnosis which COPD was. The hospice nurses and aides are so helpful and comforting and we are so grateful for the great care he got from hospice.